Is this considered cheating?

fake_acct1
fake_acct1 Posts: 8
in Chit-Chat
I'll try to keep this short for the "TL;DR" crowd.

Yes, this is a fake account made for the purposes of asking this question. I honestly never thought I'd be one of the women on here asking one of these relationship questions but, alas... here I am. But I would just like to hear from all you and hear your opinions.

If your boyfriend (of about 7 months) text a female co-worker and told her, "It looks so awesome that I need to be able to see it. Your *kitten*" and then proceeded to take about 8 photos of her *kitten* in her work clothes, would you consider this cheating?? the whole conversation went something like:
Boyfriend: I need a picture
Female coworker: Of what?
BF: You know
FC: no, I really don't
BF: it looks so awesome that i need to be able to see it. your *kitten*"
FC: take a picture, it'll last longer.
and then he sent her the 8 photos of her that he took.

I want to hear everyone's thoughts on this, please.


Note: I broke up with him right then and there as soon as I found out. Who thinks I did the right thing and who things what I did was too hasty?

Thanks in advance.
«13

Replies

  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Some people will consider what he did in good fun. Some will think you are overreacting. Others will think you are totally in the right. instead of telling you which I think, I'll ask you--are you feeling you were too hasty?

    The reason I ask is that different people have different tolerances for relationships and what is permissible. Two people who thought that was all in good fun and you were being hasty would be likely to get along well. Same for two who thought it was disrespectful of him and you were right to consider it cheating. But one from each of the above would not work well together.

    It doesn't make any of them more right or wrong. It makes them right or wrong for each other.
  • mustang289
    mustang289 Posts: 299 Member
    It may not be cheating, but it certainly is inappropriate behavior both for someone in a relationship and for the work environment.


    I doubt if having a 'teaching moment ' conversation with him would change anything about his actions until he matures (if ever). You are most likely better off.
  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
    "Cheating" I'm not sure.

    Does it make him look like a creep? I think so.
  • fake_acct1
    fake_acct1 Posts: 8
    Some people will consider what he did in good fun. Some will think you are overreacting. Others will think you are totally in the right. instead of telling you which I think, I'll ask you--are you feeling you were too hasty?

    The reason I ask is that different people have different tolerances for relationships and what is permissible. Two people who thought that was all in good fun and you were being hasty would be likely to get along well. Same for two who thought it was disrespectful of him and you were right to consider it cheating. But one from each of the above would not work well together.

    It doesn't make any of them more right or wrong. It makes them right or wrong for each other.

    Right. I get what you're saying. I know that is how people will respond to this question. But that's why I asked it. To see everyone's different opinions to help get some perspective.

    No, I don't think my decision was hasty. I think I made the correct decision to respect myself when someone obviously disrespected me.
  • fake_acct1
    fake_acct1 Posts: 8
    "Cheating" I'm not sure.

    Does it make him look like a creep? I think so.

    Yeah, creep no doubt....

    It's just hard to get honest opinions from my close friends because they all have their own agenda regarding whether or not they want me and this person together. So I appreciate y'all giving your honest opinions with no hidden agenda since y'all don't know me.
  • EdTheGinge
    EdTheGinge Posts: 1,616 Member
    As someone has already mentioned, cheating no but it is inappropriate. As far as breaking up with him, only you can tell if it was right or wrong.
  • _Krys10_
    _Krys10_ Posts: 1,234 Member
    My first thought was that you must not have trusted him already if you are reading his texts. Not that I am saying what he did was right but what made you read them in the first place?
  • EdTheGinge
    EdTheGinge Posts: 1,616 Member
    As someone has already mentioned, cheating no but it is inappropriate. As far as breaking up with him, only you can tell if it was right or wrong.
  • fake_acct1
    fake_acct1 Posts: 8
    My first thought was that you must not have trusted him already if you are reading his texts. Not that I am saying what he did was right but what made you read them in the first place?

    That's sort of a complicated story. We were having a conversation about appropriate relationships with people of the opposite sex. We were basically just trying to establish where we both stood regarding that issue because we are both somewhat jealous people. And I mentioned that I never really know who is texting him because he doesn't really talk about it. And he said that no one really texts him all that much (talking about women) and then I said, "ok, so who are the top 10 females that have text you recently" and he pulled his phone out and he was looking and he was the one who actually clicked on the conversation that uncovered this inappropriate behavior. I wasn't snooping through his phone behind his back or anything like that.
  • miss_jessiejane
    miss_jessiejane Posts: 2,819 Member
    I agree with the other posters, it might not be cheating, but it was inappropriate at work.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    theres a line.... i think taking pictures crosses that line....

    i once saw drunken texts between my then boyfriend and a girl along the lines of 'i really want to kiss you' (her saying it to him) but i believed him when he said he hadnt kissed her, and we are married now and i trust him 100%.... however if i ever found anything like that again i think it would be a different outcome, once is a mistake, twice is a cheater!
  • obrientp
    obrientp Posts: 546 Member
    When i read it, my first reaction was, "ick". It sounds creepy to me. It definitely was highly inappropriate for the workplace. If I had been dating a guy for 7 months, and he did this, I might want to take a step back and take a good look at his character before I considered going forward with him. Just my opinion.
  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
    No, I don't think my decision was hasty. I think I made the correct decision to respect myself when someone obviously disrespected me.

    100% spot on then.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    That's sort of a complicated story. We were having a conversation about appropriate relationships with people of the opposite sex. We were basically just trying to establish where we both stood regarding that issue because we are both somewhat jealous people. And I mentioned that I never really know who is texting him because he doesn't really talk about it. And he said that no one really texts him all that much (talking about women) and then I said, "ok, so who are the top 10 females that have text you recently" and he pulled his phone out and he was looking and he was the one who actually clicked on the conversation that uncovered this inappropriate behavior. I wasn't snooping through his phone behind his back or anything like that.

    interesting... he obviously didnt think it was inappropriate if he didnt hide it from you? was he bothered that you dumped him?
  • chelley_79
    chelley_79 Posts: 102 Member
    It may not be cheating, but it certainly is inappropriate behavior both for someone in a relationship and for the work environment.


    I doubt if having a 'teaching moment ' conversation with him would change anything about his actions until he matures (if ever). You are most likely better off.

    Cheating.. no... Inappropriate sexual behavior in the work place... yes. He better hope that chick has a good sense of humor about what he said and did.... idiot even did it in writing and took pic... *face palm*

    Plus I'd ask him wtf... just in case. Lol And if he is that immature... I agree you are better off.

    Good luck!!
  • jetlag
    jetlag Posts: 800 Member
    It's cheating if it's reciprocal.

    It's sexual harrasment if it isn't.

    Either way, yes, the guy's a creep.
  • Ninguneado73
    Ninguneado73 Posts: 832
    You are better off without him, good for you!
  • Striving4Fit_MrsOrtiz
    Striving4Fit_MrsOrtiz Posts: 399 Member
    Does it make him look like a creep? I think so.


    This!
    Inappropriate yes! Better off yes!
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    It sounds like someone doesn't want to keep his job. If someone else in the office witnesses this and is offended by it, then he's created a hostile work environment and can be fired on the spot.

    Cheating? No. Douche-bag? Yep.

    Keep him dumped. There's much better out there.
  • Striving4Fit_MrsOrtiz
    Striving4Fit_MrsOrtiz Posts: 399 Member
    Does it make him look like a creep? I think so.


    This!
    Inappropriate yes! Better off yes!
  • jangier
    jangier Posts: 109 Member
    creepy in my opinion - you did the right thing!
  • fake_acct1
    fake_acct1 Posts: 8
    That's sort of a complicated story. We were having a conversation about appropriate relationships with people of the opposite sex. We were basically just trying to establish where we both stood regarding that issue because we are both somewhat jealous people. And I mentioned that I never really know who is texting him because he doesn't really talk about it. And he said that no one really texts him all that much (talking about women) and then I said, "ok, so who are the top 10 females that have text you recently" and he pulled his phone out and he was looking and he was the one who actually clicked on the conversation that uncovered this inappropriate behavior. I wasn't snooping through his phone behind his back or anything like that.

    interesting... he obviously didnt think it was inappropriate if he didnt hide it from you? was he bothered that you dumped him?

    Extremely bothered. "The thought of not having you in my life is unbearable." He's written me letters and left them on my door at home, flowers at my doorstep, phone calls, voicemails, texts, emails.... He is completely taking the blame for what he did and admitting how wrong it was and telling me it was a one time thing he's never done anything like that before, etc.... He told me he'd quit this job and find another one if that's what I needed him to do as long as I would give him a second chance to prove he wouldn't mess this up. He said I was his whole future... I told him that I hope her *kitten* was worth losing our future over.
  • anro86
    anro86 Posts: 790 Member
    He was in a relationship and those texts and pics crossed a line from any type of friendly message to almost "sexting". So did he actually cheat based on those messages alone...no....but was he headed in that direction? It sure looks like it.
  • fake_acct1
    fake_acct1 Posts: 8
    It's cheating if it's reciprocal.

    It's sexual harrasment if it isn't.

    Either way, yes, the guy's a creep.

    She was an extremely willing participant, who is married with 4 children....
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    I'll try to keep this short for the "TL;DR" crowd.

    Yes, this is a fake account made for the purposes of asking this question. I honestly never thought I'd be one of the women on here asking one of these relationship questions but, alas... here I am. But I would just like to hear from all you and hear your opinions.

    If your boyfriend (of about 7 months) text a female co-worker and told her, "It looks so awesome that I need to be able to see it. Your *kitten*" and then proceeded to take about 8 photos of her *kitten* in her work clothes, would you consider this cheating?? the whole conversation went something like:
    Boyfriend: I need a picture
    Female coworker: Of what?
    BF: You know
    FC: no, I really don't
    BF: it looks so awesome that i need to be able to see it. your *kitten*"
    FC: take a picture, it'll last longer.
    and then he sent her the 8 photos of her that he took.

    I want to hear everyone's thoughts on this, please.


    Note: I broke up with him right then and there as soon as I found out. Who thinks I did the right thing and who things what I did was too hasty?

    Thanks in advance.

    1. Break up with this *kitten*.
    2. Stop dating *kitten* who think it's okay to take pictures of their co-workers' *kitten*.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Cheating and sexual harrassment that could get him fired.

    Not a good guy all-around.
  • mmm_drop
    mmm_drop Posts: 1,126 Member
    "Cheating" I'm not sure.

    Does it make him look like a creep? I think so.

    I agree with this.
  • NatashaB8
    NatashaB8 Posts: 202
    Not cheating but certainly disrespectful to both you and the co-worker.

    As much as I love my other half and am sure he wouldn't be such a creep, if he done something like that I certainly would not trust him not to do it again and would do the same.

    If he has a thing about his co-workers *kitten*, he should have kept it to himself!
  • jetlag
    jetlag Posts: 800 Member
    It's cheating if it's reciprocal.

    It's sexual harrasment if it isn't.

    Either way, yes, the guy's a creep.

    She was an extremely willing participant, who is married with 4 children....

    Then I think it's cheating, yes. If I found that on my husband's phone? Daaaaaamn!
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Don't think it's cheating...but I wouldn't be happy about it.
This discussion has been closed.

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