My friend has BO....How do I tell her?

LisaBeateith2012
LisaBeateith2012 Posts: 346 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi there in a bit of a dilemma, My friend has really bad Body odor and I do not know how to tell her! She hasn't always been like this...its ever since she had her third child I have had to deal with it. It is making me feel sick when I am around her but the thing is she is a really loving kind person and I cant bring myself to tell her in case I hurt her feelings.Her child is almost 7 months now so this has been going on for that length of time. I was hoping one of her family members would have said to her but it seems not the case.

I am now getting really embarrassed to walk with her and go places with her in case they think it is me that stinks.How can she not smell it herself???...... it is so strong and why haven't her mum dad or brothers said anything or even her partner! Somebody out there must have dealt with this problem please help me!

:o))
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Replies

  • LisaBeateith2012
    LisaBeateith2012 Posts: 346 Member
    bump
  • stewartbeaton
    stewartbeaton Posts: 14 Member
    Bump because need to know what to do as my friend also had body odour problems!
  • StrongAndHealthyMommy
    StrongAndHealthyMommy Posts: 1,255 Member
    maybe she can smell herself, but she cant do anything about I.... I have a co worker who is the same way..... but she doesn't even uses Victoria secrets lotions! no good...
  • jj2step
    jj2step Posts: 16 Member
    This is a hard one honey all the best.
  • kendrafallon
    kendrafallon Posts: 1,030 Member
    There's no easy way of telling someone they have BO. If you're going to be the one to tell her, make sure you do it where you're not going to overheard by anyone and you're prepared for her being upset with you as well as embarrassed. Good luck
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    It's hard, but you're really doing her a disservice by not telling her. Think about it, if roles were reversed, would you want for someone to not tell you and just let you walk around stinky? Maybe she's having trouble finding time to shower, maybe she's depressed, maybe her hormones have changed...either way, if you really care, you'll tell her.
  • IbiH
    IbiH Posts: 250 Member
    I've had this happen several times in work, not nice and had to mention it to a member of staff.

    If it's a friend it's different, one easy way is to say that you've found some bogof / 3-4-2 offers in the shops and offer her one, be it deodorant or some nice body spray. If that doesn't work then you may have to be cruel to be kind and tell her.
  • mellyish
    mellyish Posts: 253 Member
    I've had my share of BO issues in the past (maybe even now, who knows) because of my hormones going out of whack due to PCOS. I had one person tell me a couple years back and it hurt a bit. I started being more regular with personal hygiene but I can't put deodorant on out in public, I do what I can and carry sprays with me when I remember. I say the remember part cause I also have AD/HD -_- I don't forget like a normal person, no sirree.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    Lack of attention to personal hygiene can be as symptom of depression. She's recently had a baby so she may be at risk of post-natal depression. How is she generally? Bear in mind that some people are very good at putting on a brave face for the world then collapsing in a heap behind closed doors. Are there other signs that she's not coping well? (if she's depressed enough to not be washing herself she will have a lot of other issues as well, although it may all be hidden behind closed doors while she puts on a brave face)

    If it was me, I'd start by seeing how she is generally, asking her if she's okay, I mean really okay, if there's anything wrong, you can say that you just sense that something's not right and you can't put your finger on it... that kind of thing you dont need to mention anything specific (definitely not body odor). Then take it from there. If she is depressed, encourage her to seek help and then the issue with the BO will sort itself out.

    If it's not that and she's totally fine, just oblivious to what she smells like, maybe you just have to tell her, but try to do it in the nicest possible way.
  • Lobster1987
    Lobster1987 Posts: 492 Member
    I would approach her gently about it, privately....

    Come from the angle of that you would want somebody to tell you if it were you. Explain to her that you notice that she hasn't smelled too good ever since she has had her little one, and that you are concerned that she maybe has bacterial vaginitis or something similar and that you think she should consult with a doctor. (It's a condition that makes you smell really bad down there...)

    She will be offended and embarrassed as hell, but again, be very caring and concerned. You are looking out for her, and reiterate that you would want to know and that you know that she would tell you if you were in her place.
  • nika_bolinhos
    nika_bolinhos Posts: 42
    I have a friend that had this terrible habit of eating garlic crackers all day long. He also never wore deodorant and it was really hard on him. It was school days and he honestly didn't know why people wouldn't go near him.
    We had to tell him, as simple as that. Yes it was horrible, we didn't know how to go about it, but he was suffering with exclusion and he had no idea why.
    I think that the best way is to tell her, try to find a nicer way todo that, but if she is a good friend she will appreciate your honesty, if I was stinking and didn't know about it I would feel embarrassed to be told sure, but also grateful that is was someone close and that told me with the intention of helping me.
    Maybe ask her if she changed her soap or shampoo, say that whatever she is using doesn't match her natural body odour. Suggest a change of products, say that what she was using before was much nicer and suited her. It's a nicer way to go about it then telling her she stinks.
  • PlayerHatinDogooder
    PlayerHatinDogooder Posts: 1,018 Member
    I think the most direct route is usually the best one.

    'Hey girl, you're a great friend but you smell bad. Maybe carry some deodorant around with you and spend a bit more time in the shower getting all those hard to reach places.'

    No need to make a big drama out of it.
  • bunbunzee44
    bunbunzee44 Posts: 592 Member
    she might know it.. sometimes there's just not much to do. but you should try asking her gently about it.
    my man had issues with this when he was in late teens, although he has always been very hygienic and used deodorants, didn't eat anything that would cause smells.. it just stopped on its own.
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
    Lack of attention to personal hygiene can be as symptom of depression. She's recently had a baby so she may be at risk of post-natal depression. How is she generally? Bear in mind that some people are very good at putting on a brave face for the world then collapsing in a heap behind closed doors. Are there other signs that she's not coping well? (if she's depressed enough to not be washing herself she will have a lot of other issues as well, although it may all be hidden behind closed doors while she puts on a brave face)

    If it was me, I'd start by seeing how she is generally, asking her if she's okay, I mean really okay, if there's anything wrong, you can say that you just sense that something's not right and you can't put your finger on it... that kind of thing you dont need to mention anything specific (definitely not body odor). Then take it from there. If she is depressed, encourage her to seek help and then the issue with the BO will sort itself out.

    If it's not that and she's totally fine, just oblivious to what she smells like, maybe you just have to tell her, but try to do it in the nicest possible way.
    Well thought out reply, some very good advice^^^
  • SutapaMukherji
    SutapaMukherji Posts: 244 Member
    It's hard, but you're really doing her a disservice by not telling her. Think about it, if roles were reversed, would you want for someone to not tell you and just let you walk around stinky?

    This
    Maybe try telling her through hints and def prepare for her to be upset. But if she is your friend, she deserves the chance
  • mamosh81
    mamosh81 Posts: 409 Member
    since she didnt have it always and only since the 3rd child it might be a hormone inbalance my mom said she had a bad smell as well after she had me not much you can do with soap and deo. Just ask her if everything is ok and that you noticed she smells different since she had her baby and maybe make a doctor appointment. That you worry for her that something is wrong.
  • pollyineedtobeskinny
    pollyineedtobeskinny Posts: 362
    Just tell her... Buck up the courage and just tell her. It'll benefit you both.:smile:
  • LisaBeateith2012
    LisaBeateith2012 Posts: 346 Member
    Just tell her... Buck up the courage and just tell her. It'll benefit you both.:smile:
    I really want to I know it would benefit us both I was just hoping one of her family members would tell her, you think her partner would tell her! Arghhhhhhhhhh! Wish I wasn't in this situation!!! :o((
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    This is my sister in a nut shell!!! I finally sat her down and helped her figure out a solution with google she ate a lot of parsley of all thing lol and got a special deoterant as well i will ask her what its called.
  • Frankii_x
    Frankii_x Posts: 238
    Just tell her - awful and horrible but if you're close friends it's your job to say the horrible things as well as the nice things. You'll probably suffer a bit of a back lash but if you're good friends your friendship will survive that :)

    Also like other people have said up there ^^^ about the hormone imbalance. Maybe she doesn't know what's causing the smell - could offer options to her? Maybe to mention it to her doctor etc and offer to go with her to highlight that you support her and don't think she's just dirty :)

    Good luck xx
  • Daisychain65
    Daisychain65 Posts: 161 Member
    I know It's difficult but I would be very matter of fact and straight forward about it, as if it's just one of those things that can happen to anyone ( which it is), if you can act unembarrassed about it she will be less embarrassed. Usually you can tell the difference if some one smells bad because they aren't cleaning themselves/clothes properly as oppose to a sweaty/hormonal thing, either way she might need to see a GP for treatment or counselling. Maybe you could offer to watch the kids while she has an appoitment.
  • MrsBobaFett
    MrsBobaFett Posts: 802 Member
    Sometimes you just have to be blunt, she may be embarrassed to begin with but in the long run she will be grateful. My mother in law had to tell a co-worker that she smelt bad, she bought her a stick of deodorant and told her to go to the toilets and wash her armpits and use it, not the nicest way to tell someone they stink but it worked :ohwell:
  • HotMummyMission
    HotMummyMission Posts: 1,723 Member
    If you was a real friend you would tell her out straight if use are as good enough friends she will thankyou for it just say babe can i have a word i d t want to sound horrible but i love you loads and do t want someone to upset you but, iv noticed you have started to get very bad body oder latly and its noticible i will watch the children if you want to go an get a bath! Real friends dont leave there gold friends stinking x
  • pennydreadful270
    pennydreadful270 Posts: 266 Member
    If you tell her there might be some support you can offer, like a run down to the chemist for some of the industrial strength deoderant or some babysitting while she makes a doctor's appointment.

    With BO it seems it usually hormonal, and so very difficult to deal with. She's maybe she already has tried these things and has just put that fight aside for now while she concentrates on the new baby. If that's the case I wouldn't push too hard on her, if she's healthy otherwise, it's her business to decide how much effort she will make about it.

    Be sensitive with her and she hopefully won't take offence. Good luck.x
  • LisaBeateith2012
    LisaBeateith2012 Posts: 346 Member
    Lack of attention to personal hygiene can be as symptom of depression. She's recently had a baby so she may be at risk of post-natal depression. How is she generally? Bear in mind that some people are very good at putting on a brave face for the world then collapsing in a heap behind closed doors. Are there other signs that she's not coping well? (if she's depressed enough to not be washing herself she will have a lot of other issues as well, although it may all be hidden behind closed doors while she puts on a brave face)

    If it was me, I'd start by seeing how she is generally, asking her if she's okay, I mean really okay, if there's anything wrong, you can say that you just sense that something's not right and you can't put your finger on it... that kind of thing you dont need to mention anything specific (definitely not body odor). Then take it from there. If she is depressed, encourage her to seek help and then the issue with the BO will sort itself out.

    If it's not that and she's totally fine, just oblivious to what she smells like, maybe you just have to tell her, but try to do it in the nicest possible way.
    Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it! :o)) x
  • LisaBeateith2012
    LisaBeateith2012 Posts: 346 Member
    Lack of attention to personal hygiene can be as symptom of depression. She's recently had a baby so she may be at risk of post-natal depression. How is she generally? Bear in mind that some people are very good at putting on a brave face for the world then collapsing in a heap behind closed doors. Are there other signs that she's not coping well? (if she's depressed enough to not be washing herself she will have a lot of other issues as well, although it may all be hidden behind closed doors while she puts on a brave face)

    If it was me, I'd start by seeing how she is generally, asking her if she's okay, I mean really okay, if there's anything wrong, you can say that you just sense that something's not right and you can't put your finger on it... that kind of thing you dont need to mention anything specific (definitely not body odor). Then take it from there. If she is depressed, encourage her to seek help and then the issue with the BO will sort itself out.

    If it's not that and she's totally fine, just oblivious to what she smells like, maybe you just have to tell her, but try to do it in the nicest possible way.
    Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it! :o))
  • Gianna5587
    Gianna5587 Posts: 59 Member
    OK.. This is what I'd do:

    Keep it really light. After a day out together, in the middle of a girlie chat, I'd say something like "Hmmm, I think one of us has got a bit of BO, I keep getting a whiff of something slightly off.." Then dramatically sniff my own armpits and have a sniff in her direction... Then I'd be like "Ah, sorry, think it's you this time... We've had such a busy day, it's so hot, blah blah blah"

    That might be all the nudge she needs.. If not, I'd repeat the whole scenario on another occasion, but this time mention the possibility of it being a hormonal change, saying that you never used to notice it before she had her last baby.

    I'd also consider the possibility of her being depressed as another poster mentioned and only really attempt the genius approach I've outlined above if you don't think there are any underlying issues.

    Obviously relationships vary and not everyone could pull off this manoeuvre. But it's what I'd do in your situation.. Good luck!
  • Delicate
    Delicate Posts: 625 Member
    She has a baby
    She starts not looking 'after herself' cause she is putting her effort into a baby?

    However its probably very little to do with the baby, and most likely depression (post natal) she might not of suffered from it the previous times.

    So instead of concentrating on the superficial, find out if something is wrong with her, or needs councilling.

    My brother gets smelly because he hits the depression period in due to being bipolar, but its the way he is wierd, your friend may be the same. and telling him, he stinks, puts a spiral that makes him feel alot worse than he actually does.

    tread carefully.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
    You know your friend better than we do - but I think you need to tell her, tell her now, and tell her straight out. Don't sugar coat - it will make things worse (sometimes, we tend to sugarcoat so much that the person doesn't get what we are trying to say). don't buy her deoderant as a gift (that never works). It could be a lot of reasons - hormonal, PPD, a change in her diet, a problem with the washing machine (so clothing isn't *clean*), etc. so just tell her:
    "Friend, you know how much I love you. and i have to tell you something. I was debating for a while because I don't want to hurt your feelings but I realized that if the tables were reversed, I would want YOU to tell ME. So - lately i noticed that you have a strong body smell. I'm not sure what it is - but you need to deal with it." and then take it from there.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    "Hey you know whats fun and we haven't done in a while? Taken a shower!"

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