Self-Confidence, Dating, Etc...

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  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    I recommend you watch the Sex & the City series if you haven't, it has some very funny takes on the different aspects of dating. You are so lucky to have all that ahead of you.

    I do find this show good entertainment and I can see how it is/was a step forward for women's rights and expression, but at the same time it is still very grounded in stereotypes and myths based on gender. Since the OP is worried about weight (hence appearance), I would suggest caution while watching since it perpetuates a lot of appearance based stereotypes and issues under the guise as female empowerment. Not meaning to turn anyone off the show, just playing the devil's advocate :)

    Agreed
  • buffermarie
    buffermarie Posts: 54 Member
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    Take it from me... a 40 yr old single, overweight woman that has been in the dating world for 10 years...
    Some care. Most don't.
    The key is loving yourself. I know it is easier said than done, but practice makes perfect. I practiced and practiced, posted affirmations on every mirror in my home, my walls, my fridge....
    It worked honey.
    Good luck and never give up on yourself.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    My name is Rachel and I am trying to lose over 60 pounds to gain some self confidence. I've been really bummed the past few years because I feel like I will never find the one because I feel like everyone judges me on my weight. My question is, do men really not care about weight? I mean, I want to lose weight to be healthier anyways... I'm just so worried about never finding "the one" due to me being overweight. Ugh!! Just wish I could feel pretty.

    Thanks, Rachel

    All men do not feel the same way about every topic. Your biggest obstacle at this point is your lack of confidence in yourself. There are guys out there that do no care about a girl having some fluff, other that are turned on by it, etc. Losing weight will, however, make you appeal to a broader range of men. But your main problem is that you need to learn how to love yourself and realize your own worth or you'll end up settling for the first *kitten* that gives you any attention.

    Yes avoid first *kitten* syndrome. I wish someone would have told me that when I was younger.
  • bulbadoof
    bulbadoof Posts: 1,058 Member
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    If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother them.

    What I mean by that is how you present yourself matters way more than how you look. If you appear happy, confident, and fun to be around, people are going to want to be around you regardless of how much you weigh. If you appear nervous, self-conscious, and reserved, you'll attract less people even if you looked like <insert hottest girl alive in your opinion here>.
  • madamstn
    madamstn Posts: 19 Member
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    You should choose the healthy lifestyle for yourself, for you too feel good about who you are and what you want. You be the one too choose and if you are living the healthy lifestyle then most possibly you will be meeting people who want the same thing. You know, hang out at bars and you will probably meet a drunk, hang out at the gym and you will probably meet someone with a healthy attitude. The important thing is to do it for you, if you do it consistently for awhile it will become an addiction in a good way :) You are so young, live your life :)
  • perfectlyimperfectturk
    perfectlyimperfectturk Posts: 72
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    Your first love should be you.
  • honey_bee_keysha
    honey_bee_keysha Posts: 773 Member
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    My biggest suggestion to you would be to work on the inside stuff in conjunction with the outside stuff. You can end up losing all the weight in the world and still not feeling good about yourself...And then what?

    And as far as "The One" goes, if he's really "The One" he will appreciate you for everything that you are...Imperfections and all.

    This^
  • UrbanLotus
    UrbanLotus Posts: 1,163 Member
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    I wouldn't lose weight to gain self confidence - they are 2 separate things. You're really young so that's part of the lack of confidence, but is suggest working on that in other ways - men DO like confidence. As for weight, different people like different things.
  • auria17
    auria17 Posts: 94 Member
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    I hate to say this, but being at your goal weight won't make you magically feel pretty, it will help a bit, but in the end confidence comes from within you and accepting yourself for who you are. There are men in the world who are into woman of all shapes and sizes, but if inside you don't feel worthy of attracting the love of your life, then he is liable to pass you on the street without either of you recognising the other.
  • lostdogg
    lostdogg Posts: 450 Member
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    Do it for yourself.
    Your Health
    Your self esteem
    Your confidence
    For you
    Don't assume that you'll miss out on "the one"simply because of size. Different men find different things attractive. Some like bigger girls others like very petite and others like every size in between.
    Don't ever sell yourself short. If "the one" only shows up if you're a certain size then he probably isn't the one.
    Men like confident women. Maybe not overbearing, except in some cases. Just be yourself. Then you know that the one that comes and gives and stands by you is doing it for you and not how you look. If it's how you look, there will always be someone else out there for him to look at too. If it's for you, then you is all he'll see.
    But definitely pursue your wishes for a healthier lifestyle if that's what you choose.
    Just do it the right reason............ for you.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    Trying to change yourself in order to find someone else is not going to be effective....

    Changing yourself because you want yourself to be healthier is a better mental approach...If you're making sure you're the happiest, healthiest you that you can be, others will see it...happiness and confidence is contagious. You'll find the right one when you lest expect it.
  • susanjean62
    susanjean62 Posts: 200
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    Dear Rachel,You have received some great advice and some "not" great advice. As an older woman,I have realized that looks fade,but what is in your heart,is everlasting. The most beautiful women I know,are beautiful for one reason. It is that inner glow of sweetness that can't be found,just by losing weight. Sure,I feel more confident,being slim,but if I'm ugly in my heart,it won't make a difference. We live in a society all about outward appearance,and it is actually quite sad.Start by doing good for others,being kind and generous and before you know it,a special person will fall madly in love with you. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone,but if a man wants a barbie doll and not a real woman,then it is not the type o0f man to spend your life with. I married one of those type of men,had two children and he never grew up,held a job and had a roving eye. His good looks are what first attracted me,but look where it ended. Get your heart right and all good things will follow. :heart:

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