controlling partners.

2»

Replies

  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    ...on the other hand, i'm quite content to have the right guy control pretty much every aspect of my life.

    I think a lot of people don't understand this concept. For instance, I ask my fiance before I buy something. I ask him before I go somewhere. I ask him if I can do a lot of things and lots of people think that it's because he's controlling. What they don't consider is 1.) that it's not "Can I go out with my friend on Friday?" it's, "I'm going out with a friend Friday, is that okay?" I am not asking his permission, per se, I am double checking that we didn't have anything to do that day. It's not "Can I buy lunch?" it's, "I'm buying lunch, is that okay?" because I don't control the finances at all and I have no idea if we have money for that and 2.) he extends the same courtesy to me. We run things by each other. My mother hates that. She'll ask me something and I'll say "Let me run that by Nick" and she rolls her eyes. Or I'll tell her, well let me ask Nick if I have the money for that. She HATES that I "let him" have control of the finances, but fact is I have NO interest in doing that! We share our finances, but he controls them and it is one thing we never fight about! lol.
    sounds like my mother! she's finally quit trying to talk me into her POV now, thank zeus.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    Hate that Im answering this. :explode:
    I honestly only know of 1 guy that Id allow to do that to me.
    Its not the norm, I know, but what ever "it is" about him, I liked it that way.
    Here's what I found tho....
    No matter what I did it was never good enough
    He always remained a mystery
    I would have done anything to be w/him/He did not reciprocate those feelings
    All in All.. I will never know. That's what hurts the most.
    Would I persue him again. Yes. Im sick like that.

    You asked. :blushing:
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    Hate that Im answering this. :explode:
    I honestly only know of 1 guy that Id allow to do that to me.
    Its not the norm, I know, but what ever "it is" about him, I liked it that way.
    Here's what I found tho....
    No matter what I did it was never good enough
    He always remained a mystery
    I would have done anything to be w/him/He did not reciprocate those feelings
    All in All.. I will never know. That's what hurts the most.
    Would I persue him again. Yes. Im sick like that.

    You asked. :blushing:
    ouch! shall we blame it all on pheromones? some cruel trick of mother nature.

    it doesn't sound like much fun at all.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    Hate that Im answering this. :explode:
    I honestly only know of 1 guy that Id allow to do that to me.
    Its not the norm, I know, but what ever "it is" about him, I liked it that way.
    Here's what I found tho....
    No matter what I did it was never good enough
    He always remained a mystery
    I would have done anything to be w/him/He did not reciprocate those feelings
    All in All.. I will never know. That's what hurts the most.
    Would I persue him again. Yes. Im sick like that.

    You asked. :blushing:
    ouch! shall we blame it all on pheromones? some cruel trick of mother nature.

    it doesn't sound like much fun at all.

    No, Not really. :cry:
  • I had a really controlling friend she demanded all of my time and would get upset when she didn't have it or when I spent time with someone else.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,855 Member
    Am I controlling day to day. .naaaa. . I think controlling guys are tools. . Let your girl be who she is. .

    At night? . . .well. .
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Only okay during sexy time. If I allow it.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member

    At night? . . .well. .

    yes..? i'm listening...

    :blushing:
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    I had a really controlling friend she demanded all of my time and would get upset when she didn't have it or when I spent time with someone else.
    I only think about parents & partners when I imagine controlling relationships. It didn't even occur to me, until reading this thread, that adults would treat their friends this way too.
  • pcastagner
    pcastagner Posts: 1,606 Member
    Very disappointed, thought it would be a thread with tips on how to control partners.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    Very disappointed, thought it would be a thread with tips on how to control partners.
    shock collar.
  • MooMooooo
    MooMooooo Posts: 306 Member
    At first when I read the title I thought 'not me' and then I read the responses about friends being controlling.

    YES, I can relate to this as I had an abusive 'friendship' with a toxic woman at work.

    She was very skilled socially and extremely manipulative and managed to get right under my skin and she controlled me from within myself - it was really effing horrible in the end.

    The friendship started out amazingly, I had never had such a great friend. She helped me with everything and she was wise, funny and one of the best llisteners I have ever met. There were times when I felt such a bond with her that it brought tears to my eyes - not exaggerating.

    She controlled every part of my working life, in the end and she would say and do things to make me lose clients on purpose, if I was making more money than her during the month she would physically attack me - no *kitten*.

    She threatened to spread rumors to ruin my work environment and she did other things like buying me food if I said I was dieting, buying me gifts that I didn't want and then forcing me to do something for her in exchange for them.

    She topped it all off by trying to break up a new romance of mine.

    Once I had severed ties with this crazy one I contacted former workmates and told them what it had been like being friends with her - and no one believed me!

    Everyone defended her.

    She was amazing socially, second to none and she was utterly toxic, all the way to the core.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member

    Once I had severed ties with this crazy one I contacted former workmates and told them what it had been like being friends with her - and no one believed me!

    Everyone defended her.

    She was amazing socially, second to none and she was utterly toxic, all the way to the core.
    THIS I can totally relate to.

    After telling my family a particular ex had raped me after they broke up, they invited him to a family outing instead of me. I was always a ***** for breaking his heart. He was always perfect because he was so danm 'nice' socially.

    I live in hope he'll get gangrene of the todger one day. :smile:
  • wpbmommy1
    wpbmommy1 Posts: 58 Member
    been on both ends. 1st husband...loved a controlling woman. Wanted me to control every aspect of our lives. It was then I figured out I had a child and not a man. Way too much work for me. I need a man to think for himself. 2nd husband....tried to be controlling...um, no. I am a spouse, your equal, not a pet to drag around on a leash. So when I didn't obey his commands he locked himself up in the bedroom with a big butcher knife and bought himself a baker act and a divorce. Third relationship, 11 years, not married, happy, equal, couldn't ask for more!
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    been on both ends. 1st husband...loved a controlling woman. Wanted me to control every aspect of our lives. It was then I figured out I had a child and not a man. Way too much work for me. I need a man to think for himself. 2nd husband....tried to be controlling...um, no. I am a spouse, your equal, not a pet to drag around on a leash. So when I didn't obey his commands he locked himself up in the bedroom with a big butcher knife and bought himself a baker act and a divorce. Third relationship, 11 years, not married, happy, equal, couldn't ask for more!
    i had to google 'baker act'.

    scary stuff!
  • Otter1422
    Otter1422 Posts: 162 Member
    Likes to control, likes to be controlled there are all types and to each his own as for me I am a little of each and so is my wife so it works out.
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
    there's mopr than one type of control freak though. you get your bullies, emotional blackmailers, passive aggressives.
    in the past i've dated guys who tried those methods, failed, went completely insane. suicide, addection, assault, etc.
    these days, wouldn't stay one minute with a guy who even tried to undermine my self esteem or who threw tantrums.

    ...on the other hand, i'm quite content to have the right guy control pretty much every aspect of my life.

    Oh BAY-BEE
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
    At first when I read the title I thought 'not me' and then I read the responses about friends being controlling.

    YES, I can relate to this as I had an abusive 'friendship' with a toxic woman at work.

    She was very skilled socially and extremely manipulative and managed to get right under my skin and she controlled me from within myself - it was really effing horrible in the end.

    The friendship started out amazingly, I had never had such a great friend. She helped me with everything and she was wise, funny and one of the best llisteners I have ever met. There were times when I felt such a bond with her that it brought tears to my eyes - not exaggerating.

    She controlled every part of my working life, in the end and she would say and do things to make me lose clients on purpose, if I was making more money than her during the month she would physically attack me - no *kitten*.

    She threatened to spread rumors to ruin my work environment and she did other things like buying me food if I said I was dieting, buying me gifts that I didn't want and then forcing me to do something for her in exchange for them.

    She topped it all off by trying to break up a new romance of mine.

    Once I had severed ties with this crazy one I contacted former workmates and told them what it had been like being friends with her - and no one believed me!

    Everyone defended her.

    She was amazing socially, second to none and she was utterly toxic, all the way to the core.


    Sounds like the typical sociopath.