Machine Gun urge...

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AlbertSchwartz
AlbertSchwartz Posts: 810
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi, some of you may know that my wife left me almost 5 months ago...

Maybe my urge is from playing too much grand theft auto 4, but anyway, I feel the need too machine gun my ex...

Am I a psyco?
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  • AlbertSchwartz
    AlbertSchwartz Posts: 810
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    Hi, some of you may know that my wife left me almost 5 months ago...

    Maybe my urge is from playing too much grand theft auto 4, but anyway, I feel the need too machine gun my ex...

    Am I a psyco?
  • blondeheat
    blondeheat Posts: 254 Member
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    Sounds fairly normal as long as it stays in your head. Do you have to see either one regularly? That would certainly suck.
  • AlbertSchwartz
    AlbertSchwartz Posts: 810
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    No i don't have to see her and have only had recent contact which has been via email.

    I don't want to see her and am dreading bumping into her while she is out and she'll probably be with the guy she left me for. God my blood boils.

    Do you know whats more messed up... It's i realised the other day that all this hate i feel towards her is because i still love her, I hate her with a passion and love her with one too...

    Even more serious is that yesterday i found myself wishing she would come back to me...
  • Poison5119
    Poison5119 Posts: 1,460 Member
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    I know this may sound silly, but talking it through would do wonders for your emotional panorama. Splits are never easy - they need to be worked through. That way, when you do eventually bump in her, you may actually handle it with grace and mercy. Find someone you can meet with on a regular basis, someone unbiased, trustworthy, and patient. You will have a lot to talk about that may be repetitive, but only through repetition in the purging process will you heal from you dicouragement and heartache. In the meanwhile, I will pray for you to find healing for yourself so that you can move on and be the person you were meant to be.
  • LokiFae
    LokiFae Posts: 774 Member
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    You know it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them. This is still really really recent for you. Something a lot like this is happening to one of my very good friends right now. He was with a woman for 5 years and then out of the blue she decided she didn't want to feel tied down to him. They split up two months ago and she's already 6 weeks pregnant with another guy's baby. How's that for tied down?????

    My point in telling you that is, he got out just in time. Had they been together for just a little while longer, he could be the father of a child with a woman that didn't love him. He would have been miserable forever. Everything happens for a reason. Though it may seem like it sucks right now, there is a reason for it. There's someone out there who won't treat you like crap, and who will love you back. Just be patient.
  • jpketz
    jpketz Posts: 73
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    You can turn all that anger around and make it work for you, but not alone. Don't walk, run to find a support group, a therapist, some neutral party to help you deal with the very normal but potentially destructive anger you're obviously feeling.
  • AlbertSchwartz
    AlbertSchwartz Posts: 810
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    hmm... i feel like i changed the day she left... and don't think i'm as nice as i used to be and am no longer a christian,
  • KrisKabob
    KrisKabob Posts: 1,250 Member
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    AL!!!! My heart goes out to you! Please know that you can do so much better than your ex! And I second the idea of talking to somone. I always hated the idea of "therapy" but when I began to have serious coping issues with my mother-in-law I decided to start seeing someone and it really did the trick! The therapist allowed me to view my life in a different light. She taught me more about myself and my Mother-in-law which in turn saved our relationship.

    All I am saying is don't be embarrassed or annoyed with the idea that you might want to talk to a professional. It sounds like a pretty hard split between you two so having a PROFESSIONAL 3rd party opinion won't hurt. Who knows... you might learn more about yourself than anything!

    Good luck! And we are here if you need us! :flowerforyou:

    :heart: Kris
  • KrisKabob
    KrisKabob Posts: 1,250 Member
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    hmm... i feel like i changed the day she left... and don't think i'm as nice as i used to be and am no longer a christian,

    Al... don't question your faith because of your situation. Everything REALLY DOES happen for a reason! I know that is so silly to say but it does! Right now you are hurt, confused, disappointed, jealous, angry, etc., etc. BUT one day you will realize that you are so much better off without her! And it won't take loving someone else to realize that - just love yourself for who you are!

    Keep your chin up... you will get through tthis! :flowerforyou:
  • AlbertSchwartz
    AlbertSchwartz Posts: 810
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    You can turn all that anger around and make it work for you, but not alone. Don't walk, run to find a support group, a therapist, some neutral party to help you deal with the very normal but potentially destructive anger you're obviously feeling.

    or buy a machine gun? lol
  • AlbertSchwartz
    AlbertSchwartz Posts: 810
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    Kris, you get more beautiful with every picture up date...

    I'm not questioning my belief, I just don't believe like i said i'm a differant person...
  • laurenk182004
    laurenk182004 Posts: 1,882 Member
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    ok..no MACHINE GUNS AL!!! lol Hit the gym and have a punching bag session, you'll feel so much better. I'm sorry to hear all that has happened to you hun, but chin up, things will get better if u LET them. So put a smile on your handsome face and don't walk past any pawn shops...mmmkay? lol
  • TNTPete
    TNTPete Posts: 701 Member
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    You are upset and reasonably so, all of these emotions do eventually change. My ex left me while I was stationed in overseas on a remote so... I know how ya feel. Hate does take a while to leave, you then, miss her cause that's what you've known for some time, after a longer time you don't miss, then if you're lucky you forgive yourself and maybe even her. Doesn't seem that way right now so VENT, VENT, VENT :sad: :mad: :explode: :noway: and maybe find a support group that can help you through the tough times.

    In the end, give yourself time to heal because you deserve to be loved by someone who loves you back.

    I am sorry this happened to you, no one deserves it but --
  • eHarris
    eHarris Posts: 160
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    aww Al...I'm so sorry you feel so hurt! I can say from experience, being betrayed by someone you loved and trusted is awful! Basically you go through the five stages of Grief...

    1. Denial and Isolation
    2. Anger
    3. Bargaining
    4. Depression
    5. Acceptance

    Everyone deals with things differently but these stages are pretty much the same for everyone. And loosing a relationship that was such a big part of your life is like loosing that person you cared for so much. Getting past this will take time. Hell, I love my husband with all of my heart, we've been together for a little over five years, but I still think of my ex. My ex, who I supported financially and emotionally while he got over the hard drugs and partying. My ex who I lived with for over two years and treated like the light of my life. My ex...who ended our relationship...ganged up with our other two roommates and kicked me out of the house....then had the nerve to call me asking for money cause he couldn't afford the bills. My ex who swore his leaving me didn't have anything to do with our female roommate and ended up admitting that he slept with her.

    My point is this....you can't control how you feel for someone. It doesn't have an On/Off switch. You have to work through it the best you can and start trying to relive YOUR life. My heart goes out to you ...and if you ever need someone to vent to I'd be happy to give you my time! :heart:
  • AlbertSchwartz
    AlbertSchwartz Posts: 810
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    ok..no MACHINE GUNS AL!!! lol Hit the gym and have a punching bag session, you'll feel so much better. I'm sorry to hear all that has happened to you hun, but chin up, things will get better if u LET them. So put a smile on your handsome face and don't walk past any pawn shops...mmmkay? lol

    lol, i was thinking of getting a punch bag...
  • AlbertSchwartz
    AlbertSchwartz Posts: 810
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    You are upset and reasonably so, all of these emotions do eventually change. My ex left me while I was stationed in overseas on a remote so... I know how ya feel. Hate does take a while to leave, you then, miss her cause that's what you've known for some time, after a longer time you don't miss, then if you're lucky you forgive yourself and maybe even her. Doesn't seem that way right now so VENT, VENT, VENT :sad: :mad: :explode: :noway: and maybe find a support group that can help you through the tough times.

    In the end, give yourself time to heal because you deserve to be loved by someone who loves you back.

    I am sorry this happened to you, no one deserves it but --

    hhmmm... sonething that does concern me is that we were both deeply in love at one point and at some point along the way she lost feelings for me, how can i trust again? I don't think i can...
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
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    So... I dated a guy on and off for 7 years. I lived with him in Ct for 4 months before returning to pack my things and move there as he had proposed to me and I was willing to leave everything I'd ever known, and my family which I'm extremely close to, to be with him. I was home for 2 weeks wondering why after 1 week he stopped calling or answering my calls. I found out in a conversation with his mother that I "shouldn't call anymore. It's over and he has another girl living with him and she might be pregnant and don't call anymore" I literally thought about nothing more than suicide and just disappearing for months. Just drank and slept and sobbed... Until one day I woke up and decided everything really does happen for a reason! I was the heaviest I've ever been and started taking my frustrations out on the track walking as much a 6 miles a day and spending time taking care of myself, spending time with friends and contemplating where I wanted my life to go now. Looking back, and now married to my childhood sweetheart, I see ... everything really, really, does happen for a reason. The ex and I have talked several times since then and I'm not mad anymore. You'll find the same I'm sure. Someone who's better for you, a YOU that's better for you. And that in time you'll come to understand why it happened the way it did. :flowerforyou:
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
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    Oh.... and definitly no machine guns :wink: Karma's a b***h and what goes around comes around!
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
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    Al, as someone who has had the urge to machine gun my ex more than once I can tell you that eventually it goes away. I don't hate my ex anymore...actually I pity her. I went to face her one last time (had to do with finalizing divorce stuff) after not seeing her in person in 8 months. When she saw me her face blanched, and she started stammering over her words like a fool. I was distant and cold, and I could tell it killed her to see me healthy and looking cute (she even commented on how good I looked...I answered her with a nice curt 'thanks'.) When I looked at her growing stomach (she's pregnant by the guy she cheated with) and then looked at her she started crying. She tried to give me a hug but I rebuffed her, I don't need her for that anymore (just as she didn't need me apparently not so long ago).

    The best part is that I was able to walk away from her and get in my car with the best most beautiful woman I have ever known (that would be Manda...)

    Point being, yes, life sucks and so does she. But eventually things get so much better that you never would have believed how wonderful it could be. I am so much happier now than I ever was with her. And I pity her knowing that she will never have the joy that I have now.

    It gets better Albert, I promise.
  • kaiyacali
    kaiyacali Posts: 175
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    Al,

    Join a kick boxing class! That'll kick your behind! Actually, my dad always said, living well is the best revenge. I never really believe him till I went through my divorce.

    After all the hate and sadness, I found a fantastic man, ONCE I learned to let go. (BTW I will probably never forgive, but that's a different story)

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