spouse/significant other changes attitude with weight loss?
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My husband has turned into a pervert. He stares at me, cant keep his hands to himself, and makes "commens" to me... thats how my husband has changed...0
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I’ve been working out now for just over a year, ever since a new gym opened up in our town offering membership for £12.99 a month. So l joined and have been working out for 3 days a week during that time. I have noticed clothes fitting better and bugles in places l want them.
Yes l am quite proud of that particularly when l am in my forties, okay l’m no Hugh Jackman but l’m working towards it lol.
The strange thing is my wife whilst she is supportive is also jealous of me, for doing all this.
She has slowly put weight on over the years. I have offered to help her work out but she just puts up barriers. She doesn’t like people to watch her, or she never has time. I worry about her health but feel as though l am treading on eggshells when l approach the subject.
Sometimes l feel like giving up the gym to appease her but then l need to keep a high level of fitness for my job. Don’t get me wrong l love her to bits but she makes me feel guilty for getting fitter.
Feel free to offer me any advice either on here or PM0 -
My husband has turned into a pervert. He stares at me, cant keep his hands to himself, and makes "commens" to me... thats how my husband has changed...
^^ My husband does this now. Are you telling me it's going to get worse? :laugh:0 -
My husband has turned into a pervert. He stares at me, cant keep his hands to himself, and makes "commens" to me... thats how my husband has changed...
^^ My husband does this now. Are you telling me it's going to get worse? :laugh:
yes, it has gotten worse! my husband always told me how good i looked, even though i knew i didnt. he always told me how much he loved me, no matter what... but now, its like im married to some 18 year old pervert!
and... we have 5 kids, and they even catch him staring at me... ill be in the kitchen, and ill hear one of my daughters... "dad, stop staring at moms butt, you wierdo!!!" sometimes i feel like im being stalked!0 -
When my boyfriend met me I had started down the road to getting healthier already. I was down to 200 lbs (from 235) and was going to the gym regularly. He's a slender guy (though he has started gaining a little recently) who never had the best eating habits and slowly but surely I started adopting them.. Late night cookie binges on the couch, huge donairs for dinner, massive pans of nachos and all that stuff. He has a speedy metabolism so it never affected him at all but boy oh boy did I pack it on..
I never got the bad comments though. He has always been a romantic, tells me he loves me every day - even at my worst. When I first started back on MFP, weighing my food, recording everything and all the things that it entails (this takes a LOT of time when you first start) he wasn't too happy. He'd tell me to try and find faster ways to do it but he never tried to sabotage me or anything like that. As the weight started coming off and he say that it wasn't just a 'fad' he has started being more supportive of the extra work involved. He even weighs food for me if he makes me something!
These days he acts like he's won the lottery and I still have at least 30 lbs to go to my goal weight. He was always very affectionate but he's in overdrive now! He's always commenting on this new 'curve' or that new feature..When the definition in my spine came back he was overjoyed LOL. I am always very careful to keep giving him all the love and attention that I have always shown so that he won't feel jealous or think that I'm going to be out looking for someone else. I love him to death and couldn't imagine life without him so he has absolutely nothing to worry about.
We are quite active together doing things like walking and hikes and he's very happy that I can keep up with him more than I used to be able to when I was heavier. He's even commented that soon he will have to run to keep up with me! He still has his bad habits but thankfully I have more willpower these days
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My husband and I will be married 10 years next week, I've gained 100 pounds in our marriage(lost 50 so far). He has never treated me any different, I can't stand the way I look so that makes it rough sometimes. He thinks I should see myself the way he sees me...that's not easy! I want to look like I did when we started dating in highschool!
He always tells me he's proud of me for whatever reason and is supportive! He doesn't eat healthy at all LOL, He works in the oilfield and is super fit and has no weight to lose. I cook healthy for us, and when we go out to eat we pick a place that will satisfy us both!
BUT...He does get super jealous LOL. When I leave for bootcamp or the gym he asks do you have make up on?0 -
I signed up for MFP, bought gym clothes and running shoes in an effort to be supportive of my wife's unintentional weightloss with her pregnancy. I told her I was going to beat her weightloss, and this wasn't a competition that she should be actively participating in...
If you know what hyperemesis gravidarum is, it's well beyond that cutesy term 'morning sickness'... she's had it the whole way through, and is on a handful of different meds, one of which is used in chemo patients. These basically knock her out, sap her energy and her appetite. Long story slightly shorter, she's down about 35lbs from her pre-pregnancy weight right now.
Sadly, I don't think I'm going to "win" at this rate, because she's got another big chunk to drop soon, so I'll just have to change the game and keep exercising and eating right.0 -
My husband has turned into a pervert. He stares at me, cant keep his hands to himself, and makes "commens" to me... thats how my husband has changed...
^^ My husband does this now. Are you telling me it's going to get worse? :laugh:
yes, it has gotten worse! my husband always told me how good i looked, even though i knew i didnt. he always told me how much he loved me, no matter what... but now, its like im married to some 18 year old pervert!
and... we have 5 kids, and they even catch him staring at me... ill be in the kitchen, and ill hear one of my daughters... "dad, stop staring at moms butt, you wierdo!!!" sometimes i feel like im being stalked!
LMAO! My husband stares at me all the time! I sometimes it's annoying, especially in the morning right when I'm fresh out of bed with my hair and face is a mess. I guess I just have to put up with it (oh darn) LOL0 -
My husband has turned into a pervert. He stares at me, cant keep his hands to himself, and makes "commens" to me... thats how my husband has changed...
That's hilarious! I do find my butt getting grabbed more than it used to! There's nothing better than having your spouse still attracted to you after 21 years of marriage!0 -
My husband has always been incredibly supportive of me, regardless of my size. He celebrates my victories, has always called me "beautiful" as a nickname, and tells me every day that I look terrific and whether its complimenting my hair, my blouse or my *kitten*, he will find something specific to mention so he doesn't sound like his compliments are on autopilot.
He thinks it's great that I've joined a gym and finds it funny that I come home and act all stupid proud of how much I sweat during my workout. He doesn't have any interest in participating, nor does he need to because he has remained about the same size throughout our 18 year marriage. I am fine with that, since I've come to regard the gym as "me" time and prefer not to have to think about anyone else while I am there.
I've always known I had a good man (dude still opens the car door for me - how cool is that?), and I will have a good man throughout my journey. That just makes the road that much easier to navigate.0 -
My husband sure likes the results of my hard work...but heaven forbid if I'm trying to workout in the lounge and he walks in, he automatically asks 'are you dont yet? How much longer are you gunna be? Can you stop now."...I tell him how long ill be, sometimes it gets to the stage where im sweating, lifting weights and swearing at him to eff off so I can get it done faster. Very annoying, but the xbox and computer are hooked up to the same tv. On the flipside he is more affectionate and appreciative of things feeling firmer lol. As long as my going to the gym doesnt affect HIS plans he doesnt care when I go.0
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My husband loves my new hot self. I'm just waiting for him to start working out too. Now THAT would be ideal!!!0
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I love my fiance' and he is incredibly supportive and even reminds me to work out on days where my brain isn't quite on track. The only thing that bothers me is that he likes to poke my belly. I don't like the reminder that it's there most days0
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Yeah, she's noticing...
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My husband has turned into a pervert. He stares at me, cant keep his hands to himself, and makes "commens" to me... thats how my husband has changed...
That's hilarious! I do find my butt getting grabbed more than it used to! There's nothing better than having your spouse still attracted to you after 21 years of marriage!
aww this is awesome! :drinker:0 -
My boyfriend is the best... he himself doesn't have any weight to lose and he loves takeaways, mainly fish and chips or pizza. One night he comes home from work and he says he can't be bothered making dinner. I said it's ok he can have take aways tonight and he said "we will have takeaways when your ready to have takeaways" and my heart just melted all over the couch. Another time I was complaining about how hadn't lost any weight for a few weeks and he said he would do the diet with me. It was so touching but he had to stop due to him losing his much needed weight.
He met me when I was at my highest weight and has treated me the same at any weight I have been. He doesn't care about the weight loss or that I used to be large. We even have fun weighing each other on the scales. Once I hoped on his back and both got on the scales. I am now the same weight as him but he looks much skinnier then me because he is taller and has more muscle.
What I really miss though is eating our meals together. Because Im choosy with my food and diet I eat different dinners to him 99% of the time.0 -
My husband has been very supportive, especially since I need him to watch our needy 3 year old 3 or 4 times a week after work. He doesn't love the time I spend away from the family, but he seems to try to support me. I think it's mostly because he sees how much happier I've been since making some progress, and that I'm much more confident about my body already. I've noticed that I even want to go out more and do more things with him, which I know he loves.
My problem is that my husband could stand to lose some weight and he also isn't very healthy about his eating or anything. I am really trying hard not to say anything negative, but I'm really hoping that he will see me changing for the better and that he will be motivated to do something. It's just hard when we go out to eat and he eats a 3 course fried chicken dinner (I mean, salad, bread, huge fried chicken pieces with side items, and dessert). Makes me sick, actually!0 -
Last month he decides, he wants to lose weight. He is a good 75 lbs over weight. He goes on the HCG diet, drops 24 lbs, and now tells me this morning he wants to have sex this weekend. He hasn't romantically touched me 18 months and I am supposed to be overjoyed that he is showing interest in me again? Don't think so...:grumble:
Well this tells you that it was about him, not about you, so that should make you feel better. I know you didn't ask advice, but I think you should rekindle the spark. If you want to have a good marriage that is.
I completely agree, don't hold on to the resentment, life's too short. Embrace this opportunity to build a better marriage, tell him how happy you are that he wants you again and let him know how it made you feel when he wasn't attracted to you. He may open up to you and tell you that it wasn't that he wasn't attracted to you, but wasn't happy with himself and had a lower sex drive. We always think that men are easily "turned on", but they suffer from self esteem issues and insecurities just like us.
I speak from experience, as I mentioned above, I'm celebrating 21 years of marriage this year and there have been some serious bumps in the road along the way.0 -
i met my boyfriend when i was at my highest so he has never seen me fit always the big girl so he loves me no matter what but i notice he is wants more cuddles lately and cant keep his hands of my tush since i started doing squats and he is very supportive and cheers me on when i work out and is happy for me when i tell him i am in a size smaller or point out the changes in my body i am noticing0
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My wife lost weight with me two+ years ago- we both lost 45+ pounds each, but we have both gained it back since then. We've tried multiple times to get 'back on the wagon' together over the two years.. she's never been able to, and I had sone good attempts and was criticized over the 'time away from her'.. I FINALLY got back into the swing of things in February- I've logged around 140 days straight, I'm down 45 pounds, and multiple inches from all over my body. She is not supportive, she is discouraging, attempts to guilt me into staying home from the gym or a run, criticizes the few vitamins and supplements I take, and overall just isn't really okay with me being happier and losing weight. I hope YOUR experiences are more positive than this.
I understand what you are going through because my husband is the same way. He is not supportive and vocalizes those feelings often. Then tries to make me feel guilty for the time i spend working out. However i am down 24 pounds and feeling great and not going to let his attitude stop that!! Congratulations on your weight loss!!! Keep up that good work!!!0 -
I've been very lucky that my husband has supported me non-stop in this process. I was about 100 pounds overweight and one day I realized it, ugh! I started walking 2 miles every day, then started cutting out the junk foods, eventually I started cooking healthy dinners, exercising more etc..my husband joined right in and now when he cooks he will measure out and weigh everything and write it down for me so I can track what I am eating.
He is my biggest supporter and my inspiration. We have become closer, enjoy a more active lifestyle and we are like younger versions of ourselves but much thinner! Every aspect of our lives are better and considering we are celebrating our 25th anniversary in a few months I think that speaks for itself!0 -
My wife was never rude about my weight to begin with, but she has definitely made positive and supportive comments about me losing weight, being healthier, and being in better shape overall. And I generally feel better about my body and more willing to wear better clothes, etc.
this, but in reverse, my husband was being the awesome one, buying me workout shoes and clothes when i hit certain milestones.
he decided to get in shape with me the past 6 months, so we work out together when we can. i think we both appreciate the muscle mass we've developed!
my favorite quote from him "you know, i loved your butt before, cause when i grabbed it it gave in to me, i could mold it. now when i grab your butt it resists me! it's firmer now!"0 -
"I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the unsupportive husband/boyfriend thing...
To me it seems when a woman works out and gets healthy, its a total win for her man. He gets a hotter girl, with more energy, more sex drive, who feels more confident about her body and that leads to better sex. That confidence spills over to all parts of her life, personal and professional. Seems like a total win..lady upgrade!."
This!!
My husband is thoroughly enjoying my weight loss. :-) But then again, he has always loved me regardless of the shape I was in. I think what he likes about my weight loss isn't the inches gone but the confidence gained. When I feel good about myself I stand taller, dress better and in general project happiness. What's not to love?
I understand what you mean! My husband is not supportive and i believe its because he is insecure. And he is so very competitive and the fact that he thinks he cant compete makes it worse. Does that make sense? I have tried to encourage and include him and he refuses. Im feeling great and not going to let him ruin it. Its just sad that he is doing this to him self. I envy your husbands support! Dont take that for granted!!
It's very sad to read about the lack of support that some of you are getting from your significant others. At least if you're just dealing with a boyfriend/girlfriend you can move on and find someone that will love you regardless of how you look.0 -
My boyfriend encourages my weight loss even though he does not diet himself. We won't order a takeaway or buy junk food unless I say it's ok and even when it's his turn to cook he makes the meal himself and keeps it healthy. He's never been mean about my weight before and even now that I've made progress he says the change is nice but the way I was before was also good.0
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My boyfriend isn't as supportive as he could be, but I don't think he does it on purpose. He misses eating meals together, and when I feel like pigging out a bit, he lets me get on with it because he thinks it's going to make me happy.
However, he is really supportive when it comes to noticing changes. He's always pointing out what's gone (fat wise) and where I've gained more definition. I think he's just supporting my every whim honestly!
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i think its true. I've been married 9 years. OUr kids are older now (age 5 and 7), I'm in my 30s and its time to focus a little bit on me. Husband notices and I think is more loving because of it. He's supportive. He's not RUDE when I've been heavier, but he is more affectionate when he knows I'm working on ME for my health, for our family and for him
This. Been married almost 15 years and my weight has gone up and down like a yoyo - hubby has loved me all the same throughout. But, I know he loves to see when I'm thinner because I'm healthier.0 -
My husband has turned into a pervert. He stares at me, cant keep his hands to himself, and makes "commens" to me... thats how my husband has changed...
^^ My husband does this now. Are you telling me it's going to get worse? :laugh:
yes, it has gotten worse! my husband always told me how good i looked, even though i knew i didnt. he always told me how much he loved me, no matter what... but now, its like im married to some 18 year old pervert!
and... we have 5 kids, and they even catch him staring at me... ill be in the kitchen, and ill hear one of my daughters... "dad, stop staring at moms butt, you wierdo!!!" sometimes i feel like im being stalked!
Oh! That makes me so happy for you! If my hubs and I are ever 5 kids in I sure hope that he looks as me the same way as yours looks at you! Sorry to be sappy but that truly just made my day. Sounds like you guys have a great relationship!0 -
I agree with the comment about it being a win win for my husband! He is really enjoying the benefits of me being healthier and feeling more confident. One example is, he is constantly wanting to hug me from behind, and before, I would push him away or dart out of the hug because of embarassement, but now I let him embrace me and sometimes even let him get the girls involved in the hug! Because I feel better about myself and how I look. Your other half should be supportive with the lifestyle change you are trying to make and if they arent, I think it may be time to re-evaluate the situation. I feel terrible for the people who are saying their significant others are saying and doing things that are downright MEAN, and I am sorry you have to deal with that. 0
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My husband met me when I was at the smallest in my life.. I had just started my journey into sobriety as a meth addict so needless to say I was very underweight.. I weighed maybe 114 pounds. In eight years, I gained quite a bit of weight and I could see that he was no longer physically attracted to me.. I love my hubby, but one could say he has "little man syndrome".. He is 5'8" and about 150 lbs.. He has often said that his partner should not weigh more than him.. As I began my weight loss journey this time (yes, there have been other attempts) he was skeptical.. I have made it a point to be very honest with him about my expectations with myself and our relationship as I lose weight. On weigh and measure days, I make him apart of the experience so that he is aware of the changes. Not because I want him to know how hard I am working at it, because he sees that.. But because it is important for him to see how happy I am with the small victories each week and even acknowledge the failures. He gets to share those with me. It has made him more involved with dinner planning and family activities. One of my expectations is, as I get into better shape, I want the whole family to eat healthier and be more active. What once was destructive and hurtful criticism on his part has now become involvement and support. He is even reading up on the FDA and USDA regulations in the U.S. and how some of the regulations actually may help contribute to obesity in America. I couldn't ask for a better spouse and supportive partner at this time. It took a LOT of effort on my part also to bridge that gap between us.0
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My husband is supportive in general, but doesn't seem to mind if I'm bigger or smaller. If anything, he complains when I lose weight that by boobs get smaller. Oh well. He won't diet with me though - he exercises a lot but eats crap and generally won't eat the healthy meals that I cook. He'll just make frozen pizza or pasta and sausage for himself. We've been married for 12 years now and years ago I had issues with all the junk food that he keeps in the house and I'd beg and plead with him to not buy that stuff because it was so tempting for me. But now I've just learned to deal with it. He's going to eat ice cream in front of me almost every night and it's not worth arguing over. I wish he would eat better, but he's only going to change if he ever feels like actually doing it. And I'm very strict on my diet (no grain/dairy/sugar/etc.) and have just learned to ignore all the crap in our kitchen and eat what I'm supposed to eat.0
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