Depressed and Discouraged

Hi Cindi,

First **virtual hugs** Second, breathe in....breathe out.... this too will pass.

Third. We allllllllll get down sometimes. In fact, I came here to the motivation board because, like you, I've lost my motivation. I get frustrated because when I was trying to do the C25K program, my back would spasm or my knee would hurt. I'm feeling a little depressed and discouraged too. I found that all I want to do is sleep!

However, the only way we can "fail," is if we don't don't get back up when we fall.

Instead of looking at the big picture, how much weight we have to lose....because that can seem very overwhelming, let's focus on one small thing we can do today to move in the right direction. For instance, go get a big glass of water, let's focus merely on drinking our 8 glasses of water today. We can do that, it's one little thing.

If you want, friend me on here and we can encourage one another. You stated that at one time you lost 60lbs, that is AMAZING! I've never lost more than 10lbs...never. So, you're ahead of me!!! You go girl!

I think you do care about yourself, which is why you are posting. Being depressed can hurt a person in so many ways, but there are ways to bust through it if you can't afford therapy or medication.

First and foremost, what you need to do is not go on a diet. Instead, make a lifestyle change. The days of cottage cheese and lettuce as the only way to lose weight are gone. You don't have to eat bland food to lose weight. You can do so much with fruits and veggies. Add some herbs and spices and it is far from bland. You don't have to get fresh fruit and veggies all the time. Frozen can be good too. There are tons of recipes on here and other websites that are low calorie and delicious. Go to Cooking Light, great recipes and low calorie. Eating healthy can also give your mood a boost compared to sugar and fat that will bring you up quickly and then you crash just as hard.

As for exercise. Take it slow. Go for a walk and slowly build from there. Make sure you get a good pair of walking shoes or sneakers and get out there. You would be surprised how a little exercise can lift your spirit. I know it does for me. When you build your muscles, it will actually help ease some of your lower back pain and knee pain.

Thinking positive takes work. When you start that pity party, tell yourself to stop it. It isn't true. Think about what you do have to offer. Also, don't turn to food when you get depressed or stressed or bored. Realize that food won't comfort you but just make you feel worse and bloated. Find something you like to do, or something you always wanted to learn and do it to keep the need to emotional eat at bay.

It takes time and a lot of self awareness. Trust me, I still struggle with it, but I don't let it get me down. I dust myself off and move forward. Life is too short to sit there and wallow. You can do it. Believe in yourself and get excited for this new lifestyle change.

I think you need to start small so that you don't overwhelm yourself. I also think you need to see a doctor because you seem REALLY depressed and I think this is part of what is making it difficult for you to get started. I know you don't have money for this, but it seems pretty necessary.

Completely agree with the people above that "going on a diet" will not help in the long run. A lifestyle change is the only thing that works, and eating right is at least 80% of that. If you can get your daily calorie intake under control, you'll drop plenty of weight! You don't actually have to exercise at all to do that, but exercising regularly (even just going for short walks) will help you burn more which means you can eat more (so long as you stay within your limit for the day).

And a healthy lifestyle does not have to mean bland food! There's a huge range of guilt-free, easy recipes you can make that taste really good and aren't high in calories. After a week or two of eating good, clean food, you will begin to love it, and junk food will gradually become less and less appealing.

You've made the right decision by joining MFP - there's a great community of people here that have the experience to help, and are extremely kind and supportive. I don't post often but I read the forums every day and am continually amazed by how nice people here are to each other.

Hi sweetheart - please add me as a friend, if you would like. I went through similar feelings when I was first diagnosed with cancer. It was like a cycle: something would bring me down, I couldn't really exercise, I was stuck at home with my pets and my fridge. I gained about 20 lbs (which for me was a lot), even being sick all the time. I know what you mean about getting cleaned up and taking care of the house. Even on days where I had energy, my attitude was like "what's the point?" That was 4 years ago...

One day, and I'm not really sure how it happened, I had one of those internal revelations - this is my life and I have to make the best of it...no one else can do it for me. I can't guarantee that today will be that day for you, but I hope it is. One of the first things I did to break the cycle was take care of myself. It was the afternoon: I took a shower, fixed my hair, put moisturizer and makeup on (even though I wasn't going anywhere) and put on "day clothes" (instead of the pajamas which I had been wearing regularly). These activities alone wore me out, but it helped to stop the cycle. As far as the house goes, find something small you can do and do it everyday (ideas: make the bed, clean out your kitchen sink). There is a website that may be beneficial to you regarding this (the lady who runs it also went through depression, and she is very open about it)...I'm not sure what MFP's rules are regarding posting a link to the site, so PM me and I will send it to you that way, if you are interested.

As far as doing healthy stuff, well that came later and in stages. For instance, I really like the water suggestion on here...water is as cheap as we want to make it, its awesome for our bodies, and drinkable water is an amazing blessing that many people around the world do not have.

Finally, your job is a means to an end, meaning its a way to make money to live your life the way you want too. I know its hard, but if you can leave the stress at work. Give yourself permission to only think about work AT work. As for the people with the negative attitudes, that is their problem to deal with, not yours. If you can distance yourself from those people, do it...if not, ignore them.

I know this was a lot of info...I do hope some of these suggestions help!! :flowerforyou:

At 5'2 and around 250, I completely understand. I also suffer from lower back pains, too high arches on my feet, and a wobbly knee. I didn't care, for the longest time. I suffered (suffer) from depression and anxiety, the anxiety making the gym pure torture.

This is what has started working for me. I'm focusing on getting HEALTHY. Why? Because I want a good future. I want to live long, I want to travel, I want my kids to have a parent who can keep up with them and not slow them down, I want my kids to have a good role model and not struggle with weight like I always have. I want to feel GOOD in my wedding dress. I want to walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. I want to be able to outrun the zombies. I want to skydive. I want to sit next to someone on a train and not worry about my flesh touching theirs.

These are things that, while they CAN be downers, I've decided to make them DRIVERS. They DRIVE me to become healthier. They're reasons and ideas and MY LIFE. And guess what? I want to be able to live it. I don't what to be afraid of what people are going to think of me, and I don't want to look in the mirror and think 'ugh' anymore.

Therapy? Start a blog. Start a journal. Somewhere that you can write your worries, fears, thoughts, dreams, goals, frustrations, setbacks... anything and everything. Start taking a multi-vitamin AND Vitamin D & B. Multi-vitamin will help your body, while D & B are both proven to help with depression. They GREATLY help mine. Beyond belief, really. I've stopped all other meds, and just rely on proper eating and my lovely vitamins.
Motivation? You have to find that for yourself. What do YOU want for your life? Those aches and pains that you get? Those will most likely go away once you lose weight. Such irony, right?
Food? STOP BUYING JUNK. You are doing this to yourself, and the only way for it to stop...is for YOU to stop. So... stop. Rearch healthy food and healthy meals. Make a grocery list of ONLY healthy items, and stick to it when you go shopping. Buy ONLY what's on the list. It's amazing how great you feel after eating well. Vegetables and fruits have made a HUGE difference in your mood, and the greens will help lower your chance for diabetes.

Essentially, it's up to you. You can the tools and help at your fingertips. You just have to DO IT, and STICK to it. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. It's a BRAIN change. You can do this. If you need help, just friend me and I'll be here for you.

Before anything weight wise you will have to get to the bottom of your depression. Like I can tell it's a deep one. I speak from a very personal vantage point. When you start caring about you on a real deep level not that surface I'm going to be cute foolishness level but a deep I'm important and deserve the best level, you will do more and more and you will pick up speed. Before you know it you will be on the fit life change and it will be effortless. Will it be easy no but nothing is easy honestly. Your too young to feel this way. Life can be ugly but your worth it.

I can relate to your struggle. Believe me. I was there for far too many years.

Baby steps is really the only way to go when you're that far down. You need to build little success on little success until you can face larger ones.

Don't count on any sort of revelation or 'aha moment', because for some of us it's never going to happen, you just have to do.

That's how I started. I'm 5'7" and was 410 lbs when I started. Nothing was easy at first. Exercise of any sort was painful, but then so was living the way I was. That was my first choice. The pain which could move me forward over the pain that wasn't.

My first exercise was three minutes at a time and I was miserable doing it.

One thing I already knew was that I wouldn't survive a diet that deprived me of the things I loved, so I didn't do that. I still had everything I loved, just in smaller portions, or with modifications. Like pizza, I love it, could live off it. So we started making our own, healthier crust, healthier toppings, more veg, less pepperoni, less calories. That sort of thing, you know.

One thing begat another and so on.

I'm back to struggling with things again, have been for months now. I go up, I go down, so right now I'm at 350. It doesn't freak me out the way a struggle might have in the past. Because those 60 lbs I lost... they're gone and they're staying gone.

My road is a long one, I understand that, I'm okay with it. And I'm back to the baby steps myself. Except this time I'm starting with bigger ones, because I'm better prepared than I was a couple years ago.

One thing I have noticed when people suggest baby steps as the way to go, that what they example sometimes seems like huge steps to me. I had to start smaller. Much smaller. Something to think about.

I'm 5'4", and started on this path at 376 pounds. I have been exactly where you are: not caring, not wanting to shower because my back hurt too much to stand there for that long. I parked as close as I could to the doors of where I was going. I would look for the first place I could to sit down. I couldn't sit at booths in restaurants because I was too big. My back ALWAYS hurt - I couldn't go buy groceries because without leaning on the cart and I was too stubborn to use one of the scooters so I ended up begging my husband to go to the store all the time. My back would just ache all the time...my feet always hurt - my joints hurt. I have two kids that I couldn't keep up with that I constantly asked to bring things to me because I was too out of shape to get things myself. I was miserable.

I went to a school event with my daughter and could hardly walk to the door - had to stop a few times on the way to catch my breath and once inside the door, I had to sit down. I had the nerve to blame the staff there for having to sit because "they had me walk 3 miles to get to the door". I couldn't walk around with her like I wanted to; I couldn't do anything. I remember sitting on the floor with people climbing over me thinking, "Something has got to change. I can't do this anymore." My daughter was standing there just watching people go by. I was embarrassed for her that her mother couldn't do what the other mothers were able to do...walk around with little/no effort and not have aches/pains.

I felt guilty about not exercising even though I had all the aches/pains like you're having UNTIL I went to a lap-band seminar, and the doctor said it's more important to focus on what you're putting in your body than what you're doing with your body...let's get some of the weight off and we can focus on the exercise part later when some of the aches/pains subside. I've lost the 122 pounds without lifting weights (well, maybe I did that literally 3 times), without doing workout video's or classes, etc. I haven't gotten the lap-band surgery yet because I was losing at a pretty decent rate.

Build up with baby steps. This week drink more water. Next week, don't stop at McDonald's or other places for breakfast - bring your own. If you absolutely have to stop at one of those places, get yogurt or oatmeal. Then work on adding a fruit/veggie to lunch. One thing that helps me with my sweet tooth is Chocolite Triple Chocolate Fudge protein bars (www.healthsmartfoods.com). I like that they have about 10 g of fiber, and no weird diet-food-aftertaste.

The negative self talk stops now. Limit your exposure to negative people as much as possible....if they're all at work - then keep the conversation strictly professional - ask what you need to ask or answer whatever question as courteously as possible, then make an excuse to end it so the conversation doesn't go to "the negative (dark) side". The negative self talk and being around toxic people can be just as bad or worse than any of the junk food you might eat.

What it all boils down to though is: you can't want it because you are (or your family is) fearful about what they (family) might have to endure. You have to want it for you because ultimately, whether or not you lose weight is up to you.

You can do this. There isn't anything special about me that magically made the 122 pounds come off. If I can do it, anybody can - and that's the fact! One step at a time, one breath at a time, anything is possible.

I was in a quite similar situation a few years back. I spent all my money on junk, came home depressed, cried and ate and felt worse the next day so ate more to feel better but ended up feeling worse. Went sometimes even over a week without showering because my body disgusted me and i didn't care enough to take my clothes off end step into a shower for a few minutes. I was studying something that wasn't for me and i didn't want to let my family down so i kept on doing it while i was destroying myself.

but finally i could not take it any more. i sat down with my family and told them about a plan to change schools, etc... anyway to make your life better and come (slowly) out of depression, you should know what your priorities are. What do you want out of life? What are you good at? What kind of job would you like to do? It seems like this is the main reason everything is falling apart, because if you aren't satisfied with it, it brings down your mood and all the motivation out there in your heart and soul.

I started feeling better when i decided to start fresh, spent the whole day cleaning, reorganizing, took a shower, went grocery shopping for healthy foods, made some to-do lists or wrote down short/long-term goals. Started appreciating breakfast and preparing proper meals. Started jogging, it didn't matter that i could not even run for a minute at first, i tried and tried and didn't give up...
if you have problems with your health, take it easy because progress does not happen overnight. Maybe you can research them online and find some solutions. Ask your family for help since what i've learned is that if you have no one or you think you have no one and are completely on your own - your family is still there for you and should support and encourage you no matter what.

I wish you the best and you see that coming here and writing and wondering around is already a good step towards getting out there and taking control over your health and body and life.

It is so easy to be depressed and discouraged. I think we have all struggle with ups and downs.Just being able to get on here and post about it is a great first step.
You don't have to start out doing anything big. Just start out small and you will get there. Take baby steps. You will have to change your diet some. Just by making small changes in your diet you will go far. As far as exercising goes, One of the best things you can do is Walk. If you don't have time, or if you are like I was when I first started and don't want everyone to see you walking outside, you can go on youtube and look up LESLIE SANSONE WALK AT HOME. Its free to watch on youtube and she has a one mile, 2 mile, and 3 mile walk I believe. Just do what you can, you dont have to start out doing a whole lot. Just do a little here and there and eventually you will work yourself up to being able to do more.
I wish you the best! Hang in there and turn that depression into motivation! Success doesn't happen over night it happens over time. Just do what you can and start making small changes to your lifestyle one by one. That's how I started.

Oh honey. You're in a bad spot. I so get this. Remember, you have been happy at certain points in your life, right? It is possible to be happy again. Happiness is an inside job, though, and you might consider being kind to yourself--by feeding yourself healthy foods, by not saying anything to yourself that you wouldn't say about a friend. The weather in your head determines more about how you feel than anything else. Negative and dark thoughts will come up, but your mind is like the entire sky. The sky itself can't be destroyed by a cloud of emotion passing through, and negative thoughts are just clouds that move in and out.

On a very practical note, I wonder if an exercise bike might be a good solution for you. For me, one of the best helps for negative feelings is exercise, and biking is low impact.

Keep your chin up. Try to eat within the calories here on MFP and you will lose weight, with or without exercise. I lost the first 15 with no exercise at all.

I found my depression does get better when I walk though. I use Leslie Sansome Walk Fit inside. She is fun and I know I won't hurt myself. Obviously with a back injury, you would ask your dr before doing anything at all, but walking is something we all can do.

(BTW I am so proud of my MFP peeps for being so loving and encouraging )

Oh I should add that this is my 2nd round, I lost 30 the first time around)

I'm pretty close to your size and I'm eating 1400-1600 calories a day as well as exercising with a personal trainer. For me, I needed the jumpstart of a personal trainer. I've had one before and while I may flake on my own exercise schedule, with a personal trainer I don't.

My diet is not bland. There's hardly a day that goes by where I feel deprived in anyway. Friend me to see my food dairy. I eat carbs, I eat sausage, I eat cheese, I eat candy (OK, not that much!) and I even eat out occasionally. I just started randomly choosing 1400-1600 because that's just the number of calories I ended up eating. You can go up to 1600-2000 if you want. It's more about making better food choices -- and a little about portion control.

You will get to a point where you are just sick of it and you will emerge like some kind of iron butterfly and be what you want to be. That's what happened to me last month and I'm 16 pounds closer now.