Why do people say that?

I think people have a new perception of a healthy weight... like 170 looks average, so they figure that's healthy. There's just more overweight people out there, raising the 'average' weight. Well, not just... people also compare others to themselves. So, their perception of themselves will determine their estimation of weight in others.

I think it is more about how some people say they notice our weight losses. The ones with no tact are the ones that come off saying things like "wow you are just wasting away" in front of a crowd. Those are the ones that annoy me. The ones that come up and say something like "You look great." or "Who's this new girl oh it's Ruth!" when its just us or one or two people. I am okay with since I know they are good natured and are usually followed by the question "How are you doing it?" While the ones that have no tact I am noticing are usually people that have also yo-yo dieted or on some fad diet and want to draw attention away from themselves or get in a big discussion about weight loss.

Sorry to dig up an old topic, but I'm getting frustrated with people saying things like this on MFP, of all places! A few times I've had people actually message me chastising me for being here and losing weight based on my profile picture, of all things! I've also seen similar things happening to other users in the forum!

First of all, it is a big leap to assume that a person's profile picture is recent. Heck, it might not even be the person. In my case, for example, the picture is over 2 years old. I just happen to like the way I look in that photo, it's one of my favorite photos of me. I'm still not overweight, but I have gained enough since then that I do have weight to lose.

Second, there are many reasons for being here. The main reason I am here is to gain healthy habits which will last me for the rest of my LIFE. My metabolism isn't going to be this fast forever, nor will my life always be as active as it is in my 20's. Thus, I'd rather convert to a healthy lifestyle now so that I won't have to make major adjustments down the line. Health and fitness is for everyone, even "thin" people (not that I'm especially thin). I guess what I want to say is, STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS and telling people how to live their life! Making healthy changes should be praised, not criticized. Only I know my own BMI, my own weight, my build, etc. Yes, I am in the healthy range for my height already, but so is my goal weight. Only I know what is best for me!

Stop judging people based on their avatar, or assuming you know what's best for them!

OK, sorry about the rant. I'm done now. But hopefully those pesky messages will stop. :]

To the OP: maybe you carry your weight well? (Which doesn't mean you don't need to lose it!) I dated someone who was just slightly taller than me, and we weighed the same (within 5 lbs.). She looked probably 15-20 lbs. heavier than me, though. I've been told I don't look like I'm over 200, but I have been for probably 3 to 4 years now (not really sure, since I didn't weigh myself for a couple years).

I stopped telling people in real life how much I'm trying to lose, because they don't believe I have that much to lose... but I do!

Honestly I find it more discouraging than annoying. I had two friends say similar things to me just yesterday. I'm 5'8" so a healthy weight range would be between roughly 121 and 165 according to MFP so I set an initial goal weight of 140. When I shared this with them they look shocked and disturbed. They seemed to generally agree that I shouldn't get smaller than 180 or I would have the dreaded "my head's too big for my body" look. Ever since then I've been second guessing the goal weight I set for myself. What's more because I've always been over weight and don't know what I'd look like at 140 I'm wondering if maybe they're right. I hate that they put that bug in my ear.........

I am 5'8" as well and I am just 2-3 pounds from my goal weight of 135. I just bought a pair of size 6 pants (wore sz 10 for years) and I was beside myself with excitement! I do not feel that my head is too big for my body - I feel that my love handles are too big for my body!!! I say to keep up the good work b/c you will look amazing before you know it!!

What reaaaallly bugs me is when people ask "how did you do it?" uuuhhhhhh i ate good healthy food not crappy fatty food and i got my *kitten* off the couch and started moving, no magic pills or crazy fad bs diests!! geez its now rocket science seriously!! i'm 5"4" i used to weigh 195 and caried it well but i knew my weight and did something about it. i weigh 154 now and i wanna be at 145 if i can get lower great but ive never weighed less than that my entire adult life so i figure that number is doable. sooo you can weigh whatever you want and whats great is that you know how hard you worked to get there thats the best feeling it makes you want to never ever go back since you put so much into it!!

I'm going to say what just about everyone else has said. Don't worry about them. Don't let it get you down, you must look great if people are saying that to you. But you know what is the right weight for you and where you feel comfortable. Use what they say as motivation, if you look that good now, imagine how you'll look when you've met your goal. Say you reach 140 or so and you feel good there, then you can stop, but that's your decision to make. Congrats on the weight lost already:flowerforyou: .

We had a fitness challenge at work and when I weighted in the person who kept the records was shocked that I weighed so much more then another woman doing it as well. For one thing I told her I'm 4 inches taller then her and I really think that people just can't estimate how much someone else weights. I'm a terrible judge of age and I know when I saw how much (or little) my co-workers weighed I was surprised as well.

I also think that while people don't consciously do it they say things like to sabatoge you. They are jealous that you're taking action and they aren't. And I'm guilty of the same thing myself with another co-worker who is tall and slim and fit. She wanted to lose 20lbs and I was incredulous!! From where are you going to lose it from I asked her. I didn't mean to be discouraging but thinking about it I probably was thinking "I'd be so flippin' happy to look like you why aren't you happy with yourself" How we view ourselves just isn't like how others do.

Im at 142 and 5'7", tons of people tell me i don't need to lose any weight... but those people didn't know me 3 or more years ago when i was a size 5 and trying to get into the model world. I almost cried (not literally) when my pregnant friend took my old clothes to wear as she gained (i should mention she is only 4'8" and tiny). Also (and im not the only one) I have a small frame so even being tall i don't carry extra weight well. Ignore those other people (as long as your goals are healthy) and do what makes you happy.

What reaaaallly bugs me is when people ask "how did you do it?" uuuhhhhhh i ate good healthy food not crappy fatty food and i got my *kitten* off the couch and started moving, no magic pills or crazy fad bs diests!!

This happens to me and my husband all the time. People ask "how'd you do it?" We always tell them the same thing - tracking calories, working out, cutting out crap and not drinking as much.

EVERYONE looks seriously depressed at that response. Because they've seen such major changes in us over just the past 6-7 months, they seem to really, really hope I can offer them a pill or meal plan they can purchase. Finding out its good, old-fashioned eating healthy and exercising they're all "Oh, nevermind, then."

Geez.

I've been running into this a lot too. I'm short, and according to the BMI measure a healthy weight for me is between 105 and 140lbs. I started at close to 150lbs, and had people telling me that I shouldn't be dieting because I "wasn't heavy". Maybe I wasn't overweight to the point where I was seriously jeopardizing my health, but I was heavier than I wanted to be, my knee hurt, and my asthma was kicking my butt every time I tried to do something strenuous. I'm down to 127lbs now, I feel much better, but I'd still like to lose a few more pounds to get back to the hourglass shape I was when I was in college. Again, people keep saying that I shouldn't keep working on it and that I've lost enough. I'm aiming for 120lbs, which is a perfectly reasonable weight for someone my height and is pretty much right smack in the middle of the healthy BMI range.

I have a feeling that the "stop dieting!" comments are good-intentioned. There are so many television shows and articles in magazines about women with eating disorders that people may be hypersensitive to the idea of someone who isn't obviously obese trying to lose weight and exercise. I need a t-shirt that says "Don't worry: I'm just eating less than 1800 calories a day and exercising. It's not lethal."

There is another part that people don't seem to be talking about. People get used to seeing others at a certain weight, and the change seems jarring when someone gains or loses because they are not used to looking at the person at anything but the size they knew them before at.

Example, my friend, who I agree was overweight, lost a lot of weight in a short period of time, so when I saw him again, he looked completely different. Was he underweight? No, but that didn't stop my mind from thinking that he lost too much at first, until I could get used to the new look. I meant nothing by it, and logically I knew I was wrong, but emotionally I couldn't help what I thought.

It takes a while for people to get used to how another person looks. It is just how the human mind works. The commenters could mean absolutely nothing behind what they say, and they are perfectly correct to say it /from their point of view/. Just give it a little while, and they will be able to see you for what you look like now, not what you look like in their mind's eye.

I AGREE WITH THIS QUOTE SO MUCH I HAVE LOST 34 POUNDS AND WEIGH 165 I AM 5"7 I WANNA BE 130 I AM MUSCULAR AND WHEN PEOPLE HEAR I WANNA LOSE MORE THEY SAY WHY YOU LOOK GREAT NOW BUT WHEN I SAY THANK YOU BUT IAM 165 AND WOULD LIKE TO BE AT A HEALTHIER WEIGHT OF 130, THEY SAY I WOULD HAVE GUESSED THAT YOU WERE LIKE 140-150 NOW HARD TO BELIEVE YOU ARE 165, I CARRY MY WEIGHT VERY WELL EVEN AT 196 PEOPLE NEVER BELIEVED I WEIGHED THAT MUCH AS I LOST THEY NOTICED, BUT AGAIN THEY SAW YOU DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU SEEN YOURSELF. SELF ESTEEM COMES IN TO PLAY HERE AS WELL IF COMMENTS LIKE THESE BOTHER YOU YOU MAY NOT BE AT EASE WITH YOURSELF YET, BECAUSE I TAKE THINGS OUT OF CONTEXT ALL THE TIME, AND MY SELF ESTEEM IS VERY BAD. DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, ONLY YOU CAN DO THAT.

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That bare bear is so totally me.

I'm OK with this *nod*.

One general observation from my own experience -- women are much quicker to notice other women losing weight than men are.

I work in an office with mixed women and men and do some work out of the office as well.

At 20 lbs. (about 10% down), the women noticed and on the whole have been very encouraging. The only one who hasn't been encouraging is the one who has never in her life weighed more than 135 at 5'9" and has training as a fitness instructor (so of course she knows everything about dieting). She thinks I'm being irresponsible in my weight loss but has no idea how I'm doing it, even at 1 lb. per week. The rest of the women look at me and smile. I think they're proud of me.

At 45 lbs (about 20% down), the men started noticing. They look at me as if struck by lightning, or like I just dropped a chihuahua eating baby back ribs in a microwave on their desks. I don't think they comprehend what's happened. Btw, I don't think all men are like this because I'm getting compliments from them too, but the ones in my office I think are genuinely obtuse

Mirii

OMG! This is my life story right now. I'm 185 pounds, so I CLEARLY have weight to lose. I think what happens, is they just see a HUGE weight loss, and they just think that we look great compared to what we used to look like. So, take it as a compliment that they truly think you look good. (: haha

I had lunch with my basketball coach today and he told me "you could almost blow away!" I'm about 20 pounds overweight!

Hello MFP friends and family!

Yesterday I was up at our local college. I was talking to one of the instructors about my weight loss (31lbs), and I told her I still had 45 lbs to go before I'm at my goal weight of 130lbs.

She looked at me and said you don't look that big, and if I was to lose any more weight I would look like a stick.
I'm currently 174lbs, and a lot of people have told me I don't need to lose anymore weight. I'm only 5'4" and I totally have a pear shape going. I'm starting to find it annoying. I have a goal and it seems people don't see my weight as much of an issue as I do.

Are they just saying that to be polite?
Are they saying it because they really think I don't need to lose anymore weight?

Why do people say that?

Maybe her idea of what your weight looks like is different than what you know isn't good for your body and what you want to achieve is.

Could be to her you're perfectly fine, but you know, you'd like to be at a different weight so the two aren't jiving.

People have a lot of different motivations though, could be anything really, but you can always ask her why she said that. That way you wouldn't have to be wondering. Or educate her LOL let her know what your ideal weight is and how you plan to achieve it.