Living in an Unsupportive Household
Replies
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Hmmm, that is a tough one. If you have your own room or a garage, maybe one of those little dorm refrigerators in your own private area would do the trick? That way they really are invading your space, and that is beyond not cool.
I agree and locks work really well. I'd be calling a family meeting and explain everything and say this cupboard is mine and it will be locked and this fridge in the garage or where ever is mine also and will be locked until you all can learn to respect my feelings and what I am trying to accomplish here. Take control and lay the law down your health is more important that a little bit of hurt feelings in order to get your point across. Good luck0 -
I must be a real cow in real life, because I can't imagine not kicking some severe *kitten* if I was in this situation. Why should you bend to accommodate them? It's your stuff you pay for with your money, right? How is it OK for them to *violate your personal space* and *steal your things* - because that's what this is, right? Even your room isn't safe when you're at work!?
Girl, you need to kick a whole bunch of *kitten*.
Absolutely I'm with you on that. I'd have to come unglued on someone. And believe me no I know wants me to go there! Stand strong this is your health and your money time to stand your ground.0 -
I would say only buy healthy food. Normally that requires some cooking or preparation. Ask family members to help you in the kitchen. If you cook, they clean. Teach them food preparation. Get them engaged. Everyone needs to be involved with food. Food is to be honored and savored.
Keep setting boundaries and if those boundaries are violated, then there needs to be consequences such as you taking away something from them (if it is your children especially) so that they can better understand how it FEELS if someone takes something away from them, well it hurts and there is a price to pay. If you continue to allow this behavior you will continue to feel a lack of basic respect, as "trust" will continue to be violated. All relationships are based upon agreements and setting healthy boundaries with others.
This program does require planning, shopping, etc. If food is missing, well that is only going to sabotage your best efforts. So, the pilfering has to STOP.
If everyone is eating healthy, then behaviors often improve as well.
What is hard for me is to see my roommate eating things I know are not good for me on any level. My "inner child" can feel deprived. So he is being a bit more careful not to eat stuff in front of me like he did to support my efforts better. I really believe that I feel my best if I eat clean, but I will also reward myself now and then for the sheer pleasure factor......a reward in essence but also just part of my lifestyle change, a new way of life.0 -
buy veg for a couple of days, and 1 serving meat fresh on the day, if you can grab that on the way home. stir frys
This is a great idea! Thank you!!! :happy:0 -
Buy a mini fridge for your bedroom and a plastic storage box for dry food. Change out your bedroom door knob with one that locks with a key so that only you can enter your bedroom.0
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Seems weird to me, but I realise that we all have different lifestyles.
I would stop on the way home and buy what fresh food I needed for each dinner. Then cook enough dinner for leftover lunch the next day and take to work/school/whatever. If you eat anything that is non-perishable, keep it hidden in your room, surely there is somewhere that you have for private stuff... box under the bed, in your wardrobe, somewhere.0 -
Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.0 -
you may have to rent a small refrigerator to keep in your room, one with a key lock.
http://www.marinelock.com/Refrigerator-Locks_c_1.html
they have such things. you might keep it in the garage if you don't have your own room.
good luck. move out. move on. find some like minded roommates.0 -
Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.0 -
If you buy the family groceries, why not buy ALL Healthy food and let them enjoy it and when you are ready for some just go get it. If they can not tell the difference between "healthy food" and "unhealthy food" why buy 2 different sets of food.0
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Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.
That might work as long as she's the only one buying groceries and preparing meals. If they are going to continue buying things she is unwilling to eat and still eat her things too it's still a problem.0 -
I feel your pain OP! I buy all of my own food, put my name on it, and hide it, yet it still somehow gets eaten by my brother. The other day I bought two packages of string cheese and put my name on one of the packages so he knew he had a whole bag of string cheese to himself, but in two days he managed to eat both his and mine! So frustrating because he knows he is eating my food and just doesn't care. If I find a solution to this problem I will let you know though!0
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Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.
That might work as long as she's the only one buying groceries and preparing meals. If they are going to continue buying things she is unwilling to eat and still eat her things too it's still a problem.
Then she needs to start being the one that buys groceries and prepares meals. Not that difficult.0 -
Honestly, I don't think suggestions for what YOU should do is the right way to approach this situation. I think that you need to have a real/stern discussion with your family about the impact their decisions are having on you. This is about making THEM understand that this behavior is clearly upsetting you, as well as hindering your goal of living a healthier life.
You need to let them know that the food you buy for yourself has to stay YOUR food, unless they are willing to eat the food you prepare (once you all agree to buy enough of everything so that everyone has enough). And, if they are not willing to eat as healthfully as you, they need to let you have your food, and they continue to eat everything else.
It isn't right for you to have to go to the grocery store every day and/or fear that anything and everything you bring home will be eaten by someone else. I feel it is a question of their respecting your boundaries, rather than you succumbing to their rude behavior.
I hope you are able to solve this problem, so that you and your family can co-exist in peace, in addition to you continuing to live a healthy life. Good luck.0 -
Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.
That might work as long as she's the only one buying groceries and preparing meals. If they are going to continue buying things she is unwilling to eat and still eat her things too it's still a problem.
Then she needs to start being the one that buys groceries and prepares meals. Not that difficult.
That would be ideal.0 -
Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.
That might work as long as she's the only one buying groceries and preparing meals. If they are going to continue buying things she is unwilling to eat and still eat her things too it's still a problem.
Then she needs to start being the one that buys groceries and prepares meals. Not that difficult.
That would be ideal.
She is an adult, living with her adult family, in order to save money. She shouldnt have to take responsibility for feeding her adult parents and siblings simply so she can have some food in the fridge/freezer that is her own and will be there when she gets home.
How is that more reasonable than her family stopping being selfish takers?0 -
Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.
That might work as long as she's the only one buying groceries and preparing meals. If they are going to continue buying things she is unwilling to eat and still eat her things too it's still a problem.
Then she needs to start being the one that buys groceries and prepares meals. Not that difficult.
That would be ideal.
She is an adult, living with her adult family, in order to save money. She shouldnt have to take responsibility for feeding her adult parents and siblings simply so she can have some food in the fridge/freezer that is her own and will be there when she gets home.
How is that more reasonable than her family stopping being selfish takers?
She is living with her adult family, as an adult, by their graciousness. They are expressing a clear interest in eating healthier by eating her "healthy" food. Considering she is living their on their good will, it would be a great thing if she stepped up and helped them with shopping and cooking.
Normally, I would suggest that her family has boundary issues, but she is living off of them.0 -
Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.
That might work as long as she's the only one buying groceries and preparing meals. If they are going to continue buying things she is unwilling to eat and still eat her things too it's still a problem.
Then she needs to start being the one that buys groceries and prepares meals. Not that difficult.
That would be ideal.
She is an adult, living with her adult family, in order to save money. She shouldnt have to take responsibility for feeding her adult parents and siblings simply so she can have some food in the fridge/freezer that is her own and will be there when she gets home.
How is that more reasonable than her family stopping being selfish takers?
She is living with her adult family, as an adult, by their graciousness. They are expressing a clear interest in eating healthier by eating her "healthy" food. Considering she is living their on their good will, it would be a great thing if she stepped up and helped them with shopping and cooking.
Normally, I would suggest that her family has boundary issues, but she is living off of them.
Or she can do something that's realistic and sustainable such as eat "normal people food." Learn how to eat things in moderation like most successful people at weight loss. (this is to both of you)
I do not disagree with this. I just read back that she was eating quinoa pasta and grass fed beef. She has money to blow on more expensive food, but not enough to live on her own. Heh.0 -
Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.
That might work as long as she's the only one buying groceries and preparing meals. If they are going to continue buying things she is unwilling to eat and still eat her things too it's still a problem.
Then she needs to start being the one that buys groceries and prepares meals. Not that difficult.
That would be ideal.
She is an adult, living with her adult family, in order to save money. She shouldnt have to take responsibility for feeding her adult parents and siblings simply so she can have some food in the fridge/freezer that is her own and will be there when she gets home.
How is that more reasonable than her family stopping being selfish takers?
She is living with her adult family, as an adult, by their graciousness. They are expressing a clear interest in eating healthier by eating her "healthy" food. Considering she is living their on their good will, it would be a great thing if she stepped up and helped them with shopping and cooking.
Normally, I would suggest that her family has boundary issues, but she is living off of them.
Where did she say that? How do you know she isn't paying rent and her own way? clearly she is buying her own food, because this is the issue contained in this whole thread. I can't believe anyone would find it MORE reasonable to take responsibility for the feeding of an entire adult household than to be able to expect that something you buy for yourself and ask people not to touch might actually still be there when you get home.0 -
Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.
That might work as long as she's the only one buying groceries and preparing meals. If they are going to continue buying things she is unwilling to eat and still eat her things too it's still a problem.
Then she needs to start being the one that buys groceries and prepares meals. Not that difficult.
That would be ideal.
She is an adult, living with her adult family, in order to save money. She shouldnt have to take responsibility for feeding her adult parents and siblings simply so she can have some food in the fridge/freezer that is her own and will be there when she gets home.
How is that more reasonable than her family stopping being selfish takers?
She is living with her adult family, as an adult, by their graciousness. They are expressing a clear interest in eating healthier by eating her "healthy" food. Considering she is living their on their good will, it would be a great thing if she stepped up and helped them with shopping and cooking.
Normally, I would suggest that her family has boundary issues, but she is living off of them.
Where did she say that? How do you know she isn't paying rent and her own way? clearly she is buying her own food, because this is the issue contained in this whole thread. I can't believe anyone would find it MORE reasonable to take responsibility for the feeding of an entire adult household than to be able to expect that something you buy for yourself and ask people not to touch might actually still be there when you get home.
I can't believe anyone would find it reasonable to expect a person's family to change their habits for them after asking them to move back in with them. The clear solution to this problem is to...ya know...move out.
ETA: Adults in households fulfill roles. Even IF she is paying them rent, she should still be responsible for household duties.0 -
You stated that you want to get through this in a polite manner. There is no room for politeness when it comes to stealing but to avoid arguments and family hassles, I would go to the grocery store every day and get what I need to eat for that day's meal.
I would also get a mini fridge to put it in my room. Target has a small one for $60. Any left overs would go there and when I leave for school, work, I would take that with me and have it for lunch.
It would be a horrible inconvenient but that is what I would do to save the peace.0 -
Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.
That might work as long as she's the only one buying groceries and preparing meals. If they are going to continue buying things she is unwilling to eat and still eat her things too it's still a problem.
Then she needs to start being the one that buys groceries and prepares meals. Not that difficult.
That would be ideal.
She is an adult, living with her adult family, in order to save money. She shouldnt have to take responsibility for feeding her adult parents and siblings simply so she can have some food in the fridge/freezer that is her own and will be there when she gets home.
How is that more reasonable than her family stopping being selfish takers?
She is living with her adult family, as an adult, by their graciousness. They are expressing a clear interest in eating healthier by eating her "healthy" food. Considering she is living their on their good will, it would be a great thing if she stepped up and helped them with shopping and cooking.
Normally, I would suggest that her family has boundary issues, but she is living off of them.
Where did she say that? How do you know she isn't paying rent and her own way? clearly she is buying her own food, because this is the issue contained in this whole thread. I can't believe anyone would find it MORE reasonable to take responsibility for the feeding of an entire adult household than to be able to expect that something you buy for yourself and ask people not to touch might actually still be there when you get home.
I can't believe anyone would find it MORE reasonable to expect a person's family to change their habits for them after asking them to move back in with them. The clear solution to this problem is to...ya know...move out.
Are you friggen serious? So, what - She shouldnt get upset if the whole family used her deoderant... bodywash... slept in her bed... used her clean sheets once they came out of the laundry... started wearing her clothes... borrowed her car without asking or caring if she needed to be somewhere... so moving back in with family during a tough time means giving up all autonomy or rights to privacy or possessions?0 -
Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.
That might work as long as she's the only one buying groceries and preparing meals. If they are going to continue buying things she is unwilling to eat and still eat her things too it's still a problem.
Then she needs to start being the one that buys groceries and prepares meals. Not that difficult.
That would be ideal.
She is an adult, living with her adult family, in order to save money. She shouldnt have to take responsibility for feeding her adult parents and siblings simply so she can have some food in the fridge/freezer that is her own and will be there when she gets home.
How is that more reasonable than her family stopping being selfish takers?
She is living with her adult family, as an adult, by their graciousness. They are expressing a clear interest in eating healthier by eating her "healthy" food. Considering she is living their on their good will, it would be a great thing if she stepped up and helped them with shopping and cooking.
Normally, I would suggest that her family has boundary issues, but she is living off of them.
Where did she say that? How do you know she isn't paying rent and her own way? clearly she is buying her own food, because this is the issue contained in this whole thread. I can't believe anyone would find it MORE reasonable to take responsibility for the feeding of an entire adult household than to be able to expect that something you buy for yourself and ask people not to touch might actually still be there when you get home.
I can't believe anyone would find it reasonable to expect a person's family to change their habits for them after asking them to move back in with them. The clear solution to this problem is to...ya know...move out.
ETA: Adults in households fulfill roles. Even IF she is paying them rent, she should still be responsible for household duties.
you are making a lot of assumptions about who's doing what. you've read about exactly one aspect of this situation.
also, smugness, wow, hope you paid YOUR dues for that.0 -
Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.
That might work as long as she's the only one buying groceries and preparing meals. If they are going to continue buying things she is unwilling to eat and still eat her things too it's still a problem.
Then she needs to start being the one that buys groceries and prepares meals. Not that difficult.
That would be ideal.
She is an adult, living with her adult family, in order to save money. She shouldnt have to take responsibility for feeding her adult parents and siblings simply so she can have some food in the fridge/freezer that is her own and will be there when she gets home.
How is that more reasonable than her family stopping being selfish takers?
She is living with her adult family, as an adult, by their graciousness. They are expressing a clear interest in eating healthier by eating her "healthy" food. Considering she is living their on their good will, it would be a great thing if she stepped up and helped them with shopping and cooking.
Normally, I would suggest that her family has boundary issues, but she is living off of them.
Where did she say that? How do you know she isn't paying rent and her own way? clearly she is buying her own food, because this is the issue contained in this whole thread. I can't believe anyone would find it MORE reasonable to take responsibility for the feeding of an entire adult household than to be able to expect that something you buy for yourself and ask people not to touch might actually still be there when you get home.
I can't believe anyone would find it MORE reasonable to expect a person's family to change their habits for them after asking them to move back in with them. The clear solution to this problem is to...ya know...move out.
Are you friggen serious? So, what - She shouldnt get upset if the whole family used her deoderant... bodywash... slept in her bed... used her clean sheets once they came out of the laundry... started wearing her clothes... borrowed her car without asking or caring if she needed to be somewhere... so moving back in with family during a tough time means giving up all autonomy or rights to privacy or possessions?
Don't be ridiculous. Those items would very likely clearly be hers. We are talking about food in the fridge, which she hasn't even stated that she MARKS AS HERS. And yes, moving back in with her family automatically means less privacy and autonomy than if she were living alone. This is a given.0 -
Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.
That might work as long as she's the only one buying groceries and preparing meals. If they are going to continue buying things she is unwilling to eat and still eat her things too it's still a problem.
Then she needs to start being the one that buys groceries and prepares meals. Not that difficult.
That would be ideal.
She is an adult, living with her adult family, in order to save money. She shouldnt have to take responsibility for feeding her adult parents and siblings simply so she can have some food in the fridge/freezer that is her own and will be there when she gets home.
How is that more reasonable than her family stopping being selfish takers?
She is living with her adult family, as an adult, by their graciousness. They are expressing a clear interest in eating healthier by eating her "healthy" food. Considering she is living their on their good will, it would be a great thing if she stepped up and helped them with shopping and cooking.
Normally, I would suggest that her family has boundary issues, but she is living off of them.
Where did she say that? How do you know she isn't paying rent and her own way? clearly she is buying her own food, because this is the issue contained in this whole thread. I can't believe anyone would find it MORE reasonable to take responsibility for the feeding of an entire adult household than to be able to expect that something you buy for yourself and ask people not to touch might actually still be there when you get home.
I can't believe anyone would find it reasonable to expect a person's family to change their habits for them after asking them to move back in with them. The clear solution to this problem is to...ya know...move out.
ETA: Adults in households fulfill roles. Even IF she is paying them rent, she should still be responsible for household duties.
you are making a lot of assumptions about who's doing what. you've read about exactly one aspect of this situation.
also, smugness, wow, hope you paid YOUR dues for that.
Yes, I have paid my dues for my smugness. Thank you for your concern.0 -
Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.
I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.
Ding ding ding!!!
Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.
That might work as long as she's the only one buying groceries and preparing meals. If they are going to continue buying things she is unwilling to eat and still eat her things too it's still a problem.
Then she needs to start being the one that buys groceries and prepares meals. Not that difficult.
That would be ideal.
She is an adult, living with her adult family, in order to save money. She shouldnt have to take responsibility for feeding her adult parents and siblings simply so she can have some food in the fridge/freezer that is her own and will be there when she gets home.
How is that more reasonable than her family stopping being selfish takers?
She is living with her adult family, as an adult, by their graciousness. They are expressing a clear interest in eating healthier by eating her "healthy" food. Considering she is living their on their good will, it would be a great thing if she stepped up and helped them with shopping and cooking.
Normally, I would suggest that her family has boundary issues, but she is living off of them.
Where did she say that? How do you know she isn't paying rent and her own way? clearly she is buying her own food, because this is the issue contained in this whole thread. I can't believe anyone would find it MORE reasonable to take responsibility for the feeding of an entire adult household than to be able to expect that something you buy for yourself and ask people not to touch might actually still be there when you get home.
I can't believe anyone would find it MORE reasonable to expect a person's family to change their habits for them after asking them to move back in with them. The clear solution to this problem is to...ya know...move out.
Are you friggen serious? So, what - She shouldnt get upset if the whole family used her deoderant... bodywash... slept in her bed... used her clean sheets once they came out of the laundry... started wearing her clothes... borrowed her car without asking or caring if she needed to be somewhere... so moving back in with family during a tough time means giving up all autonomy or rights to privacy or possessions?
Don't be ridiculous. Those items would very likely clearly be hers. We are talking about food in the fridge, which she hasn't even stated that she MARKS AS HERS. And yes, moving back in with her family automatically means less privacy and autonomy than if she were living alone. This is a given.
She specifically said she buys food, points it out as hers and asks that no one eats it. She specifically says that even food stored in her room would not be safe from raiding by the family. What more does it need before crossing the boundary of reasonable?0 -
She specifically said she buys food, points it out as hers and asks that no one eats it. She specifically says that even food stored in her room would not be safe from raiding by the family. What more does it need before crossing the boundary of reasonable?
The raiding of things from her room is indeed unreasonable. And since she has stated that talking to them doesn't help, she should move out.0 -
no excuses. forget about them, do it because you want it. get your own small fridge, lock your food in a closet.0
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I know exactly how you feel! Whats your goals? how much do you plan to lose we can definitely link up add me on myfitnesspal!0
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surprisingly my family is way more supportive than they have been in the past,
I usually buy my haul of fruits and veggies and store them in my refrigerator downstairs ( I have my own lil apartment downstairs minus a stove) But on occasion my mother will get me something healthy from the store to be nice.
Like the other day she got me some popsicles. (I didn't ask)
BUT I also must mention that I think im rubbing of on her healthy choice wise.
May I suggest the non perishables be stored somewhere, like stashing?
I stash my ricecakes ( I know no one would eat them) but I have them all over in different places of the house haha.0
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