Favourite joke to date?

kelsierose094
kelsierose094 Posts: 232 Member
in Chit-Chat
I need some laughter in my day, so everyone - share the best joke you have heard to this day! Long, short, one-liner, riddle, anything :)

Mine is quite dirty.. "Why does a honey moon only last 7 days?"
Because seven days makes a whole week :laugh:

Took me a while to get it :p

Replies

  • Maribel_1986
    Maribel_1986 Posts: 457 Member
    :huh:
  • sam308lbs
    sam308lbs Posts: 1,936 Member
    I need some laughter in my day, so everyone - share the best joke you have heard to this day! Long, short, one-liner, riddle, anything :)

    Mine is quite dirty.. "Why does a honey moon only last 7 days?"
    Because seven days makes a whole week :laugh:

    Took me a while to get it :p
    nice!
    "What kind of murderer has moral fiber?" — "A cereal killer."
  • UnwrappingCandy
    UnwrappingCandy Posts: 418 Member
    Mine is quite dirty.. "Why does a honey moon only last 7 days?"
    Because seven days makes a whole week :laugh:

    Took me a while to get it :p

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • HS2305
    HS2305 Posts: 422 Member
    Why did the baker have smelly hands? Because he kneaded a poo.
  • sam308lbs
    sam308lbs Posts: 1,936 Member
    Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
    A: It's Braille for "suck here".


    Q: Why does Santa have such a big sack?
    A: Cos he only comes once a year.
  • iggyboo93
    iggyboo93 Posts: 524 Member
    What do you find inside a clean nose?
    Fingerprints

    How did Canada come up with it's name?
    Someone pulled a bunch of letters out of a hat - "C" eh? "N" eh? "D" eh?

    What do engineers use for birth control?
    Their personality

    That's pretty much my entire joke collection.
  • a_mandolin_
    a_mandolin_ Posts: 336 Member
    Guess what?

    Chicken butt.
  • leebesstoad
    leebesstoad Posts: 1,186 Member
    In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
    witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her
    and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do
    know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly,
    you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife,
    and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
    think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never
    amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
    The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
    the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
    She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
    youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't
    build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the
    worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
    different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
    The defense attorney nearly died.
    The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very
    quiet voice, said,
    'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the
    electric chair.
  • ScatteredThoughts
    ScatteredThoughts Posts: 3,562 Member
    In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
    witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her
    and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do
    know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly,
    you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife,
    and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
    think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never
    amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
    The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
    the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
    She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
    youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't
    build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the
    worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
    different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
    The defense attorney nearly died.
    The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very
    quiet voice, said,
    'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the
    electric chair.

    :laugh:
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    This one is very funny under the right circumstances and really needs to be said out loud, but it's one of the best:

    Ask me if I'm a truck.

    Are you a truck?

    No.



    We just call it the truck joke.
  • katiekatiekatie7
    katiekatiekatie7 Posts: 22
    How do you make an apple crumble? Kick it in the crotch...
  • 122ish
    122ish Posts: 339 Member
    How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two…. but I don’t know how they got in there.


    How do u make holy water? ...you boil the hell out it.


    Waka Waka Waka
  • jgido759
    jgido759 Posts: 4 Member
    For Disney fans:

    Why does Ariel (The Little Mermaid) wear sea shells?

    Because she's too big for "B" shells and too small for "D" shells.
  • a_mandolin_
    a_mandolin_ Posts: 336 Member
    What do you call a dog with no legs?

    It doesn't matter, he can't come to you anyways.
  • rubymax650
    rubymax650 Posts: 1
    A man walks into a bar, buck naked with a pair of jumper cables around his neck.
    The bartender takes one look at him and says "Alright, you can stay. Just don't start anything."

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