How to deal with mean comments?

2

Replies

  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
    Ignore your family, either they are being mean or think they are offering motivation through negativity.
    Get better friends.
    Continue down your path, you are doing this for you and nobody else.
  • PinkyMouse
    PinkyMouse Posts: 37 Member
    I have been named by a lot of "birdy" names by my so-called friends, commenting my weight, the size of my butt, even the shape of my nose....
    Once I managed to lose weight (i am 5'2.5 and weighted 123lbs and was 23) and decided to reward myself with a nice dress for summer. I saw my dad, showed him the dress (with me inside) and he said "it is ok, but do not take any weight"... Thanks daddy chéri unique et préféré....
    Once, at the job, I have been compared with one of my female colleague. One woman said about me: "in life, it is better to be less pretty and more pleasant and smiling". Great moment... that was supposed to be a compliment.... Man, did I had to say "thanks"??? it was hurtfull and funny at the same time... I decided to take it by the funny side ! Yes, I am a smiling and pleasant person !

    So yeah, people can be mean or not supporting. Some on purpose and some not... So as everyone said here, what matters is the importance you give to those comments... So take sthrength from them or focus on the comments of supporting people.

    With mean people, it depends the relationship you have with them: familly, close friends versus classmates or colleagues.

    So there is the gentle way with people who might understand: 1- explain gently that they are not encouraging at all and that you would appreciated their support. And if they cannot support you, then ask them at least to avoid any comments 2- use the humour sentences like "thanks, I love you too" often works and avoid serious talks
    And there is the mean way, which might work too but it is sad to come to that... Everyone has a complex, play with that ! and you'll see that people will stop commenting ! After a mean comment, I usely used "seriously, have you seen your face ? better my a** than your face" with a large smile on my face ! With these people, the less you show them that it affects you, the more they get bored of teasing you.

    it is difficult to loose weight and feel good in your skin. It takes courage and strength to change for a better you ! Don't let anyone discourage you, you deserve better and they do not deserve importance... Good luck in your journey for a better you !
  • Donald_Dozier_50
    Donald_Dozier_50 Posts: 395 Member
    You are losing weight for YOURSELF not for other people. Please don't let the comments from childish people get in the way of YOUR PLAN and YOUR GOALS.
    GET BETTER FRIENDS ! !
  • summercake
    summercake Posts: 19
    I wont
  • 2aycocks
    2aycocks Posts: 415 Member
    REAL "friends" will not call you ugly names. Perhaps these are people you don;'t need in your life? Maybe they are trying to sabotage you from losing weight.

    And family members should be ashamed! When someone does that, sometimes a look is worth a thousand words. If they call you a name, stop what you are doing, stand perfectly still, and lock eyes with them. Just look at them, not a mean or hateful look, just stare. Hold the stare until THEY feel uncomfortable!

    If that doesn't help, talk to them. Ask them if you had cancer, would they call you names for it? NO??? Then why make fun when you are trying to get healthy by eating differently and exercising? HUMMM??????
  • shutterbug282
    shutterbug282 Posts: 588 Member
    My family have been like that since the beginning, lately they've stopped with the comments. Since they've seen I'm happier, and nearing my goal weight, they've stopped. :)
    Maybe talk to your family? They might not know their comments are hurting you. :)
  • Chickyjd
    Chickyjd Posts: 136 Member
    All the more reason to keep going, then one day you can make them eat their own words! You seriously do not need people like that in your life! All the best - feel free to add me for friendship and support! X
  • simply_meggie
    simply_meggie Posts: 16 Member
    Stay positive and do not give it. Remember, you CAN do this! :)
  • paradisochick
    paradisochick Posts: 83
    This week has been really tough for me. Im exercising and eating healthy but no weight has come off. But There are still so many people like my "friends" and family who are very snarky to me. I am trying to change my body but I still get called fat and other mean things about my weight. It really is discouraging and hurts. Has this happened to anyone before? How do you deal with it. I feel like I wanna give up.

    I totally understand where you are coming from. A comment was made on MFP the other night that I look like a pig. ON MFP! I laughed it off but it still lingers with me a little now.

    There will always be people out there that are mean and rude and feel so very little about themselves that they feel the need to pull others down with them. They have no class and respect for others - and frankly I find it very sad.

    You're right, it does hurt and is very discouraging. It's up to us to turn that all around and make something good come out of it! You know that you are MORE than the names you are being called, you are worth the respect and please know that. Like others have already said, just ignore them. Don't give in.
  • Bankman1989
    Bankman1989 Posts: 1,116 Member
    This week has been really tough for me. Im exercising and eating healthy but no weight has come off. But There are still so many people like my "friends" and family who are very snarky to me. I am trying to change my body but I still get called fat and other mean things about my weight. It really is discouraging and hurts. Has this happened to anyone before? How do you deal with it. I feel like I wanna give up.
    LISTEN! Just keep pressing forward! You will prove them wrong. Losing weight is just as much mental as physical. You allowing them to get in your head could hurt you.
  • Gigsluvscw
    Gigsluvscw Posts: 139 Member
    Just remember... SUCCESS IS THE BEST REVENGE!!!

    I wanted to send you a pic I found in the Internet (just Goggle what I wrote above) but couldn't get it to transfer over .... It's of this woman doing a yoga pose, and it reads, "Your happiness and success are the best revenge.... Make them all squirm by succeeding where they thought you'd fail."

    Make this your profile pic if you need to. Don't let them be the reason you give up. They are not worth it, but you are!!! :bigsmile:
  • IamDianna
    IamDianna Posts: 37
    I found that people who try to sabotage your weight loss feel threatened because they do not either want to deal with their own weight issues or do not want you to, in their view, become better (looking, feeling, whatever) than them.

    Basically it's all really about them and where they think you should fit in their lives (support, doormat, wingman, partner in fat crime, someone who makes them feel better about themselves). You are saying you are going to change, they are hearing that they will have to change how you fit in with them. Too bad.

    Ignore, if it is not really an intentional putdown you can ignore and just know that they feel threatened, it's not about you. If it is intentional, you need to look at who you surround yourself with as said before. That's just not right.

    And especially, do not let them discourage you. Educate yourself and ask for all the help you want here.
  • Kifissia
    Kifissia Posts: 136
    Saw this weeks ago. I have it on my computer. Don't know who wrote it.

    'Don’t let toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and get them out of there.' You deserve it. We all do. :)
  • IamDianna
    IamDianna Posts: 37
    PS - I still have about 11 kilos to go and that is not for a super skinny loss. I already have some larger family members saying sabotaging things to me like, "You will look gaunt if you lose any more" or "Don't get too thin" and "You don't need to lose anymore, do you?".

    My BMI is still borderline obese, and I can pinch a few inches around gut. Get what I am saying? Those comments are not about me actually being too thin (so not even close to that), they are about me getting fit and healthy and threatening their own comfort zone. Just shine them on.
  • 13donna1
    13donna1 Posts: 12
    I have endured the same snarly comments and they hurt. I also have people "trying" to feed me junk. I try to have a positive attitude and then they can watch me soar while they continue to gain weight and become unhealthy. All the Best~Stay positive and spread those wings and fly!!! YOUR EVICTION NOTICE IS IN EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!!! BYE BYE
  • grimendale
    grimendale Posts: 2,153 Member
    A lot of times, people don't want you to succeed at losing weight because it undermines their ability to lie to themselves. If you lose the weight, then it suddenly becomes a possibility. This means that the only reason they're not losing weight is because they are weaker and less dedicated that you are, and that makes them angry and defensive. People want to believe that their weight problems are an immutable fact of nature and therefore outside of their control. Your loss flies in the face of that and places the blame squarely on their shoulders. It forces them to confront the fact that they are overweight because they make bad choices, not because of genetics, their parents, the restaurant industry or any of the other thousand excuses people use to justify their own complacency. Don't let it get you down. It just means you're doing something they only wish they could do.
  • roseenk
    roseenk Posts: 8 Member
    Took me 45 years, but I took a good, hard, long look at the people in my life. I realized that most of the people that were the meanest to me ... were family. So, I unfriend all of them and removed them from my life. I am happier, and focusing on MYSELF for the first time in my life, instead of trying to make everyone else happy. This happened about 2 months ago.... coincidence that for the first time in my life I have stuck to a "diet" and am down 14 pounds, 10 1/2 inches, and 2 pant sizes as of this morning??? I think not! Focus on YOU ... and do what you need to do to make YOU happy! Good luck! :)
  • Tiff050709
    Tiff050709 Posts: 497 Member
    Best thing to do is ignore it. Don't let other people bring you down. Hold your head high and stay on track.
  • Warchortle
    Warchortle Posts: 2,197 Member
    I don't deal with: statistics_mean1.gif?v=1
    comments.
  • jocybee83
    jocybee83 Posts: 155 Member
    Why do friends attack your dream? Because when you chase your dream it reminds them they are not chasing theirs. Forgive them & move on.
  • annieconverse
    annieconverse Posts: 27
    My advice is to recognize this as their issue and not let it in. Often when a person grows and changes and gets better, the people around them don't like it. It kind of ricks the boat. Most people don't like change and sometimes the mean comments are attempts to make you feel small and in doing so, undermine your progress. See it for what it is.

    But then in this situation, I ask myself, do I add to the negativity? When I look at my body and see how I've gained weight, do I self-criticize? If I do, it makes it easier for others to push my buttons. I'm creating the buttons for them to push. I've learned I need to accept my body exactly how it is today, even if I want to get healthier. I view it as a culmination of my choices in the past about diet and exercise or in my case, not watching my diet and not exercising. Whatever I did or didn't do in the past, I can't go back and undo. My feeling bad about it will only make change harder now. I accept it now and change my ways knowing that one day in the future, my body will catch up to my choices and reward me with better health and more energy to live my life more fully.

    And when I have a hard time accepting my body as it is, I switch my mentality and think about how remarkably it functions. How it just automatically digests food, takes in and uses oxygen, how the immune system functions. Our bodies are pretty miraculous, no matter their sizes. I work with people with serious physical illness and often they tell me that they took for granted their health and body functions before they lost them. It gives me the perspective to appreciate what I have and motivates me to make changes in my own health.

    So remember their negative comments are about them, not you. Stay strong and feel proud for making the changes to have a better life now. :)
  • Gymrat2003
    Gymrat2003 Posts: 8 Member
    Just ignore it and keep working hard. before you know it, they will be asking you how you did it.
  • walkingforward
    walkingforward Posts: 174 Member
    Love yourself - it is you that matters to you.

    Let your haters be your motivators.

    Took me a long time, but now I love myself, so I can now appreciate my results, and know that I was born to win.

    You can do it too !
  • JenCatwalk
    JenCatwalk Posts: 285 Member
    This week has been really tough for me. Im exercising and eating healthy but no weight has come off. But There are still so many people like my "friends" and family who are very snarky to me. I am trying to change my body but I still get called fat and other mean things about my weight. It really is discouraging and hurts. Has this happened to anyone before? How do you deal with it. I feel like I wanna give up.

    If they are mean to you... just smile and walk away. You don't need them.
  • mackemom
    mackemom Posts: 277 Member
    I know it may be super-hard to do, but IGNORE naysayers. Sucks that it's your family, but that's how it goes sometimes. Be strong.
  • larlo74
    larlo74 Posts: 45 Member
    Sounds like the most important weight you need to lose are these negative people and their comments.

    Don't let them get you down. Maybe they're jealous of you progress and are trying to hold you back. Misery loves company.
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
    You call them friends and family? Really. STAY AWAY.
  • mountaingirl1961
    mountaingirl1961 Posts: 75 Member
    Sounds like the most important weight you need to lose are these negative people and their comments.

    ^^^^
    this


    Congrats on getting going with this! This isn't a short-term deal - this is for life and it won't always be easy. At some point you're going to run into a bunch of folks with similar goals and drive, and they will be your new support system. Just a matter of time and stick-to-it-ness.

    Good luck!
  • SteelySunshine
    SteelySunshine Posts: 1,092 Member
    Mean people suck. And it's not about you it's about them. Nothing they say to you is about you. Even when people are nice, it's generally that they are reflecting what is going on in their heads and they are seeing good things because well they are feeling good. So if you can find some of those people. Happy people or at least people that even if they aren't happy happy joy joy people live and let live and don't try to bring others down. I sense you are young and will eventually not be living with your family. This is a good thing you can limit your contact with them. As for your "friends" get new ones. Maybe there is a walking or jogging club you can join. Or a team sport. Something where you can find people with similar goals. Or do the Meet Up thing online, there are a ton of groups and I am sure you can find one where you will meet some nice people that won't be interested in tearing you down for grins ****s and giggles.
  • 122ish
    122ish Posts: 339 Member
    I really believe that when someone makes a mean comment it comes from their own insecurities, so don't take it too personal just remember they are obviously suffering. My best revenge is to prove them wrong and when u do I am sure they will still make comments because their insecurities will grow. Best thing is to ignore them or make new friends, family is a but tougher but u can try telling them they r hurting your feelings.
    I have only had one family member call me fat girl and I would strike back especially because he had to lose more than me, but don't do that I just lowered myself to his level, I just don't talk to him anymore.

    Use that anger they cause u for good and punish an elliptical or treadmill, u r not losing weight for them so don't let them discourage u, u can do this!

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