Sorry a long one but I need help desperately!

Fitscorcher · July 2013

Hi all,
I haven't logged in for a while but only because I have been really busy. I've been trying very hard to eat healthily but I'm struggling. I don't eat take away's and it hasn't been too difficult other than yesterday and today I really fancied fish and chips but I've resisted. I have a sweet tooth and I'm struggling with the sweets. I have had ice cream because it's been so hot and I haven't felt well.
I believe sugar is like a drug but not just sugar, if I still have coffee with one sugar or fruit, it's not enough. If I give up chocolate, sweets, ice cream, cakes, etc, I find I start to feel ill. I start to feel sick, faint, shaky and dizzy, it's what I assume withdrawal from drugs is like. I don't know how to give it up completely so any advice would be great.

The other thing is I have been very busy working but being sat down for hours with very little exercise. I have another 8 days like this because I'm working on a project for a competition and I have a lot to do in little time. The problem is my joints are stiffening, my mobility is getting worse. I'm in constant pain and I know I have to get myself moving again. I have a lot of pain in my knees due to arthritis which isn't just down to my weight although my weight is a big problem. When we were kids at school and had to sit on the floor in class, we were made to cross our legs, I still do that! I believe this is my biggest problem because it leaves me in a lot of pain and struggling to get up but I can't seem to stop myself, it's automatic for me, I just can't stop.

So all in all, I feel like a fat freak, I'm avoiding going out because I don't want people to see how fat and ugly I am, I'm struggling to get up from a seated position because of my knees, I'm in constant pain with my back and having to take strong painkillers to get me through the day and i'm struggling to walk. I can't see how I can beat this and get healthy and fit when I'm struggling so much. How do you find a way to make yourself believe in yourself? This is where I fail every time, I need to believe in myself but I don't know how. I would love some of you who have lost a lot of weight to tell me how you found the self belief to get you through the tough times.

Please tell me your story and share your tips, any advice is welcome! x

I'm scared, I'm 41 years

JBV321 · July 2013

First of all, you are NOT ugly. You are a beautiful woman trying to get fit. And that is commendable. :-)

As far as the sweet tooth part, I SO hear you on that! That has always been my biggest problem. Don't give them up cold turkey. Slowly start to weed out the sweets and bad foods. Get better alternative sweets, like organic dark chocolate, which is actually good for you. Also, eat fruit! I find that having some pineapple or strawberries totally curbs my sweets craving.

Since you are working a lot, it is tough to squeeze in workouts. In that case, concentrate on eating healthy. My best advice is food prep. On Sundays, I will cook a lot of chicken, veggies and a healthy complex card such as brown rice or sweet potato, and have it readily available to just heat up and go. Lately, I have been having lots of salads because it's been so hot. Again, cook a lot of chicken and then just throw a salad together and bring it to work! Also, drinking lots of water not only hydrates you but curbs cravings.

Hope I was able to help. Feel free to add me if you like. Keep your head up. You CAN do this!!!

-Jessica

newbutterflylifeCHANGED · July 2013

Hi love.. I can respond with what u want to hear but honestly if u read ur post and don't want to do it then u won't do it...I had people telling me all sorts of things when I was overweight and it went in one ear...sat for a day while I ate carrots...then out the next before I had carrot cake! It finally took me being totally unhappy with myself physically for me to say u know what, enough is enough....that I was going to do something about my health. So u have to truly ask yourself if u want to change and do so...we are here, u may have a confidant as well who can be ur accountability partner...the unhealthy choices we make can be overpowered by healthy ones...do u have the power? XO

newbutterflylifeCHANGED · July 2013

And Also I totally agree with Jessica, ur are beautiful!

CaLaurie · July 2013

This honestly brought me to tears. I can't say that I've lost *a lot* of weight- was chubby, not obese - but I've been in that hole where it seems that nothing will ever get better. You are NOT a "fat freak." You are a person who is struggling with weight issues. Period. I think that's the first step - to be compassionate toward yourself and not define yourself by your weight. The next step is to reach out for help and support, which you have. Belief in yourself may take others holding that belief for you, supporting you, cheering you on until you can do it for yourself....the same way we hold hope for each other. You can do this. Folks on this site can help!!! Lord knows, these awesome people have saved my butt time and time again!!! Continue to reach out, be active here, and please, please, please be gentle with yourself!!

JBV321 · July 2013

Hi love.. I can respond with what u want to hear but honestly if u read ur post and don't want to do it then u won't do it...I had people telling me all sorts of things when I was overweight and it went in one ear...sat for a day while I ate carrots...then out the next before I had carrot cake! It finally took me being totally unhappy with myself physically for me to say u know what, enough is enough....that I was going to do something about my health. So u have to truly ask yourself if u want to change and do so...we are here, u may have a confidant as well who can be ur accountability partner...the unhealthy choices we make can be overpowered by healthy ones...do u have the power? XO

Agreed!!! One of my favorite sayings is If you think you can or think you can't, you're probably right!

shadow2soul · July 2013

Your not a "fat freak" and your definitely not "fat and ugly". You are very pretty. Take it one day at a time. Patience is definitely key here.

my story can be found here:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/shadow2soul?month=201303
My progress thread here:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1011152-87-days-of-using-mfp-p-lots-of-pics?hl=87+days&page=1#posts-15485906

my tips:

The reason I am creating this post is because I’ve had a few requests for tips regarding weight loss. I don't know why people are asking me for tips considering I still have a lot to lose. :laugh: I am more than happy to share my opinion though and if you don’t agree, well that’s fine to. I make no guarantee that what I am doing will work for you.

Things I use to help me:

Heart Rate Monitor – I only use this for cardio workouts, because they aren’t meant for much else. I own a cheap Pyle Sports Heart Rate Watch (with chest strap) that I got off of amazon for $26. Polar HRM seem to be highly recommended, but are higher in cost.

FitBit Zip – I was originally looking to get the One or Flex models, but my husband surprised me with a Zip. I wear it all day, to get a better idea of my total calorie burn for the day. I love that it syncs with MFP and will adjust my calorie goals based on how active I was for the day. It’s extremely tiny and I clip it to my bra (on the part between the two cups).

Kitchen Scale – I only recently got my kitchen scale, but it is pretty much a must have if you want to be accurate with your food logs.

Exercise:

Reasons to Exercise:
:drinker: Cardio – Is good for heart health, endurance, and will help burn some extra calories.
:drinker: Strength – Is good for body appearance, strength, and will help burn fat (helps maintain LBM)

Rest Days – Are important. You want to take at least 1 per week to allow your body time to repair and prevent injury.

Work out Length – You don’t need to spend hours working out each day. I work out anywhere from 20- 90 mins 5-6 days a week. It all depends on how I’m feeling and how busy I am. I recently started Stronglifts 5x5, which takes about 30 mins 3x a week. The rest of my workouts are cardio or circuit training.

Food:

“Good”/”Bad” Food - I don’t believe in this. To me it is utter nonsense. Food is Food. Some foods provide more nutrients for very little calories while others have a lot of calories and very little nutrients.

Calorie Goals – Should be reasonable and easy to maintain. Find what works for you. I think it’s probably easier to start with a higher calorie number and work your way down until you are losing at a rate that you are happy with (and that’s healthy). You might end up surprised by how many calories you can eat and still lose weight.

Metabolic Issues – For those who have medical conditions that affect their metabolism, I’d suggest discussing things like weight loss with a dietitian. That way you can come up with a plan that will work for you. All the online calculators and stuff in that category will probably be very inaccurate for you.

Vitamins – I take a multivitamin daily. I am actually going to switch from taking a GNC Multi to one I found at Walmart that is very similar to the GNC one, but only a quarter of the cost($5 vs $20). I take a multi because I found without it I was very lethargic. The one I’m going to start taking as soon as I run out of the ones from GNC is “One Source Multivitamin: Women’s.”

Net Goal - MFP is designed to give you a NET goal to eat at. This means you are supposed to eat your exercise calorie burn. Depending on your accuracy of calculating your calorie burn, you might only want to eat 50-75% back. Another way to look at is:

MFP estimated daily burn (no exercise) - 2500
lose 1lb per week - -500
MFP goal of - 2000 (no exercise)
exercise burn of - 500
MFP estimated daily burn (with exercise) - 3000
lose 1lb per week - -500
MFP goal of - 2500 (or net 2000)

Tracking Progress:

Weight – So many things can affect weight, because of this it shouldn’t be the only way you track your progress. Things to keep in mind:
:drinker: Always use the same scale – Different scales can show different weights. You will get the most accurate number for tracking when using the same scale.
:drinker: Don’t move the scale – Carpet, uneven flooring, different types of flooring…can all affect the weight on the scale. So when you weigh, you want it to be approximately the same spot for the most accurate number for tracking.
:drinker: 3500 calories – To gain 1lb of fat you need to be over maintenance by 3500 calories.
:drinker: Muscle Repair – Muscles will hold onto water to repair, because of this it is not uncommon to see a gain for a little while after a workout. This weight comes right back off when they are done repairing.
:drinker: Sodium – Can cause you to retain water. This can also be amplified if you don’t drink enough to flush it out of your system. This is also another reason for temporary weight gain.
:drinker: Water – Not drinking enough water can actually cause you to retain water. Recommended amount is 8 cups or 64oz. I drink 64 oz to 128 oz of water a day. It doesn’t have to be plain water either. I like to flavor mine with crystal light or tea.
:drinker: Time of day – Your weight can fluctuate throughout the day. So for the most accurate tracking, you want to weigh at around the same time.
:drinker: Frequency – This is up to you, but if small fluctuations bother you than only weigh once a week or less.
:drinker: Lightest Weight – Will be naked, first thing in the morning, after using the bathroom
:drinker: Multiple times a Day – Don’t Do It. As I said before, your weight will fluctuate throughout the day. What you eat, what you’re wearing, ect will all affect weight.
:drinker: Clothes – If you weigh with clothing on, keep in mind that the scale will show your weight plus the weight of your clothes. (Jeans are heavy)
:drinker: TOM - A lot of women will retain water around their TOM, but its just temporary and will go away.

Measurements – This is a great way to judge progress. I take measurements once a month. Even if your weight seems to go up, if your measurements are going down, then you are moving in the right direction. For accuracy you want to try and measure the same spots every time. Places I measure:
:drinker: Neck
:drinker: Upper Arm – largest part
:drinker: Forearm – largest part
:drinker: Wrist – smallest part
:drinker: Bust
:drinker: Ribs Under bust
:drinker: Waist – where you bend (usually the smallest area above belly button, but below rib cage)
:drinker: Abdomen @ Navel
:drinker: Hips – largest part
:drinker: Thigh – largest part
:drinker: Calf – largest part

Pictures – Progress pictures are great. I like to take them once a month and at the start/end of any workout programs I do. You may not see the difference in the mirror, but comparing pictures will show you what the mirror does not.

Body Fat % - This is another great weigh to track progress. The electronic devices that track it can actually be affected by how much water you did or did not drink. For this reason, I prefer body fat calipers. I got a cheap one off amazon.com ($4 w/free shipping). This is also another thing you only want to track once a month or so. Like measurements, if this number goes down (even if the scale stays the same or goes up) than you are making progress.

bdruggles · July 2013

First, *HUGS*

Lots of us go through the place you are right now. And it has little to do with how much weight we need to lose. You are not a freak, and you are not ugly. You are frustrated and probably a little depressed. Frustration and pain will do that to a person. I have arthritis in my shoulders and some days the pain really wears me down. As for the name calling you're doing to yourself, it sounds like you have the same judgmental lady in your head that I do. Tell her to give it a rest. Seriously, yell back at her, you'll feel silly but it's great stress relief.

Second, sugar and all the things that go into the foods we should eat little of, are addictive. Physically and emotionally, and it takes recognition (which you already have) and lots of hard to work to break the habits. Unlike smokers and people with other addictions, when it's food (sugar, etc) it's a problem -- because we can't live without it. It'll take persistence and patience and while you're on a better path (and wise enough to reach out for support) I know from experience that it won't be a straight smooth one.

It's hard for us to be compassionate with ourselves, but we really have to try to be. We have to start over each time we loose focus and make back slide (I have lost track of how many times I have started over... I have a journal, but I don't want to go count) but I think persistence is key. The willingness to start again and keep making the effort. I know it's worth it. I'm worth it. You're worth it. Just have to keep slugging away at the challenge one day at a time.

fiberartist219 · July 2013

First of all, I agree that you have nothing to be ashamed of. You look great, and taking care of yourself is a good look. Never be ashamed for going out, for any reason at all.

Secondly, giving up sugary food really is hard. I get light headed if I make drastic changes to my habits, so if I try to give up sugary food, or start working out, I have to ease into it. If you're having a hard time giving up certain foods, just wean off slowly. If you're eating 10 cookies one day, try not to eat more than 7, and see where that gets you. Yeah, it seems ridiculous to keep eating junk food, but it's not. Your habits are much more likely to stick if you take baby steps.

Same with working out. Do what you can, when you can. If it hurts to walk more than 10 steps, walk 9 steps and take a break. You have to start somewhere.

It sucks when you try to do something healthy and it backfires to make you more uncomfortable, but you don't have to take an all or nothing approach. Make small improvements here and there, and you'll be amazed at how much easier it gets over time.

Peachy1962 · July 2013

you can be your best friend or your own worse enemy!! That inner dialogue will go a long way to help r hurt you SO change that first before anything else ya do!

Moderation on the sweets so you dont have to give them up completely and if you know that then it will not seem to be the forbidden fruit that drives ya insane thinking about!!

I have a bad hip so I can not so much in the way of walking so I go to an aquatic center and workout in the heated pool with a pool noodle so I am off the floor of the pool and there is no pressure on my hip or knees!!

I also use my wheel chair to exercise at the mall!! most stores have wheel chairs for those customers that need them so try getting into one and using your arms to wheel around and see how fast ya break out into a good fat burning sweat!!

builds great arm muscles

Being here can help give you some inspiration for sure!! READ those success stories and read some profiles and take it in that we are all here for the very same reason!!!

Wishing all the best and Good luck on your weight loss journey!! :flowerforyou:

SisterhoodoftheShrinkingPants · July 2013

Im going to tell you what really worked for me. It was simple and it gave me results quick which inspired me to keep going.

1. Started walking 30 mins a day. Period. More if I could, and BELIEVE ME, it changed my life. I listened to music and I THOUGHT about things. I pictured myself losing the weight. I felt my body moving~ something I hadn't done in a long time consistently or for the sake of health~and OMG I discovered there was a beautiful soul inside trying to BE. I mostly IGNORED myself, my body and its cries...but walking gave me my inner voice back.

2. I cut out all sugar and white flour for 30 days. WHY? Because aside from the fact that I've eaten enough junk food to feed a third world county in the course of my life, and aside from the fact that most of that food made me extremely ill on a regular basis (a reality I suppressed with all the other unpleasant "feelings" inside of me), I needed to DETOX my body from crap. And the best part of all, about a week into clean eating, was that CRAVINGS didn't RULE me anymore. I got the power to CHOOSE again and now I choose healthy 80/20, sometimes better.

3. Started a food journal, logged into MFP and kept going no matter what (sugar slips, chips and all).

This worked to help me GET RESULTS. I still have a long way to go but I KNOW NOW that I can make it. You have to truly want this, and you know what? YOU DESERVE IT. When will you start? Tomorrow? Ten years from now? The moment you begin to TRULY do this thing (in whichever way works for you, my way is by no means the only way) Your inner spirit, that sweet, beautiful woman inside of you, will come to life again.

You are beautiful and worthy to be loved (especially by YOU) AS IS. But, if you are anything like me, you are masking an even deeper beauty that in the end will guide you on your journey and in reality have very little to do with what you look like. The added bonuses are good health and self esteem and knowing you overcame something, but the greatest gift is to finally honor the person inside through healthy living.

I believe in you. 7 months ago I didn't believe in myself at all, but now I know that if I can do it, you can too

*HUGS*

Gremlinbaby · July 2013

It totally sucks that you feel so sucky all the time.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8jhFsxW_Q5Y&feature=plcp
Here is an amazing interval workout that is totally low impact. It can be done in a chair.

Magnesium citrate is a nervous system relaxer that can also help with chocolate cravings.

I read in a low carb diet book that when people start cutting out carbs they sometimes feel the way you described. It was suggested the they weren't craving carbs but sodium. There is a lot of sodium in processed food and if you suddenly stop eating it then your body rebels. The book suggested drinking a cup of chicken broth to counter act that feeling.

micwrites · July 2013

I have felt like you do at many points over the last 10 years. We are the hardest judges on ourselves, aren't we? You are a beautiful person and you can get a grip on all this. You deserve to feel good! It's a one-minute-at-a-time, one-day-at-a-time, one-step-at-a-time change of lifestyle. When I feel like I want to eat sweets I drink water. Or I ask myself if I want it more than I want to be thinner and healthier. It can be as small as taking a short walk to change my environment, even if it is as little as going out into the yard and breathing in fresh air, and noticing beautiful flowers. If I don't succeed every time, I just try again. Every day offers a new opportunity. Be gentle on yourself. There is a whole worldwide community here ready to cheer you on.

ameliadiouf12 · July 2013

Hi, I am the same as you with the sweet tooth" I used to sit and eat a whole block of chocolate or a tub of Sarah Lee ice cream... its not easy saying NO to that evil inner self

so don't beat yourself up.... Day by Day ......

I have found with my sweet tooth, either a 99% fat free hot chocolate, or The Natural Confectionery Co sweets, they are 99% fat free, and no artificial colours or flavours, and taste good. ( love the snakes ) also they are all Aussie Made!!

If I do have a blow out, I just try and add it to my daily calories, also remember, if you can last 10 minutes with taking temptation, it will fade away, I also walk more....................

I know what you are feeling

I struggle also every day.............

Wish you all the best, and hope this helps some

iquiltoo · July 2013

wow, lots of good replies and advice so all I will say is regarding joint pain - it will get better if you exercise. I started in February, and I could only do about 16 min. cardio, slowly (so... it probably wasn't much cardio - I wasn't even sweating at the end! LOL!) and now I am up to about an hour, with LOTS of sweat! I use four different machines because my knee cannot take doing one machine for a long time. The row machine and the bike keep my weight off my knee while working it, and the elliptical while a bit harder gets my heart rate up more. The treadmill I do last, and my knee feels it by the end, still not going at a terribly fast rate (2.2 mph) but when you consider I started at 1.2, that's pretty good. And I used to be in such pain by the time I got through the grocery store; now after five months of exercise, I have done over an hour at the gym, THEN gone to the grocery store, and been fine at the end! So yes, it takes time but it WILL improve.

allshebe · July 2013

I apply the word of Yoda (from Star Wars) to any endeavor: “Do or do not. There is no try.” Most people say they try (or will try) when they are not fully committed to do or lack confidence that they can do. You need to allow yourself to be more affirmative. You WILL eat healthy; You WILL exercise 30 minutes a day (even if it's in 6 five minute sessions), You WILL limit sweets to 30 grams of sugar per day, etc. Make a list of things you need to do to become more healthy. Pick just one and master it, tick it off on your list and then pick another and master it also. Small, individual changes are much easier than a single major upheaval, yet lead to the same finish. I look forward to seeing some pictures of you in stylish new clothes (when you shrink out of your current wardrobe)

HealthWoke0ish · July 2013

There's a lot of great advice here, most (if not all) of which is much better than I could give.

But let me share with you some of my favorite quotes about "becoming". Both are attributed to Michelangelo and may be apocryphal but they are quite meaningful to me nonetheless. The story goes that when Michelangelo was asked about his carving, he responded thusly:

"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."

Here is an alternative quote:

“In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.”

The parallel, of course, is that there is a "real you" underneath or inside the current you. I hope you can see it, as Michelangelo saw his angel, and then carve away the extraneous stuff so that the "real you" can be uncovered and set free.

Anyway, good luck to you. You really CAN do it. It will take time, but you can do it. My dad used to say, "You can have faith that God can move that mountain, but don't be surprised if the way he does it is by handing you a shovel.

Again...good luck! You can do it. #goteammfp

pmart611 · July 2013

I share your sugar addiction and I know how hard it is to kick it. But you can do this if you take it slow. I learned to take small steps like starting each day with about 25 g of protein at breakfast. I make a protein smoothie every morning and put in fruit (such as blueberries) so it is sweet but from a good source. I use the protein powder that muscle builders use. Getting protein throughout the day really helps cut the sugar cravings. But I will tell you although I have cut out the worst of the sugars (bagged candy does me in), I still have sugar in my diet plan like dark chocolate. I think by getting off the worst of the worst white sugar, it allowed my brain chemistry to change and let me get control of the rest of my diet. The other big tip I can give is to focus on each individual day as your goal. You are working on today to do the best you can on diet and exercise - don't think about pushing things to tomorrow. Those individual complete days add up to weekly success - just be patient and go easy on yourself. The fact that you are on MFP means you are going in the right direction. Keep logging your food and exercise. You can do this - keep going!

ProgressNotPerfection32 · July 2013

I feel your pain. I have realized after 2 years on Atkins that I am in fact addicted to sugars. I do not miss bread, pasta, rice, etc. but if I have 1 bite of candy, cake, cookies, etc, I'm done for. You are right, it IS a drug, and you have to treat it as an alcoholic would treat AA. it bet if you don't eat it you don't crave it?? Try taking L-Glutamine before each meal. It has done wonders for my sweet cravings. Take it slow. I lost my first 61 lbs by just carb restriction. No exercise. You CAN do it, but you have to be in a spot emotionally TO do it. After all I have lost I still feel fat and ugly. I get you, hon. I have been there, am there right now. Friend me. Get out of the negative thinking spiral and figure out how you want to lose it. Ten take it one day at a time. Baby steps. Heck, buy the BOOK first and read it. It won't seem so daunting. **hugs**

pe4sandra · July 2013

I bet most of us were in a similar frame of mind prior to starting our journey. I had things getting in the way of success too (or so I thought). My excuses were: I can't lose weight because I have to cook "regular" meals for my growing boys and husband, my legs hurt when I run, I don't have time to exercise at home, it's so much easier to swing by the drive-thru after work, I'm not THAT fat, I feel weak if I don't eat by a certain time, if I don't have a soda by 11:00am I'll get a migraine, etc.
You are worth the effort. I promise you...you CAN do it! You must plan and prepare your mind for the changes. It will take some time, but it will become second nature. I found time to prepare my meals for the entire week and I started a very simple at-home workout routine. I didn't give up the sweets entirely, I just worked them into my plan. I allowed myself to enjoy chocolate - it is soooooo good when you eat it in moderation. It is like a little piece of heaven in my mouth...and I appreciate it far more than I did when I was popping M&Ms in my mouth while sitting on the couch doing nothing.
I'll say it again...you are worth it! Come up with a reasonable plan and stick to it. If you made time to write your post, you can make time to go for a walk. We are here to support you.

nebslp · July 2013

Hi! You are beautiful! I started MFP in Jan. with a lot of the same feelings you've been having. There has been lots of advice given which I will take and consider, so thank you for posting this. Several things have changed my way of thinking since I started so I'll just tell you what helped me:
1. Log in every day without fail. I have about 140 days in and would be sick if I couldn't log in for some reason. I think I'm addicted!
2. Take at least 5-10 min. a day reading inspirational messages from this community...especially those with pictures.
3. Keep telling yourself, "If they can do it, I can, too". I'm special, but I'm not special. Everyone has their problems. We just need to learn to deal with our own the best we can.
4. Start lifting weights. I started with 2 pounds and could barely make it through the workout, moved up to 5 after a couple of months, and think I'm ready to move up to 8 pounds. Now, that's exciting and motivating. I won't be skinny in my old age (I'm actually already there chronologically) but I will be strong!!! It doesn't take much time and you will feel the difference almost immediately. I got started with an old Biggest Loser DVD with a strength/sculpt workout. This fall I plan to join a gym and do some heavy lifting.
5. Find some good MFP friends who are faithful and consistent in their efforts. You can learn a lot from reading posts daily.
At first I thought I would "asterisk" the most important suggestion(s) but realize that every one was absolutely essential for me to feel like a different person than I did 6 months ago. There is no doubt that I will lose weight even though it has been very slow. There is also no doubt that I will never gain the weight back again. You can do this! You came to the right place!!!

Sorry a long one but I need help desperately!

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