My friend has BO....How do I tell her?

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  • Lobster1987
    Lobster1987 Posts: 492 Member
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    OK.. This is what I'd do:

    Keep it really light. After a day out together, in the middle of a girlie chat, I'd say something like "Hmmm, I think one of us has got a bit of BO, I keep getting a whiff of something slightly off.." Then dramatically sniff my own armpits and have a sniff in her direction... Then I'd be like "Ah, sorry, think it's you this time... We've had such a busy day, it's so hot, blah blah blah"

    That might be all the nudge she needs.. If not, I'd repeat the whole scenario on another occasion, but this time mention the possibility of it being a hormonal change, saying that you never used to notice it before she had her last baby.

    I'd also consider the possibility of her being depressed as another poster mentioned and only really attempt the genius approach I've outlined above if you don't think there are any underlying issues.

    Obviously relationships vary and not everyone could pull off this manoeuvre. But it's what I'd do in your situation.. Good luck!

    This is good too
  • littlelaura
    littlelaura Posts: 1,028 Member
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    Is she or was she breast feeding? If so her pediatrician would of told her to avoid deodorant so it doesn't get near breast tissue or absorbed into the milk and the baby consume the toxins, she may be using an all natural kind of deodorant which do nothing or not using any while breast feeding, just a thought. Simply tell her.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    Lack of attention to personal hygiene can be as symptom of depression. She's recently had a baby so she may be at risk of post-natal depression. How is she generally? Bear in mind that some people are very good at putting on a brave face for the world then collapsing in a heap behind closed doors. Are there other signs that she's not coping well? (if she's depressed enough to not be washing herself she will have a lot of other issues as well, although it may all be hidden behind closed doors while she puts on a brave face)

    If it was me, I'd start by seeing how she is generally, asking her if she's okay, I mean really okay, if there's anything wrong, you can say that you just sense that something's not right and you can't put your finger on it... that kind of thing you dont need to mention anything specific (definitely not body odor). Then take it from there. If she is depressed, encourage her to seek help and then the issue with the BO will sort itself out.

    If it's not that and she's totally fine, just oblivious to what she smells like, maybe you just have to tell her, but try to do it in the nicest possible way.

    This is very good advice, and I would do that first.

    If she turns out to be fine, and she is just not aware, I would approach it in a 'if the roles were reversed I would want to know' kind of way, and be blunt but kind. Tell her that you've only noticed this since she had her baby, and that sometimes a hormone imbalance can cause body odours. That will make her feel better as it's not like you are outwardly saying you think she doesn't wash. Suggest that her current products aren't working as well as they used to and having a look on your next shopping trip together.

    Either way I think you should tell her, if I was your friend, I'd be mortified to find out later.
  • dennymau
    dennymau Posts: 118 Member
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    Give her a gift basket with scented soaps and body lotion:smile:
  • sc10985
    sc10985 Posts: 347 Member
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    I wouldn guess it's her hormones. I had a similar situation after my daughter was born. It wasn't as bad as your describing but I had to cjange deodorant every few weeks because I felt like nothing was working. Every pregnancy and birth can affect us differently and my midwife told me it can take up to a year for our hormones to regulate (longer if nursing). Be gentle if you do confront her, she may be doing everything in her power to help it and may already be terribly embarrassed about it. On the other hand, three children are a lot of work so maybe she just hasn't noticed. Either way, proceed with caution and be prepared for initial hurt feelings. But most women would want to know. You'd tell her if she had food in her teeth or something stuck in her hair right? Same kinda thing, just a little more sensitive. Good luck :)
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
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    Is she or was she breast feeding? If so her pediatrician would of told her to avoid deodorant so it doesn't get near breast tissue or absorbed into the milk and the baby consume the toxins, she may be using an all natural kind of deodorant which do nothing or not using any while breast feeding, just a thought. Simply tell her.

    This was my thought too. I keep away from stronger chemicals when breast feeding.

    I would bring it up by saying 'I noticed you've smelt different since no. 3 was born' and see how she reacts. Personally, I have a very poor sense of smell (it used to be excellent) and get stronger body odour at certain times (pregnancy, breastfeeding etc) so I'd want a friend to tell me. Then it would be up to me whether I wanted to do something about it.

    Also, I've never been depressed, but I don't prioritise showers. I don't approve of the modern obsession with making humans smell not like humans and I think daily showers are a hideous waste of water and fuel. Go back fifty years and a weekly bath would have been the norm. I wouldn't want to go back to the yearly baths of the medieval period, but I do think the 'cult of clean' has gone too far now.
  • Dewdropps
    Dewdropps Posts: 111
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    I have 2 ideas for you.


    First, if she recently had a child, it means she's only focused on the baby and not herself. Put together a gift basket with a focus on pampering mommy, like lotions, a nice smelling deodorant, shampoo, body wash, a poof sponge, some nail polish etc. and volunteer to give her some special time away from baby for a nice relaxing bath. I guarantee you she will jump at the chance.


    Second.. if you don't want to do the first, fib a little. Get her a nice smelling deodorant and one for yourself (They often come in double packs around here). Give her one of them and tell her you've been using it and you haven't been having to shave as much... as if it's a deterrent to hair growth. Tell her to try it and see if it works for her :P
  • vanessadsilva
    vanessadsilva Posts: 12
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    You have got to tell her. If she is a loving person she will accept the fact. but once she gets over it she will be fine and thank you for it. You can start by suggesting her some perfume or this powder named " Tawas" which can help against Bo. I told this to my friend cuz many ladies in the bus or the metro would find it out and speak things making some funny faces.
    You should not waste time but help her asap.
  • noahsmama33
    noahsmama33 Posts: 27 Member
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    Please be honest with her, but as mentioned earlier be gentle. Perhaps she doesn't have time to shower with 3 little ones. Is it possible for you to visit and watch the children while she showers? Not everyday, but she would probably love the idea of a shower to herself. Go to the store before your visit, pick up a few hygiene products, throw them in a nice basket and give the basket to her. That way she feels like she has a solution right then. Hope this helps!
  • SnowCutieJade
    SnowCutieJade Posts: 1
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    find a shirt she has already worn and tell her to smell it
  • alasin1derland
    alasin1derland Posts: 575 Member
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    I'm all for just taking a whiff of the air and smelling inside the front of your own shirt, saying I keep getting a whiff of BO. That lets her know you can smell something but not centering her out. Lets her save face in a way that she may have gotten away with it but needs to take steps to avoid a pattern that you only smell it when she's around.

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