One year and nearly 85 lbs lighter! *pics*

One year and nearly 85 lbs lighter!
**Originally posted in my blog**

My entire life I have always been the token “big girl”. I tried dieting, more times than I can even remember, but always failed. I allowed myself to believe that I was always going to be the big girl, it was in my genes. One year ago today, I woke up and was 316 lbs. I was morbidly obese, miserable, and missing out on so many things in life. I beat cancer but was choosing to kill myself with my weight. That day I decided enough is enough. After the numerous failed attempts at dieting/exercise I decided that I would only tell a small handful of people what I was doing so if I failed I wouldn’t have to face as many people. So, I started the journey …


I decided that if I was going to succeed I had to have a plan that was realistic. All the diets I had been on in the past restricted foods (low carb, low sugar, no sugar, low fat, no fast food, etc) and I always ended up failing. I know that I am going to eat birthday cake, enjoy Thanksgiving dinner, and eat Whataburger that is life. I can have those foods I enjoy, just in moderation. In this past year I have filled my brain with so much information on healthy eating and food, from documentaries to books. My meals are balanced; lean proteins, lots of veggies, whole grains. I eat every 3 hours (5 meals a day) so I am never hungry and needing to binge. I enjoy a piece of pie from time to time, fast food on occasion. I don’t even feel like I am dieting. There is nothing that I cannot have and that is liberating. Now, I CHOOSE to not have the less than healthy choices as often because I love how I am looking and feeling. Trainer Chris Powell once said that it is not about just transforming your body, it is also about transforming your mind. I am letting go of my past failures, forgiving myself, and healing my body as well as my mind. Once you mentally commit to the journey you are already half way there.


In addition to the healthier eating I started exercise. I was mortified of going to the gym at 316 lbs. What would people think of me? Would I get laughed at? My fiance reminded me that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, that I am there and I am doing something about my health. I was there for me, not anyone else. It was hard to wrap my head around that, I won’t lie. I joined a gym and found out I actually liked it. I became obsessed with spin classes and cycling. I loved the challenge. It wasn’t me against other people; it was me challenging myself with each turn or each hill. If I didn’t get a good burn, that was all on me. If I could barely walk afterwards, that was all on me too. One month I logged over 100 miles on my road bike and loved every mile of it. I also did water aerobics. It was a great all around workout for me and especially easy on my body at the beginning. The oldest daughter and I took Zumba together and Pilates. I am so NOT coordinated but it didn’t matter, I was moving and I was SHOWING my daughter that you don’t have to be resigned to what/who you are now. YOU can change. I stopped competing against others and realized the only competition I have is the woman in the mirror. Even later in my journey, with illness, I kept moving. It may have only been 30 min walks, lifting my kettle bell, etc but I was still moving.


A year later I am down almost 85 lbs and I am feeling empowered. The physical difference is mind blowing. I look at my before pictures and my current and it is amazing that is me, in both pics. Shedding the weight is literally like a rebirth. It’s truly cathartic. The best part is, I don’t feel like I am doing anything out of the ordinary. I eat well, I exercise, and I still enjoy the things I choose to. I am more than half way to my goal (150 lbs lost)! Next year I celebrate 10 years cancer free and I plan to do so on the beach, in a bikini for the first time ever in my life. I have no doubt I will reach my goal. I finally figured it out. It is not about being destination happy but journey happy. It is about living. It all comes down to this:
You won’t be successful at losing weight until you get over the idea of fast. STOP looking for quick fixes, STOP putting harmful chemicals in your body, STOP buying unnecessary pills, STOP starving yourself. Eat clean, do cardio, strength train, and have patience. Above all, TRUST THE PROCESS! You will get there.


Special thanks to Kyle for his unfaltering love and support through this past year. This past year he has become my cheerleader, my trainer, and my nutritionist all while continuing to be my best friend and an amazing fiance and Daddy. He really is my rock. When I was sore, bleeding, drained he reminded me that losing weight is hard, maintaining weight is hard, staying fit is hard – choose your hard. I always chose losing weight. I really am lucky! Thank you baby. I love you.


Also, thanks to the girls in my Fit to Fab message board. Can't forget trainer Chris Powell. It is amazing the impact someone you have never met can have on your life. I respect his process, his way with people. Some of the things he has said really are simply powerful.


So, why post this now - a year later? I chose to post this because I don’t fear failing. Failing is acceptable, it is life. Even the biggest failure beats the hell out of never trying. I don’t fear the pain, it is temporary. I don’t fear being defeated (from my own demons or those in this world) because I am only defeated when *I* quit. The only person who can tell me that I can’t do this (or anything) is MYSELF and I choose to not listen to that person anymore. I am proud of where I have come this past year. Life didn’t get easier, I just got stronger.

Below are my before (316 lbs) and in progress (235 lbs). I am more than half way to my goal. Next set of progress pics I must try to do something with my hair! LOL