Does anyone's partner have a problem with your weight loss?
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My partner doesn't have a problem with my weight loss but her husband certainly does. He hasn't caught on to us yet and I'm fairly certain he's beginning to suspect something. My abs are getting more visible and I'm more inclined to walk around the house with my shirt off and his wife, my partner, Diane is checking me out a bit more obviously than usual. He let move in there a few months and I think I might have to move out as I don't want to ruin things with Diane.
REALLY?! OMG! IF YOU ONLY KNEW!! This is ACTUALLY going on in my world right now!!! A “friend” of mine has let her boyfriend move in with her and her husband because he has nowhere to go. (poor lil poppet—get a freaken job) Anyway-me being the person I am, I am of course going to let the husband in on the secret. (SHE KNOWS THIS!!! SHE HAS TO!!) I FIRMLY believe if you are not happy and are even thinking about cheating—leave, get divorced. You might wonder if I am worried about loosing this friend, but do I really want a friend who would cheat on her husband and have her boyfriend move in and mooch off him????? HE
um NOOO. The only thing I am pondering is should I tell her that I am about to let her hubby in on her little secret? The compassionate part of me says yes (very very tiny part of me I might add) The rest of me says NOOOO. :laugh: (wow aren’t you glad you aren’t my friend?)
And my hubby is glad I am getting healthy. He doesn't care what I weigh as long as I am happy.0 -
REALLY?! OMG! IF YOU ONLY KNEW!! This is ACTUALLY going on in my world right now!!! A “friend” of mine has let her boyfriend move in with her and her husband because he has nowhere to go. (poor lil poppet—get a freaken job) Anyway-me being the person I am, I am of course going to let the husband in on the secret. (SHE KNOWS THIS!!! SHE HAS TO!!) I FIRMLY believe if you are not happy and are even thinking about cheating—leave, get divorced. You might wonder if I am worried about loosing this friend, but do I really want a friend who would cheat on her husband and have her boyfriend move in and mooch off him????? HE
um NOOO. The only thing I am pondering is should I tell her that I am about to let her hubby in on her little secret? The compassionate part of me says yes (very very tiny part of me I might add) The rest of me says NOOOO. :laugh: (wow aren’t you glad you aren’t my friend?)
And my hubby is glad I am getting healthy. He doesn't care what I weigh as long as I am happy.
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Wow. OK, so yes, it's kinda crazy that your friend has moved her boyfriend in, and it's outrageous that it even happened. The husband will not appreciate you stomping in with your size 9's and telling him. Give the friend an ultimatum. Tell your husband within a week, or THEN I will do it for you.0 -
My partner doesn't have a problem with my weight loss but her husband certainly does. He hasn't caught on to us yet and I'm fairly certain he's beginning to suspect something. My abs are getting more visible and I'm more inclined to walk around the house with my shirt off and his wife, my partner, Diane is checking me out a bit more obviously than usual. He let move in there a few months and I think I might have to move out as I don't want to ruin things with Diane.
REALLY?! OMG! IF YOU ONLY KNEW!! This is ACTUALLY going on in my world right now!!! A “friend” of mine has let her boyfriend move in with her and her husband because he has nowhere to go. (poor lil poppet—get a freaken job) Anyway-me being the person I am, I am of course going to let the husband in on the secret. (SHE KNOWS THIS!!! SHE HAS TO!!) I FIRMLY believe if you are not happy and are even thinking about cheating—leave, get divorced. You might wonder if I am worried about loosing this friend, but do I really want a friend who would cheat on her husband and have her boyfriend move in and mooch off him????? HE
um NOOO. The only thing I am pondering is should I tell her that I am about to let her hubby in on her little secret? The compassionate part of me says yes (very very tiny part of me I might add) The rest of me says NOOOO. :laugh: (wow aren’t you glad you aren’t my friend?)
And my hubby is glad I am getting healthy. He doesn't care what I weigh as long as I am happy.
Why are you so unsupportive? Why are you trying to sabotage your friend's relationships and her boyfriend's weight loss?
What happened to you in your life that made you so mean?0 -
Hey I actually like that idea. I do feel sorry for the husband and really do not think he has a clue! I am not trying to say that someone who starts a relationship with someone while in another relationship are bad people, it can happen, and there are reasons in every situation. Just saying in this one I think my friend is WRONG and her husband should know. opps that was supposed to be in response to the OP's quote. Kinda new to this and hit reply instead of quote.0
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My partner doesn't have a problem with my weight loss but her husband certainly does. He hasn't caught on to us yet and I'm fairly certain he's beginning to suspect something. My abs are getting more visible and I'm more inclined to walk around the house with my shirt off and his wife, my partner, Diane is checking me out a bit more obviously than usual. He let move in there a few months and I think I might have to move out as I don't want to ruin things with Diane.
REALLY?! OMG! IF YOU ONLY KNEW!! This is ACTUALLY going on in my world right now!!! A “friend” of mine has let her boyfriend move in with her and her husband because he has nowhere to go. (poor lil poppet—get a freaken job) Anyway-me being the person I am, I am of course going to let the husband in on the secret. (SHE KNOWS THIS!!! SHE HAS TO!!) I FIRMLY believe if you are not happy and are even thinking about cheating—leave, get divorced. You might wonder if I am worried about loosing this friend, but do I really want a friend who would cheat on her husband and have her boyfriend move in and mooch off him????? HE
um NOOO. The only thing I am pondering is should I tell her that I am about to let her hubby in on her little secret? The compassionate part of me says yes (very very tiny part of me I might add) The rest of me says NOOOO. :laugh: (wow aren’t you glad you aren’t my friend?)
And my hubby is glad I am getting healthy. He doesn't care what I weigh as long as I am happy.
Why are you so unsupportive? Why are you trying to sabotage your friend's relationships and her boyfriend's weight loss?
What happened to you in your life that made you so mean?
I guess I am just a mean person. *shoulder shrug* Maybe I need help.0 -
Whenever change happens, one or another in a partnership may have trouble with releasing the status quo. She may be feeling her own anxiety that she was unable to keep up with the change herself.
Many times, even the spouses of alcoholics cannot handle it when the drinking stops. And let's face it, being overweight can be unmanageable, but it's sometimes hard for everyone in a relationship to let go of the unmanageability.0 -
It's clearly sabotage!0
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My husband has been trying and trying to get in shape along with me, but while I've been smooth sailing for over 2 years, he's fallen off the wagon over and over again. I think he just feels really disappointed in himself and so I'm assuming it's the same with your partner. My hubby also doesn't have the opportunity to work out like I do because of his work schedule (I am able to go to the gym on my lunch break and he's not and we work opposite hours so he can't go while he's off because he's with the kids). I'm sure it doesn't feel good to see someone else reaching their goals while you're not.
He has still been really supportive, congratulates me, etc. He has said that he doesn't really want me to get "bulky" which I'm sure will get lots of eye rolls! lol. But that's just the perpetual myth that ladies can get super bulky on accident. I told him not to worry!
Other than that, he lets me go for MY goals and not his preferences. 0 -
Firstly, starting any relationship while you are in another one will always lead to these issues. You can ten-fold that when one of you decides to get healthy and care about how you look.0
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My partner doesn't have a problem with my weight loss but her husband certainly does. He hasn't caught on to us yet and I'm fairly certain he's beginning to suspect something. My abs are getting more visible and I'm more inclined to walk around the house with my shirt off and his wife, my partner, Diane is checking me out a bit more obviously than usual. He let move in there a few months and I think I might have to move out as I don't want to ruin things with Diane.
Wow! That's ridiculous. If you're sleeping with a man's wife and living in his house you should probably have the common courtesy to walk around with your shirt on!
THIS!!!!!! Gross! :noway: I can't imagine being that kind of person! (and I'm not talking about walking around without your shirt)0 -
My husband, doesn't have a problem with it, nor does he acknowledg it .. I got over it quick, i need to do it for myslef even if no one else cares.. Although, he goes to the gym every day weither to work out or play BB and when he gets home he tells me "Check out my arms pretty huge huh"? Lol.. Im not the one to brag about things, but im happy with my weight loss.
Good Luck with your GF..:flowerforyou:0 -
OP, I agree that the problem is likely insecurity. Have a heart to heart with her, make sure she understands your motivations. I'm glad to say that my husband supports me in my efforts. He is only slightly overweight (see my profile pic!) But we've both been running, and he told me the other day that he's lost 10 lbs, so I'm happy for him! He doesn't say a whole lot to me about the whole process, but we are always comparing notes on running. I just wish we could run together, but we can't because he's so much faster than me!0
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Probably not the weightloss he has an issue with...just saying.
Anyways my husbands told me a couple nights ago that if I get to mygoal he probably wont be sexually interested in me anymore. I'm currently 255 and need to be at 160 to join the army which he approves of just not the weightloss needed to do it...that discouraged me but I figure he loved me at my worst and if he really loves me hell love me at my best.
Are you serious? What a smack in the face that must have been. I'm kind of speechless..... :frown:
Sadly very serious I have never been below 200#s at least not since middle school so neither he nor I know what ill look like and he likes his women with a little cushion, most likely because he is bigger too. Idk what I'm gonna do with him lol but I'm going to continue this journey and I know hell come around.0 -
I've had a partner who had a problem with my weight loss. That was a long time ago and things didn't work out. Being completely honest, even though I wouldn't have dumped him for gaining weight, I wasn't happy with his sedentary ways, so the "problem" was both of us, not just him.
I hope that you are able to reassure your partner, discuss it and resolve it, or stick it out until it resolves itself. The only solutions that I see are with your partner, not with people online.0 -
My husband made the off comment : "Now I'll actually have to worry about you finding another man."
Seriously....that comment kind of irked me, because not only have I always been incredibly faithful, but it was like he was saying I was too fat/ugly to get anyone else before losing any weight, and presumably I'm someone with little or no virtue, which sets me off even more.
^^^ Ugh, one of my exes kept talking like this. "Oh, I don't want you to lose weight, because then you're going to have all these really attractive guys hitting on you all the time," etc. Or "Well, I guess I'm going to have to start working out too, because I can't be this fat guy dating someone hot and skinny." He said it every time I mentioned wanting to get in better shape, as well as other things like wanting to work as a bartender, etc. It really wore me down. We were kinda on the outs though and eventually I just flat out told him that if I wanted to be with a different guy, I would go for him regardless of what I weighed, and that guys still hit on me even at my highest weight (around 100lbs overweight). If he couldn't trust me enough to let me get healthy, then things were not going to work out.
My current BF is very supportive and since he weighed himself on my new scale and found out he gained quite a bit in the past 7 months we've been together, it sounds like he's going to work on getting back in shape too.
ETA:
Sadly very serious I have never been below 200#s at least not since middle school so neither he nor I know what ill look like and he likes his women with a little cushion, most likely because he is bigger too. Idk what I'm gonna do with him lol but I'm going to continue this journey and I know hell come around.
^^^ The ex would say things like that too. Reminding me constantly that he liked all my extra curves and that he couldn't stand really thin girls (and actually, he had a very generous view of what thin was). I appreciated that he made me feel sexy at my highest weight, when my confidence wasn't always great, but seriously.. I just want to lose this extra person I've been carrying around for the past couple years. Hopefully he'll adjust his views on sexy and come around as you lose
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My partner doesn't have a problem with my weight loss but her husband certainly does. He hasn't caught on to us yet and I'm fairly certain he's beginning to suspect something. My abs are getting more visible and I'm more inclined to walk around the house with my shirt off and his wife, my partner, Diane is checking me out a bit more obviously than usual. He let move in there a few months and I think I might have to move out as I don't want to ruin things with Diane.
REALLY?! OMG! IF YOU ONLY KNEW!! This is ACTUALLY going on in my world right now!!! A “friend” of mine has let her boyfriend move in with her and her husband because he has nowhere to go. (poor lil poppet—get a freaken job) Anyway-me being the person I am, I am of course going to let the husband in on the secret. (SHE KNOWS THIS!!! SHE HAS TO!!) I FIRMLY believe if you are not happy and are even thinking about cheating—leave, get divorced. You might wonder if I am worried about loosing this friend, but do I really want a friend who would cheat on her husband and have her boyfriend move in and mooch off him????? HE
um NOOO. The only thing I am pondering is should I tell her that I am about to let her hubby in on her little secret? The compassionate part of me says yes (very very tiny part of me I might add) The rest of me says NOOOO. :laugh: (wow aren’t you glad you aren’t my friend?)
And my hubby is glad I am getting healthy. He doesn't care what I weigh as long as I am happy.
Why are you so unsupportive? Why are you trying to sabotage your friend's relationships and her boyfriend's weight loss?
What happened to you in your life that made you so mean?
I guess I am just a mean person. *shoulder shrug* Maybe I need help.
Nope, not mean. I'd give her an ultimatum to tell him before I did too. WTF kind of ridiculous crap is that having your boyfriend move in with you and your husband? If she's not happy, she can up and leave. (And to the person calling her unsupportive - put your shirt on and respect your "friend's" household and wife. The only ones sabotaging these relationships are the people who are cheating and mooching off of people. Glad I don't have friends like you. That's all I'm going to say...)
And OP: I'm sure your partner will come around. She just needs to realize that you're getting healthier for you, not so you can leave.0 -
My partner doesn't have a problem with my weight loss but her husband certainly does. He hasn't caught on to us yet and I'm fairly certain he's beginning to suspect something. My abs are getting more visible and I'm more inclined to walk around the house with my shirt off and his wife, my partner, Diane is checking me out a bit more obviously than usual. He let move in there a few months and I think I might have to move out as I don't want to ruin things with Diane.
REALLY?! OMG! IF YOU ONLY KNEW!! This is ACTUALLY going on in my world right now!!! A “friend” of mine has let her boyfriend move in with her and her husband because he has nowhere to go. (poor lil poppet—get a freaken job) Anyway-me being the person I am, I am of course going to let the husband in on the secret. (SHE KNOWS THIS!!! SHE HAS TO!!) I FIRMLY believe if you are not happy and are even thinking about cheating—leave, get divorced. You might wonder if I am worried about loosing this friend, but do I really want a friend who would cheat on her husband and have her boyfriend move in and mooch off him????? HE
um NOOO. The only thing I am pondering is should I tell her that I am about to let her hubby in on her little secret? The compassionate part of me says yes (very very tiny part of me I might add) The rest of me says NOOOO. :laugh: (wow aren’t you glad you aren’t my friend?)
And my hubby is glad I am getting healthy. He doesn't care what I weigh as long as I am happy.
I'd tell the husband without letting the friend find out. That way he's allowed to handle a few of the affairs before letting her in on the fact he knows (spending money from the joint account, getting evidence so she can't collect alimony, those kinds of things) because it sounds like she's a moocher too. Why not let the two lovies mooch together in a box?
I wouldn't give the ultimatum. She knew what she was doing when she brought him in.0 -
My gf isn't unsuportive. There was a period of.time where I was 121, and she was worried about me. Maybe it.seems weird but at 135 she would get worried because id have little fat on my thigh, and belly. My chest also shrunk. It was because I wasn't eating the ammount I should and had a sucky appitite( unstable mood= sucky appitite ). In my case she had reason to worry. Now? She just says she likes me as I am. I feel the same about her to so I get it. I just do my own thing, and made alowances for a size that makes us both happy.
Maybe she is worried about something. Talk to her about it. It could be that she doesn't think your gonna bugger off and leave but that she like you with a certain ammount of squish. Don't make your goal based on her but at the same time decide if you'd be happy with a little squish. Not a lot of course. If its not possible due to wanting to join the millitary then tell her so.0
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