Can a cheater change their ways

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  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I think it depends a lot on why the person cheated.
  • RunnerInVT
    RunnerInVT Posts: 226 Member
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    My husband and I were not speaking for a long time and I knew if given a chance I would stray. So I divorced him so I wouldnt cheat during our marriage. After 3 years we were able to get on the right track and remarried. I would never cheat on him and its better the second time around!
    But can a cheater change? Depends on the person and the reason for cheating in the first place.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
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    Men are visually stimulated first, then emotions are later. On the other hand a woman for the most part is more mentally and emotionally stimulated then visually after.

    tumblr_mdyptbML5h1rxl1gv.gif
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    I like to think people are capable of change or as a species we are f#$ked ...that being said once your trust has been abused, it is a very difficult pain to overcome. Some people are capable of it, some are not.

    I think it is dependent wholly on the people involved and a whole lot of variables.

    Blanket statements just don't work for me...people are unique and so are relationships so there is no one answer sadly.

    I think if someone has cheated and has the decency to own up to their transgression they are at least braver than the ones that hide it behind the premise that they are trying to save their partner the pain of knowing.

    I also think if someone is capable of forgiving such a transgression they have a monumental capacity for forgiveness.

    If a relationship is truly capable of getting past this sort of scenario and I mean no more cheating and true forgiveness that indeed is a couple who truly care for each other.

    I don't think there is such a thing as an excuse for cheating only explanations.

    I think honesty is paramount in any relationship, on all levels.

    Lastly I think I say I think too much :P
  • ArtLover26207
    ArtLover26207 Posts: 17
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    I like to think people are capable of change or as a species we are f#$ked ...that being said once your trust has been abused, it is a very difficult pain to overcome. Some people are capable of it, some are not.

    I think it is dependent wholly on the people involved and a whole lot of variables.

    Blanket statements just don't work for me...people are unique and so are relationships so there is no one answer sadly.

    I think if someone has cheated and has the decency to own up to their transgression they are at least braver than the ones that hide it behind the premise that they are trying to save their partner the pain of knowing.

    I also think if someone is capable of forgiving such a transgression they have a monumental capacity for forgiveness.

    If a relationship is truly capable of getting past this sort of scenario and I mean no more cheating and true forgiveness that indeed is a couple who truly care for each other.

    I don't think there is such a thing as an excuse for cheating only explanations.

    I think honesty is paramount in any relationship, on all levels.

    Lastly I think I say I think too much :P


    ^^^Cheers :drinker:
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    think men are able to have something physical and it not mean anything. Men are visually stimulated first, then emotions are later. On the other hand a woman for the most part is more mentally and emotionally stimulated then visually after.

    a girl walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender and asks, "I sense a higher intellect and an emotional connection with someone in here, do you know where he is?" to which the barman replied " steven hawking is over in the corner"

    and just for the record if you think steven hawking wouldn't cheat... WRONG. he got it on with his carer and then divorced his wife. he has kids with both now! playa playa! i mean seriously, the guy cant move. didn't stop him from busting all kinds a nuts. nothing sexier than a slow talking robot voice. oooooh yeh.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    Hi I was just wondering if your significate other has cheated on you do you think they can change and never do it again?
    Or once a cheater always a cheater?

    Depends. I've seen serial cheaters and some that it was truly one mistake an they learned. Fact is, anyone CAN change. The key is, do they WANT to change.
  • Southern_Belle_LA
    Southern_Belle_LA Posts: 931 Member
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    Another thing to think about is how you feel about it? Are you a person that can forgive them and rebuild trust? Or are you always going to wonder where they are or what they are doing? Will you use it against them or will you let it be a one time thing?
  • Lovdiamnd
    Lovdiamnd Posts: 624 Member
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    I tell my husband that he is an amazing husband, but a crappy boyfriend. It's the truth. He cheated on me and lied a lot while we were dating. We went through premarital counseling when we decided to get married and we have an amazing, loving, and trusting marriage. I never trusted him when we were dating but I now I trust him 100% because he grew up and has taken the steps to help me trust him. Not one thing in me has any fear that he would ever cheat again... but if he did... it would be over without question lol I caught you once and I could do it again :wink:
  • seanezekiel
    seanezekiel Posts: 228 Member
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    No.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
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    Another thing to think about is how you feel about it? Are you a person that can forgive them and rebuild trust? Or are you always going to wonder where they are or what they are doing? Will you use it against them or will you let it be a one time thing?

    Feeling about it would be but not limited to Disgust and Anger. Ashamed of the Cheater.
    No def. not forgiveable
    I imagine that a person that cheats wont fight to save the relationship. Sure physically they'd want to try to repair the damage, because they are greedy, that's why they cheated in the first place, but emotionally the cheater is long gone.
    I don't understand why ppl stay with cheaters, co-dependant perhaps.
  • xvxCelticWandererxvx
    xvxCelticWandererxvx Posts: 2,890 Member
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    I believe people can change if they want to.

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