Can a cheater change their ways

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Replies

  • LisaDunn01
    LisaDunn01 Posts: 173 Member
    I believe it depends on the person and the circumstances. You can't blanket everyone into "once a cheater always a cheater". Nor can you say everyone has or is entitled to one mistake. Each situation is unique.
  • Phx99
    Phx99 Posts: 69
    I think it's possible if they were determined, but the trust would be dead. I could never trust someone again that cheated on me.
  • Emisole
    Emisole Posts: 65
    I think it depends on why the person cheated. If you don't understand that, you'll never understand them.

    My husband and I both cheated on each other once, before we were married. Things were ****ty then, now they're marvelous.

    Do you want to make it work? Do you REALLY know this person? Do you understand why they cheated?

    Neither of us are "cheaters." I mean, if we're talking about some douche guy you've been with a few months who's been seeing girls on the side the whole time... that's a different story.
  • RobinvdM
    RobinvdM Posts: 634 Member
    Once a cheater not always a cheater. But if its x2 or x3 then they aren't going to change unless you figure out what the root problem is and address it. If you care about the person, and its a 1 time thing and you want to try and rebuild, then go for it. Trust is easy to break and it doesn't have to be cheating. Trust CAN be rebuilt if you want to. It's HARD, but it is absolutely possible. You've just gotta decide if it's worth it. It all depends on the relationship/couple.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    My ex husband cheated, and it was an on-going thing that he was not sorry about when he got caught. So there was no chance of working it out. If he had come forward before I caught him, had been remorseful, if it hadn't been going on so long, or if he'd been willing to go to counseling I would have tried to make it work but honestly I don't think it would have.
  • sally_jeffswife
    sally_jeffswife Posts: 766 Member
    I don't think a person that could do that ever had love for you to begin with if they did that cuz to really love someone you could never bring yourself to do something to cause them that much pain and you also would take your relationship very seriously and your committment to someone very seriously. am so glad am married to a great guy now and don't have to worry about that.
  • michael1976_ca
    michael1976_ca Posts: 3,488 Member
    nope trust broken i fell into the whole i'm sorry i'll never hurt you thing and what happened she kicked me out just before velentines day and replaced me with some one new. so no once a cheater always a cheater
  • skinnydreams19
    skinnydreams19 Posts: 282 Member
    I don't think so. I'm dating a cheater (not on me) but I don't hesitate for a minute to think that he'd cheat on me. Done it once, he'll do it again - it's a moral code thing. I think it's the stupidest thing when women who a guy cheated on his wife with think that once the two of them marry, he won't cheat on her too.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    I cheated on my ex. I couldn't dream of cheating on my current fiance. It really depends on the situation and the person.

    So no, not once a cheater always a cheater, if you think so, you just date a lot of *kitten*.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Of course they can, they actually have to want to. There are plenty of people out there that have cheated and stopped either within the relationship they stepped out on or in future relationships.

    If people weren't capable of change we'd be the same in pretty much all things and I dunno about you, but I feel like I've grown as I've aged.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I think it depends a lot on why the person cheated.
  • RunnerInVT
    RunnerInVT Posts: 226 Member
    My husband and I were not speaking for a long time and I knew if given a chance I would stray. So I divorced him so I wouldnt cheat during our marriage. After 3 years we were able to get on the right track and remarried. I would never cheat on him and its better the second time around!
    But can a cheater change? Depends on the person and the reason for cheating in the first place.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
    Men are visually stimulated first, then emotions are later. On the other hand a woman for the most part is more mentally and emotionally stimulated then visually after.

    tumblr_mdyptbML5h1rxl1gv.gif
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
    I like to think people are capable of change or as a species we are f#$ked ...that being said once your trust has been abused, it is a very difficult pain to overcome. Some people are capable of it, some are not.

    I think it is dependent wholly on the people involved and a whole lot of variables.

    Blanket statements just don't work for me...people are unique and so are relationships so there is no one answer sadly.

    I think if someone has cheated and has the decency to own up to their transgression they are at least braver than the ones that hide it behind the premise that they are trying to save their partner the pain of knowing.

    I also think if someone is capable of forgiving such a transgression they have a monumental capacity for forgiveness.

    If a relationship is truly capable of getting past this sort of scenario and I mean no more cheating and true forgiveness that indeed is a couple who truly care for each other.

    I don't think there is such a thing as an excuse for cheating only explanations.

    I think honesty is paramount in any relationship, on all levels.

    Lastly I think I say I think too much :P
  • ArtLover26207
    ArtLover26207 Posts: 17
    I like to think people are capable of change or as a species we are f#$ked ...that being said once your trust has been abused, it is a very difficult pain to overcome. Some people are capable of it, some are not.

    I think it is dependent wholly on the people involved and a whole lot of variables.

    Blanket statements just don't work for me...people are unique and so are relationships so there is no one answer sadly.

    I think if someone has cheated and has the decency to own up to their transgression they are at least braver than the ones that hide it behind the premise that they are trying to save their partner the pain of knowing.

    I also think if someone is capable of forgiving such a transgression they have a monumental capacity for forgiveness.

    If a relationship is truly capable of getting past this sort of scenario and I mean no more cheating and true forgiveness that indeed is a couple who truly care for each other.

    I don't think there is such a thing as an excuse for cheating only explanations.

    I think honesty is paramount in any relationship, on all levels.

    Lastly I think I say I think too much :P


    ^^^Cheers :drinker:
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  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    think men are able to have something physical and it not mean anything. Men are visually stimulated first, then emotions are later. On the other hand a woman for the most part is more mentally and emotionally stimulated then visually after.

    a girl walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender and asks, "I sense a higher intellect and an emotional connection with someone in here, do you know where he is?" to which the barman replied " steven hawking is over in the corner"

    and just for the record if you think steven hawking wouldn't cheat... WRONG. he got it on with his carer and then divorced his wife. he has kids with both now! playa playa! i mean seriously, the guy cant move. didn't stop him from busting all kinds a nuts. nothing sexier than a slow talking robot voice. oooooh yeh.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    Hi I was just wondering if your significate other has cheated on you do you think they can change and never do it again?
    Or once a cheater always a cheater?

    Depends. I've seen serial cheaters and some that it was truly one mistake an they learned. Fact is, anyone CAN change. The key is, do they WANT to change.
  • Southern_Belle_LA
    Southern_Belle_LA Posts: 931 Member
    Another thing to think about is how you feel about it? Are you a person that can forgive them and rebuild trust? Or are you always going to wonder where they are or what they are doing? Will you use it against them or will you let it be a one time thing?
  • Lovdiamnd
    Lovdiamnd Posts: 624 Member
    I tell my husband that he is an amazing husband, but a crappy boyfriend. It's the truth. He cheated on me and lied a lot while we were dating. We went through premarital counseling when we decided to get married and we have an amazing, loving, and trusting marriage. I never trusted him when we were dating but I now I trust him 100% because he grew up and has taken the steps to help me trust him. Not one thing in me has any fear that he would ever cheat again... but if he did... it would be over without question lol I caught you once and I could do it again :wink:
  • seanezekiel
    seanezekiel Posts: 228 Member
    No.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    Another thing to think about is how you feel about it? Are you a person that can forgive them and rebuild trust? Or are you always going to wonder where they are or what they are doing? Will you use it against them or will you let it be a one time thing?

    Feeling about it would be but not limited to Disgust and Anger. Ashamed of the Cheater.
    No def. not forgiveable
    I imagine that a person that cheats wont fight to save the relationship. Sure physically they'd want to try to repair the damage, because they are greedy, that's why they cheated in the first place, but emotionally the cheater is long gone.
    I don't understand why ppl stay with cheaters, co-dependant perhaps.
  • xvxCelticWandererxvx
    xvxCelticWandererxvx Posts: 2,890 Member
    I believe people can change if they want to.

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