there's just some things you shouldnt say to a new mom

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SarahKJ0704
SarahKJ0704 Posts: 25
in Motivation and Support
I just need to vent and get this out so I don't go to sleep upset tonight. I'm a mom of 2, one of which I had just 5 days ago. I was struggling with my weight before becoming pregnant, wanting to lose about 80 pounds. Well I weighed myself today and was actually proud to look at the scale noticing Im only 5 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight. Still have the 80 to go for my original goal but still happy that after 5 days I'be lost almost all my baby weight. Well watching TV with my husband we see an actress on TV which I'm not striving to look like but I said something about her being pretty but not as good as a lot of people say she looks and my husband says well she has a really nice body. Really? Not something I want to hear especially right after giving birth. Needless to say I went to my room and cried and haven't been saying much to him after. I told him how I feel much of anything.idk I'm probably over reacting from horomones and what not but just needed to get this off.my chest before I drive myself crazy.
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Replies

  • rosemaryhon
    rosemaryhon Posts: 507 Member
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    I just need to vent and get this out so I don't go to sleep upset tonight. I'm a mom of 2, one of which I had just 5 days ago. I was struggling with my weight before becoming pregnant, wanting to lose about 80 pounds. Well I weighed myself today and was actually proud to look at the scale noticing Im only 5 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight. Still have the 80 to go for my original goal but still happy that after 5 days I'be lost almost all my baby weight. Well watching TV with my husband we see an actress on TV which I'm not striving to look like but I said something about her being pretty but not as good as a lot of people say she looks and my husband says well she has a really nice body. Really? Not something I want to hear especially right after giving birth. Needless to say I went to my room and cried and haven't been saying much to him after. I told him how I feel much of anything.idk I'm probably over reacting from horomones and what not but just needed to get this off.my chest before I drive myself crazy.


    Aww, I'm sure many of us mom's understand ;)

    Congrats on your new baby and on so quickly being near your pre-pregnancy weight and best to you on getting in to better shape!
  • auburnlady78
    auburnlady78 Posts: 93 Member
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    I have been where your at word of advice tell hubby how he made you feel.Truth is men are not mind reader's and they often don't think before they speak. He may have not meant it to hurt you,but he needs to know how it made you feel. Trust me if you don't tell him it will eat at you and then you will start to wonder what is he thinking every time he sees a nice looking lady.

    Good luck.. :)
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,143 Member
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    I think you might be right about the hormones. :) Don't let that get to you....I think he was just making an innocent comment and not trying to be insensitive.

    You will have the body you want again. There will always be other women who are going to look better than me or you. But your husband's not married to any of them. ;)
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
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    You'll be back to your pre-pregnancy weight/body in no time, heck you'll look even better than before. I'm sure he ment no harm with that comment. Speak to him about it so he knows how you feel, you'll feel better too. You can't ignore someone and expect them to understand why you are doing so.
  • ddky
    ddky Posts: 381 Member
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    I think you are right about the hormones. You husband just gave you an honest opinion. He didn't say anything about your weight and probably had no idea why you were upset. But you just had a baby and he will have to realize that you will be emotional for awhile. Congratulations on the new baby and it is fantastic that you are already only 5 pounds from pre-pregnancy.
  • MzManiak
    MzManiak Posts: 1,361 Member
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    Aw, I understand. But you are over-reacting. lol I say stuff about other guys all the time. Especially if they diss a guy I find attractive. Doesn't mean I find my man any less attractive. I'm sure he only said something because you did. He still loves you girl!

    Also want to add... be careful doing sit-ups and stuff until after your 6 week check up. Getting back into exercising too soon can cause diastasis. Good luck!

    ETA: spelling correction! :tongue:
  • SarahBeth0625
    SarahBeth0625 Posts: 685 Member
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    I'm sorry! It's sooo tough in the early postpartum days as you feel extra critical of your own body and as if there is a long way to go. It sounds like you're well on your way. You'll get there! I am sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings but you could certainly bring it up. I bet he would feel bad if he knew how much his words hurt you. Hugs!!
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Congrats on your new baby and WTG on listing the baby weight so quickly! Is your husband often mean to you? Clueless? It sounds like he was just commenting on the actress, and you - in your post pregnancy state were somewhat over hormonal. Hope that is all. Tell him how you feel.
  • SarahKJ0704
    SarahKJ0704 Posts: 25
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    Thanks for all the replies. I told him how I feel and he just got kind of mad and said he doesn't want me to look like a super model. No he's not usually mean to me, clueless yes sometimes lol he's a man and doesn't think before he talks.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    I just need to vent and get this out so I don't go to sleep upset tonight. I'm a mom of 2, one of which I had just 5 days ago. I was struggling with my weight before becoming pregnant, wanting to lose about 80 pounds. Well I weighed myself today and was actually proud to look at the scale noticing Im only 5 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight. Still have the 80 to go for my original goal but still happy that after 5 days I'be lost almost all my baby weight. Well watching TV with my husband we see an actress on TV which I'm not striving to look like but I said something about her being pretty but not as good as a lot of people say she looks and my husband says well she has a really nice body. Really? Not something I want to hear especially right after giving birth. Needless to say I went to my room and cried and haven't been saying much to him after. I told him how I feel much of anything.idk I'm probably over reacting from horomones and what not but just needed to get this off.my chest before I drive myself crazy.

    In this case, you are just emotional because of the trauma your body just went through and your hormonal balances. What he said really wasn't that bad, so just cut him a bit of slack. :flowerforyou:

    And I am sure you look beautiful.
  • kelsully
    kelsully Posts: 1,008 Member
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    I just need to vent and get this out so I don't go to sleep upset tonight. I'm a mom of 2, one of which I had just 5 days ago. I was struggling with my weight before becoming pregnant, wanting to lose about 80 pounds. Well I weighed myself today and was actually proud to look at the scale noticing Im only 5 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight. Still have the 80 to go for my original goal but still happy that after 5 days I'be lost almost all my baby weight. Well watching TV with my husband we see an actress on TV which I'm not striving to look like but I said something about her being pretty but not as good as a lot of people say she looks and my husband says well she has a really nice body. Really? Not something I want to hear especially right after giving birth. Needless to say I went to my room and cried and haven't been saying much to him after. I told him how I feel much of anything.idk I'm probably over reacting from horomones and what not but just needed to get this off.my chest before I drive myself crazy.


    Let the guy off the hook. You opened the door by saying your thoughts on her appearance. Her having a nice body has nothing to do with your body or what he thinks of it.

    He has had some big changes in his life too the last few days.

    I have totally experienced big hormonal swings from pregnancy and serious hormonal issues and I know there are times I react strongly to things...I even know it when it is happening but that does not make it fair.
  • marathon64
    marathon64 Posts: 378 Member
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    Here's what I have learned. WHen I'm at a place where I feel good about myself it's a lot easier to ignore stupid comments like that. Just hang in there you are a new Mom! It's hard to love our bodies when we just had a baby no matter what our goal weight. Cut yourself and your husband some slack. When you get over the hurt try to tell him something you love about him and hope he has the sense to return the favor. You deserve to hear it every day but unfortunately some guys don't get it.
  • athenasurrenders
    athenasurrenders Posts: 278 Member
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    Yeh it does sound like hormones sweetie. Does he know that you're already within 5lbs of pre-pregnancy weight? If not, tell him, and also tell him that's a big deal and you did well, so he knows to cheer!

    Five days after having my baby I was crying about half of the time I was awake - I cried because the soda in the fridge wasn't cold yet, because I couldn't decide what to have for dinner, because I had just got comfortable and then realised I needed the bathroom - anything that happens within the first two weeks of birth is fair game for emotional reactions.
  • agirlscamaro
    agirlscamaro Posts: 175 Member
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    I would point out nice looking buff guys on TV but that might not bother him.

    I'm not much help. My husband and I do stuff like this all the time and it doesn't bother us but i'm not a new mom or a mom period.
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    I'm not a mom, but that does sound like a hormonal reaction. I think he was trying to say that the actress is foolish for saying she's not as pretty as everyone tells her that she is. Women in general tend to downplay just out beautiful we really are. Just because she's pretty, doesn't mean you're not. Of course you're gorgeous! How do you think that beautiful baby came into this world?

    Congrats to getting close to your pre-pregnancy weight! i hope things go smoothly for you as you work toward your goal weight. :flowerforyou:
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    I feel a bit sorry for your husband. I read these words...
    I said something about her being pretty but not as good as a lot of people say she looks

    ... immediately thought, "It's a trap!" :laugh:

    I understand being sensitive and emotional, but really... you placed a land mine right in front of him. Nothing he said at that point would have been good. Heck, I know some women who'd say something like that, and even if the guy said, "I agree. She's overrated," they would have thought, "Hrrmph. If he thinks SHE'S not all that, what does he think of ME?!"

    He's with you. He loves you. He's obviously very attracted to you, or you wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place. Relax and enjoy your new baby.
  • juliegrey1
    juliegrey1 Posts: 202 Member
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    Congrats on your baby!!!5 days old wow I wish I was there again my oldest is 21 and youngest 9! Your husband didnt mean anything and you are sensitive right now,enjoy your baby and dont put yourself under pressure!once again congrats!!!!:flowerforyou:
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    When your hormones settle down a bit you should come back and read this. I think you overreacted just a teensy bit. :-)

    Now, if he had said, "I wish you looked more like her," I'd say a swift kick in the 'nads was in order. But unless there's a lot more to this story, I don't think he said anything wrong.

    And great job being so close to pre-pregnancy weight!
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    Congrats on your new baby! I agree it sounds like a hormonal meltdown and you're absolutely projecting your feelings about yourself.

    Give the poor guy a break, he's got a new baby in the house too, he might be tired, he could be stressed, he's just a human being and not a machine on high alert for everything that might make you upset right now.
  • DaughterOfTheMostHighKing
    DaughterOfTheMostHighKing Posts: 1,436 Member
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    being that you're so young, I assume that your husband is just as young? men don't mature as quickly as women do... he's just being a man who hasn't matured enough to know better... talk about it when you're both calm and ready to talk... he needs to understand that you have feelings and if he loves you he needs to show it with words and actions. thoughts count too cause they turn into actions or words...

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