Problem that isn't really a "problem"

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Replies

  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
    Okay... So most of you will think I'm out of my mind but I'm at a bit of a loss...
    My "problem" is the following:
    I'm 5'10 and cutrently weigh 126 pounds which is okay I guess. I weighed 160 pounds at my highest and have kept the weight off for about 4-5 years now. I should be happy with my body and weight but i'm not. I look at so many pictures here on MFP and always think "i'd Love to look like her" and then I sometimes See how much that person weighs... And usually those people are heavier than me which seems impossible because they look so slim...I do work out with weights so I'd not consider myself skinnyfat... It's just that i obviously don't See what i want to See when i look in the mirror. Does anyone else out there feel like that too?

    You look fab in your wedding photo!!! IMO you are a good weight for your height.

    Let me put it this way, If you lost say 6lbs do you think it would make your body shape any different? My answer probably not for me to look at or you to see a difference.

    Sometimes we look at other people, mainly people that are using weights, to feel that we do not look as good as their body shape.... so the simple answer is weights.

    But having said that, we can always be striving to be something/bodyshape that is not attainable due to genes.

    Just be the best you can be and be happy :flowerforyou:
  • ea101367
    ea101367 Posts: 175 Member
    I'm looking at you like you look at others! I think I would love to have your body!
    And I think it's completely normal as a woman. :flowerforyou:
  • mrsriisky
    mrsriisky Posts: 129 Member
    126lbs for 5'10" seems little. I'd definitely do more weight lifting.

    I agree with this, if your looking at girls that are toned and have definition and you don't see that.. time to EAT CORRECTLY FOR YOUR ACTIVITY and Lift Weights.. you know why I bolded the eat correctly, cause that is probably where you are failing. And throw the scale out, your going to gain weight if you do this.. but as you noticed people that look better than you probably weigh more..

    Agreed! I am currently trying to change my body composition, and it is making my confidence soar- I also put away my scale. I know I'm a healthy weight, but wasn't satisfied with what I was seeing in the mirror, so I'm working out hard to change it. And, for anyone judging, I think it is unfair not to realize that women of all shapes and sizes can have dissatisfaction with their bodies. OP, you are a healthy weight, if you dissatisfied, start doing some lifting or workouts you enjoy :) Though I would definitely say that avoiding the scale would be great, since you are already very light for your weight- focus on changing your body composition and getting stronger!
  • alikonda
    alikonda Posts: 2,358 Member
    I think every female experiences some of that. When I was a highly competitive varsity athlete back in my schooldays, I *hated* my body because I didn't match the waiflike girls around me, whom I considered to be more attractive. I've since come to realize that how well my body works and how strong I am is *much* more important than what the scale says or what size pants I wear. I find I'm at my happiest, no matter what weight, when I am strong; going for a run changes from a painful ordeal to a pleasant period during which I simply marvel at my muscle coordination.

    I think you've had a few people recommend throwing away (or at least completely ignoring) the scale - I fully endorse this idea!

    This blog post ( http://sophieologie.wordpress.com/2013/04/30/strong-is-the-new-skinny/ ) is a favourite of mine regarding this topic. Find some body love and appreciate YOUR figure for what it can do for you! It's hard not to fixate on the numbers, but you can be so much happier without them! Since this has been a fairly new revelation for me, as well, I have a few links to some other articles/blogs that I can share if you want. Just send me a message. =)
  • kirstyfairhead
    kirstyfairhead Posts: 220 Member
    I think there are a few things you may want to think about.

    1. Consider that you might actually look pretty fabulous already....I know ... a tough one.... but it could just be possible huh!! :smile:

    2. There is no way you can possibly need to lose more weight so the only way you can alter your look would be to work out.

    3. I started NROLFW about 5 weeks ago and am loving it so I would def recommend giving this a go. However, don't expect miracles or super fast results and make sure you eat enough. If that toned, lean look with a bit of muscle definition is what you are after there is NO reason why you can't get that.

    4. If you have a mental picture then go for it but be realistic. I'm 4' 11" and there is no work out in the world that will give me beautiful long legs. What I can achieve is a trim waist, some bumps in the right places for a change and a body that feels good.

    Follow your vision but don't fail to see the good stuff...it's right there in front of you!!
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
    At 5'10" and 126, you're already borderline underweight. If you're looking in the mirror and not feeling "slim" enough, please see a professional.

    I know how you feel to an extent. I have reached my original goal weight. I'm healthy and pretty fit, but I feel awful about my body some days. I know that's crazy because there are people on here who are 200 pounds overweight. How can I feel so big when I'm a healthy weight? However, I am not where I want to be yet. I can lose a few more pounds and continue weight training to tone my muscles and lean out.

    You, on the other hand, really can't lose any more weight and you're already doing strength training (I assume you've been doing it for long enough to see results). At this point, you really shouldn't be feeling so negatively about yourself. It could lead to issues down the road so please seek help if you can.
  • mrsriisky
    mrsriisky Posts: 129 Member
    I'm looking at you like you look at others! I think I would love to have your body!
    And I think it's completely normal as a woman. :flowerforyou:

    Also, very much this! My thick legs have never looked like that in jeans, and boy, what I wouldn't do for your hair!
  • michellechawner
    michellechawner Posts: 892
    OP I have the same problem.

    I am currently 5'5 and weight 128 - I think I still need to lose another 10, maybe 15, but my goal is to only lose 8 more... I have the same issues, looking in the mirror I cry because all I see is fat... I see all the PROBLEMS, not the good things I've done already. I used to weight 167 (in 2009), and was happy at 125, but now I'm 128 and I don't feel like like I did years ago at 125. I also constantly compare myself with others in photos, and I know I shouldn't. Again, I KNOW I SHOULDN'T, but I still do.

    I am a healthy weight now, and I should be happy! But I can point out so many problems and I feel so... lost still. Like the last 12 i lost still has no effect on my mind... I still see myself as that chubby chick.
  • crystalflame
    crystalflame Posts: 1,049 Member
    What a lot of other people said, but also this: you're looking at pictures on MFP that people have staged and taken when they're at their best. You see yourself throughout the day, and reality is you're not always at your best - sometimes you're bloated after a meal, sometimes you're in bad lighting, sometimes your hair's a mess, sometimes you're wearing something unflattering. Try to remember that the girl you're jealous of has her less flattering moments too; she's not always flexing for the camera while wearing her sexiest pair of yoga pants. It's not fair of you to compare your everyday perception of yourself to someone else's moment of perfection. If it helps, take pictures of yourself when you really like what you see and look at them when you need a reminder that you're already gorgeous and don't need to look like anyone else.
  • kellylamppp
    kellylamppp Posts: 3
    I know EXACTLY where you're coming from! I'm 5'5" and 130lbs but I'm not happy with my body at all. I think for me the issue is that I was always short and skinny up until high school when I grew 6" and gained 40lbs over the four years. Then my freshman year of college hit and I gained a few more pounds, leaving me in a rut this summer feeling gross. I've started to come to the realization that I need to tell myself "you are not fat" and realize how many people would love to have the body I'm upset with. I look around and see people with amazing bodies knowing that I will never have their tiny thighs after my years of dancing, that my stomach pooch is genetic and I need to accept the differences in our bodies instead of hate myself for being different. I think a big thing that will help both of us is to really look at ourselves in the mirror and think of the things that we love most about our bodies and spend less time looking at everyone else's being envious! I don't know if you get jealous but girl I know i do! Once we accept our differences and get our heads screwed on right I think we'll both be happier!! Hope this helped you a little b/c I think writing this really did just help me too!
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
    126lbs for 5'10" seems little. I'd definitely do more weight lifting.

    I agree with this, if your looking at girls that are toned and have definition and you don't see that.. time to EAT CORRECTLY FOR YOUR ACTIVITY and Lift Weights.. you know why I bolded the eat correctly, cause that is probably where you are failing. And throw the scale out, your going to gain weight if you do this.. but as you noticed people that look better than you probably weigh more..

    Agreed! I am currently trying to change my body composition, and it is making my confidence soar- I also put away my scale. I know I'm a healthy weight, but wasn't satisfied with what I was seeing in the mirror, so I'm working out hard to change it. And, for anyone judging, I think it is unfair not to realize that women of all shapes and sizes can have dissatisfaction with their bodies. OP, you are a healthy weight, if you dissatisfied, start doing some lifting or workouts you enjoy :) Though I would definitely say that avoiding the scale would be great, since you are already very light for your weight- focus on changing your body composition and getting stronger!

    Actually, no, if one is going by BMI which applies to the majority, barring professional athletes and weight lifters, she is underweight at 18.1. Of course, maybe there are some examples that can look healthy at this, if they are that way naturally, but in this case, the op has dieted herself down to that BMI. Not to say she does not look great in her profile picture, but regardless, by the usual medical standards(for all their faults), she is clinically underweight.
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
    At 5'10" and 126, you're already borderline underweight. If you're looking in the mirror and not feeling "slim" enough, please see a professional.

    I know how you feel to an extent. I have reached my original goal weight. I'm healthy and pretty fit, but I feel awful about my body some days. I know that's crazy because there are people on here who are 200 pounds overweight. How can I feel so big when I'm a healthy weight? However, I am not where I want to be yet. I can lose a few more pounds and continue weight training to tone my muscles and lean out.

    You, on the other hand, really can't lose any more weight and you're already doing strength training (I assume you've been doing it for long enough to see results). At this point, you really shouldn't be feeling so negatively about yourself. It could lead to issues down the road so please seek help if you can.

    ^^ Agree with this also, totally.
  • Janina1987
    Janina1987 Posts: 92
    126lbs for 5'10" seems little. I'd definitely do more weight lifting.

    I agree with this, if your looking at girls that are toned and have definition and you don't see that.. time to EAT CORRECTLY FOR YOUR ACTIVITY and Lift Weights.. you know why I bolded the eat correctly, cause that is probably where you are failing. And throw the scale out, your going to gain weight if you do this.. but as you noticed people that look better than you probably weigh more..

    Agreed! I am currently trying to change my body composition, and it is making my confidence soar- I also put away my scale. I know I'm a healthy weight, but wasn't satisfied with what I was seeing in the mirror, so I'm working out hard to change it. And, for anyone judging, I think it is unfair not to realize that women of all shapes and sizes can have dissatisfaction with their bodies. OP, you are a healthy weight, if you dissatisfied, start doing some lifting or workouts you enjoy :) Though I would definitely say that avoiding the scale would be great, since you are already very light for your weight- focus on changing your body composition and getting stronger!

    Actually, no, if one is going by BMI which applies to the majority, barring professional athletes and weight lifters, she is underweight at 18.1. Of course, maybe there are some examples that can look healthy at this, if they are that way naturally, but in this case, the op has dieted herself down to that BMI. Not to say she does not look great in her profile picture, but regardless, by the usual medical standards(for all their faults), she is clinically underweight.

    Ahm, no. I guess you got something wrong there... I haven't starved or dieted myself to that weight actually. I do eat somewhat between 1900 and 2200 calories a day. Sometimes a little more on weekends. So I definitely like to eat and would - for no weight in the world - stop eating. I sometimea wonder how people on here actually manage to live eating only 1200 calories a day. I basically work out 5 to 6 days a week. That is how I got to that weight. I started to concentrate a little more on lifting weights which is how I alread gained a good 5 pounds in the last 6 months. I have muscle definition in my abs and legs and arms...
    So I'm not trying to diet and definitely don't want to look like those models on tv...
  • Janina1987
    Janina1987 Posts: 92
    I really do appreciate all of your comments... oh well, most of them anyway... So what I think most people got wrong here is that they think I want to lose more weight. That is not the case really. I have gained 5 pounds over the last few months but have lost inches so I'm not obsessed with the scales. I guess it's more or less my body composition I'm not happy with. Something I can only change to a certain degree...
    I will answer to more posts later...
  • losingit413
    losingit413 Posts: 12 Member
    I always wanted to be tall and lean, unfortunately I am short and round. No matter how skinny I get I will always be round. I used to hate my thighs and calves. Lately I decided to like what I was born with since I can't change it. I am exercising to build muscle. If I can't be long and lean I can at least be strong. No more wanting something I can't have, I want to be content and happy with who I am.
  • slrose
    slrose Posts: 164 Member
    look at your constant dissatisfaction as a way of keeping you on your toes

    thats the way i look at mine
  • BarackMeLikeAHurricane
    BarackMeLikeAHurricane Posts: 3,400 Member
    I am 5'10" and have not been 126lbs since high school. And I looked like a boy.

    I would love to get down to 150lbs now and look like a healthy woman.

    Pick up some weights and throw away your scale.
    Wow, way to be rude. Gotta love the fat logic thin shaming.

    Hurr durr real womynz haz curvez
  • skelton82
    skelton82 Posts: 25 Member
    I do know how you feel, I am like that a lot about my face I hate it but its the only one Ive got and I have to make do. The problem with looking at pictures of other people and wishing you where them is its an impossibility and in all likely hood they themselves probably feel exactly the same.
    Being physically fit and healthy and the perfect weight for you doesn't necessarily come hand in hand with mental happiness. for that you need to look deeper into your self, address why you feel your not good enough yet. you may find its some passing comment made once that has knocked your inner confidence or maybe some one you love has made you feel you have to be perfect for them to tell you how proud they are of you.
    One of the best ways to tackle these inner doubts and feelings of not being what you feel you should be is to work on CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) you don't necessarily have to go to a Dr but I would advise it, you can research CBT follow some of the techniques on your own at home talk to your husband about it and hopefully, much like losing weight and getting fit, over time you will learn that you are beautiful and those parts of your body that you look at as flawed are actually unique and make you the amazing one and only that you are. And remember its ok to feel crap about your self some days its natural and there is no rule that says just because other people say you look great you have to automatically feel it BUT only let yourself have the odd day if it goes on too long then the negative false thoughts will take hold, try to be positive and take more control of your thoughts.
    I really hope you find some inner peace.
    x m
  • Janina1987
    Janina1987 Posts: 92
    Something didn't work in my response. Your wedding picture shows you to be proportionally well balanced with regards to your height and weight. You have a balanced and healthy appearance that is pleasant to the eye of the beholder. In my opinion you already have what I think you see in others that you want to look like.

    Thank you! I really appreciate you saying that! :-)
  • Janina1987
    Janina1987 Posts: 92
    I am 5'10" and have not been 126lbs since high school. And I looked like a boy.

    I would love to get down to 150lbs now and look like a healthy woman.

    Pick up some weights and throw away your scale.
    Wow, way to be rude. Gotta love the fat logic thin shaming.

    Hurr durr real womynz haz curvez

    Way to be rude... You're right
  • Janina1987
    Janina1987 Posts: 92
    126lbs for 5'10" seems little. I'd definitely do more weight lifting.

    I agree with this, if your looking at girls that are toned and have definition and you don't see that.. time to EAT CORRECTLY FOR YOUR ACTIVITY and Lift Weights.. you know why I bolded the eat correctly, cause that is probably where you are failing. And throw the scale out, your going to gain weight if you do this.. but as you noticed people that look better than you probably weigh more..
    *slow clap* couldn't have said it better myself. I'm 5'8 and weigh 140 btw. Even going as low as 130 makes me look like skeletor. But we all have different fat distribution, amount of muscles, genetics, and sized frames. Personally I think you look gorgeous.

    Is that you in your profile pick? You look stunning
  • Janina1987
    Janina1987 Posts: 92
    I'm looking at you like you look at others! I think I would love to have your body!
    And I think it's completely normal as a woman. :flowerforyou:


    That is actually the first time ever someone said that to me :blushing: thank you!
  • Janina1987
    Janina1987 Posts: 92
    What a lot of other people said, but also this: you're looking at pictures on MFP that people have staged and taken when they're at their best. You see yourself throughout the day, and reality is you're not always at your best - sometimes you're bloated after a meal, sometimes you're in bad lighting, sometimes your hair's a mess, sometimes you're wearing something unflattering. Try to remember that the girl you're jealous of has her less flattering moments too; she's not always flexing for the camera while wearing her sexiest pair of yoga pants. It's not fair of you to compare your everyday perception of yourself to someone else's moment of perfection. If it helps, take pictures of yourself when you really like what you see and look at them when you need a reminder that you're already gorgeous and don't need to look like anyone else.


    You are absolutely right and I never actually thought about it that way... And I'll definitely think about the picture thing. Sounds good to me
  • Sergette1
    Sergette1 Posts: 27 Member
    I saw a sticker in a bar's WC mirror saying

    WARNING: Reflections in this mirror may be distorted by socially constructed ideas of "beauty"

    I loved it!!
  • Janina1987
    Janina1987 Posts: 92
    So I really got a few very good comments and I've been thinking a lot...
    I hope everyone here understood that I'm absolutely not trying to reduce my weight any further. As I've now mentioned a few Times I have gained 5 pounds since January but I lost Inches. I don't weigh myself regularly but I use the good old tape mesure.

    But I have also been thinking about why I never feel like I'm okay the way I am and I really think it has something to do with my mom being overweight. I've always said that I never wanted to look like her. That sounds harsh I know. I love her but she always set kind of a negative example. At the same time I know that I'm not going there and have never been somewhat close to what she looks but still I'm a bit obsessed with that.

    And so many of you were right. I should accept myself the way I am... But sometimes that's just so damn hard.
    I feel fit, I'm healthy and I have a wonderful life... so maybe I should at least try and stop obsessing about it...

    Thank you guys for commenting!

    Oh and some of you said really nice things - even though I seriously didn't make this post to get compliments - it felt nice! Really! And I appreciate that! :flowerforyou:
  • Janina1987
    Janina1987 Posts: 92
    Ha, gotta write that down!!!!! :laugh:
  • raychulj
    raychulj Posts: 458 Member
    So I really got a few very good comments and I've been thinking a lot...
    I hope everyone here understood that I'm absolutely not trying to reduce my weight any further. As I've now mentioned a few Times I have gained 5 pounds since January but I lost Inches. I don't weigh myself regularly but I use the good old tape mesure.

    But I have also been thinking about why I never feel like I'm okay the way I am and I really think it has something to do with my mom being overweight. I've always said that I never wanted to look like her. That sounds harsh I know. I love her but she always set kind of a negative example. At the same time I know that I'm not going there and have never been somewhat close to what she looks but still I'm a bit obsessed with that.

    And so many of you were right. I should accept myself the way I am... But sometimes that's just so damn hard.
    I feel fit, I'm healthy and I have a wonderful life... so maybe I should at least try and stop obsessing about it...

    Thank you guys for commenting!

    Oh and some of you said really nice things - even though I seriously didn't make this post to get compliments - it felt nice! Really! And I appreciate that! :flowerforyou:
    I could've wrote that. I have mommy issues too. She did great in taking care of everyone except herself and I became obsessed with keeping my weight down from the age of twelve when she told me I had her body type. Putting muscle on has been the best decision I've ever made. I eat and fit in my skinny jeans.
  • Janina1987
    Janina1987 Posts: 92
    So I really got a few very good comments and I've been thinking a lot...
    I hope everyone here understood that I'm absolutely not trying to reduce my weight any further. As I've now mentioned a few Times I have gained 5 pounds since January but I lost Inches. I don't weigh myself regularly but I use the good old tape mesure.

    But I have also been thinking about why I never feel like I'm okay the way I am and I really think it has something to do with my mom being overweight. I've always said that I never wanted to look like her. That sounds harsh I know. I love her but she always set kind of a negative example. At the same time I know that I'm not going there and have never been somewhat close to what she looks but still I'm a bit obsessed with that.

    And so many of you were right. I should accept myself the way I am... But sometimes that's just so damn hard.
    I feel fit, I'm healthy and I have a wonderful life... so maybe I should at least try and stop obsessing about it...

    Thank you guys for commenting!

    Oh and some of you said really nice things - even though I seriously didn't make this post to get compliments - it felt nice! Really! And I appreciate that! :flowerforyou:
    I could've wrote that. I have mommy issues too. She did great in taking care of everyone except herself and I became obsessed with keeping my weight down from the age of twelve when she told me I had her body type. Putting muscle on has been the best decision I've ever made. I eat and fit in my skinny jeans.

    And you look absolutely fabolous!!!!
  • Hotdawgnothotdog
    Hotdawgnothotdog Posts: 179 Member
    According to BMI, you're underweight.
  • Azdak
    Azdak Posts: 8,281 Member
    There are a couple of issues here--one is what you say you "see" and the other is what you "are".

    Others have made some positive and constructive comments about body image and how it can affect one's outlook.

    I would only add that getting an idea of your body composition might provide some insight into setting realistic goals. It's not always as simple as just saying "lift heavy". I've seen women your size whose fat free mass has ranged from 85 pounds to 120 lbs. Seeing where you are on that continuum might be helpful.

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