Mother of 2 feeling guilty

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Replies

  • Symonep
    Symonep Posts: 181 Member
    I have 4, I honestly don't understand how you could feel guilty for spending around 5% of your day doing something to better yourself physically and emotionally....
  • quiltlovinlisa
    quiltlovinlisa Posts: 1,710 Member
    I could kill myself spending every waking moment taking care of my kids, and believe me, with three boys in 19 months (found out I was pregnant with twins when my little boy was 14 months old), I've come awfully close (two solid years of only a few hours of sleep a night). It's not worth it. I'm a better mother when I take care of myself. My children DESERVE a healthy, happy mother. And I believe, they will be better people, understanding the need to care for yourself.
  • mamaomefo
    mamaomefo Posts: 418 Member
    If you spend 45 minutes on yourself exercising, that may keep you healthier so at some point in the future you don't have to be away from your children because you are sick...no exercise usually means unhealthy with possible future consequences to being unhealthy! Take the time and keep yourself healthy...from a Mom of two grown kids who now love to exercise because they watched their mom exercise all during their childhood!
  • sugaree1202
    sugaree1202 Posts: 184 Member
    Look at those 45 minutes as taking time to be a better mom. Every mom needs time to herself and away from their kids - enjoy it. You're doing something for yourself, if your head tries to make you feel guilty, tell it to shut up.

    Maybe instead of using the treadmill for each workout, swap in a dvd and invite the kids to join you. My 6 year old daughter and 8 year old son join me for TurboFire on the weekends and love it. If you have a Wii, XBox or PS3 Zumba Fitness and Zumba Core are lots of fun too. Just keep your husband on standby if the kids get distracting or set some ground rules for the 9 year old like "if you want to workout with mom, we follow the video, stay in your area and if you want to stop don't distract me" because it's still your workout time. These rules are important when my kids join me bc I have an issue with my right leg and have to pay attention so I don't get hurt but find what works for you.
  • Michellemarg
    Michellemarg Posts: 18
    I have two kids 12 and 16. I have never taken the time to work out for the same reasons you are feeling guilty. Time with the kids is precious and they grow up so fast. But what I finally realized is that because of my weight I opted out of healthy activities with my family. While they were skiing I would stay back at the lodge, or while they were playing in the lake, I was hiding under a towel. I ended up missing out on some pretty amazing stuff. Take it from me, they would rather miss you for 45 minutes every single day then watch you sit on the sidelines while they play! Take the time mama - you deserve a fit healthy body!
  • MzManiak
    MzManiak Posts: 1,361 Member
    As a mother of 3, my oldest being 9 and my youngest being 18 months.... I have to say a big fat NO! lol We, of all people, have the right to ONE freakin hour to ourselves! Enjoy it! Don't overthink it. It's not about how much time you spend with your babies, it's the quality of time. Miss one hour here so that you can be less stressed, healthier, and happier when you are with your kids. :happy:
  • princesspea234
    princesspea234 Posts: 182 Member
    You could incorporate them in your walks or runs (bring a stroller for when the three year old gets tired.) Bike ride, rollerblade or "scooter with your oldest... It could mean special time with that child that's one-on-one. Engage in good old fashioned play like kick the can or pitch-and-hit. OR invite them to do a fun exercise DVD with you.... you'd be surprised how much kids get into that even if they can't do all the moves.

    There are so many ways to set fun example for your kids.
  • janinealfke
    janinealfke Posts: 93
    My husband is retired USAF and our children are grown, but let me say this: What you are doing for yourself IS SOMETHING FOR YOUR CHILDREN!! You getting healthy will keep you in their lives longer. You keep doing what you're doing for YOU!!! Spend other time with your children..you need this...I wish you luck with it!!
  • lcgr13
    lcgr13 Posts: 12 Member
    If Mama's not happy... ain't nobody happy!
    Enjoy your time on the treadmill.
  • moondawg14
    moondawg14 Posts: 249 Member
    Your kids probably appreciate the break as much as you do.

    THIS. AND, your kids will be happier and more self-sufficient if they have some "alone time" every day too!

    Read this. I'm not saying DO THIS. I'm saying read it, and then decide if maybe your kids will be OK, nay GREAT, if you let them wander for a little while every day.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/may/04/leave-them-kids-alone-griffiths
  • danglewtf
    danglewtf Posts: 29
    The time you spend on yourself IS ultimately time spent with your kids. By improving your fitness; by improving your health; by potentially extending your life you are investing in their future as well as yours.

    Ultimately, though, you exercise for yourself. As a parent you know as well as anyone that you can't be everything for everyone all the time. If you don't want to work out when they're awake then wait til they go to bed and jump on the treadmill then, or get up early and do it before they wake. There are plenty of hours in a day to make time for you!

    I have 3 kids under 6 right now, and when I hit my 40s I realised I am running out of time to get myself in good enough shape to be there while they need me. A shift-working hubby throws a spanner in the works, but it's also a blessing because it gives me time during the day to exercise. Just have to get on there and DO it.

    Never feel guilty for taking some time to be healthy! In fact, NEVER feel guilty for spending some time on YOU. You're human and deserve your own time as much as anyone!
  • friday33
    friday33 Posts: 1 Member
    I don't know how you get past it other than realising that putting yourself frst for an hour a day will help make you a great mum! I didn't, so now I find myself 45 years old with one kid 18 about to leave home the other kid 15 and very self-sufficient, and I am fat (91kg) and very unhappy. Been trying to lose weight for ages but always put other people first - I'll cook dinner for the family when I get home instead of doing what I want to do - go for a walk. These habits are sssooooo hard to break now.

    You deserve time to yourself but you have to make yourself take the time. Try to include the kids two days a week, work out a 3k track and take them bike riding once a week and go the long way to the local park and let them play on the swings for an hour. Do you play any sports? The one thing I used to do when the kids were young was play netball or tennis once a week, my husband would look after the kids. This gave me a night off dinner and kid duties and some girlie chat time too - plus of course the exercise!!

    It's more fun when you vary the exercise too - treadmill, bike, walking, sport etc.

    Good luck :smile:
  • janebshaw
    janebshaw Posts: 168
    Please don't feel guilty for taking time to work out. You are setting a healthy example for your children!
  • pamelak5
    pamelak5 Posts: 327 Member
    Also, think of exercise as a fundamental biological need (which it is). Would you refuse to take an hour for a doctor's appointments, routinely miss meals, etc., to spend more time with your kids? I hope not!
  • WestchesterKB
    WestchesterKB Posts: 7 Member
    I am a father of 2 and I often feel the same guilt, expecially on the weekends. But I know I will be a happier person and a better parent without the extra weight, and kids are smart and will pick up on the more energized and focused you. They want what's best for you as well.
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
    Let me start by saying I have 2 awesome kids 9 and 3 and my husband is absolutely amazing and would do anything to help me lose the weight that I want/need to. I have a goal set to work out at least 5 nights a week and what I really like to do is get on my treadmill and watch an episode of Army Wives about 45 minutes of walking/jogging. But every time I go I catch myself feeling guilty that I am not upstairs with my kid and taking care of them and spending time with them. I know I shouldn’t but I do. Does anyone else feel like this? And if so how do you get past it?

    Can't your absolutely amazing husband do that for 45 minutes? Why would you feel guilty about letting your husband be an absolutely amazing father sometimes?

    He does and sometimes he is the driving force for me going to workout. But what I am saying is that as a mother I feel guilty that I am not with my kids.

    That is just silly - you need to care for yourself so you can be a better all-around mom, wife and person. Make yourself a priority and think about the example you are setting for your kids. :)
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
    Hell no! I have 6 kids and any time I can get away is God sent! Your kids will survive it's not like your leaving them at someones door step and not coming back. You need some time for yourself and there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
  • frommetobetterme
    frommetobetterme Posts: 124 Member
    I havent read the other posts, so I apologize if I'm repeating.

    As mothers, we're made to feel guilty when we don't take care of our children. When we go back to work, when we go out with friends, when we take any sort of time away.

    I see it this way. In taking time away from my children, I am teaching them that I am as important as they are and that it is important to stay healthy. My yojngest is 2 and to yound to get this, but I've explained to my 7 year old that when I take care of myself, I can be healthy and spend more time with him later. I will be alive longer and I can run around with him instead of saying no because I am too tired.

    Sometimes I won't do my usual workout, but if I don't I make it a point to go outside and play tag or go for a walk while they bike ride, or do push ups and run laps and do squats at the park.

    I think it's important to show children that instant gratification isn't everything, that you have to work for what you want AND that mommy is important and needs to stay healthy in order to be able to take care of them.
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
    Have you thought about doing workouts when they are sleeping (early AM or PM) or else bring them with? A 9 yr old could do the couch to 5K program with you and you could push the younger one in a stroller? You could bike together? I have older kids 13 and 10 but I do not feel guilty. I want them to see my work out and take care of myself. Sometimes they work out with me. They are both very athletic and work out on their own and in their sports but they will come downstairs and do weight workout tapes with me, or go on runs with me. I would arrange your workouts so you don't feel guilty, and remember weight loss is mainly in the kitchen so you can totally lose weight just eating right, working out is for overall fitness and to look better as you lose the weight.
  • tigerlily8045
    tigerlily8045 Posts: 402 Member
    If Mama's not happy... ain't nobody happy!
    Enjoy your time on the treadmill.

    x 100 :flowerforyou:

    No one wants to be around the grouchy momma either.
  • nilbogger
    nilbogger Posts: 870 Member
    I wonder how many dads feel this way... think about it.
  • Just_Alyssa
    Just_Alyssa Posts: 52 Member
    I have this inner conflict all the time even tho:

    1. My husband is great & doesn't mind.

    2. I spend plenty of time with them regularly.

    2. My kids are 16 & 12! They don't want me around all the time.


    So, that's just it. It's an INNER conflict. Totally my own and I have to push past it. I realize that yours are younger but your husband doesn't mind and you have your own time with them.

    It's the motherly/parental guilt we have. :brokenheart: I struggle with it even knowing I shouldn't. Push past it. You are a good mom & being a good role model!
  • vixxy83
    vixxy83 Posts: 59
    im a mum of 4 with the youngest bein 3 n a half months old I do feel guilty for takin time out to exercise my partner is brill he'll take lilun upstairs for around an hour or so so I can do me zumba n maybe 30 ds (ive given up doin that daily so do it when I can )

    but I aint doin it to be slim even tho that would be nice, its for my health as I had gestational diabetes with my last and docs said its impaired so im well on my way to havin it and it don't help with family history on both sides and also im nearly 30 so I NEED to lose it.

    I also take lilun out in the pushchair walkin 3 hrs sometimes but mainly around 2hrs, my other 3 are 13 9 n 7 so they at school but even they help me

    at the end of the day your kids will look at you as a role model if they see you exercise and be healthy with a world of cheap fast food that's good goin :happy:

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