I really need relationship advice...please help
imamonster2000
Posts: 43 Member
in Chit-Chat
I met this guy last year. We became vary good friends. We would text eachother almost every day and hangout about once a week. We always had a great time with eachother and enjoyed being together. I fell madly in love with him. I am pretty sure he had feelings for me too. He would say cute little things, he would constantly make me smile and laugh, he would do these cute little gestures and he was so sweet. I know people throw the word love around like it means nothing, but to me it means something. I truly am in love with him. My heart races whenever I see him, I cant help but smile when I see him, nothing could make me upset when I am with him, and I constantly think about him. Anyways so we were having a typical hangout at my house one day. When we got to my house it got really awkward. It was like there was no more connection. My heart was racing and I still felt the same...but he just seemed not himself. He rarely talked. Then we stared to watch a movie. We made it through the whole movie without any conversation which is odd because we usually talk through the whole thing and get distracted. Then when he left he gave me a hug, usually I could hear his heart racing but this time it wasnt, and he even pulled away from the hug. I knew something was odd so I waited a few days to text him. When I did I asked if he wanted to hangout the next week, but he said he was busy. That was the last time I talked to him. I tried to talk to him, but he ignored me. He stopped talking to me in March. I have no idea why he did, honestly I did not do anything wrong. I got really depressed and not myself. My friends stopped talking to me because I was really quiet, everytime I thought of him I cried, it was awful. To this day I still think of him and get upset and sometimes cry remembering the times we shared and looking at old pictures. I know it is pathetic, but I still love him. I am not looking for the sympathy card, I just want to know why he stopped talking to me for no reason and what can I do to fix it or should I just try and move on (which I have been trying to do for months now)?
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Replies
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You can't know why if he won't talk to you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go find a real man.0
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Stuff like this happens to everyone, it just seems more devastating when you're in your teens and twenties.
He probably is unaware how much his indifference has hurt you.
Unfortunately, if its July and you haven't spoken to him since March, apparently he's just not into you as much as you are into him.0 -
This. ^^^^You can't know why if he won't talk to you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go find a real man.
In time, I am sure you will find someone worthy of your affection.0 -
In today's world of Facebook and dating sites, my guess is he made a connection with someone new and was too ashamed to tell you. It's so easy for people to move onto something new thinking it might be better, but don't realize the hurt they left behind. You don't mention, did you meet him through a website? I f I were you, I'd get back on the horse and check out dating sites for yourself, especially Plenty of Fish which is free. But don't let your guard down until he proves worthy of your time and attention! Good luck !0
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You'll never know why stuff like this happen unless you learn mind reading. One moment it seems like everything's going so great, and then, completely out of the blue, the other person loses interest. I've been there. And, at least in my experience, you can't fix it. So, if you're asking for an advice, the best thing would be to move on. Also, it's not pathetic to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back and feel hurt about it. You can't just fall out of love with someone at will. Things like that take time to heal. But, even if now it feels like you'll never get over him, eventually you will. You'll look back and think "What did I even find in this guy?". Best of luck to you.0
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You are young, most of us get a few heartbreaks before we find that special someone. It will seem like the end of the world but in 10-15 years you will have a hard time remembering his name.
Love yourself cause that love is forever, and people will see it and fall in love with you for it.0 -
This. ^^^^You can't know why if he won't talk to you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go find a real man.
In time, I am sure you will find someone worthy of your affection.
Both of these comments are dead on. He doesn't deserve your love and the next guy that does will be very lucky!0 -
He could be trying to avoid confrontation. My ex was like this...when he decided to break things off, instead of actually breaking things off, he got busy and didnt talk to me as much. We were together for 2yrs, and it really was sudden...one moment things were (seemed) great and he was loving and sweet, and like overnight, he emotionally disappeared. When we were together he seemed like he didnt really want to be there with me, and when we were apart, hed just not call, or have excuses not to see me.
Anyway, in the end, when I found out he was seeing someone else, he said he didnt know how to tell me but he had wanted to break things off for awhile but didnt want to hurt my feelings. It hurt a lot more to find out from others that he had moved on instead of from him. But it really comes down to this, someone who really cares about you, even if they are no longer vested in the relationship would not treat you that way...they woudl have enough respect for you to be honest and upfront with you.0 -
why is your screen name imamonster? Girl you are a BEAUTIFUL 18 year old...WHY do you want to be hooked up with one person at this age when you have the whole world in front of you? I know it is hard, I know it is painful, but it is time to move on. Take a deep breath, exhale, lift that chin, take a step forward and make him regret his decision every day!0
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But it really comes down to this, someone who really cares about you, even if they are no longer vested in the relationship would not treat you that way...they woudl have enough respect for you to be honest and upfront with you.
This ^^^^^^^
Easy for us to say from our lofty heights of relative maturity but if he didn't respect you enough to tell you what he was feeling then he didn't deserve your friendship and certainly not your love in the first place. A man has to be worthy of you, and this one clearly wasn't. Everyone gets their heart broken at least once in their lifetimes, it's hard but you need to learn from it and move on. We all do.0 -
I am so sorry to hear that happen to you, it happens alot and it has happened, you didnt do anything wrong he is just a crow that saw something else that was shiny and flew away, you have to pull yourself out of this depression cause sadly he isn't depressed over you so you need to pick yourself up, have a "me" day and do things you really love to do and keep it moving, its ok to feel sad and sometimes cry but he sounds like he isnt worth two flies smushed together. Cheer up girly you will survive :flowerforyou:0
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Relationships can be difficult sweetie! It sounds as if he is the one with the problem (not being able to relate, not understanding his emotions, not being able to commit). The list and reasons can be endless. and heartbreaking too! Take solace in your memories but you really need to reestablish some friendships. It will help take your mind off of your sadness and hopefully the healthy emotional part of you will rise up and start fighting! Hugs to you!!!0
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Thanks everyone for the advice. I know I really should get over him, but it is so hard. I just miss him...even just being his friend I miss. Shouldn't he be able to talk to me even if he found someone else who he has feelings for? Can't we just be friends? Is there any way I could at least get my friend back?0
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The whole "friends" thing is difficult and rarely works out. When it does, it's usually well after the fact. Both parties rarely want the same thing, so finding a common ground on which to settle is difficult. If he couldn't handle saying something to you, I doubt he'd be able to handle the awkwardness of being around you right now.
What can I tell you? Life sucks sometimes.0 -
Obviously something happened on his end. There is no way anyone can really tell you what happened or why it happened --- if you really want to know, then the only thing to do is just ask him, plain and simple. He may tell you or he may not. Odds are if he didn't have the decency to tell you what was up that last time you hung out, you may not get a response.
If he cared as much about you as you cared for him, he would have at least had the decency to tell you whatever it was or why he was gonna disappear. Maybe he met a girl, got back with an ex, maybe he just didn't want to be bothered? Who knows.
If you really want to know, then ask, it may or may not help you to move on.
I wish you all the best, it sucks to have someone you care for drop off the face of the earth for no apparent reason.:flowerforyou:0 -
I've been in your situation. I call it getting "Buddy-Dumped". I had this great friend that I really clicked with & we tried dating, but no sparks for him. We tried to stay friends, but he met someone else who wasn't keen on him having Gal-Pals and that was it. The awkward thing was that he decided to tell me all this over the phone while I was on a layover at an airport surrounded by fellow passengers at my gate! He tried to leave it open by saying that if it didn't work out with this person then he'd love to be friends again. I was really sad about it, but then, I figured if someone finds my friendship so disposable, then that's not a real friend.
Getting rejected just sucks and it hurts. However, in time you'll find that you are much better off my dear. Take some time to be your own best friend and keep moving forward. You'll knock someone's socks off one day!0 -
I'm going to be honest and say-- you can't get your friend back. I'm sorry.
When I was in high school (and I just finished college so it's still fresh in my memory) I had 2 males in my life that were my BEST friends. We had been best friends for 4-5 years, been through them dating (and me dating) and them breaking up (and me breaking up), and even had a somewhat romantic vibe with each other (we were CLOSEEE) and hung out every day. Our families were friends...we had keys to each others houses.
Suddenly, one started being better friends with my boyfriend than me. Then the other friend. My boyfriend at the time was horribly emotionally/verbally abusive (because I was dumb and in high school and thought that was Okay) and I always told my best friends how I needed to get out of this relationship (which they agreed with me). Still, they would be nice to him when he was around (I thought out of respect for me) even though they both voiced that they "didn't really like him"
Finally, I ended the relationship...and both friends stayed with my boyfriend. After 5 years, they threw it all away with me for a guy I had introduced them to only 2 and a half years ago. I stupidly tried for a while to continue my friendship with these people I really seriously LOVED. They stepped all over me, lied to me, and treated me like ****. I never did ANYTHING.
Now, both have gotten arrested (one "accidentally" did acid laced with PCP and bit a cop and freaked out on his grandmother and the other got all involved in the ecstasy/molly scene and was involved in a drug bust) These were both people who rarely even smoked pot or drank until senior year...and suddenly they became complete addicts to everything. They have done NOTHING with their lives, and still hang out in the basement we used to chill in as kids. And that boyfriend? They decided after they didn't like him and tried to ditch him all the time, at which point he enlisted in the military.
Sorry for the long post, but my point is- there are mean people out there...sick people. People who don't care about other's feelings. People who will use you...people who don't respect you. Avoid those people at all costs. What it sounds like to me is that you dodged a huge bullet! Everyone in my life that ever treated me the strange way your friend did ended up on a very bad path in life...they are not people you want around. I know it's hard to think your friend has changed. Every once and awhile I still think about what happened and I just don't get how someone can do that to someone.
But in time, life gets better. I found a whole bunch of new friends that are AMAZING people who love me and would do anything for me. I have a boyfriend and we've been together for 4 years now and honestly, are probably getting engaged soon (it's a money situation more than anything). Things get better...time moves on...and old wounds heal.
You should give this sucker a taste of his own medicine and ignore his existence. Your persistence only gives him the power. Go be free and enjoy life! It's much too short to waste on a person like him.0 -
No tellin nthe why, but I wouldn't try to "fix" anything. In time, you'll forget about him. Move on. Don't be THAT girl.0
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Thanks everyone for the advice. I know I really should get over him, but it is so hard. I just miss him...even just being his friend I miss. Shouldn't he be able to talk to me even if he found someone else who he has feelings for? Can't we just be friends? Is there any way I could at least get my friend back?
Probably not, dear. Sorry. I know it's not much help right now, but really, you will be ok. You will forget. It just takes time. Many of us have been there. And we remember how much it hurt. We remember trying to figure out how to fix it. We wish we'd listened to the people who told us exactly what we're telling you now.
My best advice: find healthy distractions. You seem like a cool chick. No doubt you have other friends. Go out! Have fun! Do stuff! Make new friends. Make new memories. Don't worry about romance. It's more fun when it finds you unexpectedly.
Hang in there! :flowerforyou:0 -
Who knows why. The only person that can say what happened is him and he's not talking to you.
This happens sometimes...you think there's something...but there isn't. Maybe the connection wasn't as strong for him as it was for you...in which case, don't waste your time-find someone who's as mad about you as you are about them.0 -
Watch the movie He's Just Not That Into You. That movie changed my life! I'm happily married to the man of my dreams because I finally taught myself how to let go of the ones who weren't worth the tears. And this movie helped me see that.0
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*hugs*
I think you should:
1. Find this guy, and make him tell you what happened in March to make him stop talking - was it something you said? Did he find another woman? Was he scared? Tell him, the reason doesn't matter, you just want closure (which I think you need).
2. Talk to your friends; apologize for not being there for them, if they needed you, (they sound a bit like rubbish friends though, so I would consider finding/making new ones) ^__^
3. Focus on yourself; do things that make you happy!
4. Love yourself; because you know you are loved very much ^__^
5. Don't give up; just because this guy was frightened away (maybe he realised how much he cared for you, maybe that frightened him) there is someone out there who will make your heart race twice as fast, who will make your head go dizzy and will make you write THE soppiest poems, ever!! (trust me, I know
)
Chin up, cherub! And I hope I helped, even a little bit ^__^ Feel free to add me/message me if you want to talk about this more
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If you knew the guy for as long as you say and he never made a move to take the relationship beyond where it was, then he wasn't interested. That is just my perspective as a guy. He wasn't interested in you in that way, probably knew you wanted more and decided to remove himself from the situation rather than deal with it. It sucks, but we do stuff like that. Girls do too, all the time.0
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Thanks everyone for the advice. I know I really should get over him, but it is so hard. I just miss him...even just being his friend I miss. Shouldn't he be able to talk to me even if he found someone else who he has feelings for? Can't we just be friends? Is there any way I could at least get my friend back?
No "friend" would walk out of your life without explanation. We've all been down this road. He isn't worth it. You're young. Go live your life girl. And don't be afraid to be alone until the right guy comes along. Good luck.0 -
I hate to say this but guys really aren't that complicated.......don't get me wrong - I love men but as I tell my girlfriends daily as they sit and wait for their phones to ring .... If he wanted to be with you he would call.
You will never know what caused the sudden change of heart but like others have said if you haven't talked to him since March, it's over. You have to pick up and move on as difficult as that is. Think about why you would even want to be with someone who doesn't have the decency to tell you he's moving on?
An old adage that I live by every day is "Don't make anyone a priority who thinks you're an option".
Good luck to you. We've all been there and know how bewildering it is as we try to find rational explanations for emotional issues.0 -
do u brush your teeth?0
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do u brush your teeth?
She just made the mistake of giving her attention to someone who didn't deserve it.0 -
You're 18 years old. Now is the time to get your wild on.0
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Watch the movie He Just Not That Into You. That movie changed my life! I'm happily married to the man of my dreams because I finally taught myself how to let go of the ones who weren't worth the tears. And this movie helped me see that.
Actually yes...this is great advice...(also one of my favorite movies...one that changed my life too.)
Get some light ice cream, a box of tissues and this movie...you will see, young grasshopper.
Don't beat yourself up about this one instance...I know that I felt a lot of things that I thought were love...I could have sworn it was love...I didn't realize until you meet someone that loves and respects you the way that you love and respect them that what I'd been feeling wasn't real love...it really can't be if the other person treats you this way. I know what I'm trying to say but it's not coming across right...oh well.0 -
do u brush your teeth?
She just made the mistake of giving her attention to someone who didn't deserve it.
oh could be that too...or bad breath or deoderant issues or he's gay.0
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