Trust--am I the only one seriously

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  • happywithme12
    happywithme12 Posts: 477 Member
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    I appreciate all of your input and agree with all of you, and I am glad to have people like you guys to chat with i appreciate all of your input on any situation so from the bottom of my heart I thank all of you.
  • pdj1220
    pdj1220 Posts: 175
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    I have a lot of trust issues...A LOT

    When I quit drinking almost 100 days ago, I learned that most friends only cared about me when I was drinking, or having them over to drink. When I quit, I quit hearing from there.

    This is why I have internet friends, and I am loner.

    Ty, I don't know if it's necessarily that they only cared about you when you were drinking. I felt that way when I quit too. Years later, looking back on it, I think that it may have just been awkward for them. They just don't know how to relate when the alcohol was a major part of the equation, and then it is off the table.

    BTW, Congrats on sticking with it so long.
    I agree with this. I quit about 5 and a half years ago, and noticed the same thing. They would stop including me not because they didn't care, but because in their eyes they were supporting me by not putting temptation out there.
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
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    I don't share things that I wouldn't want to be public knowledge. That may be a trust issue, but I don't really think about it.
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    dysfunction_demotivational_poster.jpg
    OK there is obviously truth to the above pic but there is also a flip side as well...
    Before-you-diagnose-yourself-with-depression-or-low-self-esteem-first-make-sure-that-you-are-not-in-fact-just-surrounding-yo_zps0fb81a32.jpg
  • happywithme12
    happywithme12 Posts: 477 Member
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    dysfunction_demotivational_poster.jpg
    OK there is obviously truth to the above pic but there is also a flip side as well...
    Before-you-diagnose-yourself-with-depression-or-low-self-esteem-first-make-sure-that-you-are-not-in-fact-just-surrounding-yo_zps0fb81a32.jpg


    LOL yes i agree
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    Ok so it has come to light recently that it seems like I just cant trust a single person in this world, am I the only person that is having this issue. Should I be trying to find new friends that don't seem to think it ok to not care about how you treat other people. Please tell me I am not the only one that has been screwed over by pretty much all of my close friends.

    Trust cannot be about your expectation that everyone will always make the perfect decsion that you will approve of. No one will EVER live up to the expactation and you will ALWAYS be disappointed.

    That said, if people are always breaking your trust in the same ways you may also look at yourself to see if you might be enabling it somehow by your choices or actions.

    Good luck.
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    im single. of course i have trust issues.

    with my group of friends i dont believe anything is said behind anyones back that isnt said in their presence.


    there is one and for the life of me i dont understand this that reports anything about one gal to the gals ex husband.

    as in the next day. the guys ex doesnt even go out with us, doesnt respond to much on facebook and purposely distances herself from this particular gal. the frustrating thing is he is her ex because of physical abuse and the gal that does the reporting saw the aftermath and the ex even admitted to her he did that.

    yet she hangs on his every word and reports anything about his ex back to him.

    while generally i treat people based on how they treat me i have made an exception of his case and am thinking about distancing myself from the amature lois lane
  • happywithme12
    happywithme12 Posts: 477 Member
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    Ok so it has come to light recently that it seems like I just cant trust a single person in this world, am I the only person that is having this issue. Should I be trying to find new friends that don't seem to think it ok to not care about how you treat other people. Please tell me I am not the only one that has been screwed over by pretty much all of my close friends.

    Trust cannot be about your expectation that everyone will always make the perfect decsion that you will approve of. No one will EVER live up to the expactation and you will ALWAYS be disappointed.

    That said, if people are always breaking your trust in the same ways you may also look at yourself to see if you might be enabling it somehow by your choices or actions.

    Good luck.


    thank you very good sound advice
  • happywithme12
    happywithme12 Posts: 477 Member
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    im single. of course i have trust issues.

    with my group of friends i dont believe anything is said behind anyones back that isnt said in their presence.


    there is one and for the life of me i dont understand this that reports anything about one gal to the gals ex husband.

    as in the next day. the guys ex doesnt even go out with us, doesnt respond to much on facebook and purposely distances herself from this particular gal. the frustrating thing is he is her ex because of physical abuse and the gal that does the reporting saw the aftermath and the ex even admitted to her he did that.

    yet she hangs on his every word and reports anything about his ex back to him.

    while generally i treat people based on how they treat me i have made an exception of his case and am thinking about distancing myself from the amature lois lane


    thats horrible and i wouldn't blame you for doing that because that sounds horrible that she would do something like that even knowing what she knows. I think with some people its all about attention for themselves or possibly jealosy and people shouldn't be that way
  • lostdogg
    lostdogg Posts: 450 Member
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    Trust has to be earned. If you're hanging out with people who have failed at every opportunity to earn your trust, then find new people to hang out with. Life is too awesome to waste it on lousy friends.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ There are too many ppl who feel the are "entitled" to being trusted. Stay away. Trust is something that is earned. If you lay faith in those who haven't earned and deserve your trust you are setting yourself up for failure. I don't keep many friends for just that reason. Acquaintances, buddies, yes actual friends, no. You will get burned if you continue to give ppl chance after chance to hurt you. I'm not saying be a recluse, just keep your guard up and let ppl in a little at a time until they prove their trustworthiness. Then, if they fail you, it's not as painful or detrimental.
  • FitnessGirlD
    FitnessGirlD Posts: 58
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    I have trust issues but believe me I am working on them. I recently was getting to know someone and totally screwed everything up by letting my trust issues take over. I regret not trusting him and now have to deal with it. I believe trust comes in time with most people anyways. Sometimes there is such a thing as being TOO TRUSTING. =/
  • Legs_McGee
    Legs_McGee Posts: 845 Member
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    I'm a pretty trusting person and tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. And I'm open with my feelings. I've been burned before and probably will be again, but overall I think I'm a pretty good judge of character.
  • arsonsmom
    arsonsmom Posts: 234 Member
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    I have a lot of trust issues...A LOT

    When I quit drinking almost 100 days ago, I learned that most friends only cared about me when I was drinking, or having them over to drink. When I quit, I quit hearing from there.

    This is why I have internet friends, and I am loner.

    Happy 100!!
  • jnite
    jnite Posts: 108 Member
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    Just because you call someone friend doesn't mean that they need to know everything about you. I think as a whole we share way too much information with people and expect them to keep it confidential. We set them and ourselves up for failure.

    There's an old expression, "a secret is only a secret until you tell someone." I have found that a circle of friends will typically include only one or two people (if even that) that you can trust with everything. I have a lot of friends, but there are different levels at which I trust them. I have one that I would feel comfortable and safe sharing anything with, probably 3-4 that I would share personal things but nothing overly sensitive, and the rest are just fun people to hang out with.

    Some people might see this as not trusting people, or even that some of these people aren't 'true friends,' but the truth is many people can't be trusted. I guess it's more important to me to have people that I like to share my time with, but not so important to have people to share information with.

    ^^^^^^THIS is exactly how I feel. There are some people who are still friends, just not someone you would share your innermost feelings with.
  • britttttx3
    britttttx3 Posts: 458
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    I trust my parents.
  • merryberry99
    merryberry99 Posts: 350 Member
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    Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean that everyone isn't out to get you.


    I am not paranoid, I only have a few close friends and those few what i thought were close friends apparently are not and its upsetting to know if i can't trust a few close friends who can i trust

    I found this out the hard way myself. It's sad, but there are plenty of people in the world who have the ability to appear trustworthy when they really aren't. You're right. It is upsetting to find out that someone you thought cared about you isn't that person at all. I'm really sorry that you're experiencing this. I had to go through something similar with a co-worker a few months ago.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
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    You can't trust anyone. That's not a bad thing it's just reality they are all human and will f-ck up sometime. I had a very smart woman (who was pregnant at 12 been abused had her parents abandon her...tough life) say to me expect to be let down by everyone and you'll never be hurt. She said it matter of factly without emotion. I thought it was a good perspective. Friends dont need to know everything in your life. When you tell someone something expect it to get out. That's why you have to be careful what you say.

    You can still have friends and enjoy their company and laugh, but dont be too heart broken when it dissolves or they take your trust away. It's called being an adult it's harder to maintain friendships as you get older, and you have less access to develop friendships mostly you are limited to the adults you work with.

    People get busy or are bored with their own lives. Just enjoy your friends but know you can't bleed too much of your life to them.

    this sums it up fantastically.

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