I lost my baby...

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Replies

  • ced1389
    ced1389 Posts: 96 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I've gone through this as well but I cannot even imagine how traumatic it would be to find out the way you did. I'm thinking of you and hoping you can find peace of mind somewhere down the road. Take care of yourself, although it's very hard to believe that things will ever get better. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason.

    Hugs.
  • megalin9
    megalin9 Posts: 771 Member
    Hugs for you
  • chattertess
    chattertess Posts: 45 Member
    How awful :( take care of yourself - my thoughts go to you and your OH x
  • amitytwibell
    amitytwibell Posts: 12 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss, and I understand how you feel. I went to my first ultrasound on June 5 ( I was 10.5 weeks along) and the doctor was unable to find a heartbeat and told me I miscarrying. On Sunday I had severe cramping and lost a lot of blood and knew that I had lost my baby. We were devastated. I have just been telling myself that this was just not the baby that God, or nature, intended for my husband and I to have and there was nothing I could have done differently to change the outcome. Just remember that it was not your fault and you will be able to try again later. Take care of yourself so that your mind and body can heal, and, hopefully, next time will be different.
  • supermodelchic
    supermodelchic Posts: 550 Member
    Awww soryy honey, I to have had 2 misscarriages, 1st one was very similar, I was at work and the cramps started , bad ones, and the placenta ect came out into the toilet, the second one the baby died at 14 weeks, saw it during an ultrasound , then had a d n c. But iv'e also had 3 son's , so hang in there chin up, a lot of women deal with this, it will be okay..hugs
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
    You are the victim. There is no reason for you to feel guilty.You werent negligent and you couldnt have done anything to avoid what happened.

    I cannot relate to your loss, but I certainly can to your pain. It really hurts to read. This will stay with you, but what you do with it will determine who you grow to be.

    I hope you live a long and wonderfully fulfilled life.
  • NoelleS85
    NoelleS85 Posts: 89
    Oh I am so sorry for this :(( How absolutely terrible. Please do not apologize for ANYTHING. Focus on your life and your relationship, you need each other right now more than ever - don't worry about this site or about dieting if you don't feel like it now.
  • MrsJ1105
    MrsJ1105 Posts: 34 Member
    So sorry for you and your SO's loss (((hugs))). I will be praying for you guys. Take care of yourself.
  • johnglenn1973
    johnglenn1973 Posts: 274
    Sorry for your loss, you and your family are in my prayers.
  • TheCaren
    TheCaren Posts: 894 Member
    You have my deepest sympathy. As a medical professional, you know that sometimes medical issues exist that we have no control over. That is what happened to your baby. You didn't do this. You very likely couldn't have prevented it (I can't imagine how you could have) and eating healthy and working out didn't do it. I had a friend who jogged daily until she was six months pregnant.

    The good news is you have a body that's healthy enough to get pregnant! That's awesome. My best friend lost two babies each time (at 7-8 weeks) before having her two beautiful healthy children. We will never know why those other little ones didn't make it. All we can do is trust that in the absence of answers we just have to have faith that there is a reason we can't see.

    In the meanwhile, rest, give yourself permission to mourn, and then give yourself permission to move forward and be happy again. Sometimes that's the hardest part.
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
    Sorry for your loss, don't blame yourself i have had 6 miscarriages between my pregnancies it was nothing that I did. I know it's not what you want to hear but it's better that it happens now than have the baby go to term only to have something wrong. I feel your pain, I hope you feel better soon and are blessed with many healthy babies.
  • jamiesillimandunn
    jamiesillimandunn Posts: 270 Member
    I lost my first pregnancy at 8 weeks gestation I miscarriage for almost 2 weeks , back and forth to emergency rooms , in extreme pain and worry because I wanted the pregnancy to go full term but had my doubts it would last , finally after two weeks of bleeding and pain I miscarried ( like you in the bathroom) . I had twins in that pregnancy , I was aweful ! I know the feeling of loosing a pregnancy and the depression that follows as well , just know that a miscarriage results when their is a difficulty in the fetus ( not thriving or progressing ) or a cituation where the fetus was never attached to the placenta, which further down the road could have caused SERIOUS problems for both the mother and the fetus ! It DOES NOT mean there is ANYTHING wrong with you! Just that the pregnancy was not meant to be ....take the time to heal physically and emotionally in a healthy way ! Stay strong and focus on your goal of still maintaining a healthy lifestyle, it will benefit you even more your next pregnancy . I will tell you after my miscarriage I became pregnant three more times all healthy girls FULL TERM! Don't give up :)
  • ozziebound
    ozziebound Posts: 4 Member
    How do I start? I began to be serious about weight loss last April 17, 2013 even if I have been a member of MFP for months before that. I exercised a lot and ate healthy food. You know, the usual. Then within the week of May 21, 2013 I exercised harder than I ever have. I was also expecting my period to come at that time but after 1 week, my period didn't come.

    I was to into getting fit that it slipped my mind. I was reminded by my app that I'm already 8 days delayed of my period. So I decided that I will take a pregnancy test the next day. Just a heads up, I'm not married but I have been with my partner for 8 years. We have been "loosely trying" to have a baby. Meaning we're not really planning it but if we're given a baby then we'll welcome him or her in the family with all the love we can give.

    On the 9th day I bled and thought "Oh my period just started late I see..." I know all the women out there would understand. I regularly have my period every month but there are times that it really does come in late for schedule. I didn't feel any pain. I don't get cramps during my period so I really thought this was my period. That was May 29, 2013

    Then on June 3, 2013, 5th day of what I thought was my period. While I was at work I started to feel abdominal cramps. I ignored it and went on with my work but the pain grew stronger than ever that I couldn't take it anymore. I keep on going to the washroom to change pads because I'm bleeding so heavily. I still kept on with my work whenever I come out of the washroom but my colleagues are starting to worry about me because they can see I'm in so much pain. Last trip to the washroom, big chunks of blood came out which really seem odd to me so being the nurse that I am, I put on a glove and checked it out.

    There it was...at 2 weeks development...a round sac...I literally froze while holding it up and I didn't notice the continuous heavy bleeding that I have that soaked almost the whole of my lower scrubs. It made me sit down on the floor and one of my co-nurse got worried that it's taking me too long inside the washroom and opened it just to find me lying there already unconscious due to too much blood loss.

    That last part right there was already his story. Of course that last thing I remembered was sitting down on the floor and looking at my miscarriaged baby. They brought me to the delivery room for a stat completion curettage and had to be on leave until June 20.

    I admit I have been so depressed that my partner could not even cheer me up. He was devastated about it too but I can see him trying so hard not to be in the same situation as I am. Besides, one of us has to be strong. I am terrible when depressed. I EAT A LOT. I try so hard to stop myself but I really can't. I can't move around due to the operation as well so no exercise for me. That's the reason why I have been inconsistent with my logs lately and have been off-track.

    I'm going through a lot right now but I'm slowly picking up. Tomorrow is my follow up with my OB and I'm going to check with her the things I'm allowed and not allowed to do.

    For the groups I joined this June, sorry. I'll try to catch up. But right now, I need to fix myself...

    Ahh I am so sorry!!! Don't blame yourself as this happens but when it happens to you there are so many emotions going thru your mind. I do understand I had 2 miscarriages way back when and its so hard. Your partner feels so helpless and he is trying to deal with his emotions also. Tomorrow is another day and all you can do is put on foot in front of the other and carry on. I do hope that you do not take this the wrong way but with the turmoil you are going thru right now and fully understandable remember there is a saving grace here. You were able to get pregnant, so that is positive and a little light at the end of the tunnel. I believe that these things happen for a reason, it was not meant to be. Look after yourself and one day at a time!!!!
  • LauraBalyk
    LauraBalyk Posts: 219 Member
    I am truly so sorry to hear about your loss :(
  • mikajao
    mikajao Posts: 30
    I am so sorry.
  • paulkj
    paulkj Posts: 163 Member
    No loss is easy. I feel your pain. I lost my mom yesterday, on her birthday.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. There's nothing you did to make this happen. Just take care of yourself, grieve the way you need to, and reach out for support.

    Much love and my God give you the strength to get through this.

    Hugs, hugs and more hugs!!
  • sjacks14
    sjacks14 Posts: 68 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been there too. I pray for a complete and speedy recovery.
  • gemflower
    gemflower Posts: 95 Member
    so sorry for your loss...prayers your way.
  • kweni16
    kweni16 Posts: 30
    An Angel In The Book Of Life
    Wrote Down My Baby's Birth..
    And Whispered As She Closed The Book....
    'Too Beautiful for Earth'

    This made me smile and cry at the same time. That was beautiful...

    Everyone, thank you for making me not regret posting this. I had to share this to other people and I was not wrong for posting it here. Sadly, the others whom I told my problem first judged and blamed me for what happened. The only support I was getting was from my mom and partner and best friend. I felt huger of needing more support and this forum came up in my head and I'm so thankful for your responses. I do not rejoice for the others who have lost angels before but for everyone who shared their experiences in pregnancy loss is very much appreciated. You serve as an inspiration by showing me that I am not alone. Thank you so much.

    As for my partner, I am blessed to have him. He never left my side. He got off of work the minute he found out even if his boss told him he's not allowed to leave until work hours are over. He kept apologizing to me coz he thinks it's his fault too. He tried to be strong but he also cried he couldn't help it. I have read that one of you were left alone and had to go through this situation alone and I feel your pain too coz I saw my dad do that to my mom.

    But anyway, for all the support, concern and prayers. Thank you so much. I can't believe how much better this would make me feel. Like I said before I was hesitant at posting this here but now I'm thankful. I'm starting to accept things.

    Oh my gosh can I say thank you everyone again? I'm just so happy right now from all the response I got from everyone. Once I'm back on my feet I'll make sure to return the favor and offer all the help I could in this forum.

    Okay one last thing and let me say this, I LOVE YOU GUYS! Godbless you everyone :)
  • aseymour13
    aseymour13 Posts: 767 Member
    thanks everyone...i really appreciate the support...at first i was hesitant at posting about this but i really need some other form of release...

    i always blame myself for this but i guess it won't help at all...so yeah i'm trying to take it easy on myself...thanks for the prayers too...i really need them...

    I'm sorry for the very late post. I'm also sorry for your loss. Easier said than done but there is no blame to be had. As someone else said, majority of miscarriages happen ironically they don't usually know why which has always seemed strange to me considering how much we know about infertility. I had 3 miscarriages early on. One I was on bed rest and still almost had to have a transfusion because of the amount of blood I lost. Now for the good news - I have 2 beautiful daughters. No problems with either pregnancy. I played competitive tennis while pregnant with both of them through 7 and 1/2 months. Sometimes our bodies just know things. Hugs to you. Stay positive and you will be fine I have no doubt!
  • Shellbug75
    Shellbug75 Posts: 74 Member
    I am very sorry for your loss. I know your pain. I had a miscarriage at an early age and I wasn't sure if I would be able to get pregnant again. I was so depressed. Then, I had two children and a tubal pregnancy. After my tubal pregnancy, I was more depressed than ever because they told me I had less than a 17% chance I would ever get pregnant again (they had to remove the tube). I brought myself out of my depression with help from friends, family, and anti-depressants. 4 years later, God blessed me with another child.

    So what I am saying, is please do not give up. We are here for you. If the depression gets worse, please reach out to your doctor. If you do not want to do that, there are plenty of support groups. Groups that have women who have dealt with this too.

    You will be in my prayers. If you need to talk, message me.
  • 1longroad
    1longroad Posts: 642 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. (((((Hugs))))) I had my beautiful daughter, followed by three miscarriages. They were all between 4 1/2 and 5 1/2 months, including a set of twins.

    They couldn't find the reason for my losing the babies. It is so hard and I am so happy that your partner is supportive!

    When the doctor says it's ok, and you feel ready to try again, I am sending up lots of prayers that you will have a successful pregnancy and a healthy baby!!

    Just know that exercising does not cause a miscarriage!! Nothing you did, caused this!
  • BelleHeart
    BelleHeart Posts: 281 Member
    :-( You are in my prayers. I am sorry for your loss.
  • PepperWorm
    PepperWorm Posts: 1,206
    My heart is breaking for you. My sister very recently had a still birth at 5 months, so all of that is still very fresh for us all. I know this is difficult for you, but please stay strong. Don't focus on MFP. Focus on you and your health. Hang in there. :heart:
  • samanthachen
    samanthachen Posts: 360 Member
    I cannot imagine the emotional pain you are going through. I am so sorry for your loss! Keeping you and your partner in my prayers!!! Let yourself have time to go through the process of grieving. Talk about it if you can, cry if you need, and just take this time to be with yourself and your partner! I am so very sorry; no one should have to go through that.

    (hugs and prayers)
  • TheCaren
    TheCaren Posts: 894 Member
    I could give you all the technical reasons for why what happened, happened. But you're a nurse. You already know them all. So I won't insult your intelligence or waste your time.

    Please accept my sincerest apologies for your loss. And know that one good thing has come from all of this. You know you can get pregnant! Which means you'll be pregnant again. My best friend lost two babies before her first live birth (both early on like yours) and I'm pretty sure it was two more before her second live birth. Our generation finds out about pregnancies so much sooner than the one before us. I truly believe that's why our mothers don't report more miscarriages. Back in the day they didn't know they were pregnant until they were REALLY pregnant. And a sudden heavy period was just written off to hormones, unless someone suffered an incomplete miscarriage like you did.

    I was there when my dear friend found out that there was no longer a heart beat in the sac at 8 weeks, just five months after having had a previous miscarriage at 10 weeks. And I was there when she had been spotting and went for an ultrasound to confirm what she thought was yet another loss. Instead, they found a little heart beat racing at 140 beats per minute (normal of course for a fetus). That little heartbeat held strong and is now a beautiful little girl who will be two in September.

    Give yourself time, and permission, to mourn your loss. But just know, this is very likely only the beginning of your journey to parenthood. You will have a healthy baby, when the time is right. <hugs>

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