How to NOT look slimmer with make up. [PIC HEAVY]

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Replies

  • sarahkatara
    sarahkatara Posts: 826 Member
    DISCLAIMER: I know this is not EGO magazine. Please have some sense of humor if you want to continue reading :-)

    So I had a date.
    I am the former hot kid who suddenly got punched by life and gained --a lot-- of weight, just like that. This guy had seen me when I was still the hot kid. We were going out after 4 years and well... I wanted to look good.
    I am addicted to cosmetics. Call me vain, but the first thing I did was looking online for tips on how to look slimmer without chopping off the flabs hanging from my arms (as much as I'd LOVE to do that) and hiding that obnoxious double chin that sometimes shows up in pictures -- HELL, I never see you, double chin, where the F*** did you come from??!

    Anyway. I found this:

    contouring-diagram-smashbox1.jpg

    I already had a sense it wouldn't work since well... The model is already slim and she is WHITE.
    This is me, trying the same technique:

    176zw9.jpg
    "Am I pretty yet?"


    The duck face and V are to complement the atmosphere. I rarely feel this stupid. Especially when sober.

    Okay. Maybe I should blend all this plaster covering my face and see where it leads.

    2m6r2pl.jpg

    Alright. Let's stop right here.
    I wanted to look skinny. Yes.
    The only way I could possibly get lucky with this look was hoping the guy had a fetish for wax dolls. WHERE THE HELL DID MY PORES GO? And man, come on, after blending... It doesn't even look like I changed anything other than covering every spot of my face with some sort of sticky mortar.
    So I read that you could get a similar effect without carrying so much on sticky concealers. Instead, you would use a bronzer powder or dark blusher. Sounded alright.
    But no. When it comes to me, it can't just be that easy.

    iqc8ci.jpg

    Not satisfied with all the mortar, I had to ALSO make it look like someone hit me in the face with a brick. Beautiful, except that the guy I wanted to date wasn't a construction worker. So I washed it all off. And I decided to do it my way:

    2e67qk1.jpg

    Just a little bit of a matte brown eyeshadow under the jawline and right under the cheekbones. Then a little bit of a brighter one under the eyebrow and on top of the cheekbone, and blended it all together:

    9kmgc0.jpg

    The final thing looked something like this:

    o9o22p.jpg

    I actually think I look good with pores AND acne AND make up. Because I am not a wax doll. And you know what? I am working my *kitten* off to get fit again, so if this guy has something against the fact I gained a few (dozens of) pounds, maybe he doesn't deserve me, right? Heh, I wish my self esteem were that high. One way or another, there's always plan B:

    2qlub8h.jpg

    THIS baby. With this baby, I'll look just fine, no matter what.

    You.Are.Awesome.

    That is all.
  • BathtubBadger
    BathtubBadger Posts: 217 Member
    Thanks for all the positive comments and love :-)
    I love laughing at my own struggles as well...
  • nuemmedigg
    nuemmedigg Posts: 220 Member
    Hahahahaha.

    What double chin???
    You look fab and keep trusting your own make-up tips.
  • aquarabbit
    aquarabbit Posts: 1,622 Member
    Oh man. I remember when Kevyn Aucoin really put this whole thing into fashion (barely, since I was really young, but I remember!). I actually do a version of this except with sheer creams. I never understood the whole layering with thick white and brown. Looks like you're going to WAR! Good gym makeup.
  • BathtubBadger
    BathtubBadger Posts: 217 Member
    Hahahahaha.

    What double chin???
    You look fab and keep trusting your own make-up tips.


    You know how you NEVER see it, but any time someone takes a picture of you and you're unaware, it shows up? Mine is like that. Taking selfies or looking at the mirror, the sneaky *kitten* will just hide. It waits until a public picture is taken in order to show its glory.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Best thing I've read all day! Have fun with your meet-up! :laugh:
  • knitwit0704
    knitwit0704 Posts: 376
    Love this! I'll try that makeup!
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Me like em make up!

    176zw9.jpg
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I've always wondered what those tutorials really look like done. Now I don't have to try it on myself. :laugh:

    You look great OP, and you've got a good sense of humor, which is even better. :flowerforyou:
  • Angdie
    Angdie Posts: 7 Member
    Great read...funny post- thanks for the laugh!
  • melb_alex
    melb_alex Posts: 1,154 Member
    hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahah this was hilarious I sincerely fell in love with you!!!


    All that contouring is utter BS in my eyes! They practice on size 6 models anyway! Do it the old fashion way my love EYEBROWS- they make all the difference ;) You have a fantastic frame, bone structure etc and far from fat! (I love how you say when I was younger and you're 21!)

    I love doing the makeup thing (especially a lighter arabic version) but I honestly like to stay natural but below is my idea of LIGHT contouring- i targeted mostly cheekbones and near eyebrows :) I have a leaner face than what I used to a year ago...

    IMG_4344.png

    *I suck as posting pictures btw
  • sparkly86
    sparkly86 Posts: 520 Member
    haha i totally did this makeup trick as well. for me, it actually does work
  • BathtubBadger
    BathtubBadger Posts: 217 Member
    hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahah this was hilarious I sincerely fell in love with you!!!


    All that contouring is utter BS in my eyes! They practice on size 6 models anyway! Do it the old fashion way my love EYEBROWS- they make all the difference ;) You have a fantastic frame, bone structure etc and far from fat! (I love how you say when I was younger and you're 21!)

    I love doing the makeup thing (especially a lighter arabic version) but I honestly like to stay natural but below is my idea of LIGHT contouring- i targeted mostly cheekbones and near eyebrows :) I have a leaner face than what I used to a year ago...

    IMG_4344.png

    *I suck as posting pictures btw

    You look absolutely GORGEOUS and your contouring is very natural :-)
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
    Me like em make up!

    176zw9.jpg
    Meow lol. I don't even wear makeup but kept reading hoping it would end like this:
    G9YP3.jpg
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    Meow lol. I don't even wear makeup but kept reading hoping it would end like this:
    G9YP3.jpg

    If you told me this is how you normally look on a Saturday night, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised.
  • anro86
    anro86 Posts: 790 Member
    Your makeup looks gorgeous- the avatar- not so much. When I need makeup tips I will be coming to you and skipping the computer animation. You look great, and I am guessing that your date will think so to! Cheers!!!
  • laughingdani
    laughingdani Posts: 2,275 Member
    Cute post!

    You're gorgeous.
  • BathtubBadger
    BathtubBadger Posts: 217 Member
    Meow lol. I don't even wear makeup but kept reading hoping it would end like this:
    G9YP3.jpg


    I shat bricks when scrolling down. My heart raced, seriously :laugh: :noway:
  • catrinaHwechanged
    catrinaHwechanged Posts: 4,907 Member
    You are gorgeous and I kinda adore you!! :)
  • wylnora
    wylnora Posts: 66 Member
    You're very pretty, and this was hilarious. Thanks for the laugh! :)
  • melb_alex
    melb_alex Posts: 1,154 Member
    *I suck as posting pictures btw
    [/quote]

    You look absolutely GORGEOUS and your contouring is very natural :-)
    [/quote]

    ohhh thanks gorgeous <3
  • rmwinters
    rmwinters Posts: 288 Member
    Is someone addicted to pintrest. U look beautiful!
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    Love this! And I know how you feel about being the former hot kid. Miss it!
  • El_Cunado
    El_Cunado Posts: 359 Member
    Awesome post! :laugh: :drinker:
  • MichelleBogart
    MichelleBogart Posts: 126 Member
    I wanna know how the date went!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,028 Member
    Best thread I've read in awhile!

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • julialdr
    julialdr Posts: 100 Member
    yep tried to 'contour' like this once and ended up looking like this....
    tumblr_lxmap4Bqyf1qcfrceo1_500.png
    ... leave it to the experts!!
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
    lol. you're funny

    :flowerforyou:
  • mamosh81
    mamosh81 Posts: 409 Member
    what a great read made me smile
  • _Krys10_
    _Krys10_ Posts: 1,234 Member
    Meow lol. I don't even wear makeup but kept reading hoping it would end like this:
    G9YP3.jpg


    I shat bricks when scrolling down. My heart raced, seriously :laugh: :noway:

    Same here :laugh:

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