First Apartment with boyfriend - any advice?

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Replies

  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Steer clear of the midwest. They get a little uptight when black women start stealing all their white men.

    Hey! I live in the midwest, and I'd be perfectly happy for a black woman to steal me. Alas, I've met all 7 of the black women in Minnesota and there was no chemistry.


    Wow this just sickens me what year do we live in? Seriously? Another reason why I love living in the west. Enjoy your life together OP. It'll be great it's a huge stepping stone one you will learn much from. I wish you the best.
  • niftyafterfifty
    niftyafterfifty Posts: 338 Member
    I doubt you will take my advice, but it would be to get married first.
  • kendunn579
    kendunn579 Posts: 391 Member
    way too serious.

    Go with the flow....
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Keep your money separate, and your bathroom business private.

    I agree with the money separate stuff, but I figure if he's gonna put he's boy parts inside and leave that baby batter all up there then he can learn about me in every detail. :bigsmile:
  • Creamxpuff
    Creamxpuff Posts: 9
    oh I already cleared that weeks ago..I farted on him when I was sitting on his lap! ^_^ he dared me and he thought I wouldnt do it but I did....
  • baja572
    baja572 Posts: 94
    It will be fine.
    Has your Mother explained your role?
    Cooking, cleaning, laundry, getting your man a beer?
    and what can I do for you dear?
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    Don't get a joint bank account - it all gets screwy when you break up and need to get rid of it!


    My advice

    i cant stress this enough. no joint bank accounts or credit cards. no matter how much you think this is the "one". wait until you are married to consolidate.
  • timberowl
    timberowl Posts: 331 Member
    Do not EVER put a tv in the bedroom. You'll regret it for the rest of your relationship!
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    I doubt you will take my advice, but it would be to get married first.

    this is bad advice imo. you need to know what its like to live with a person day to day to really get to know them.
  • Pepper2185
    Pepper2185 Posts: 994 Member
    Keep your money separate, and your bathroom business private.

    I agree with the money separate stuff, but I figure if he's gonna put he's boy parts inside and leave that baby batter all up there then he can learn about me in every detail. :bigsmile:

    Yeah but are his boy parts gonna get excited over the image of you making a #2?

    Once you cross that line, there's no going back!
  • eeeekie
    eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
    Depends. Is it nervousness mixed with excitement? I moved away from home last August and got an apartment with my boyfriend. It was the first time I'd ever lived away from home. I was nervous but super excited. Its been pretty smooth sailing for us. We've had disagreements mostly about cleanliness (raised different). Ex: when doing the dishes he fills the sink up and uses that water to wash and rinse. I let the sink run the whole time. He dries immediately, I let them sit in the drainer. Lol wasn't a fight just we were raised different and agreed to disagree haha!

    It def is an adjustment. Living together adds different stressers to the relationship but it also adds awesome things. Just remain calm and think of all the fun, new and exciting things you'll experience together. Good luck :)
  • Creamxpuff
    Creamxpuff Posts: 9
    I def have to cook for him he likes home cooked meals and hopefully that will help me with my weight loss and such, also I was thinking about the joint account thing but its way to soon....I just...honestly this is my first serious boyfriend and I never thought I would have a boyfriend because of my weight. anyways I'm trying to be myself . this experience is so new and thank you all for the advice.


    and no I did not steal my white man lol
    he kept sleeping in math class and I kept slamming my hand on the table to wake him up and I always said somethiny witty, dark or gross to him...after that he started to stalk me lol
  • eeeekie
    eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
    And don't listen to the people telling you to not burp, fart, potty. You're human. Your boyfriend obviously knows this. This whole "be fake, be someone youre not" crap is a game and games are meant for outside not in a GROWN UP relationship. Sometimes *kitten* happens...pun def intended.

    I've done all of the above and my boyfriend can't keep his hands off me. Be yourself. Play, have fun, enjoy each other and be goofy. People are so concerned about that stuff they forget to have fun and let loose. Its sad.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    Don't get a joint account

    You should mention it a third time, because I don't think she saw it the first time when you were dooming her relationship.

    By the way love bitter people they make the simplest things in life seem fun :-)

    I was posting it as a response to the person who said it was cynical - nothing to do with being bitter I would rather someone had told me how difficult it can be to sort out if things go wrong - dooming the relationship? Not quite but hyperbole seems to suit

    "Don't get a joint bank account - it all gets screwy when you break up and need to get rid of it!"

    A hyperbole would've been if I said you were bringing a thousand years of dooming darkness on their relationship. Saying you are dooming it, is like saying you are condemning it. It's a figure of speech or at best if you want to be deep, say it's a metaphor. Of course my perception of what you said could've not been viewed as bitter if you would've added "incase" or "if" at the beginning of the bolded part.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
    Hmmm...interesting I guess....I don't look at it as this complicated. My husband and I communicate very well but have never "split up the chores" We both just do our part. He does dishes, I do dishes, he takes the garbage out, I take the garbage out. I do all the laundry though because I dont want him to shrink my stuff ;) Finances- I would NEVER under any circumstances share a joint checking account until you are married. It will just save you a BIG headache in the long run if the relationship didn't work out. Ettiquete for coming home? I guess it's just common sense. Common courtesy. I am sure you both will know each other's work schedules and if you are going to be home late, its only courtesy to let the other know so they dont have to worry. My husband and I have always said where we are going all the time. When making plans we also consult with each other. Communication is key! It doesn't have to be so difficult. Dont be nervous. If it is meant to be, everything will work out just fine. :)
    R-E-S-P-E-C-T

    Have you split up the chores yet? Do you agree on how often they happen? Have you agreed to let each person do their chores their way? I do laundry, but my man likes his clothes folded a certain way, so he folds his own clothes. I am ok with him not getting to the bathrooms every single week.

    Have you figured out the finances? I agree with the previous poster about not having joint bank accounts. If you do open one, it should only be for shared expenses with enough of a buffer to avoid fees and overdrafts. Keep your paychecks and your savings in separate accounts. How are you splitting rent? Utilities? Decor? Groceries? Is the division 50/50 or proportional to income?

    Have you discussed etiquette for coming home at night? Do you need to let each other know if you are working late or if you are staying out past a certain time? If you discuss this before the fact, it is clearly just setting expectations; if you wait until one of you is pissed off, it will feel like a control issue.

    These may seem mundane, but they are the most common stress points in otherwise healthy relationships.

    On a legal note: do you live in a state that recognizes common law marriages? You should both be aware of how this might affect your rights and responsibilities down the road.

    ETA: I am in the go ahead and fart camp. He needs to know you are human. It will come in handy when he is disappointed in you for some reason or other down the line.
  • khall86790
    khall86790 Posts: 1,100 Member
    Make sure you both make time for other people, separately. It can become a slippery slope if you let it.
    Other than that, enjoy. Because it's great. It's like sex on tap, whenever you want it. And generally you can split cooking and cleaning so when you feel lazy you can convince him to do it and vice versa. It's better than living alone.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    Keep money separate, I'm married and we keep the money mostly separate. I have my own account, he has his, and then we have a third we dump things into for bills and crap, but it's in his name.

    I keep my farts and bathroom activities to myself, and so does he. Picturing him taking a crap doesn't exactly get me going and I presume the same is true of him. I like to keep it sexy; crapping isn't sexy.

    Don't go to bed mad. I have a hard time with this, as my response to arguments is "^&% you and your *&^@" followed by slamming and locking doors, but he's proven to be a patient man who will hang out outside of the bedroom long enough to explain that I can't stay in the bedroom all night so I might as well come out and be a big girl and talk it out.

    Divide chores. I don't clean bathrooms so instead I clean the kitchen. He can't cook, so instead he keeps the living room straightened.

    Be reasonable; living together is hard and after a while little things will drive you nuts but don't let it. Little things can break you, but they don't have to. I mean, so he never puts his uniform in the hamper: It's annoying but I always leave the cupboards open. It's annoying, but it's not gonna be the end of the world. Huff and puff if you need to, but get it out and let it go.
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
    Don't drop not-so-subtle hints every birthday, christmas, kwanzaa, flag day, valentines day, D Day, labor day, cinco de mayo, memorial day, earth day, groundhog day, halloween, leif erikson day, rosh hashana, guy fawkes day, and yom kippur about an engagement ring. If he is ready he will propose.

    Separate bank accounts.

    Make sure he has a job first.

    Never rent-to-own furniture or appliances. Use milk crates if you have to.

    Make sure you don't move next door to 1ConcreteGirl... or Urkel... or just_fur_luck.

    Excellent advice, though I would make sure you both have jobs and note that cardboard boxes also make acceptable furniture. As do hand-me-down pieces. Personally...I would move somewhere by myself or with a platonic friend, just to figure out who and what you are. I think people miss some growing up going straight from their parents home to a home with a significant other.
  • emaren
    emaren Posts: 934 Member
    You may not like this.....

    I think that you are too young.

    Actually, I think that you are crazy going from home to living with a guy.

    You need to see the world, date voraciously, educate yourself, experience everything that you can think of and then some.

    In maybe ten years you will have a firm grip on your likes, wants, needs and you will then be in a position to start finding a permanent man and have babies of that is what you decide.

    Moving straight from home to domesticated bliss ?

    **shudder**

    If you are determined to do it, regardless......

    1) Split the bills.
    2) Keep your finances separate.
    3) Do not get into debt.
    4) AT ALL
    5) No pets yet
    6) Divide the chores
    7) Set the ground rules
    - Do you mind hims having his buddies over to play X-Box ?
    - Every night ?
    - While smoking pot ?
    8) Will he mind if you invite your girl friends over
    9) Make a promise of weekly date nights - say Friday - just the two of you
    10) Is your TV watching reasonably compatible
    - Can you sit through endless football ?
    - Or Basketball
    - or Baseball

    There are many more examples, but the main ones are that you have ground rules, you split the bills and the chores and you avoid debt.
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
    Steer clear of the midwest. They get a little uptight when black women start stealing all their white men.

    Hey! I live in the midwest, and I'd be perfectly happy for a black woman to steal me. Alas, I've met all 7 of the black women in Minnesota and there was no chemistry.

    It will be hard to compete with Prince up there.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    You may not like this.....

    I think that you are too young.

    Actually, I think that you are crazy going from home to living with a guy.

    You need to see the world, date voraciously, educate yourself, experience everything that you can think of and then some.

    In maybe ten years you will have a firm grip on your likes, wants, needs and you will then be in a position to start finding a permanent man and have babies of that is what you decide.

    Moving straight from home to domesticated bliss ?

    **shudder**

    I agree but best of luck to you.

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