Skip to content
  • Register
    • Viewing the message boards in:

    How to NOT look slimmer with make up. [PIC HEAVY]

    Posts: 217 Member
    edited January 29 in Chit-Chat
    DISCLAIMER: I know this is not EGO magazine. Please have some sense of humor if you want to continue reading :-)

    So I had a date.
    I am the former hot kid who suddenly got punched by life and gained --a lot-- of weight, just like that. This guy had seen me when I was still the hot kid. We were going out after 4 years and well... I wanted to look good.
    I am addicted to cosmetics. Call me vain, but the first thing I did was looking online for tips on how to look slimmer without chopping off the flabs hanging from my arms (as much as I'd LOVE to do that) and hiding that obnoxious double chin that sometimes shows up in pictures -- HELL, I never see you, double chin, where the F*** did you come from??!

    Anyway. I found this:

    contouring-diagram-smashbox1.jpg

    I already had a sense it wouldn't work since well... The model is already slim and she is WHITE.
    This is me, trying the same technique:

    176zw9.jpg
    "Am I pretty yet?"


    The duck face and V are to complement the atmosphere. I rarely feel this stupid. Especially when sober.

    Okay. Maybe I should blend all this plaster covering my face and see where it leads.

    2m6r2pl.jpg

    Alright. Let's stop right here.
    I wanted to look skinny. Yes.
    The only way I could possibly get lucky with this look was hoping the guy had a fetish for wax dolls. WHERE THE HELL DID MY PORES GO? And man, come on, after blending... It doesn't even look like I changed anything other than covering every spot of my face with some sort of sticky mortar.
    So I read that you could get a similar effect without carrying so much on sticky concealers. Instead, you would use a bronzer powder or dark blusher. Sounded alright.
    But no. When it comes to me, it can't just be that easy.

    iqc8ci.jpg

    Not satisfied with all the mortar, I had to ALSO make it look like someone hit me in the face with a brick. Beautiful, except that the guy I wanted to date wasn't a construction worker. So I washed it all off. And I decided to do it my way:

    2e67qk1.jpg

    Just a little bit of a matte brown eyeshadow under the jawline and right under the cheekbones. Then a little bit of a brighter one under the eyebrow and on top of the cheekbone, and blended it all together:

    9kmgc0.jpg

    The final thing looked something like this:

    o9o22p.jpg

    I actually think I look good with pores AND acne AND make up. Because I am not a wax doll. And you know what? I am working my *kitten* off to get fit again, so if this guy has something against the fact I gained a few (dozens of) pounds, maybe he doesn't deserve me, right? Heh, I wish my self esteem were that high. One way or another, there's always plan B:

    2qlub8h.jpg

    THIS baby. With this baby, I'll look just fine, no matter what.

    Welcome!

    It looks like you're new here. Sign in or register to get started.
    Sign In
    Register
    «13

    Replies

    • Posts: 217 Member
      Yay :) Got pics to work on my first try!
    • Posts: 182 Member
      That was hilarious.

      You look great :smile: :drinker:
    • Posts: 2,890 Member
      LOL! Great sense of humor! You're stunning and he'd be a nutter if he didn't think so. Relax and enjoy that beer :drinker:
    • Posts: 217 Member
      Thanks!! :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: You're all invited for a round, I bet you're all much more fun than that pooper anyway!
    • Posts: 259 Member
      Love this post.

      Great sense of humor and beautiful to boot! If he doesn't see that, he's an idiot! Just sayin'.
    • Posts: 284
      This was awesome.
    • Posts: 2,835 Member
      Hilarious! You should start a blog, if you haven't already.

      And you look beautiful! That is a perfect shade of lipstick for you. So pretty!
    • Posts: 22,834 Member
      You're hot....cuz you like good beer.

      Would bang...for beer.
    • Posts: 243 Member
      I'm pretty sure I would have tapped that pre-blend.

      5-star post.
    • Posts: 850 Member
      You crack me up!
    • Posts: 217 Member
      Hilarious! You should start a blog, if you haven't already.

      And you look beautiful! That is a perfect shade of lipstick for you. So pretty!

      Thank you so much!
      Never thought about it. Normally too busy with two jobs and university, maybe in the future :laugh:
    • Posts: 217 Member
      You're hot....cuz you like good beer.

      Would bang...for beer.

      Bia does not share beer.
    • Posts: 243 Member
      LOL, funny! Oh the things we'll try. Your final look was beautiful. I hope you have a great date! Just be yourself, or show him this post, so he know's you're a cool chick with a sense of humor!
    • Posts: 22,834 Member
      show previous quotes

      Bia does not share beer.

      And now you are just another pretty gurl. :P
    • Posts: 105 Member
      You (and your pores) look fabulous! :flowerforyou:
    • Posts: 217 Member
      show previous quotes

      And now you are just another pretty gurl. :P


      I make my own, though. I could sell it if you're interested! :P
    • Posts: 3,982 Member
      I :heart: Bia Would buy a beer or dozen.

      Funny how many girls I've heard say they don't want pores to show, and you embrace your pores. I think you look great :flowerforyou:
    • Posts: 217 Member
      Thanks for the nice comments, everyone :smooched: :blushing:
    • Posts: 2,037 Member
      Love this - v funny. And love the lipstick - which shade/brand is it?
    • Posts: 1,791 Member
      You look great! And you're flipping hilarious!! Thanks
    • Posts: 217 Member
      @ SRH7 It's Ruby Woo by MAC :flowerforyou:
    • Posts: 182 Member
      @ SRH7 It's Ruby Woo by MAC :flowerforyou:

      Thanks for this, red lips are my fav. :heart:
    • Posts: 217 Member
      I :heart: Bia Would buy a beer or dozen.

      Funny how many girls I've heard say they don't want pores to show, and you embrace your pores. I think you look great :flowerforyou:

      Awwh :heart: :heart:

      Who DOESN'T have pores? Some things about females that I'll never understand :laugh:
    • Posts: 57
      HoneyBia, a couple of things: 1) NEVER go out with a guy who is only superficial (ok, maybe if you want a one night thing, then grab it and play it), reality is that he will never treat you as you should be treated. And if he does for the first three months, he probably won't three years later. 2) This was just Fuxxing hilarious! I read it all the way through and just loved the commentary. I really am lucky to be one of your friends on MFP.
    • Posts: 882 Member
      great post, you have a great sense of humour! You look great, just the way you are.
    • Posts: 2,037 Member
      @ SRH7 It's Ruby Woo by MAC :flowerforyou:

      :flowerforyou: *Rushes off to buy it*
    • Posts: 1,956 Member
      Pretty and funny!
      Youre fab!
    • Posts: 1,238 Member
      Ah good ole booze, without it I don't think half of us would be here :-P
    • Posts: 217 Member
      HoneyBia, a couple of things: 1) NEVER go out with a guy who is only superficial (ok, maybe if you want a one night thing, then grab it and play it), reality is that he will never treat you as you should be treated. And if he does for the first three months, he probably won't three years later. 2) This was just Fuxxing hilarious! I read it all the way through and just loved the commentary. I really am lucky to be one of your friends on MFP.

      You are GREAT, Chet! First friend in here :-) :heart: :heart: We need to go and grab a few doses together sometime
    • Posts: 958 Member
      Loved your post:drinker: everyone looks better with a couple of drinks in hand.:wink:
    This discussion has been closed.

    Welcome!

    It looks like you're new here. Sign in or register to get started.
    Sign In
    Register

    Quick Links

    Categories