lending friends money... and having to ask for it back? :(

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  • x311Tifa
    x311Tifa Posts: 357 Member
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    My one experience with money lending was $300 for a friends vehicle after she crashed it. It took some time (she had legal issues with the bank since her grandfather passed and it was their account together), but I eventually got it all back.

    My suggestion is press for it. If your friendship is that long/secure, then it should be fine. At least, I would hope. I know with my friends that it would eventually come back to me or they know it is hell to pay (because we are ALL like this). Unless it's my mother. That's a different story. She would steal from me then swear she would pay it back, but barely gave me any money for high school lunch (I didn't have a job at the time). Eventually, my grandma bought me a lockable jewelry box after I "lost" 6 good jewelry items and $500 USD. Still mad....

    I digress... But I agree with the general consensus. If it's over $50 and you truly need the money and it is important to you, pester the he1l outta her!
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 555 Member
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    So another update....

    She did not show up on Friday and she has not messaged me back. I think we may have to go to her place and demand the items back.

    I don't want to ruin the friendship, but I also am getting tired of being taken advantage of :( I did not want to sell my laptop but she pressured me to agree to sell it, then said she would begin paying me on her paydays. She has had the laptop since April and has not paid me anything :(

    We only have 3 weeks left before we leave the province and need the money for our move. I'm not very impressed right now because it seems as if she is purposely avoiding me........ :frown:
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    Never do business with family or friends.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,780 Member
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    So another update....

    She did not show up on Friday and she has not messaged me back. I think we may have to go to her place and demand the items back.

    I don't want to ruin the friendship, but I also am getting tired of being taken advantage of :( I did not want to sell my laptop but she pressured me to agree to sell it, then said she would begin paying me on her paydays. She has had the laptop since April and has not paid me anything :(

    We only have 3 weeks left before we leave the province and need the money for our move. I'm not very impressed right now because it seems as if she is purposely avoiding me........ :frown:

    it appears to me that she is the one doing this, not you.
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 555 Member
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    I just sent her a message on facebook saying that I need the items back since I didn't want to sell them in the first place and haven't received any money.

    I'm not sure how she is going to react but at least the fiancée will be there when I go get them.


    Even if she had paid SOME of the money I wouldn't feel so bad, but she hasn't and I'm tired of having to ask :( I think the friendship is basically over after all of this :(
  • rungirl1973
    rungirl1973 Posts: 2,559 Member
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    I once paid my friend and her daughter's way to Las Vegas with me. Her part came out to just over $600.

    She had been one of my best friends for about 10 years. I wish I had never asked for the money back.

    She never had any extra money, then when she got her tax refund, she took her kids to Mexico. Yeah, I couldn't afford to take my kids to Mexico. When she got remarried, I didn't give her a gift. Spite? Perhaps.

    At this point, that friendship is basically over. We had been friends for 10 years before that, and haven't spoken more than 3 or 4 times in the past 6 years. One of my biggest regrets in life, and I will never loan money to a friend again unless I assume it's a gift.

    You have to write off the friend or write off the money. And don't let your boyfriend sway your decision.
  • Tangerine302
    Tangerine302 Posts: 1,509 Member
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    You could say you have someone else that wants it and has the cash. Also that you need the cash now since you are moving. If it comes to keeping it or giving it back, she might suddenly come up with the money.
    It sounds like she is ruining the 10 year friendship. Hope she comes through with the money. Good luck! :)
  • amoymh
    amoymh Posts: 44
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    You said you've known this girl for 10 years... If she was a real friend you wouldn't have to ask her, she would come to you and offer something, maybe time to rethink if a friendship actually exists
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 555 Member
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    to clarify, we were best friends in the beginning (in high school) but due to some things she said we did not speak for 2 years (she eventually apologized). I've given her a lot of chances and have always let the small "loans" pass by as gifts, but this time I am upset because she knew this was definitely NOT a gift and that we NEED the money for the move. I made sure she knew that and she said paying me back was her priority. I feel as though my trust in her is gone now :(

    I won't be selling or loaning to friends again
  • NaomiJFoster
    NaomiJFoster Posts: 1,450 Member
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    That really stinks. It sounds like you've been taken advantage of by a person who did not value your friendship nearly as much as you valued hers.
  • xstarxdustx
    xstarxdustx Posts: 591 Member
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    Hate doing that, so yeah try to avoid it as well.
  • MrsSenecal
    MrsSenecal Posts: 312 Member
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    Im sorry about your friend :( That sucks that she took advantage of your niceness! You arent doing anything wrong by getting your stuff back!
  • Kotuliak
    Kotuliak Posts: 259 Member
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    I think you have to decide what's more important - keep a friend or get your money. In my view, a "friend" whom you cannot trust with basic stuff is probably not worth your friendship.

    At the same time, I have a friend who I know is a flake, and when he asked to borrow money I did give me what he asked for. But it was a conscious decision to gift him the money when I knew he needed it, because I knew I wasn't getting it back.
  • Lyn1424
    Lyn1424 Posts: 16 Member
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    Ugh that is upsetting. She doesn't sound like a friend. Hope you can get your stuff back!
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 555 Member
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    I think you have to decide what's more important - keep a friend or get your money. In my view, a "friend" whom you cannot trust with basic stuff is probably not worth your friendship.

    At the same time, I have a friend who I know is a flake, and when he asked to borrow money I did give me what he asked for. But it was a conscious decision to gift him the money when I knew he needed it, because I knew I wasn't getting it back.

    I just want to point out that if it was different circumstances I would not care. But I have asked for the money because I truly need it (and because it is owed to me). I have "gifted" her money many times in the past for small things: meals, bus fairs, even cloths, etc over the past 10 years. However we financially can't afford to "gift" such a large amount right now and we made that clear to her. Me and the boyfriend only make minimum wage, we don't have full time hours, we are moving to another province, and I am going back to school. I only agreed to sell her the laptop because I needed the money and she needed a laptop. I am obviously regretting that decision :(

    I have asked her for the laptop back and hope that she gives them back (or pays for them).
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 555 Member
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    Ugh that is upsetting. She doesn't sound like a friend. Hope you can get your stuff back!

    Thank you, I hope so as well. If I can get the stuff back no problem (or the money, I don't care which), then we can move on from this :)
  • glennstoudt
    glennstoudt Posts: 403 Member
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    never a lender or a borrower be is extremely difficult to navigate or accomplish.
    but loaning money to friends is an easy way to lose friends. I suggest as other posters have suggested to
    be very matter of fact or businesslike in demanding the money to be repaid. If it injures the friendship then
    they weren't your friends in the first place.
  • katy84o
    katy84o Posts: 744 Member
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    "hey so I actually need my laptop back...and since you haven't paid for it yet, I'm sure you understand, I'll come pick it up tomorrow". Then post it on craigslist.

    Anytime I give someone something without getting the money first, I assume they won't pay me back...so then its a bonus if they do. I look at it as "if I am not ready to lose the money (if they don't pay up) then I shouldn't be giving it to them in the first place."

    This is pretty much, exactly what I was going to write. Someone told me once, if you lend money don't expect it back. If you don't have it to 'give' then don't lend it.
  • NathanFronk
    NathanFronk Posts: 137 Member
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    You didn't lend a friend money.

    You sold a friend two items without A) a background check B) a credit check C) any written agreement on to when and how quickly the money would be repaid.

    There are two ways to lose a friend: The first is to borrow money. The second is to lend a friend money.

    My advice: ask for the money that is owed but be prepared to either forgive the debt and continue the friendship with eyes open, or to not get paid and to lose a friend.

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