spouse/significant other changes attitude with weight loss?

"I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the unsupportive husband/boyfriend thing...

To me it seems when a woman works out and gets healthy, its a total win for her man. He gets a hotter girl, with more energy, more sex drive, who feels more confident about her body and that leads to better sex. That confidence spills over to all parts of her life, personal and professional. Seems like a total win..lady upgrade!."

This!!

My husband is thoroughly enjoying my weight loss. :-) But then again, he has always loved me regardless of the shape I was in. I think what he likes about my weight loss isn't the inches gone but the confidence gained. When I feel good about myself I stand taller, dress better and in general project happiness. What's not to love?

I understand what you mean! My husband is not supportive and i believe its because he is insecure. And he is so very competitive and the fact that he thinks he cant compete makes it worse. Does that make sense? I have tried to encourage and include him and he refuses. Im feeling great and not going to let him ruin it. Its just sad that he is doing this to him self. I envy your husbands support! Dont take that for granted!!

It's very sad to read about the lack of support that some of you are getting from your significant others. At least if you're just dealing with a boyfriend/girlfriend you can move on and find someone that will love you regardless of how you look.

My husband has turned into a pervert. He stares at me, cant keep his hands to himself, and makes "commens" to me... thats how my husband has changed...

^^ My husband does this now. Are you telling me it's going to get worse? :laugh:

yes, it has gotten worse! my husband always told me how good i looked, even though i knew i didnt. he always told me how much he loved me, no matter what... but now, its like im married to some 18 year old pervert!

and... we have 5 kids, and they even catch him staring at me... ill be in the kitchen, and ill hear one of my daughters... "dad, stop staring at moms butt, you wierdo!!!" sometimes i feel like im being stalked!

We've been married 10 years now, a second marriage for both of us. I was widowed, and she was divorced, we each have one child, and none together. We are both Christians with very strong faith and beliefs. When we met, I was 235 lbs., just 15 lbs. over my fighting weight. We were both very physically attractive people. My wife is still VERY HOT! LOL! I totally understand the women who wrote about their husbands or boyfriends acting like perverts, not being able to keep their hands off of their wife's new sexy bodies! I have always been like that toward my wife, and I still am!

Here's the rub....in her prior marriage, she was mentally and emotionally abused for the majority of the time she was married to her ex. This has led to a lot of personal insecurity in her persona. It was these insecurities that led her to always be suspicious of me, constantly worried that other women would be attracted to me, and that I would be seduced. As I started to put on weight during our marriage, she once told me she didn't care that I was overweight, that she actually preferred it because other women wouldn't want me! Because of her past, I have always tried to be loving, reassuring, and complimentary to her.

To that end, over the 10 years of our marriage, I put on 100 lbs, and she put on 10! I couldn't stand the way I looked, and as a martial artist, I couldn't perform very well in the 4 or 5 competitions I entered each year. Make no mistake, I was training regularly, and lifting weights, but there was constantly junk food in the house, and the meal portions she would serve me were off the charts! I would complain about it, we would fight about it, and then due to my complacency, it would just go on that way. Meanwhile, she would run 5 miles 2 or 3 times a week, and be very disciplined about what she ate.

In late December of 2012, I decided for myself that this was it. I was going to eat healthy, lose weight, and be healthy again. I wanted to lose 50 lbs. by my birthday, which is next week. I started doing all the food shopping myself, and a lot of the meal preparations as well. I still lift weights with a very aggressive routine 3 times a week, and train a couple times a week with karate. Since January of 2013, I've lost 34 lbs. and about 5 inches off of my waist. Most of it has come off since I joined MFP in April! (Shout out here to all of my MFP friends who've been so supportive! THANKS!) I've missed my initial goal, but I am definitely headed in the right direction! Long term, I will lose the 100 lbs, and maybe another 15 to get to my new goal weight of 220.

My wife has been very supportive on the surface, and our sex life has picked up even more! (Mainly because I have more energy, and can move better and do more!) She even decided to lose the 10 lbs, she has put on, and joined MFP as well. However, as the weight and inches have come off, some of the insecurities have come back in the form of worries about other women hitting on me, and me giving in to them and cheating on her. Occasionally, she suggests we go out for ice cream sundaes, "...because I've been working so hard and I deserve it." She "surprises" me with Snickers bars, because they are my favorite. She prepares meals that while very good, are high in calories or carbs.

Spousal support in an endeavor such as this is a complicated thing. If your spouse or partner is secure in and about themselves, then the support will be there. I suspect that spouses or partners who are not supportive secretly fear that if you lose weight, get in shape, and look good, that they will lose you to someone else. If this is your situation, be even MORE reassuring of your love and commitment to your partner, and the relationship you share together. In a committed relationship, someone has to be the anchor. Ideally, you take turns in this role. Don't let your partner's insecurities or indifference toward your goals and successes in your endeavors to become a healthy person derail you from your efforts. At the same time, as you begin to get noticed more by others, (and you will be), don't let the compliments feed your partner's insecurities. Make the effort to be more affectionate, loving, and reassuring to your partner, and keep on track to achieving your goals!