Love or Respect? Which is more important to you?

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  • VorJoshigan
    VorJoshigan Posts: 1,106 Member
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    In the context of a relationship, I can't accept your love if I don't have your respect. If I don't have your love, I don't care about your respect.
  • breeshabebe
    breeshabebe Posts: 580
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    "Because when she feels unloved, she reacts in ways that feel disrespectful to him. When he feel disrespected, continuing on the circle, he reacts in ways that feel unloving to her. This thing can get crazy because it triggers itself. Without love, she reacts without respect. Without respect, he reacts without love. Without love, she reacts without respect. Without respect, he reacts without love. This baby starts to spin." Another quote.

    Thanks for yall's responses. I was curious to see if more women would answer with "love" and men with "respect"... but I see that alot of women put more value on respect also.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,026 Member
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    Doesn't matter. What is important are sex and sandwich skills.
  • Factory_Reset
    Factory_Reset Posts: 1,651 Member
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    Doesn't matter. What is important are sex and sandwich skills.

    You forgot, willing to bring you beer to go with the sandwich.
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
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    And for the love of Pete (whoever he is), good book or not, all you ladies don't go getting any ideas and run to barnes & noble tonight and run home and say "Sweetie, Look what I got, let's read it togehter and talk about it".

    It's friday.

    :laugh:
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,026 Member
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    Doesn't matter. What is important are sex and sandwich skills.

    You forgot, willing to bring you beer to go with the sandwich.

    Well if she is in the kitchen anyway...
  • BurningAway
    BurningAway Posts: 279
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    Doesn't matter. What is important are sex and sandwich skills.

    You forgot, willing to bring you beer to go with the sandwich.

    And refill your beer and clean up after your sandwich.
  • breeshabebe
    breeshabebe Posts: 580
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    And for the love of Pete (whoever he is), good book or not, all you ladies don't go getting any ideas and run to barnes & noble tonight and run home and say "Sweetie, Look what I got, let's read it togehter and talk about it".

    It's friday.

    :laugh:

    HAHAHA oddly enough... the author mentions that.

    Another reason to buy it!
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,026 Member
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    Doesn't matter. What is important are sex and sandwich skills.

    You forgot, willing to bring you beer to go with the sandwich.

    And refill your beer and clean up after your sandwich.

    How YOU doin'?
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
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    Men, if given the choice to decide for themselves, would want whatever they wanted. They aren't really given the chance, so they take on what they're SUPPOSED to want from society, which generally is seen in the recognition of the things they do (like their job, earnings, etc.). Those things are all externally motivated, so men grow up with the idea that they need to have a lot of external feedback for the things they do to feel validated, which can be translated to "respect".

    Women, also given the chance, would want whatever they wanted. But conversely, they are told to be more intrinsically motivated. They are told that the way they are is more important than what they do; if they act a certain way, they will be able to find happiness from things happening around them. So women look for and attempt a lot of things that try to feed internal motivations (like giving up things for the sake of others, caregiving, etc.). Women grow up looking for manifestations of those things in others, because they are told to look for those things, which they translate to "love".

    Neither of those things are actually "love" or "respect"; they're simply manifestations of gender roles being assigned and played out in society. Men and women actually want whatever they want, but struggle with what they're told to want, and the key to figuring it all out is talking about it, and becoming more self aware. Books like that are nice stepping stones to becoming more self-aware and starting conversations about expectations, but they simply identify trends in behavior; they don't actually offer solutions for anything, and they don't break down the unhealthy aspects of trends, or how to be actually fix them.

    So really, people don't want either of those things. I don't want either of those things. I want to feel like a valid, useful, purposeful individual, and I want to feel like I'm appreciated for those characteristics. However that happens, whether it's through external feedback and "respect", or internal sacrifices and "love" , I'll take that feeling.
  • toutmonpossible
    toutmonpossible Posts: 1,580 Member
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    I don't know why they have to be mutually exclusive. If I had to choose, I'd say respect.
  • breeshabebe
    breeshabebe Posts: 580
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    Men, if given the choice to decide for themselves, would want whatever they wanted. They aren't really given the chance, so they take on what they're SUPPOSED to want from society, which generally is seen in the recognition of the things they do (like their job, earnings, etc.). Those things are all externally motivated, so men grow up with the idea that they need to have a lot of external feedback for the things they do to feel validated, which can be translated to "respect".

    Women, also given the chance, would want whatever they wanted. But conversely, they are told to be more intrinsically motivated. They are told that the way they are is more important than what they do; if they act a certain way, they will be able to find happiness from things happening around them. So women look for and attempt a lot of things that try to feed internal motivations (like giving up things for the sake of others, caregiving, etc.). Women grow up looking for manifestations of those things in others, because they are told to look for those things, which they translate to "love".

    Neither of those things are actually "love" or "respect"; they're simply manifestations of gender roles being assigned and played out in society. Men and women actually want whatever they want, but struggle with what they're told to want, and the key to figuring it all out is talking about it, and becoming more self aware. Books like that are nice stepping stones to becoming more self-aware and starting conversations about expectations, but they simply identify trends in behavior; they don't actually offer solutions for anything, and they don't break down the unhealthy aspects of trends, or how to be actually fix them.

    So really, people don't want either of those things. I don't want either of those things. I want to feel like a valid, useful, purposeful individual, and I want to feel like I'm appreciated for those characteristics. However that happens, whether it's through external feedback and "respect", or internal sacrifices and "love" , I'll take that feeling.

    Very interesting and well written.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    The reason why I fell in love with my husband was because I could see that he respected me.

    As a child, my stepfather was a sociopath and he did not love me or respect me, he actively disrespected me in the worst possible way. I did not learn what respect was. When I saw what respect was, from my husband, I learned what love was. I will never be ok with being disrespected. And I wouldn't be happy with a person that didn't respect me.

    Why would I waste my time with someone that doesn't respect me. I have respect for myself.

    I also respect and love my husband. How could I love him, if I didn't respect him. A relationship that has "love" without respect is not a romantic relationship. If they love you, but don't respect you, then for what reason do they love...pity or obligation? Also a relationship that has respect without love is also not a romantic relationship. That is more like how you respect someone that has done well in your field.

    If a girl wants love and does not care about respect, then that is a problem.

    In my relationship, in the past, I would get into an argument with my husband if I incorrectly perceived that he dd not respect me. Really I was just being triggered by something and projecting my past onto him. My first sexual relationship was a violent and abusive one with my stepfather in which I did not give consent and I was used like an object.
  • LucyMcd1
    LucyMcd1 Posts: 84 Member
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    They both kinda go hand in hand, don't they? But I think respect is really important.
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
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    Men, if given the choice to decide for themselves, would want whatever they wanted. They aren't really given the chance, so they take on what they're SUPPOSED to want from society, which generally is seen in the recognition of the things they do (like their job, earnings, etc.). Those things are all externally motivated, so men grow up with the idea that they need to have a lot of external feedback for the things they do to feel validated, which can be translated to "respect".

    Women, also given the chance, would want whatever they wanted. But conversely, they are told to be more intrinsically motivated. They are told that the way they are is more important than what they do; if they act a certain way, they will be able to find happiness from things happening around them. So women look for and attempt a lot of things that try to feed internal motivations (like giving up things for the sake of others, caregiving, etc.). Women grow up looking for manifestations of those things in others, because they are told to look for those things, which they translate to "love".

    Neither of those things are actually "love" or "respect"; they're simply manifestations of gender roles being assigned and played out in society. Men and women actually want whatever they want, but struggle with what they're told to want, and the key to figuring it all out is talking about it, and becoming more self aware. Books like that are nice stepping stones to becoming more self-aware and starting conversations about expectations, but they simply identify trends in behavior; they don't actually offer solutions for anything, and they don't break down the unhealthy aspects of trends, or how to be actually fix them.

    So really, people don't want either of those things. I don't want either of those things. I want to feel like a valid, useful, purposeful individual, and I want to feel like I'm appreciated for those characteristics. However that happens, whether it's through external feedback and "respect", or internal sacrifices and "love" , I'll take that feeling.

    Is it ironic that after reading this post I now have respect for you?
  • Meg_78
    Meg_78 Posts: 998 Member
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    For me, there is no such thing as love without respect...you can respect without love, but I don't believe you can love without respect.,,so one is not more important than the other, at least when it comes to relationships.
  • Kimdbro
    Kimdbro Posts: 922 Member
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    I would kind of think that they go hand in hand. If you love someone you show them respect. But overall I would say that respect is more important.

    First comment had it bang on. I can't think of anything more I could add to that.

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