lending friends money... and having to ask for it back? :(

Erikalynne18 · July 2013

I make it a habit to try not to lend money out, especially to friends because I find it can be awkward. However, I bought a new laptop and a friend of mine asked to buy my old one from me. I agreed since we are planning a big move so I need the money and she needs a computer. She just started a new job however so she said she couldn't pay me immediately because she had to pay rent but would pay me the next pay. My boyfriend also sold her an old phone around this time....

Fast forward to now. It's been over 2 months and no money for either

I've known her for about 10 years so I don't want to ruin the friendship over this, how should I go about asking for the money? I have mentioned it and she said she is planning to pay me as soon as possible. I could understand if she was behind on a lot of bills, however from her fb I see she has a "very active" social life on the weekends so that kind of pisses me off

Also, we are moving to a different province the end of this month so I need to get the money now or I know I won't get it back at all

Any advice? I feel weird "asking" for money, but at the same time... it's money owed to me! lol. My boyfriend is also getting pissed as well. The phone wasn't expensive, but it's more the principle behind the whole matter.

Advice? (and yes, in retrospect I shouldn't have given her the laptop before I received payment, I was being too nice).

Capt_Inzane · July 2013

Trying to think of ways you can keep the friendship and it'd be difficult.

Be blunt with her and just explain that you need either the cash or the items back by a particular date (like a week from now or heck Monday). Let her know that you need the money to move. If she doesn't have the items or cash to you by the date you set then I'd go to small claims court. It sucks and some people may bash me for getting legal involved but that's what it's for.

I hope you don't lose your friend over this, I'm sure we've all been there and getting burned sucks.

toothpastechica · July 2013

"hey so I actually need my laptop back...and since you haven't paid for it yet, I'm sure you understand, I'll come pick it up tomorrow". Then post it on craigslist.

Anytime I give someone something without getting the money first, I assume they won't pay me back...so then its a bonus if they do. I look at it as "if I am not ready to lose the money (if they don't pay up) then I shouldn't be giving it to them in the first place."

NaomiJFoster · July 2013

I once bought a friend a plane ticket. We had traveled together for a work thing, and she somehow accidentally canceled her return flight. I don't even know how. After much begging with the airline representatives, I finally just bought her the ticket so we could get home. $500. Big mistake. Almost a full year of "I spent my whole paycheck already" "We need the money to take care of the car" "I can't give you anything from this paycheck because we're going to Disneyland" "I meant to give you something this check, really! Sorry, but I forgot". What I should have done, in hindsight, was immediately establish that she would pay me back $50 out of each paycheck until the total had been reached.

labeachgirl · July 2013

"hey so I actually need my laptop back...and since you haven't paid for it yet, I'm sure you understand, I'll come pick it up tomorrow". Then post it on craigslist.

This. Just be no-nonsense about getting the items back.

Erikalynne18 · July 2013

She is supposed to come by tonight after work to pay me, but I don't know if she will actually show up or say she couldn't make it, couldn't get a drive, too hot to walk, etc....

I'm hoping she just shows up and gives me the money but since it has been 2 months already, I have my doubts

jacobhyatt91 · July 2013

unless its a fairly high amount ($50 or higher) i usually let it fly...mostly because i find it extremely awkward asking for the money even if its entitled to me..

Jersey_Devil · July 2013

Just invite your friend over to watch Jerry McGuire. When you get up to the "Show me the money" scene, scream the scene out loud while looking her straight in the eyes.

MrsSenecal · July 2013

"hey so I actually need my laptop back...and since you haven't paid for it yet, I'm sure you understand, I'll come pick it up tomorrow". Then post it on craigslist.

This. Just be no-nonsense about getting the items back.

PERFECT!!!

Erikalynne18 · July 2013

"hey so I actually need my laptop back...and since you haven't paid for it yet, I'm sure you understand, I'll come pick it up tomorrow". Then post it on craigslist.

I might try this is she doesn't show up tonight.

MrsSenecal · July 2013

Make sure you let us know! Im interested to see how this works out for you!

TheRealJohnnyDelWalker · July 2013

Have you thought about asking her to pay what she can now and make payments on the rest? It would suck to lose a 10 year friendship over this, but she's gotta make good on the arrangement too. I'd be flexible as long as she's making some effort to get it cleared up.

Erikalynne18 · July 2013

unless its a fairly high amount ($50 or higher) i usually let it fly...mostly because i find it extremely awkward asking for the money even if its entitled to me..

all together it's about $250 she owes for the laptop, phone, and $20 borrowed for bus fair her first week back at work. The $20 I don't really care about, and the cell isn't a huge deal, it's the computer that is the most costly.... And well the fact she hasn't paid back ANY of it

Chlochloeaway · July 2013

Yeah.... I've a bit of a different situation. I gave my friend quite a large sum of money over 5 months ago and I've been getting 10 euros here and there every few weeks. That was not part of the deal! It'll be about 2 years before I get it all back at this rate....sigh!

Jersey_Devil · July 2013

ask her if she wants to pay in installments.

if she doesn't go for that, just take the computer back and tell her you will give it to her once she pays you. She's taking advantage of you.

ItsCasey · July 2013

I would tell her you have someone else who is interested in buying the items and tell her if she can't pay you for them, you want them back. And don't make the mistake of "loaning" anything to her (or anyone else with whom you have a personal relationship) again. If you can't afford to make it a gift, then don't do it at all because you'll either have to forget what they owe you or risk the relationship by constantly asking them for it.

Erikalynne18 · July 2013

Have you thought about asking her to pay what she can now and make payments on the rest? It would suck to lose a 10 year friendship over this, but she's gotta make good on the arrangement too. I'd be flexible as long as she's making some effort to get it cleared up.

I thought this was what we agreed upon, however the first payment never came

I told her I just needed it all paid up by the end of July since we are moving to another province. She had 3 months to make payments but hasn't paid anything yet. I don't want to lose the friendship but I'm not up for giving away my things and money either!

sarahg148 · July 2013

I'd just ask for it. The fact that she HASN'T forgotten to pay you...is just neglecting to do it would be enough to piss me off. She is clearly taking advantage of the situation. Lay it on the line. Say you need the money ASAP as somebody said, for moving expenses, and leave it at that. If she doesn't pay you back SOMETHING...then is she really your friend???

cavia · July 2013

unless its a fairly high amount ($50 or higher) i usually let it fly...mostly because i find it extremely awkward asking for the money even if its entitled to me..

all together it's about $250 she owes for the laptop, phone, and $20 borrowed for bus fair her first week back at work. The $20 I don't really care about, and the cell isn't a huge deal, it's the computer that is the most costly.... And well the fact she hasn't paid back ANY of it

Did you know before this if she was bad with money?

If she falls through with paying you tonight, just call her up and state matter of factly you are picking up your laptop since you are moving to a new province and need the money to help with moving expenses (she doesn't need to know if this is strictly true or not). Even if she promises to pay you before you move, just reiterate you are taking the laptop back because you need the money.

If she refuses to give your property back or pay you before you move....consider it an investment in knowing she wasn't a very good friend. Friends don't screw over friends.

sullykat · July 2013

Post-dated cheques are the best!

I owed my SIL $750. She took the money out week by week, regardless of whether or not the time was ideal for us financially. It was only fair. It was fantastic because she got the money she was owed in a timely manner without asking. We managed to pay our debt fairly quickly. Now we're all smiles. She got her money, we don't owe her a dime!

BrianSharpe · July 2013

If she were a real friend she would have paid you without being asked or would have approached you with some kind of installment plan proposal.

PepperWorm · July 2013

I don't lend money to anyone. Ever. Or items of significant value.

Hope you get your money back.

Mslibb · July 2013

I've lost small amounts of money on several occasions because I've also felt to awkward to ask a friend to pay it back, so I get where you're coming from. However, isn't it interesting that the lender is always the one who feels awkward and like they are jeopardising the friendship by asking, when it is actually the borrower who's putting the friendship in danger by not paying it back! I think your friend is taking advantage of you and agree with those above - if she doesn't pay quick smart, I'd ask for the items back. Shame on her. Good luck!

EngineerPrincess · July 2013

You need to be straight forward and tell her you need money as you're moving and it will strain you to not get it. She either has to pay you or give the items back so you can sell them. It's not mean or unfair or even rude of you to do this, she's not borrowing them, she bought them and didn't pay. If you think you won't ever get the money once you move, she's not a good enough friend to step so cautiously around. And if you're truly good friends and she's a good person, she'll understand you need the money. Slightly awkward, but it's the right thing to do.

Margarittia · July 2013

I hope you get your money or computer back.:noway::explode: :explode: Your friend needs a wake up call, she doesn't feel one bit of guilt:drinker: .......Don't offer to take payments

, Tell her I will give you the money for the computer or, if she still wants it tell het you need all the money ASAP or you will be taking all the items back. Don't let her use you and your kindness. It might be time to get a new friend:flowerforyou: as she is not being a nice friend to you.:bigsmile: Good luck has no morals and doesn't value:brokenheart: :brokenheart: you so why should you let her walk all over you:sick: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :explode: :explode: My heart goes out to you. All the best. let us know what happens

This type of person makes me sick:sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: I will tell her for you if you want

gonnamakeanewaccount · July 2013

I never lend anyone money. It's just not worth the hassle.

Erikalynne18 · July 2013

Make sure you let us know! Im interested to see how this works out for you!

UPDATE: She never showed up last night or sent me a message on facebook :grumble: My fiancée is giving her till Wednesday before he gets involved since I've asked about the repayment a few times over the past few months. I think I'm more so disappointed in her for doing this and putting us in this situation, but he is getting angry cause he feels she is taking advantage of us which I am beginning to agree with

runner2runner · July 2013

Here's the way I see it!! By asking her to pay you back, you won't be ruining the friendship!! She's already done that simply by not paying you back when she was suppose to!! And I'm pretty sure she's taking advantage of the fact that you'll be moving to another province and deliberately holding out!!

The fact is, she knew that she was supposed to pay you back for the laptop and it doesn't help the friendship any further now that she also owes your boyfriend!! What you need to do now is put your foot down and demand that she pays you and your boyfriend what she owes the two of you! In fact the two of you should actually do it together so she sees that you're not going to take any more crap from her.

And as I said, you shouldn't worry too much the friendship being ruined!! She ruined it all by herself from the moment she made the decision not to pay you and your boyfriend back. You're the one who was being a good friend and you don't have to feel bad or apologise for that!

onwarddownward · July 2013

Either consider it a gift to her or just tell her that you need the money now. Either way, the friendship has taken a big hit. You're the meanie for asking for money and she's the dirtbag for not paying you in the first place.

That being said, I hired a person to do my bathroom and paid him on the second day ($1100) thinking that he would be done that afternoon. Well, it is now seven days later, my bathroom is still unusable and guess who is not around?

Never hand over the money (or the laptop) until you know you are they are going to hold up their end of the bargain.

Laura8603 · July 2013

Make sure you let us know! Im interested to see how this works out for you!

UPDATE: She never showed up last night or sent me a message on facebook :grumble: My fiancée is giving her till Wednesday before he gets involved since I've asked about the repayment a few times over the past few months. I think I'm more so disappointed in her for doing this and putting us in this situation, but he is getting angry cause he feels she is taking advantage of us which I am beginning to agree with

You and your fiance just need to go to her place on Wednesday to collect your stuff. Do not tell her because you give her the chance to "leave". Sorry your friend is treating you this way. She should have been honest and offered to return your stuff. Hopefully you have learned a valuable lesson.

labeachgirl · July 2013

Make sure you let us know! Im interested to see how this works out for you!

UPDATE: She never showed up last night or sent me a message on facebook :grumble: My fiancée is giving her till Wednesday before he gets involved since I've asked about the repayment a few times over the past few months. I think I'm more so disappointed in her for doing this and putting us in this situation, but he is getting angry cause he feels she is taking advantage of us which I am beginning to agree with

I have a childhood friend like this, she's a nice girl, but money flows thru her fingers like water.

I doubt she will ever have the money to pay you back, because it's not a priority for her. The good thing is that you gave her items, which you can demand back. They take no money from her pocket, so I think you'll have better luck demanding the items vs the money.

lending friends money... and having to ask for it back? :(

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