Jeeeeeese give yourselves a break!

The problem is that there is *always* a special occasion, and your friends were probably very worried about "backsliding". I know I am after all the effort that I put in. If you "lived a little" every time someone else wanted you to it would put you right back where you started.

yes but my point was why bother coming??? It was a waste and there are starving people around the world!

Why bother coming? To enjoy the companionship of others, maybe? Sometimes it does feel like there are constant BBQs, birthday parties, holiday parties, special dinners, etc and indulging all the time is what got us in this situation in the first place. Yet you don't want to stay locked up in your house and never see friends and family just because you're trying to lose weight. I understand where you're annoyed, but give these people a tiny break.

I think once you've gotten into the routine of things it's great to start incorporating fun events where you can eat higher caloric foods in moderation. However, in the beginning first weeks some people really can't discern what is a special occasion and how often it should happen. In the beginning, you might celebrate getting a good grade with a favorite 1000 calorie meal from a restaurant or maybe eat to release stress after a long hard week, and as a beginner it might be difficult to see how quickly all of those small indulgences add up. I know that's how it was for me at least.

Generally I would advise dieters to take a look at their goals and determine how often and for what specific and worthwhile occasions you can officially take a cheat, and STICK to it. That's what's important - not straying from your goals because those little, less important "I deserve to cheat" or "I need to cheat" days REALLY do add up quickly. Maybe this a bit off track the point you made about etiquette but I thought it was worthwhile

Yes. Treating yourself once in a while is fine and I recommend it. It actually keeps you from getting crazy cravings for things you have decided you will never eat again. If you keep the portions reasonable, it's no big impact at all in a week. I figure one out of 21 meals is a bit over - not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

IMO they were not wrong to try and control their intake, but where they went wrong was whining and complaining about it. Nothing like ruining everyone's good time by being miserable and sharing your misery with those around you at a special event. I can see why you were irked.

I personally think it's ok to ask for advice on MFP forums about how to balance out special events and fit them into your new lifestyle. Someone just starting out or struggling to balance may need to handle a special event differently than those of us who have been at this awhile. It takes time to figure it out, and that's what we are here for, to support one another. I also think it depends on how often these "special events" come along and the magnitude of the event (a bbq with friends that you have once a month compared to a wedding, perhaps). Each of us needs to decide how to fit these things into our healthy lifestyle.

That said, if you are going to a special event and have decided you don't want to splurge, I advise you to keep your mouth shut about your decision, don't wear a long face and act all deprived! It is fairly simple to politely decline a treat with a "no, thank you. I am good for now." Or take it but only eat a little bit and quietly dispose of the rest. If it is a potluck or BYOB, bring something you know you can/will eat on your plan and help yourself to that. I have done these things with success and have gotten very few negative comments. Your relatives and friends for the most part are focused on having a good time, not monitoring your intake, if you don't make a big deal about it, chances are they won't even notice!

Just my 2 cents...

Ummmm! Wait a minute... A person should partake in foods you've prepared, even though those foods are not foods they are comfortable adding to their intake? I'm not on board with this thinking at all.

Do you expect alcoholics who've quit drinking to share your wine with you too?

As a host, when I'm expecting friends who have particular dietary needs, I try to make sure I include choices that fit within those needs, I've always thought that was what a good friend and host does.

I have friends who are vegetarians, vegans, pescetarians, diabetics, friends with celiac disease, recovering alcoholics, a family member with diverticulosis (Which can lead to diverticulitis), etc... If I'm hosting an event, I want to ensure that my loved ones who are attending will be comfortable and have food and drink options that fit their lifestyle needs and choices.

Agree competly!!!!i love treats and i can not stay on track over the weekends so i do my zumba calss every sat morning!following my TDEE -20% but i count weekly calories so over the week o eat 1500-1600 and weekends 2200 each day....finally i eat 12000 a week thats what i need ad if i go over coz i had a bday or so i just do a bit more cardio next week....done!!!
Enjoy life people!!!if u r helthy 80%of the time and do some exercice thats what all about, i am fed up aswell of people looking for perfection and getting to addicts so super strict routines and eating......

Ummmm! Wait a minute... A person should partake in foods you've prepared, even though those foods are not foods they are comfortable adding to their intake? I'm not on board with this thinking at all.

Do you expect alcoholics who've quit drinking to share your wine with you too?

As a host, when I'm expecting friends who have particular dietary needs, I try to make sure I include choices that fit within those needs, I've always thought that was what a good friend and host does.

I have friends who are vegetarians, vegans, pescetarians, diabetics, friends with celiac disease, recovering alcoholics, a family member with diverticulosis (Which can lead to diverticulitis), etc... If I'm hosting an event, I want to ensure that my loved ones who are attending will be comfortable and have food and drink options that fit their lifestyle needs and choices.

It sounds like she told them exactly what was going on, they made no special requests, waited til the BBQ (you know what you're eating at a BBQ unless you don't have a working brain), complained that they were on a diet and couldn't eat. She said if she'd known it was going to be a big problem, she would have just preferred to go to the pub as a group instead. She spent her money on the food, time on the preparation, sent the invites, the friends showed up and whined. I hate people like that. If I were the OP, I'd consider finding smarter/better friends.

The only thing they did wrong was complaining about their diet. Seriously. Unless you're a plate creeper (watch what everyone else eats which is just weird) most people would not have even known who ate what unless they started the "Woe is me, I'm on a diet so cannot eat all the fab food!" routine. Long ago I learned other people usually do not give a damn that I'm on a diet. The smart thing to do is quietly eat what you can fit in and enjoy the company.

To the OP, some of us really can't just eat what we want for special occasions. Once the floodgates are opened it's possible to undo a week or more's worth of work. :blushing:

I would have been irked too because they still drank beer.

Amen! Enjoy yourself and strive to a healthier lifestyle that you won't burn yourself out over in 3 months! If I want to eat at an all you can eat pizza buffet.....by George I will and I will enjoy it!