I don't know what to think.
Replies
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Wait, money is so tight in your family that no one can afford healthier foods, yet there is always ice cream in the house?
:huh:
Also, all of your "excuses" for not losing weight are related to your living situation. Get a job if you don't have one, find a roommate or something and move out and live the way you want to. That way you have no one to blame for not having the body and health you say you want. Don't have the resources? Get them. People who have good things in their lives rarely have them just handed over for free. They have to work for it.0 -
I'm starting to feel like MFP is just as bad as the "real world". There's just as many bullies here as in real life. There's just as many people who think they're better because they're down to their fit and you're not. There's just as many people who try to convince you that every set back in life is just an excuse you throw to be lazy .
That's great that you can go for a walk/run/bike around your neighborhood to get exercise but I can't. I have to babysit my younger autistic brother almost all day and night so I have to resort to the elliptical and stationary bike.
That's great that you can afford any supplies you need for a healthy life but my families money is stretched and I don't get control over it. I don't get much control over my own money because I help with bills.
That's great that you have will power but I don't. My family likes ice cream so it's in the house a lot and I have problems resisting it.
My point, if I can even explain it, is that I am a 19 year old girl that can't do things the way you can. I'm not making excuses nor am I being lazy, I just don't have the resources.
I'm tired of getting called names and given words other than support just because my situation is different. I thought we were all supposed to be here and give a helping hand because we all know what it's like to be pushed down?
I am complaining, I know, and I'm sorry. But I just need supportive people around me. Not bullies.
Umm...you could move out and start an adult life of your own, instead of supporting other people?
That sounds like the ideal option but it simply isn't an option for me. I'm not going to leave my mom with a pile of bills and an autistic child home alone while she works 24/7.
But, sweetheart, it simply isn't your responsibility. It's your Mom's responsibility to sort out care for your brother and to pay for the pair of them - you can't put your life on hold indefinitely, especially when you've got your own difficulties around food/exercise (and everything else that happens when you're 19). What are you going to do - stay there for the rest of your brother's life at the expense of your own?
Taking control of your food and health choices often spills over to taking control of other life choices - and that could be why you're finding it hard and you're feeling picked on. Because it's just another bunch of people telling you what you can and can't do.
[Hope you don't think I'm bullying, by the way]0 -
Wait, money is so tight in your family that no one can afford healthier foods, yet there is always ice cream in the house?
:huh:
Also, all of your "excuses" for not losing weight are related to your living situation. Get a job if you don't have one, find a roommate or something and move out and live the way you want to. That way you have no one to blame for not having the body and health you say you want. Don't have the resources? Get them. People who have good things in their lives rarely have them just handed over for free. They have to work for it.
Ice cream is about $1.50 on sale at the store by my house. My grandpa likes it, so he buys it.
Also, I can't move out. I have a job with the State. I am my brothers certified HCA to help my mom out. I'm not going to leave her with a pile of bills and an unwatched autistic child.
I'm not asking for anything to be handed to me.0 -
pray for your enemies0
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Willpower is just like a muscle. You need to exercise it for it to get stronger. And if you can't say "no" to ice cream... so what? Have a smaller portion, and/or make it fit in your calorie goals.0
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You need little to no equipment at all to exercise.
http://www.marklauren.com/
http://www.fitnessblender.com/
http://http://www.nerdfitness.com/
You don't need to buy special food or diet stuff, or even avoid "bad" food. Just learn how to make use of it the right way.
http://body-improvements.com/resources/eat/
You do have to put in the time it takes to find/use the free resources you have available. I'm sorry that you're in such a difficult situation. Life can be incredibly unfair. But that doesn't change the fact that you have to want it badly enough to put the effort into it. Also, I know it might not seem like it, but the people who will be honest and truthful with you, rather than just patting you on the head and agreeing with everything can help you and give you more support than you could imagine if you're willing to put hurt feelings aside and listen. It's hard, but you can do it...if you want to. Good luck.0 -
^^^ this, .... The problem with internet is not only are there real jerks but even decent people who forget they are talking to real people not just a screen can get ugly, it is disheartening but dwell on the positive:)If anything, the internet is worse than real life. O.o
this.
that and the anonymity of the internet. People will say things or phrase things in ways they normally would not in person because it is anonymous.
also, in a lot of cases the issue is tone (or perceived tone) because there is no actual tone conveyed in the written word sometimes things can sound ruder or harsher than the person is actually being. Some people hate smileys but they can go a long way to changing the tone of a post.0 -
I mean... really...when people say it is better to run outside than to run a treadmill they aren't saying "you are such a loser working out inside on a treadmill! Waste of time!"
I mean. Geez. You even HAVE a stationary bike and an elliptical in your house. That's more than I could afford when I was losing my weight.
I am just having a #firstworldproblems moment.
The person who told me to run outside instead of in said I need to get my act together and stop being lazy. Close enough.
I got the stationary bike and elliptical from my neighbor who has bad hips and can't use them.
well, that person was a douche. It is true that running outside is harder/different than running on an elliptical, but exercise is exercise. Nothing lazy about that.
And then, now that you are saying you do exercise and you do eat healthy, I don't understand the problem. It sounds like you are doing everything right...
so who the hell is telling you you aren't? And why are you letting it get you down?
You are eating healthy and working out. You are doing all you need to do. The little details aren't so important.0 -
Ok, here is my point, not that most of you will care lol, but, the girl has obviously already been told all of this by people maybe not even as"kind"as you, she is probably (I am just guessing).in a state of depression in which man up, grow thick skin, your being lazy..... All would sound pretty negative and ugly. Especially over a computer screen. You may have good intentions but if you twirly cared about this girl you might just refrain from any"tough love"for the moment and give get advice as a few others did without the get a life attitude...just sayin'.
THANK YOU. Yeah, I have severe anxiety and some attached depression. It started when my grandma passed away but that's just an excuse. Tough love is not something I know how to handle just yet.0 -
I'm starting to feel like MFP is just as bad as the "real world". There's just as many bullies here as in real life. There's just as many people who think they're better because they're down to their fit and you're not. There's just as many people who try to convince you that every set back in life is just an excuse you throw to be lazy .
That's great that you can go for a walk/run/bike around your neighborhood to get exercise but I can't. I have to babysit my younger autistic brother almost all day and night so I have to resort to the elliptical and stationary bike.
That's great that you can afford any supplies you need for a healthy life but my families money is stretched and I don't get control over it. I don't get much control over my own money because I help with bills.
That's great that you have will power but I don't. My family likes ice cream so it's in the house a lot and I have problems resisting it.
My point, if I can even explain it, is that I am a 19 year old girl that can't do things the way you can. I'm not making excuses nor am I being lazy, I just don't have the resources.
I'm tired of getting called names and given words other than support just because my situation is different. I thought we were all supposed to be here and give a helping hand because we all know what it's like to be pushed down?
I am complaining, I know, and I'm sorry. But I just need supportive people around me. Not bullies.
Umm...you could move out and start an adult life of your own, instead of supporting other people?
That sounds like the ideal option but it simply isn't an option for me. I'm not going to leave my mom with a pile of bills and an autistic child home alone while she works 24/7.
There are state-run programs which allow for respite and habilitation expenses for people with developmentally disabled children. There are after-school and all-day centers that your brother could attend while your mom works, which would probably be free to your mom. There is no reason you need to stay at home watching him.
It's great you care about your family and want to help, but how long is that going to on? When are you going to move out and get a life of your own? At 20? 25? 30? 40 years old? When you meet that one guy and want to get married,. is he expected to move in with you all and start paying your mom's bills, too? Where, exactly, will the buck stop?
Give your mom an allotted amount of time, (say, a year), to get her ducks in a row, to find alternative care for your brother, to not need to rely on you for bills and be independent. And when that time is up, move out and begin your life.0 -
I mean... really...when people say it is better to run outside than to run a treadmill they aren't saying "you are such a loser working out inside on a treadmill! Waste of time!"
I mean. Geez. You even HAVE a stationary bike and an elliptical in your house. That's more than I could afford when I was losing my weight.
I am just having a #firstworldproblems moment.
The person who told me to run outside instead of in said I need to get my act together and stop being lazy. Close enough.
I got the stationary bike and elliptical from my neighbor who has bad hips and can't use them.
well, that person was a douche. It is true that running outside is harder/different than running on an elliptical, but exercise is exercise. Nothing lazy about that.
And then, now that you are saying you do exercise and you do eat healthy, I don't understand the problem. It sounds like you are doing everything right...
so who the hell is telling you you aren't? And why are you letting it get you down?
You are eating healthy and working out. You are doing all you need to do. The little details aren't so important.
I don't want to say names because that just sounds like a rude thing to do, but the person who said that was a hard core gym member and protein shake drinker so I get how they like their methods better, but the person just had to make some comments on my workout ethics.
Anyways, all in all, thank you for seeing the bigger picture in what I was saying. I guess that persons comments just hurt me because he made me feel like I wasn't doing good enough even though I am doing the best I can in this point in time.0 -
THIS is the BEST advice I've seen on MFP!pray for your enemies0 -
well, that person was a douche. It is true that running outside is harder/different than running on an elliptical, but exercise is exercise. Nothing lazy about that.
And then, now that you are saying you do exercise and you do eat healthy, I don't understand the problem. It sounds like you are doing everything right...
so who the hell is telling you you aren't? And why are you letting it get you down?
You are eating healthy and working out. You are doing all you need to do. The little details aren't so important.
All of this.
And since by your ticker, you only have eleven pounds to lose, it's not like you can really be all that much out of shape or eating badly anyway.0 -
I'm starting to feel like MFP is just as bad as the "real world". There's just as many bullies here as in real life. There's just as many people who think they're better because they're down to their fit and you're not. There's just as many people who try to convince you that every set back in life is just an excuse you throw to be lazy .
That's great that you can go for a walk/run/bike around your neighborhood to get exercise but I can't. I have to babysit my younger autistic brother almost all day and night so I have to resort to the elliptical and stationary bike.
That's great that you can afford any supplies you need for a healthy life but my families money is stretched and I don't get control over it. I don't get much control over my own money because I help with bills.
That's great that you have will power but I don't. My family likes ice cream so it's in the house a lot and I have problems resisting it.
My point, if I can even explain it, is that I am a 19 year old girl that can't do things the way you can. I'm not making excuses nor am I being lazy, I just don't have the resources.
I'm tired of getting called names and given words other than support just because my situation is different. I thought we were all supposed to be here and give a helping hand because we all know what it's like to be pushed down?
I am complaining, I know, and I'm sorry. But I just need supportive people around me. Not bullies.
Umm...you could move out and start an adult life of your own, instead of supporting other people?
That sounds like the ideal option but it simply isn't an option for me. I'm not going to leave my mom with a pile of bills and an autistic child home alone while she works 24/7.
But, sweetheart, it simply isn't your responsibility. It's your Mom's responsibility to sort out care for your brother and to pay for the pair of them - you can't put your life on hold indefinitely, especially when you've got your own difficulties around food/exercise (and everything else that happens when you're 19). What are you going to do - stay there for the rest of your brother's life at the expense of your own?
Taking control of your food and health choices often spills over to taking control of other life choices - and that could be why you're finding it hard and you're feeling picked on. Because it's just another bunch of people telling you what you can and can't do.
[Hope you don't think I'm bullying, by the way]
No, your comments don't sound like bullying.
I just don't feel like this is the point in time where I can leave her. I want to help her get on her feet (which is close) before I go anywhere. It's definitely not going to be a lifetime thing. I am just a "family first" kind of person.
That, and she's diabetic. Usually, I can tell when somethings wrong with her before (or even if) she can.
But when all seems good, I'll make the steps to get to my own life.0 -
I think you need to block out negativity and stop making excuses. You control your life.0
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I'm starting to feel like MFP is just as bad as the "real world". There's just as many bullies here as in real life. There's just as many people who think they're better because they're down to their fit and you're not. There's just as many people who try to convince you that every set back in life is just an excuse you throw to be lazy .
That's great that you can go for a walk/run/bike around your neighborhood to get exercise but I can't. I have to babysit my younger autistic brother almost all day and night so I have to resort to the elliptical and stationary bike.
That's great that you can afford any supplies you need for a healthy life but my families money is stretched and I don't get control over it. I don't get much control over my own money because I help with bills.
That's great that you have will power but I don't. My family likes ice cream so it's in the house a lot and I have problems resisting it.
My point, if I can even explain it, is that I am a 19 year old girl that can't do things the way you can. I'm not making excuses nor am I being lazy, I just don't have the resources.
I'm tired of getting called names and given words other than support just because my situation is different. I thought we were all supposed to be here and give a helping hand because we all know what it's like to be pushed down?
I am complaining, I know, and I'm sorry. But I just need supportive people around me. Not bullies.
Umm...you could move out and start an adult life of your own, instead of supporting other people?
That sounds like the ideal option but it simply isn't an option for me. I'm not going to leave my mom with a pile of bills and an autistic child home alone while she works 24/7.
There are state-run programs which allow for respite and habilitation expenses for people with developmentally disabled children. There are after-school and all-day centers that your brother could attend while your mom works, which would probably be free to your mom. There is no reason you need to stay at home watching him.
It's great you care about your family and want to help, but how long is that going to on? When are you going to move out and get a life of your own? At 20? 25? 30? 40 years old? When you meet that one guy and want to get married,. is he expected to move in with you all and start paying your mom's bills, too? Where, exactly, will the buck stop?
Give your mom an allotted amount of time, (say, a year), to get her ducks in a row, to find alternative care for your brother, to not need to rely on you for bills and be independent. And when that time is up, move out and begin your life.
Well, I do see what you're saying. This definitely isn't a lifetime thing. But for now, I am my brothers certified Home Care Aid. He's my responsibility whether I live with them or not.0 -
I'm trying to figure out who the OP is complaining about.
If she is exercising and eating a calorie deficit... who is giving her crap for that?0 -
I don't want to say names because that just sounds like a rude thing to do, but the person who said that was a hard core gym member and protein shake drinker so I get how they like their methods better, but the person just had to make some comments on my workout ethics.
Anyways, all in all, thank you for seeing the bigger picture in what I was saying. I guess that persons comments just hurt me because he made me feel like I wasn't doing good enough even though I am doing the best I can in this point in time.
Ok so I know this guy who is super awesome and I was talking with him and my son about getting picked on. I said to this guy "you remember when you were a kid and you were getting picked on?" He said he never got picked on. I was like.. what? Never? I though all kids had this experience?
He said "well, of course there is always your occasional *kitten* saying stupid *kitten* but you just ignore them."
Made me realize how much power we give away to people when we take their words an let them into our hearts.
I honestly cannot believe that what I was saying was viewed as bullying. I felt like I was just sharing what I learned on my path- not that I'm oh-so-much-better, but that I have been there. I remember feeling frustrated because I was a single mom in graduate school and I didn't have time to cook healthy meals and I couldn't get to work out like I should and I just hated my body and my life and felt stuck. Figuring out that I could do what I needed to even within the confines of what I was limited by was like finding Jesus... so just reread my post and imagine me a born again Christian just trying to save you and show you the light because that is how I feel about the reality that we can take control of our lives, even those of us who lack resources.0 -
Some of us have it harder/easier than others, and we can't change our circumstances. It just makes it that much sweeter in the end if you have greater circumstances to overcome. No one should be putting you down because of your circumstances and if they are, I'm very sorry, that's awful. In the end, no matter what your circumstances, it all comes down to the little choices that you make every day, and it really comes down to how much of a priority it is in your life at this moment. If you do not think you have the will to get yourself fit right now, that's completely fine, don't feel bad about it. If you do however think you can be in the mindset to eat the way you need to to lose weight, then go for it with everything you've got. In the end it all comes down to you. Good luck.
Very nicely said, and so true. Everyone has their own set of circumstances. Your set backs today may not be there forever. All you can do is your best now. Don't listen to the negativity, don't buy into it. If you do listen to it, use it to fuel your fire to make things better. A lot of people here are here to listen.0 -
Don't spend time thinking on negative people even those who are supposedly trying to help with their negativity, just push on with your journey, ice cream is not the enemy just use moderation, each person had different goals some want extream fitness and that's great but you can lose weight and eat I've cream lol.... You should go have some:) eat a scoop for me and burn it off on your elliptical:D apologies in advance for typos lol I am on my phone.Ok, here is my point, not that most of you will care lol, but, the girl has obviously already been told all of this by people maybe not even as"kind"as you, she is probably (I am just guessing).in a state of depression in which man up, grow thick skin, your being lazy..... All would sound pretty negative and ugly. Especially over a computer screen. You may have good intentions but if you twirly cared about this girl you might just refrain from any"tough love"for the moment and give get advice as a few others did without the get a life attitude...just sayin'.
THANK YOU. Yeah, I have severe anxiety and some attached depression. It started when my grandma passed away but that's just an excuse. Tough love is not something I know how to handle just yet.0 -
I'm trying to figure out who the OP is complaining about.
If she is exercising and eating a calorie deficit... who is giving her crap for that?
Complaining lol. I am fed up with the negative people who seem to think that what I am doing isn't good enough.0 -
The internet is WAY worse than real life. People can say whatever they want and do not have to be held accountable, they can be "anonymous". Even if you see their pics and everything what are the chances you will actually encounter them when they live on the other side of the country. In addition, not being face-to-face takes the human element away from communications.0
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I'm trying to figure out who the OP is complaining about.
If she is exercising and eating a calorie deficit... who is giving her crap for that?
Complaining lol. I am fed up with the negative people who seem to think that what I am doing isn't good enough.
Who are these people? Why do you care what they think of your workout program?0 -
well, that person was a douche. It is true that running outside is harder/different than running on an elliptical, but exercise is exercise. Nothing lazy about that.
And then, now that you are saying you do exercise and you do eat healthy, I don't understand the problem. It sounds like you are doing everything right...
so who the hell is telling you you aren't? And why are you letting it get you down?
You are eating healthy and working out. You are doing all you need to do. The little details aren't so important.
All of this.
And since by your ticker, you only have eleven pounds to lose, it's not like you can really be all that much out of shape or eating badly anyway.
^ also note that with 11 lbs to lose, you are going to take you some precious time. I was advised to "forget about the 10 lbs and just keep working at it"0 -
Just do what you can do. It's better than not.0
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I'm starting to feel like MFP is just as bad as the "real world". There's just as many bullies here as in real life. There's just as many people who think they're better because they're down to their fit and you're not. There's just as many people who try to convince you that every set back in life is just an excuse you throw to be lazy .
That's great that you can go for a walk/run/bike around your neighborhood to get exercise but I can't. I have to babysit my younger autistic brother almost all day and night so I have to resort to the elliptical and stationary bike.
That's great that you can afford any supplies you need for a healthy life but my families money is stretched and I don't get control over it. I don't get much control over my own money because I help with bills.
That's great that you have will power but I don't. My family likes ice cream so it's in the house a lot and I have problems resisting it.
My point, if I can even explain it, is that I am a 19 year old girl that can't do things the way you can. I'm not making excuses nor am I being lazy, I just don't have the resources.
I'm tired of getting called names and given words other than support just because my situation is different. I thought we were all supposed to be here and give a helping hand because we all know what it's like to be pushed down?
I am complaining, I know, and I'm sorry. But I just need supportive people around me. Not bullies.
I can't help but wonder why you have to watch your brother. I have 6 kids and try not to make the older ones watch their sibblings....... The hard thing anout the internet is when you try to answer something and have absolutely NO idea what is going on with the other person. For all I know, you might have only one parent that works two jobs to pay the bills or something.
Is it possible to sneak in 30 minutes a day to just walk after work? The hardest thing I struggle with is finding time to get out which can be hard with 3 children 6 and under in tow. ( my excuse for not going to the gym tonight)0 -
the forums are a place for people who are unhappy with themselves to make others feel just as bad. ignore the naysayers ,and seek out the good advice. i've learned a lot more just from reading articles online. find some supportive friends, and stay off the negative boards.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I'm trying to figure out who the OP is complaining about.
If she is exercising and eating a calorie deficit... who is giving her crap for that?
Complaining lol. I am fed up with the negative people who seem to think that what I am doing isn't good enough.
Who are these people? Why do you care what they think of your workout program?
A couple are people on my friends list, most are random thread commenters. I have no idea why I care and quite frankly I wish I didn't by my depression and anxiety make me care and agree. Then I end up putting myself down which eventually leads to me giving up.0 -
..... And why are they still on your FL? Don't sound like friends to me.
Be a little more discriminating in who you allow on your FL.0 -
..... And why are they still on your FL? Don't sound like friends to me.
Be a little more discriminating in who you allow on your FL.
Good point! I was thinking of deleting some but I wasn't sure if that's the "proper" thing to do on MFP.
Thank you!0
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