"Obsession" Causing Problems
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marfhutch
Posts: 50 Member
Hi,
This is quite a hard problem to explain, but I really need some advice on it.
Basically, I have been using MFP for around 6 months on and off, but have really been focusing myself for the last month. I use my own weird version of calorie cycling to hit an average of my TDEE-20% (normally cals are varied but low during the week, and higher and varied at weekends, but average about 1700). I can only go to the gym during the week due to living arrangements, so normally squeeze 6 classes (ranging from circuits to barbell conditioning to spin) in the 4 days I can go to the gym. I haven't lost weight quickly (but I'm only trying to lose 10kg anyway so wasn't expecting miracles!), but have been feeling a lot more healthy in general.
However, this lifestyle is now starting to cause problems with friends (and sometimes family). Because I can only gym during the week, I make these days my 'healthy, low cal' days and I hate to miss them. Especially if I'm missing gym for a meal out with friends. Its at the point where I will find reasons that I can't go out so that I don't miss the gym. I also have started to pretend to some people I am eating more than I am because I am getting judgement from them.
The main problem is that I am now feeling cut off from the friendship group I have because I rarely have a day that I can meet up with them. Or I have days like today-they are going out for food and drinks, and I want to go but also go to the gym. I have cancelled one of my classes, but will still be too late for the 'food' part of the evening so am only going for drinks. This has still caused an issue with some of them who think I should be able to skip one day if needed.
Sorry for the ramble...I know I sound like a freak but really don't know who is right in this situation!
This is quite a hard problem to explain, but I really need some advice on it.
Basically, I have been using MFP for around 6 months on and off, but have really been focusing myself for the last month. I use my own weird version of calorie cycling to hit an average of my TDEE-20% (normally cals are varied but low during the week, and higher and varied at weekends, but average about 1700). I can only go to the gym during the week due to living arrangements, so normally squeeze 6 classes (ranging from circuits to barbell conditioning to spin) in the 4 days I can go to the gym. I haven't lost weight quickly (but I'm only trying to lose 10kg anyway so wasn't expecting miracles!), but have been feeling a lot more healthy in general.
However, this lifestyle is now starting to cause problems with friends (and sometimes family). Because I can only gym during the week, I make these days my 'healthy, low cal' days and I hate to miss them. Especially if I'm missing gym for a meal out with friends. Its at the point where I will find reasons that I can't go out so that I don't miss the gym. I also have started to pretend to some people I am eating more than I am because I am getting judgement from them.
The main problem is that I am now feeling cut off from the friendship group I have because I rarely have a day that I can meet up with them. Or I have days like today-they are going out for food and drinks, and I want to go but also go to the gym. I have cancelled one of my classes, but will still be too late for the 'food' part of the evening so am only going for drinks. This has still caused an issue with some of them who think I should be able to skip one day if needed.
Sorry for the ramble...I know I sound like a freak but really don't know who is right in this situation!
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Replies
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There is nothing wrong with putting your health first! Kudos for that! I have only recently started working out in the early morning so I have my evenings available. It gives me more family time and I hope my body will eventually adjust to the early workouts. Right now, I'm just tired!0
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why not shake it up and if you know your friends are going for a meal on day x make that your big intake day. routine and repetition in diet ie food eaten and intake along with the same training routine causes plateau enjoy life be considerate of your health and weight loss goal just dont let it dictate your life
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dont let your journey detach you from life. Go out and have fun with them sometimes! 0
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Have a look at this (very good website)
http://www.coachcalorie.com/social-pressures-of-a-fitness-lifestyle/
A lot of their resistance is probable from the fact that you are making that positive change and it highlights what they are doing is bad for them.0 -
Thanks for the replies-if I could get up early I would but I'm rubbish haha!Also thanks for the link, although I think my problem is slightly different in a way. Its not that they try to force me to eat unhealthily when I'm out, its more that I just don't have the time to go out! I thought going for drinks today would placate them but obviously not
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I see your problem: not only are you missing a workout, your consuming calories you normally wouldn't so you see social gatherings as a double-whammy. I assume you'd go out more if it was just the food and drinks--if you could get your workout in before tearing up the town.
The solution is simple: just do it. Stay up late the night before and get your workout in for the coming day. Wake up uber early. Either way, it's possible if you don't make excuses.
There is a park by my house that is lit all night and I sometimes have to go there to run at 1am. It's tough, no doubt. But sometimes it's easier than waking up at 4:30.
It's not like you'd be doing this every day. Just once a week or so to ensure you can go have sushi, wine, and flirt along with your dearest of dear friends.0 -
dont let your journey detach you from life. Go out and have fun with them sometimes!
This!
You can't cut your friends out of your life for fitness, unless that's what you really want to do. However, maybe suggest a walk, hike or something that is more active rather than a restaurant.0 -
True friends will understand and support you! I've had nothing but amazing support from my friends. Also keep in mind that temptations will always be a part of your life, so you need to learn to deal with them. It's hard trust me, but you need to do this for yourself.0
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I see your problem: not only are you missing a workout, your consuming calories you normally wouldn't so you see social gatherings as a double-whammy. I assume you'd go out more if it was just the food and drinks--if you could get your workout in before tearing up the town.
Exactly this! I already allow myself to relax at weekends as I find if I don't exercise, I'm also less motivated with my nutrition (hence the planned calorie cycling allowing for the weekend). So I feel like, if I miss a whole extra healthy day during the week I'm a complete failure! I might try the 'extra workout' tip though - although 4.30 am is never happening
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Why do you need to have a reason why you can't go out? You're a grown woman. Tell them you're going to the gym and end the discussion. I don't skip training sessions for anyone unless it's an emergency. I will rearrange my schedule for something special, but I'm not skipping a lifting day to go have drinks on a random weeknight. It can either wait till I"m done training, or they can do it without me. Doesn't matter to me either way.0
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Why not the flip the tables on your friends and invite them to take one of your classes with you instead of going out to eat? They may also get the fitness bug and then you're all hanging out together 4 nights a week doing gym happy hour.0
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You have to find a balance or find new friends that are at the gym like you....0
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why not shake it up and if you know your friends are going for a meal on day x make that your big intake day. routine and repetition in diet ie food eaten and intake along with the same training routine causes plateau enjoy life be considerate of your health and weight loss goal just dont let it dictate your life
This.Why not the flip the tables on your friends and invite them to take one of your classes with you instead of going out to eat? They may also get the fitness bug and then you're all hanging out together 4 nights a week doing gym happy hour.
And also this. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, especially if you miss your friends. You can find a happy medium somewhere.0 -
Have a look at this (very good website)
http://www.coachcalorie.com/social-pressures-of-a-fitness-lifestyle/
A lot of their resistance is probable from the fact that you are making that positive change and it highlights what they are doing is bad for them.
^^^Thank you for this...I needed to read it!0 -
You are right. Health first all the time. From your profile picture, I suspect the friends and family are envious. Going to the gym only during the week and eating like you want to eat is not "obsessive" or wrong in any way (unless its anorexia which you clearly do not have).0
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Nothing wrong with what you are doing, health is very important!
But if you feel like going to the gym really is crushing your ability to see friends and family during those days you could do a few gyms days in the comfort of your home to free up a lunch time There is always opportunity to make some changes to how you do things to maintain a healthy social life while creating a new healthy lifestyle for yourself.
I couldn't find time to go to the gym and even find it hard to get out for a run at lunch so I try to work out at home and walk as much as I can and hope that I will be able to go out for a lunch run each day as long as I can fit it in my schedule (I am a single mom so sometimes my schedule really sucks and makes fitting in fitness and good healthy homecooked meals hard)0 -
I plan my day so that I do not have to sacrifice my social life for my health and vice versa. It does take a bit of thinking in advance, but it isn't rocket science. If you want to eat more on weekends, plan your rest days for the week and take a morning run or do a lifting session on Saturday and Sunday. If you want to drink more, eat some protein-rich food earlier in the day and leave room for the alcohol in your caloric allowance. If your intake leaves you no room for a glass of wine, you need to rethink your intake.0
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Have a look at this (very good website)
http://www.coachcalorie.com/social-pressures-of-a-fitness-lifestyle/
A lot of their resistance is probable from the fact that you are making that positive change and it highlights what they are doing is bad for them.
This is actually what was happening with my friend group as I dropped significant weight. People also seem to want me to stay "familiar" to them and I am changing in positive ways. Thanks for posting this! It has been a weird adjustment but very enlightening.0 -
Weights before dates! I could care less if my friends or family give me crap because I choose to go to the gym vs going out with them. My health is way too important to me. A lot of people that don't enjoy this type of lifestyle simply do not understand. Now if I have plans to do something I train around it. Say i'm going dancing with the girls Saturday night, you bet your *kitten* I will train in the morning. It all about planning!!0
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I always feel that the day I call myself "recovered" from my ED will be the day I spend less than 80% of it thinking about food0
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