Boyfriends and strip clubs

Why don't you just go with him.

GO with him, and offer to be the DD.

You are going to get a LOT of varying responses to this.

I personally agree with you. I have been with my husband for 23 years and almost called off our wedding because an hour before the batchelor party that he told me he didn't want to go to and didn't want thrown for him, he told me he was going. I had already been told that the stripper they had hired would do lots of things beyond stripping, which is why the guys hired her in the first place.

I handed him the engagement ring and told him to have fun.

No, I didn't trust him at the time and then for him to lie to me about not wanting or planning on going and then dropping it on me at the last minute hoping to slip it past me was the last straw (there were a lot of other things that had happened prior to this).

He didn't go and I still married him and we are happier now, after 21+ years of marriage than we have ever been. But part of that has been his effort towards being more honest with me and putting me before anyone else in his life. And no, I still don't want him to ever go to a strip club.

And on that day....I would have called off a wedding lol

And I let him make his choice. He had the ring back. He chose me. And as I said in my post above, there were several other issues prior that I am not sharing. We've overcome all of those issues and are still together and happier than ever.

The issue is not the strip clubs. It's honesty. If you can't trust him, it won't work. PERIOD. If you have honesty issues now, they will only get worse, especially as you get more and more suspicious causing him to be more and more secretive.







On the other hand, if it were my relationship, and even if we had complete trust in each other, I personally wouldn't stay with someone who wants to look at other females like that (even if he uses the excuse of "hanging out with the guys" as if that's the only thing guys can do when they hang out). Just my personal belief that once you commit to someone, you do NOT go out looking at other people's half naked or fully naked bodies knowing full well the hormones are going to be surging and your thoughts and imaginations running wild. That's just me though...well, me AND my husband or else we would not have married.

When I found out my ex, who I would have swore to you was marriage material, drove home drunk frequently and saw little wrong with it, it was over.

I'd forget the everything else.

This is my opinion - I think that "forbidding" anything for a man is like hanging a steak in front of him and telling him not to eat it - he's going to. If you aren't comfortable with him going to strip clubs, I think it's up to you to decide if you can handle being with someone who goes to them say 6x/year. Personally, I HATE strip clubs for a lot of reasons, but I don't forbid it and I actually encourage my boyfriend to go WITH ME (with me being the appropriate phrase here). At least for us, with me being so open about it, it encourages him to be honest and then I have a better idea of what's really going on and I can judge his personality and habits better. If I forbid him to do it, he might do it anyway and just not tell me, or he'd resent me for telling him what he can and can't do. In all fairness, I don't want him to tell me what to do either, so it works.

I know there are plenty of men who do go to strip clubs, and plenty of men who don't. It's up to you to decide if this is something you want to deal with.

If you haven't ever been to one, I would encourage you to go for a couple of reasons:
1. In my opinion, it is a lot less harmless than it appears. Yes, there is an awful, terrible, gross and downright filthy side to strip clubs. The last time I went with my boyfriend, it was not at all this way. He bought me a lap dance as a joke, we talked to a stripper (who was 40 by the way with 5 kids and had one heck of a life story), had a couple of drinks, and were on our way.
2. I don't think a lot of men get off to strip clubs as much as we think they do. I think that it's like going to a sports bar; strippers are something to look at while they talk to their friends and have "guy time".
3. Peer pressure: Men who tell other men that they don't want to go to strip clubs are "*kitten*", so even if they don't want to go, they go anyway.
4. If you go to a strip club sober, it will probably make you feel kind of sad - not only for the girls working (who may or may not have a choice about their vocation), but also for the men. Some are lonely, widowed, in terrible marriages/relationships, or are just looking to get totally wasted. You don't often find sober men at a strip club - according to my boyfriend, it's because booze makes the whole experience a little more palatable. He said that a lot of guys that he knows feel really sorry for the strippers, and booze helps them to not focus on that so much.

Hope this was helpful. I have had to deal with it in my own mind and actually going to one helped me to realize that it isn't as glamorous as I thought it was. Talk to him, but understand that if you give him an ultimatum, he will probably either lie to you or resent you. In a lot of cases, the more you tell someone they can't or shouldn't do something, the more they're going to do it... just not tell you.

No, I didn't trust him at the time...

Yet were planning on marrying him?!

Who the fawk goes to hooters anymore..what is he 17?

I dont have an issue with my man going to strip clubs, but going to these place so often is such a big turn off, very inmature..

Guys and strip clubs! I just don't get what they get going to see strippers! Call me old fashion, but going to one when you have a GF or married is total disrespect to your partner. Even when I was single, all my friends would go and I'd tell them have a blast, I'm out.

Well, first off, you really need to decide for yourself what you are willing to put up with for the rest of your life and what you aren't.

Then, you really need to sit down and have a conversation with him. You need to tell him how these behaviors make you feel, that you are beginning to have doubts about this relationship because of it, and then you need to see if some compromises can be made as far as what he wants and what you want.

If he loves you, he will respect your wishes. If he doesn't respect your wishes, then you might consider that he might not be "the one" (I really hate that expression) for you after all.

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Leaving aside the drunk driving issue (it's a problem; he should probably get help on that before the law is involved for one reason or another), I have to ask, OP: does your BF have access to a computer? See, these days, there's this thing called "the internet" where a guy can see everything he'd see at a strip club, often for less money. Unless your objection to the strip club is entirely financial - and I don't know your financial situation - objecting to the strip club doesn't make any more sense to me than objecting to him using the internet.

Oh, and for those who would respond with NetNanny/CyberSitter etc as reasons why he wouldn't use the internet to look at boobs and so forth, I'm working under the assumption that he's an adult, from the information provided.

Honestly like everybody else the biggest issue I see here is driving drunk..

Seriously, I stopped reading after that...deal breaker

He sounds like a college student. If he wants to drink 3-5 days a week you need to figure out if that is the life style you want because that is his. As for going to the strip clubs, that is between you and him, if he is doing it to hang out with friends that is one thing, lying to you about going is another.

*sigh*

:flowerforyou:

I love strip clubs. They are so much fun but I am one of those odd chicks that like the "art" of it. It takes some work to work that pole. The drunkdriving is a no-no. That should be your main thing along with compromising from both sides. Honestly, looks like you guys are in two different streets of life -or- he is selfish. He wants the lady at home and the jubblies and flirts at the titty places.