Can a cheater change their ways

mish24canada
mish24canada Posts: 152 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hi I was just wondering if your significate other has cheated on you do you think they can change and never do it again?
Or once a cheater always a cheater?
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Replies

  • Mgriffin09
    Mgriffin09 Posts: 1
    Well i dont think that when they cheat that they will do it again. That might have been a very big mistake and they will never do it again. But its are you going to beable to trust them agian? Are you going to be able to be with them and be ok with that. thats the question you need to ask before you go back with them. :)
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    Depends. They have to WANT to change and actually make the effort.
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
    Depends. They have to WANT to change and actually make the effort.

    This.
    I imagine that pretty much anyone can change his/her behavior if that person really WANTS to make the change and is willing to work at it. Do most people actually change? Probably not.
  • RVfrog
    RVfrog Posts: 213 Member
    once a cheater always a cheater. I'd never trust them.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Well you can never trust them thats for sure. You never know what is going through their mind. I'd be too insecure and paranoid to take them back.
  • TwinkieDong
    TwinkieDong Posts: 1,564 Member
    I have a different point of view than most. On one hand yes I believe if they want to they can.

    With that stated and this wont make me popular here but..... I think men are able to have something physical and it not mean anything. Men are visually stimulated first, then emotions are later. On the other hand a woman for the most part is more mentally and emotionally stimulated then visually after. So if a woman has already made it to cheating, there may not be any hope. Again unless they want to change.
  • deanjou59
    deanjou59 Posts: 737 Member
    I believe that every one has the capacity to change...and that sometimes good people make poor choices. It takes work, insight, and dedication to change, but I believe it is possible.
  • Jennms85
    Jennms85 Posts: 49 Member
    IMO......You will drive yourself crazy wondering if/when they'll ever do it again, therefore you will always be cheated of your happiness and sanity. i couldn't do it.
  • amijen3
    amijen3 Posts: 1
    There are many reasons why a person cheats. I am still with the one who cheated on me. ALTHOUGH, I can not prove that they did cheat on me. It was all a matter of events that happened during an extended period of time. I also can not prove that he is still cheating on me. I trust him but, then there are moments where my mind tells me not to because the way events are taking place remind me of past events. It is all about whether you can accept and forgive them for their imperfection and weaknesses. You have to get over what has happened in order to move on either together or separately.
  • Brianna716
    Brianna716 Posts: 303 Member
    I was cheated on by a few different guys... to my knowledge they're all either screwing around on their current girlfriend or have screwed around on another girlfriend since me.
  • RILEYRED
    RILEYRED Posts: 647 Member
    A cheater is a cheater, I would never trust a person who cheated. I was cheated on, know what I speak of.They will also cheat on the person they cheated with, eventually too. Cheaters should never get a second chance, sorry and that is just my opinion, for a very good reason.
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
    I have a different point of view than most. On one hand yes I believe if they want to they can.

    With that stated and this wont make me popular here but..... I think men are able to have something physical and it not mean anything. Men are visually stimulated first, then emotions are later. On the other hand a woman for the most part is more mentally and emotionally stimulated then visually after. So if a woman has already made it to cheating, there may not be any hope. Again unless they want to change.
    Both adult men and women are able to determine the difference between right and wrong, even if there is no attachment it is still wrong.

    Either way it's wrong, they did something wrong. Plus women being emotional and men being so much more logical wouldn't they have a "better understanding" of wrong and right going by your very comment? Interesting pit you just dug yourself into.

    My thoughts, trust is gone, it could work but it won't be easy and neither will likely be happy. :)
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    Ummmm..errrr.. ok so if it gets to the point of straying, imo, the cheater didn't care enough about the relationship.

    So just break up.
  • nave002
    nave002 Posts: 211 Member
    I have a different point of view than most. On one hand yes I believe if they want to they can.

    With that stated and this wont make me popular here but..... I think men are able to have something physical and it not mean anything. Men are visually stimulated first, then emotions are later. On the other hand a woman for the most part is more mentally and emotionally stimulated then visually after. So if a woman has already made it to cheating, there may not be any hope. Again unless they want to change.

    I, too, believe that a person can change but women are not visually stimulated 'til after??? Disagree:tongue:
  • Ninguneado73
    Ninguneado73 Posts: 832
    No, I don't believe it can happen. I base my answer on knowing many cases and many people.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    I think once that line has been crossed, it is much easier to cross it the next time. so no I don't think a cheater can change their ways.
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
    I've been there....and he has changed....he proves his loyalty to me every day now. I'm glad I gave our relationship another chance.


    Most people will not agree, but we're only human. Mistakes are part of who we are. Really, it depends on how badly you want it to work, and how certain you are that you can trust him again.

    For the longest time people told me to end it, to leave him, especially total strangers on here who really had no idea other than he had cheated. Don't ask strangers. Go with your heart. He knows he made a mistake and he signed us up for counseling. He has gone to the moon and back to make it up to me. He knows he made a mistake....a HUGE one. But honestly? Your SO will have to make it up to you.....THEY have to take the steps to fix it, and be willing and GLAD to do it.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    I have a different point of view than most. On one hand yes I believe if they want to they can.

    With that stated and this wont make me popular here but..... I think men are able to have something physical and it not mean anything. Men are visually stimulated first, then emotions are later. On the other hand a woman for the most part is more mentally and emotionally stimulated then visually after. So if a woman has already made it to cheating, there may not be any hope. Again unless they want to change.

    Visually after? ...But why would I even bother speaking to a guy, let alone banging him, if he wasn't visually stimulating first?
  • RebeccaHite
    RebeccaHite Posts: 187 Member
    Could you change your ways if you cheated?Turn the question around...
  • fleurdelis504
    fleurdelis504 Posts: 88
    Sure they can change...Doesn't mean they'd get a second chance with me. Lose trust, lost it all.
  • bbbgamer
    bbbgamer Posts: 582 Member
    always a cheater...
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Sure they can change. They just have to want to.
  • ArtLover26207
    ArtLover26207 Posts: 17
    I've been there....and he has changed....he proves his loyalty to me every day now. I'm glad I gave our relationship another chance.


    Most people will not agree, but we're only human. Mistakes are part of who we are. Really, it depends on how badly you want it to work, and how certain you are that you can trust him again.

    For the longest time people told me to end it, to leave him, especially total strangers on here who really had no idea other than he had cheated. Don't ask strangers. Go with your heart. He knows he made a mistake and he signed us up for counseling. He has gone to the moon and back to make it up to me. He knows he made a mistake....a HUGE one. But honestly? Your SO will have to make it up to you.....THEY have to take the steps to fix it, and be willing and GLAD to do it.

    ^this.
    I've been there too, and he knows he made a mistake, and he is trying as hard as he can to prove to me that he loves me, and I am the only one he wants to be with. (however, my situation is a tiny different as it wasn't physical cheating but rather online messages.) Honestly, and I know I probably will get negative responses for this, but I *personally* feel that the online "cheating" is almost easier to handle than the physical.
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  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    I'd have to know the circumstances. Was it a one time thing, or is he a serial cheater? How did you find out? What kinds of lies did he tell, and for how long? Did he cheat with someone that you both know? For me it would have to be a case-by-case thing, and the more levels of betrayal the more I would doubt him forever.
  • grimendale
    grimendale Posts: 2,153 Member
    A lot of people who cheat d so to regain the excitement they feel they were lacking. When they get caught, they'll apologize and promise never to do it again, but when the excitement fade again, the urge to cheat returns. It's the reason that, so often when a man leaves his ife for his mistress, he ends up cheating on his mistress with a third women (and sometimes his ex wife). I have known a lot of cheaters, but I have yet to meet a reformed cheater. Every last one has done it again.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    if they own up to it and are honest about it and are very sorry and promise not to do it again, then if you can rebuild some kind of trust then maybe.

    maybe, but probably not.

    In my case, she wouldn't be honest about it so details kept coming out, she blamed me for it when I found out, it was with multiple people, she gave me an STD, and this is after 5 years of living together and I was doing the majority of her masters at the time. how do you trust someone who wont even be honest. I really tried to forgive her but it was not possible. as soon as she was out of my sight it was like "well, I cant see her, so she could be f^&%ing someone right now."

    I tried to make it work for 6 months, but she was also a b!tch about it, and a b!tch in general, a bad drunk with emotional problems and no ability to talk through problems constructively.


    so yeh. theres no way with someone like that.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    I'd have to know the circumstances. Was it a one time thing, or is he a serial cheater? How did you find out? What kinds of lies did he tell, and for how long? Did he cheat with someone that you both know? For me it would have to be a case-by-case thing, and the more levels of betrayal the more I would doubt him forever.

    yah, the details as above are very key. one time mistake + very sorry = maybe. serial cheater - less likely. adulterer - woah, I cant even imagine. serial cheater multiple partners - slim to none. not sorry - no chance.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    I suppose when someone cheats your relationship is over, and now you have to start again with someone you don't trust. once the trust is gone, I don't know if you can get it back.
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
    I don't know. What I do know is I wouldn't be around to find out. Once trust is broken it's gone.

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