I really need relationship advice...please help
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Thanks everyone for the advice. I know I really should get over him, but it is so hard. I just miss him...even just being his friend I miss. Shouldn't he be able to talk to me even if he found someone else who he has feelings for? Can't we just be friends? Is there any way I could at least get my friend back?
I had a situation VERY similar to yours when I was 19 or so. I found this awesome guy at a campus church group who was so sweet and we would hang out, go on dates, cuddle, text, talk on the phone for hours and then one day, absolutely nothing from him. It hurt like hell and I still saw him all of the time in the group and he would flat out ignore me. Saw him a year or so ago for the first time in forever and he greeted me very warmly and we caught up, but none of those butterflies I used to have were there anymore. I had completely moved on and had been in a wonderful relationship with my current boyfriend for a year.
I'm glad now looking back at everything because 3 of my friends in that group eventually pursued something with him and the same thing happened to all of them. He just had major commitment issues along with others and wasn't ready for anything involving another person. Plus now I have a seriously amazing boyfriend of almost 2 years who would do anything for me if I asked (and is soooo much better looking too!)
It hurts now, but it will get better, I promise. My heart was broken a lot, because I loved easily. One day you'll find someone worth your love.0 -
do u brush your teeth?
She just made the mistake of giving her attention to someone who didn't deserve it.
oh could be that too...or bad breath or deoderant issues or he's gay.
Yeah, that's it.0 -
You are 18. It was a high school fling. Get over it and move on. Kids are dumb and this guy was a kid.0
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The truth is, for whatever reason (and it really doesn't matter what it is) he's not interested in you romantically or as a friend. It sucks, but you need to move on. If you cannot seem to do that, particularly after 3-4 months to grieve the loss, you need to see a therapist and really talk out your feelings.
I suspect that this guy was probably freaked out. The way in which you describe him is a bit off to me - like everything he did was just the best, sweetest EVER. Probably freaked him out. Not that he should just stop talking to you and drop off the face of the Earth, but dude was probably immature.0 -
I have a daughter your age. This kind of thing has happened to her. It's tough, real tough. I try to be a dad and tell her to move on but emotionally women's make up is different from a man's and women don't move on as easily as men do. so here's my best 'DAD' advice that I've given to her -
first, it's really not you, it really is him. I know that for a fact. I was a guy that age once and I know how thoughtless and loopy I was.
second, do start the process of moving on. I don't know what that involves but I know it usually involves being with people who support you and it doesn't involve more than about 24 hours with ice cream.
third, start the process of feeling ok about yourself. you might want to not call yourself a monster on your screen name.
fourth, can you get that you are pretty and attractive?
fifth, know that god has a great plan for you and life is going to be great.0 -
I've been in your situation. I call it getting "Buddy-Dumped". I had this great friend that I really clicked with & we tried dating, but no sparks for him. We tried to stay friends, but he met someone else who wasn't keen on him having Gal-Pals and that was it. The awkward thing was that he decided to tell me all this over the phone while I was on a layover at an airport surrounded by fellow passengers at my gate! He tried to leave it open by saying that if it didn't work out with this person then he'd love to be friends again. I was really sad about it, but then, I figured if someone finds my friendship so disposable, then that's not a real friend.
Getting rejected just sucks and it hurts. However, in time you'll find that you are much better off my dear. Take some time to be your own best friend and keep moving forward. You'll knock someone's socks off one day!
This! This pill is hard to swallow but it's the truth. People who want to be around you, will be around you, simple as that. You don't have to fight for them or constantly question what they're thinking. Crazy, right? I remember (I'm only 24 but my late teens seem so far away) the drama of relationships of friendships. I thought that was the way it was and would always be. You know what I found out? Any relationship without drama is awesome! You'll start asking yourself what you're going to do with all that free time that you spent worrying and crying.
Something happened with this guy, but it doesn't matter. Don't worry yourself over why he quit talking to you. I used to do this and when I finally found answers, they were really dumb. You don't need to carry that on with you to the next relationship. If he loved you and wanted you, he would have asked you out. In my experience, if a guy liked me, he straight up told me and I didn't have to wait long. Just because it didn't happen in this case, doesn't mean you aren't loveable.
I was Buddy-Dumped or rather finally did the dumping. I met this guy and we were very much into each other, but the circumstances were not good (we were both cheating.) We decided to be friends. Well, we kind of weren't for a while, and then he broke up with his girlfriend. Suddenly I was his new best friend again. Oh, how I wished I would have just learned. I had no romantic interest this time and neither did he, but I'm really starting to think I was his pseudo-girlfriend or mother. I fed him, listened to his problems, bought clothes occasionally. Everything your girlfriend does minus sex and romantic cutesy talk. He got a new girlfriend and she did not like me very much. My husband loved this guy friend too so naturally he was the best man (my best man, I called him my "Wingman of Honor") and even got ordained to marry us. I moved 1,000 miles away to be with my husband and he never really called me after that. I kept calling, he would answer, but the only way we would talk was if I called. I found out he got engaged through my husband's Facebook! He didn't even call and his girlfriend blocked me so nothing showed up. He said he called just family which again, pissed me off. I considered him a brother like my own flesh and blood. Then when it came to the wedding, he said his new bride only wanted male groomsmen. So he obliged. I stopped talking to him right there. I was just fighting a losing battle. If my husband had told me that my friend couldn't be in our wedding, then there would have been hell. My husband accepts that we were like family. It actually saddens him that I don't talk to my friend anymore.
So it's been 6 months since I last spoke with him and I don't really think about it. Unless I read a post like this.
Also, concerning your "friends", I agree with the poster who said they were lame. Like romantic relationships, if friends want to be there for you, they will! I had a friend I completely discounted, but she always kept in touch and listened to me when I needed someone. She even called as soon as she got engaged and we're taking a vacation together later this month. She was the real friend, not this other guy.
Just find a way to make yourself happy outside of relationships for the time being and as time goes on, you'll learn these truths also. It's not so bad
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i beg to differ. we're all flawed and we all screw up. you'd be hard pressed to find a person who has always been without sin.Thanks everyone for the advice. I know I really should get over him, but it is so hard. I just miss him...even just being his friend I miss. Shouldn't he be able to talk to me even if he found someone else who he has feelings for? Can't we just be friends? Is there any way I could at least get my friend back?
No "friend" would walk out of your life without explanation. We've all been down this road. He isn't worth it. You're young. Go live your life girl. And don't be afraid to be alone until the right guy comes along. Good luck.
in her situation, once i was absolutely over him, i made contact and recovered the friendship. but that only works if you can get over them and forgive them. i got... an apology, an explanation, a sense of closure and a happy ending.
in her case though, she way too hung up on him. still.0 -
Don't let it get to you! Youre young and beautiful, and it happens to the best of us.I would just let it go, his loss. One day you might be friends again but that's something that comes with time, if it's meant to be, it'll be.0
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unless he says why he stopped talking to you, then you may never know.
something similar happened to me, but i was dating him. we were together 2 years, he had moved upstate to columbus i was living in cincinnati at the time, it's about an hour and a half north. we still saw each other on weekends, and on a thanksgiving break after being together 2 years i had scheduled to take a bus up there during the thanksgiving break to spend the weekend with him. I arrived at the greyhound station Friday night, I had called him that morning to verify what time I’d be there. Friday night comes and goes, and he never answered the phone or came to get me. Saturday rolls around, I called first thing in the morning after sleeping at the bus station all night, still no answer. A few of my friends who knew his friends tried getting a hold of him, but no luck. I left that Saturday evening, and didn’t hear from him for almost a year (apparently that was our breakup). Turns out he was cheating on me with a girl up there and he was visiting her all weekend. About a year ago (this happened in 2008) he sent me a long message that he missed me and loved me still and that he was miserable with his girl (the one he was cheating with me on) because she was constantly cheating on him all the time. I spent all that time, in the back of my mind, wondering what I had done and what went wrong.
I know that you would feel better having closure about why he is not talking to you, and it hurts when to feel rejected. I was hung up over it for years until I got some closure when I found out why he ditched me and stopped talking to me. It wasn’t my fault, he’s a total *kitten* that doesn’t deserve the love of an amazing person.
So if your friend cant give you the decency to so say why he isn’t talking to you (maybe he met a girl or something), it’s hard to move on, believe me, but don’t let it get to you and just forget about him. Its not worth it and its not fair to you. It really sucks that you love him so much, but he doesn’t deserve your love. You deserve someone who loves you just as much unconditionally, don’t waste your time on someone that can’t give you that. I hope things work out for you
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Ok close your eyes and try to imagine the perfect guy. I know, I know, it was him right? No remember that one time he did that thing that was kind of weird and made you so happy no one was around to see how embarrassed you were? Remember that time you wanted to see that other movie but maybe didn't say so and let him choose what he wanted and you pretended to like it, or ended up getting a few giggles? Or maybe you did say which movie you wanted to see but he chose a different one anyway? Well this imaginary perfect guy, he picks the right movie. And the right time, and the right popcorn. Are your eyes still closed? Can you see him? Can you imagine him? His way of talking, the interests he has? The dreams you might share? The way he might hold you? The funny things he might say when you feel it's appropriate? The way he is brave to say the things that need to be said? Where is he? Where do you think he is? He is someplace else waiting to meet you and when he closes his eyes he is thinking of a girl Just. Like. You. Only he can't find you because when you pass him at the coffee house or when you're sitting at the library and obsessing over this one or sitting at home or online talking about this one, he can't meet you. There is no room in your life for him. You are not making the space for him. And he would just want to say hello. If he could. If you could just not think about this one anymore.0
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I know it's hard, and it's easier said than done, but it's time to try to move on. Let yourself go on some dates, even if you aren't looking for a relationship right of the bat. Look for someone else who can make you smile, and who you can maybe share a mutual love with.0
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Once again, relieved that there was no internet when I was a teenager.0
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If a guy really wants to be with you, he will. My husband pursued me. I did not have to strive to win him over. This guy does not feel the same you feel about him. And, it's okay. He was not right for you. There is nothing wrong with you. This kind of reminds me of the movie, "He's Just Not Into You." Maybe it will help you? Regardless, you just need to be you and let him go. You will find love, but don't strive. It will happen when it does.0
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Oh honey,
I can tell you that many, many women have had this sort of thing happen to us at some point.
This is all just part of growing up. People you love are going to hurt you, sometimes you won't have an explanation for why someone chooses to end your relationships or any closure. Sometimes it will hurt so much you feel like you can't breathe or your world is ending. The good news is that you WILL come out on the other side of this heartache a wiser and stronger person.
At the risk of sounding like a cliché I really truly believe the old saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. So maybe your season together has simply ended or maybe there is a lesson you need to learn from this.
Either way, experience has taught me that there is no point in hurting yourself further by trying to maintain the friendship. He doesn't want to be friends.. I'm sorry.
I agree with posters suggesting you reach out to your other friends who you have fallen out of touch with and talk to them about what you`ve been going through. Real friends understand.
My biggest piece of advice is this though: Let yourself hurt, let your heart be broken if that`s what it`s time for. It won`t hurt forever, I promise. The best thing you can do is learn from this, someday, probably much sooner than you think you`ll look back on this and think that you cannot believe you allowed someone who cares so little about you hurt you so much. These heartbreaks and hardships we experience when we`re young help teach us the hard lessons we need. I wouldn`t be half the woman I am today if it weren`t for the hard lessons of my youth.0 -
He met someone else, they told him that he could not see you anymore and he did not have the guts to tell you.
Pure speculation on my part but having a teenage daughter I have learned a little about young relationships.
You will be glad he is gone when you meet the next guy that makes your heart pound.0 -
i beg to differ. we're all flawed and we all screw up. you'd be hard pressed to find a person who has always been without sin.Thanks everyone for the advice. I know I really should get over him, but it is so hard. I just miss him...even just being his friend I miss. Shouldn't he be able to talk to me even if he found someone else who he has feelings for? Can't we just be friends? Is there any way I could at least get my friend back?
No "friend" would walk out of your life without explanation. We've all been down this road. He isn't worth it. You're young. Go live your life girl. And don't be afraid to be alone until the right guy comes along. Good luck.
in her situation, once i was absolutely over him, i made contact and recovered the friendship. but that only works if you can get over them and forgive them. i got... an apology, an explanation, a sense of closure and a happy ending.
in her case though, she way too hung up on him. still.
I'm not saying you can't be friends with someone. I'm saying she can't be with HIM because HE apparently isn't interested.
Some people just aren't worth your time.0 -
To me it sounds like he met another girl but didn't have the heart to tell you he was seeing someone (probably because he did have feelings for you) and so he tried to "let you off easy." But that's not really cool either, it would be more fair for him to man up and say what was going on. But since that was back in March, doesn't look like it's going to happen. Pick yourself up and make a plan to hang out with your friends. Good friends won't ditch out on you just because you're a little depressed. Make yourself busy and you will meet someone new. Just have to stay busy and get over it (working out is another great way!). It's hard now and it feels so daunting, like no one else out there could make you feel that way, but honey, they can, and they will. When we focus on making ourselves better and surrounding ourselves with positive people, good things happen.0
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sometimes that apparent disinterest is just attempting to shut off from emotions & guilt & the risk of hurting you further. at least until you're over it.
i beg to differ. we're all flawed and we all screw up. you'd be hard pressed to find a person who has always been without sin.Thanks everyone for the advice. I know I really should get over him, but it is so hard. I just miss him...even just being his friend I miss. Shouldn't he be able to talk to me even if he found someone else who he has feelings for? Can't we just be friends? Is there any way I could at least get my friend back?
No "friend" would walk out of your life without explanation. We've all been down this road. He isn't worth it. You're young. Go live your life girl. And don't be afraid to be alone until the right guy comes along. Good luck.
in her situation, once i was absolutely over him, i made contact and recovered the friendship. but that only works if you can get over them and forgive them. i got... an apology, an explanation, a sense of closure and a happy ending.
in her case though, she way too hung up on him. still.
I'm not saying you can't be friends with someone. I'm saying she can't be with HIM because HE apparently isn't interested.0 -
If I were in your shoes, I would email or text him and tell him how you feel. Not necessarily to expect an answer (but you never know!) but to get it out there and move on.
I would do something simple like this:
"I hope this email/text finds you well. I'm sorry we don't talk or hang out anymore. I miss that. During that time, I failed to tell you how I truly felt about you. Not that I expect this to change our present circumstances, but I just felt you should know. I wish you the very best. Take care."
This may or may not get him back into communication with you, but I think it is always "freeing" to simply communicate.
It's hard to move on when you are stuck on someone. So instead of forcing the issue I recommend going out with people (male and female friends) and work on staying in the moment and having fun with that person, and avoid comparing them to this other person at all costs.
Best of luck!0 -
He probably has a girlfriend.0
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sometimes that apparent disinterest is just attempting to shut off from emotions & guilt & the risk of hurting you further. at least until you're over it.
i beg to differ. we're all flawed and we all screw up. you'd be hard pressed to find a person who has always been without sin.Thanks everyone for the advice. I know I really should get over him, but it is so hard. I just miss him...even just being his friend I miss. Shouldn't he be able to talk to me even if he found someone else who he has feelings for? Can't we just be friends? Is there any way I could at least get my friend back?
No "friend" would walk out of your life without explanation. We've all been down this road. He isn't worth it. You're young. Go live your life girl. And don't be afraid to be alone until the right guy comes along. Good luck.
in her situation, once i was absolutely over him, i made contact and recovered the friendship. but that only works if you can get over them and forgive them. i got... an apology, an explanation, a sense of closure and a happy ending.
in her case though, she way too hung up on him. still.
I'm not saying you can't be friends with someone. I'm saying she can't be with HIM because HE apparently isn't interested.
Whatever his reason, the results are the same: He doesn't want to talk to her and she can't make him.0 -
Blunt honesty....
He's already found someone to put out.0 -
Maybe he got a girlfriend...0
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Try sending him a message or e-mail or phone call. Just ask the dude what happened and ask for honesty.
Then maybe you can move on and find something better.
There's no shame in getting closure.0 -
Oh honey,
I can tell you that many, many women have had this sort of thing happen to us at some point.
This is all just part of growing up. People you love are going to hurt you, sometimes you won't have an explanation for why someone chooses to end your relationships or any closure. Sometimes it will hurt so much you feel like you can't breathe or your world is ending. The good news is that you WILL come out on the other side of this heartache a wiser and stronger person.
At the risk of sounding like a cliché I really truly believe the old saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. So maybe your season together has simply ended or maybe there is a lesson you need to learn from this.
Either way, experience has taught me that there is no point in hurting yourself further by trying to maintain the friendship. He doesn't want to be friends.. I'm sorry.
I agree with posters suggesting you reach out to your other friends who you have fallen out of touch with and talk to them about what you`ve been going through. Real friends understand.
My biggest piece of advice is this though: Let yourself hurt, let your heart be broken if that`s what it`s time for. It won`t hurt forever, I promise. The best thing you can do is learn from this, someday, probably much sooner than you think you`ll look back on this and think that you cannot believe you allowed someone who cares so little about you hurt you so much. These heartbreaks and hardships we experience when we`re young help teach us the hard lessons we need. I wouldn`t be half the woman I am today if it weren`t for the hard lessons of my youth.
^^^ So this. It hurt so much right now, but it really, really get better. and, please, don't think for a minute that it's your fault. It isn't at all. You are a beautiful young woman, and you will find someone worthy of you.0 -
The best advice that I got in a situation like this is that you need to go cold-turkey. Get rid of photos, emails, texts. Un-friend him on FB (maybe even block him--if he's no longer interested in being in your life, he doesn't get to check up on you, either). Having all of those opportunities to dwell on things only makes it take longer to get over. If you don't give yourself those opportunities, it makes it easier in the end. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who truly wants to be with you. You didn't do anything wrong.0
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I think more importantly then trying to solve the mystery of why he did what he did, you need to re-establish the friendships that fell apart when you were with him. Your relationship with your friends may be just what you need to get through this hard time. Seems like you might be stuck in your own head right now and that's why the grieving process for this relationship is dragging. Call some of your girlfriends and reconnect with them. Start being the person you were before you met him or better yet be an even better person. Be a better daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, student. Find your passion for life again. This relationship never defined you so why let the break up? It's tough world out there but no one can MAKE you be happy. Happiness is a choice....0
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This was said by a TEN YEAR OLD girl, who is much more mature than most of the relationship thread OPs on here;
No boy is worth crying over. And the one who is, won't make you cry.0 -
there wasn't a relationship to begin with, so there's no need to give advice on something that never was.......so my advice would be to get into a relationship before seeking advice \m/0
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Knowing why he stopped being around wont change anything. You need to move on, he is the one missing out. Focus on the people that are still there for you whenever you need them. He does not deserve to be on your toughts, your tears or loosing friends over him.0
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