I lost my baby...

How do I start? I began to be serious about weight loss last April 17, 2013 even if I have been a member of MFP for months before that. I exercised a lot and ate healthy food. You know, the usual. Then within the week of May 21, 2013 I exercised harder than I ever have. I was also expecting my period to come at that time but after 1 week, my period didn't come.

I was to into getting fit that it slipped my mind. I was reminded by my app that I'm already 8 days delayed of my period. So I decided that I will take a pregnancy test the next day. Just a heads up, I'm not married but I have been with my partner for 8 years. We have been "loosely trying" to have a baby. Meaning we're not really planning it but if we're given a baby then we'll welcome him or her in the family with all the love we can give.

On the 9th day I bled and thought "Oh my period just started late I see..." I know all the women out there would understand. I regularly have my period every month but there are times that it really does come in late for schedule. I didn't feel any pain. I don't get cramps during my period so I really thought this was my period. That was May 29, 2013

Then on June 3, 2013, 5th day of what I thought was my period. While I was at work I started to feel abdominal cramps. I ignored it and went on with my work but the pain grew stronger than ever that I couldn't take it anymore. I keep on going to the washroom to change pads because I'm bleeding so heavily. I still kept on with my work whenever I come out of the washroom but my colleagues are starting to worry about me because they can see I'm in so much pain. Last trip to the washroom, big chunks of blood came out which really seem odd to me so being the nurse that I am, I put on a glove and checked it out.

There it was...at 2 weeks development...a round sac...I literally froze while holding it up and I didn't notice the continuous heavy bleeding that I have that soaked almost the whole of my lower scrubs. It made me sit down on the floor and one of my co-nurse got worried that it's taking me too long inside the washroom and opened it just to find me lying there already unconscious due to too much blood loss.

That last part right there was already his story. Of course that last thing I remembered was sitting down on the floor and looking at my miscarriaged baby. They brought me to the delivery room for a stat completion curettage and had to be on leave until June 20.

I admit I have been so depressed that my partner could not even cheer me up. He was devastated about it too but I can see him trying so hard not to be in the same situation as I am. Besides, one of us has to be strong. I am terrible when depressed. I EAT A LOT. I try so hard to stop myself but I really can't. I can't move around due to the operation as well so no exercise for me. That's the reason why I have been inconsistent with my logs lately and have been off-track.

I'm going through a lot right now but I'm slowly picking up. Tomorrow is my follow up with my OB and I'm going to check with her the things I'm allowed and not allowed to do.

For the groups I joined this June, sorry. I'll try to catch up. But right now, I need to fix myself...