How to NOT look slimmer with make up. [PIC HEAVY]
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DISCLAIMER: I know this is not EGO magazine. Please have some sense of humor if you want to continue reading :-)
So I had a date.
I am the former hot kid who suddenly got punched by life and gained --a lot-- of weight, just like that. This guy had seen me when I was still the hot kid. We were going out after 4 years and well... I wanted to look good.
I am addicted to cosmetics. Call me vain, but the first thing I did was looking online for tips on how to look slimmer without chopping off the flabs hanging from my arms (as much as I'd LOVE to do that) and hiding that obnoxious double chin that sometimes shows up in pictures -- HELL, I never see you, double chin, where the F*** did you come from??!
Anyway. I found this:
I already had a sense it wouldn't work since well... The model is already slim and she is WHITE.
This is me, trying the same technique:
"Am I pretty yet?"
The duck face and V are to complement the atmosphere. I rarely feel this stupid. Especially when sober.
Okay. Maybe I should blend all this plaster covering my face and see where it leads.
Alright. Let's stop right here.
I wanted to look skinny. Yes.
The only way I could possibly get lucky with this look was hoping the guy had a fetish for wax dolls. WHERE THE HELL DID MY PORES GO? And man, come on, after blending... It doesn't even look like I changed anything other than covering every spot of my face with some sort of sticky mortar.
So I read that you could get a similar effect without carrying so much on sticky concealers. Instead, you would use a bronzer powder or dark blusher. Sounded alright.
But no. When it comes to me, it can't just be that easy.
Not satisfied with all the mortar, I had to ALSO make it look like someone hit me in the face with a brick. Beautiful, except that the guy I wanted to date wasn't a construction worker. So I washed it all off. And I decided to do it my way:
Just a little bit of a matte brown eyeshadow under the jawline and right under the cheekbones. Then a little bit of a brighter one under the eyebrow and on top of the cheekbone, and blended it all together:
The final thing looked something like this:
I actually think I look good with pores AND acne AND make up. Because I am not a wax doll. And you know what? I am working my *kitten* off to get fit again, so if this guy has something against the fact I gained a few (dozens of) pounds, maybe he doesn't deserve me, right? Heh, I wish my self esteem were that high. One way or another, there's always plan B:
THIS baby. With this baby, I'll look just fine, no matter what.
You.Are.Awesome.
That is all.0 -
Thanks for all the positive comments and love :-)
I love laughing at my own struggles as well...0 -
Hahahahaha.
What double chin???
You look fab and keep trusting your own make-up tips.0 -
Oh man. I remember when Kevyn Aucoin really put this whole thing into fashion (barely, since I was really young, but I remember!). I actually do a version of this except with sheer creams. I never understood the whole layering with thick white and brown. Looks like you're going to WAR! Good gym makeup.0
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Hahahahaha.
What double chin???
You look fab and keep trusting your own make-up tips.
You know how you NEVER see it, but any time someone takes a picture of you and you're unaware, it shows up? Mine is like that. Taking selfies or looking at the mirror, the sneaky *kitten* will just hide. It waits until a public picture is taken in order to show its glory.0 -
Best thing I've read all day! Have fun with your meet-up! :laugh:0
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Love this! I'll try that makeup!0
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Me like em make up!
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I've always wondered what those tutorials really look like done. Now I don't have to try it on myself. :laugh:
You look great OP, and you've got a good sense of humor, which is even better. :flowerforyou:0 -
Great read...funny post- thanks for the laugh!0
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hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahah this was hilarious I sincerely fell in love with you!!!
All that contouring is utter BS in my eyes! They practice on size 6 models anyway! Do it the old fashion way my love EYEBROWS- they make all the difference You have a fantastic frame, bone structure etc and far from fat! (I love how you say when I was younger and you're 21!)
I love doing the makeup thing (especially a lighter arabic version) but I honestly like to stay natural but below is my idea of LIGHT contouring- i targeted mostly cheekbones and near eyebrows I have a leaner face than what I used to a year ago...
*I suck as posting pictures btw0 -
haha i totally did this makeup trick as well. for me, it actually does work0
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hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahah this was hilarious I sincerely fell in love with you!!!
All that contouring is utter BS in my eyes! They practice on size 6 models anyway! Do it the old fashion way my love EYEBROWS- they make all the difference You have a fantastic frame, bone structure etc and far from fat! (I love how you say when I was younger and you're 21!)
I love doing the makeup thing (especially a lighter arabic version) but I honestly like to stay natural but below is my idea of LIGHT contouring- i targeted mostly cheekbones and near eyebrows I have a leaner face than what I used to a year ago...
*I suck as posting pictures btw
You look absolutely GORGEOUS and your contouring is very natural :-)0 -
Me like em make up!
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Meow lol. I don't even wear makeup but kept reading hoping it would end like this:
If you told me this is how you normally look on a Saturday night, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised.0 -
Your makeup looks gorgeous- the avatar- not so much. When I need makeup tips I will be coming to you and skipping the computer animation. You look great, and I am guessing that your date will think so to! Cheers!!!0
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Cute post!
You're gorgeous.0 -
Meow lol. I don't even wear makeup but kept reading hoping it would end like this:
I shat bricks when scrolling down. My heart raced, seriously :laugh: :noway:0 -
You are gorgeous and I kinda adore you!!0
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You're very pretty, and this was hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!0
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*I suck as posting pictures btw
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You look absolutely GORGEOUS and your contouring is very natural :-)
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ohhh thanks gorgeous0 -
Is someone addicted to pintrest. U look beautiful!0
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Love this! And I know how you feel about being the former hot kid. Miss it!0
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Awesome post! :laugh: :drinker:0
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I wanna know how the date went!0
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Best thread I've read in awhile!
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
yep tried to 'contour' like this once and ended up looking like this....
... leave it to the experts!!0 -
lol. you're funny
:flowerforyou:0 -
what a great read made me smile0
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Meow lol. I don't even wear makeup but kept reading hoping it would end like this:
I shat bricks when scrolling down. My heart raced, seriously :laugh: :noway:
Same here :laugh:0
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