Requiring Incoming Friend Request Messages

xxghost
xxghost Posts: 4,697 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have received a number of friend requests in the past few days, all of which have not included a message. While I hate to make broad generalizations, from my own experience, people who do not include a message of some sort often go on to be incredibly inactive. This, obviously, has exceptions. But I love getting to know my friends, so I'm really bummed when people don't try to communicate with me at all, even after I've added them as a friend.

I see quite a few people who require potential friends to include a message of some sort - even just a simple hi - in their request. I am curious whether or not this leads to a more vocal, active friends list. Of course, I can just go through and remove friends if they become inactive, but this may just make things easier for me. It is disheartening to "delete" friends.

Thoughts from people who do this, people who don't do this, or people who don't care and just want an excuse to post gifs?
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Replies

  • yaseyuku
    yaseyuku Posts: 871 Member
    I only accept requests with messages unless it is from someone who I have spoken to on the message boards before, therefore knowing who they are.
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
    I don't know. I include messages because people tend to ask for them. People who send me requests include messages. Some of them are really active and others aren't as much. I imagine that requiring messages is better served as a means of screening people for reasons other than activity.
  • BenchPressingCats
    BenchPressingCats Posts: 1,826 Member
    I want to know that incoming friends have either read my profile or they have communicated with me on the message boards. They have to be aware of what they're in for because I've had too many friends send me messages saying "You're a jerk..." or "Why don't you ever support me?!?!" and I'm like "IT'S IN THE PROFILE, READ IT DOLL FACE!"

    Although, one of my friends made me aware that people on the phone app cannot see your profile, so I sometimes (sometimes, very rarely) accept with no message. But then I want a public profile and some awesome stuff on it.
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
    I don't state up front that I require a message, but I do like to have some information about a person before I accept the request. When I get a request with no message, I go to the person's profile to see what that says. If the profile is blank and they have no pictures uploaded and they've been on the site more than just a couple of days, I tend to decline. If someone is brand new and hasn't taken the time to add that info, I'm more likely to give them a chance.

    I'm pretty outspoken and have my own particular sense of humor, so I try to add friends with whom I have at least something in common.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    I only send blank friend requests.
  • Zombella
    Zombella Posts: 491 Member
    I don't require messages, but it is nice.

    I really only send messages if the person is asking for one, or if I see someone in the success stories and just want to tell them where I saw them and why I am adding them. I don't believe it means someone is not active if they don't include messages. I usually just look at their profile to see how long they've been on here and how much they are actively here because many people do sign up and just quit.
  • hOw2lozeAgiN10dAze
    hOw2lozeAgiN10dAze Posts: 1,841 Member
    I never send friend requests. I'm not friendly.
  • melindasuefritz
    melindasuefritz Posts: 3,509 Member
    ui d ont care i accept them
  • xxghost
    xxghost Posts: 4,697 Member
    I imagine that requiring messages is better served as a means of screening people for reasons other than activity.

    I originally figured that this was the reasoning, as people sometimes asked for incoming friend requests to include goals, workout routine, etc. But lately, I've come across a number of profiles that simply asked for anything - a smiley face, a "hi," anything. I wonder then if it is a means of judging activity.
  • BenchPressingCats
    BenchPressingCats Posts: 1,826 Member
    I don't require messages, but it is nice.

    I really only send messages if the person is asking for one, or if I see someone in the success stories and just want to tell them where I saw them and why I am adding them. I don't believe it means someone is not active if they don't include messages. I usually just look at their profile to see how long they've been on here and how much they are actively here because many people do sign up and just quit.

    One of my favorite friends on here was active for a little while and then quit... I has a sad :sad:
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    I just accept the invitations and let other people sort themselves out. If they turn out to be inactive, maybe it's because this site isn't a good fit, or they find something that works better. We're all on our own journey!
  • BenchPressingCats
    BenchPressingCats Posts: 1,826 Member
    I imagine that requiring messages is better served as a means of screening people for reasons other than activity.

    I originally figured that this was the reasoning, as people sometimes asked for incoming friend requests to include goals, workout routine, etc. But lately, I've come across a number of profiles that simply asked for anything - a smiley face, a "hi," anything. I wonder then if it is a means of judging activity.

    I think that's more of a gauge of who read the profile. There are quite a few people here who just click on a username and send a request, knowing nothing about them.
  • xxghost
    xxghost Posts: 4,697 Member
    I think that's more of a gauge of who read the profile. There are quite a few people here who just click on a username and send a request, knowing nothing about them.

    That makes sense too, I suppose. If you ask a person to include a message of any sort, and they do, you might assume that they did indeed read your profile.

    Though as was brought up previously, there is that pesky issue with mobile not showing profiles.
  • BenchPressingCats
    BenchPressingCats Posts: 1,826 Member
    Yep, and that's why I'm willing to give some people a chance. Usually I ask my friends about them first to see if anybody has them added already.
  • Kellbellftw
    Kellbellftw Posts: 89 Member
    I usually accept any friend requests, and if they don't include a message I give them a chance to talk to me on posts. If by a week (or so) they have done nothing to get to know me, or even say hi, they are deleted. I have more local friends on here than I do message board/random MFP friends, and I don't mind it being that way haha I find it weird to send somebody a request and then make no contact with them at all. What's the point?!
  • MzManiak
    MzManiak Posts: 1,361 Member
    I don't usually send a message. I figure the friend request itself says I appreciate what you have to say and the progress you have made, or the goals you are trying to obtain... I don't just send friend requests to anyone... if they accept them, cool. If not, that's cool too.

    I've never turned down a friend request. I tend to think it's better to give them a chance than judge them outright. I don't delete friends for not telling me oh, good job or giving me endless details about their day.... only if they go weeks without logging, or they go several days without eating. Some people are talkative, others are not. Doesn't ruin my day not to know everyone on my friends list on a personal level. Support can still be given, in my opinion.
  • Kamikazeflutterby
    Kamikazeflutterby Posts: 770 Member
    A message is a nice way to say you have more personality than a bot. If someone can't bother to say something, however simple, why should I add them? I don't really use it to judge activity level, or "you must be this witty to join this FL" just to see that you have a smidge of personality and are capable of saying hello.
  • Stump_Likker
    Stump_Likker Posts: 2,059 Member
    I never send friend requests. I'm not friendly.

    Lol. Same here.
  • Jewel0124
    Jewel0124 Posts: 119 Member
    I don't send messages, nor do I require that others send messages. I don't think messages are indicative of someone's personality nor their commitment to losing weight. Sometimes people are just getting started on their journey and are simply looking for support therefore, I'd rather get to know them instead of judging them.
  • MyzGina
    MyzGina Posts: 32 Member
    I'm kinda picky who I add or even request to add me. I don't think a message matters. I kinda look at the weight loss. I like to see that the person requesting an add is actually doin something putting in some type of work!! Someone I can get tips or even some type of inspiration from. And I hope to do the same for them
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I rarely send FRs, but when I do I make sure they are super creepy, very obnoxious, or downright insulting.
  • Cutting4life
    Cutting4life Posts: 505 Member
    1st world problems
  • melb_alex
    melb_alex Posts: 1,154 Member
    I have received a number of friend requests in the past few days, all of which have not included a message. While I hate to make broad generalizations, from my own experience, people who do not include a message of some sort often go on to be incredibly inactive. This, obviously, has exceptions. But I love getting to know my friends, so I'm really bummed when people don't try to communicate with me at all, even after I've added them as a friend.

    I see quite a few people who require potential friends to include a message of some sort - even just a simple hi - in their request. I am curious whether or not this leads to a more vocal, active friends list. Of course, I can just go through and remove friends if they become inactive, but this may just make things easier for me. It is disheartening to "delete" friends.

    Thoughts from people who do this, people who don't do this, or people who don't care and just want an excuse to post gifs?

    I personally find the people that include a personal message are the ones that I interact with the most and are extremely supportive.

    The ones that don't are incidentally deleted after a few days due to not reciprocating the support or being active.

    I mostly include messages with my friend requests when I do them- which is not often :)
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Although, one of my friends made me aware that people on the phone app cannot see your profile.

    Oh, I didn't know that. Good to know.
  • tehboxingkitteh
    tehboxingkitteh Posts: 1,574 Member
    I rarely send FRs, but when I do I make sure they are super creepy, very obnoxious, or downright insulting.
    I usually just send gifs that are perverse.
  • megabyt23
    megabyt23 Posts: 580 Member
    I'm pretty sure I always write a message when I send a friend request, but whenever I see a profile that says..."Send a message with your friend request," I immediately want to send a blank one. lol
  • genofreek
    genofreek Posts: 75
    I don't really care either way, add me and I'll add you back.

    I tend to trim my list down once a month, though. If you're someone who hasn't been on in weeks or never speaks to me then I'll probably get rid of you, but everyone deserves a fair chance first.
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
    Thoughts from people who do this, people who don't do this, or people who don't care and just want an excuse to post gifs?
    I see you haven't gotten much feedback on the latter, so here ya go:
    cineraria2.gif
  • SkinnyMusic
    SkinnyMusic Posts: 52
    I need a message with a FR unless I see them actively commenting on my friend's posts. I don't mind deleting people if I don't talk to them/inactive for a month+. Seeing as I went from +600 to 450. Most inactive.
  • Otterluv
    Otterluv Posts: 9,083 Member
    Honestly, anymore I tend to only accept FR's from people I've interacted with, be it on the boards or through mutual friends. As such, messages don't really matter a whole lot because I already had some form of contact with them. I like having a small list, and I'm pretty darned fond of those on it.

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