Depressed and Discouraged
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Hi Cindi,
I understand completely but you know, you are in a better position than I am to do this and I know you can! You care about yourself and your family or you wouldn't be on here. I'm 392 pounds and 41 years old. I have almost 100lb more weight to lose and I'm almost twice your age but I'm not prepared to give up! You need to think about you, not just your family. What are your dreams? What would make you happy? How can you change your situation? I'm very heavy which causes severe back pain and knee pain. I'm struggling to walk but my motto is " YOU ONLY FAIL WHEN YOU QUIT! I can't walk well but I can swim, I can use the exercise bike at a push (no pun intended) and as long as I do what I can then I'm winning the battle. Don't focus on what you can't do, focus on what you can! I keep getting injuries so understand your pain and frustration. Healthy food is expensive whereas junk food isn't but if you can find ways around it. Buy from markets, buy in bigger packs which cost less in the long run and freeze food. It's good for when you are either too tired or tempted to grab a takeaway. Buy yourself something else as a treat in stead of junk food. I buy too many magazines but it's better than chocolate and keeps your brain busy rather than being distracted by the chocolate you fancy. It doesn't always work but it helps. Get on here when you are struggling to cope, we are all here to support you and most importantly you need to learn to love yourself and believe in yourself, once you believe in yourself you'll reach your goal. :-)0 -
I deal w/depression and understand. It paralyzes you and makes progress impossible. The good news is you can move through it. Feel your body, reread your words, and then hit the honesty button inside that tells you change is possible, you can take weight off and keep it off, but it is going to suck, it is going to be so difficult you will hate it at times, it will rule your every thought to the point of obsession, but you can do it. You can start by setting up small, doable goals. You can do it. Read the amazing stories on this site from normal people who managed to figure out how to achieve huge success. I lost weight a few times, gained it back, realized my 'issues' were pretty serious and need to be explored harshly, and made myself recommit again, as now I am 42 and the path ahead needs to be way more fun. I made the decision to try again while in the midst of despising myself. I feel more like me again after only 2 hard weeks. If you give this site 2 weeks of absolutely honest tracking and attempted goal reaching and you don't feel an elevated mood despite this success, hopefully you will consider seeking help, probably a prescription for antidepressants, to make your struggles more manageable. (The financial cost for a consultation and prescription wouldn't be huge.) Having some of your mental weight lifted with medical intervention is nothing shameful. It might be necessary for this time in your life. You deserve, and can have, a happy fulfilled life. Good luck. (Also, I love Eating Well's recipes, I use them a lot, and they are delicious. Nothing boring need pass through your lips!)0
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Hmmm, I LOVE my "diet" which isn't a diet at all but just the way I eat:
greek yogurt with blueberries
big salads
green juices
lean meats
fresh fruits
Hey sister, wean yourself off whatever it is that puts on the pounds and learn to love real food, not bland at all, and maybe your spirits will be lifted. Also a nice walk in the pool, a little bike ride around the park, some sweet yoga.....a slow gentle change every day, just for that day and soon you will find your true self: healthier, lighter, happier.
It can happen.
Good luck.0 -
Hi. I feel your pain. As a child, my family was very, very poor. Meals were not much and pretty same-same. When I grew up I found a great deal of emotional enjoyment from eating. I guess I should state at this point that I am a psychologist and have worked as a therapist for a number of years. I am currently finishing my education (Ph.D) in Epidemiology, focusing on chronic diseases. Particularly cancers and metabolic disorders. I feel you will find it you are careful reading labels, eat organic as much as possible, the weight will come off. I have fought with depression my entire life..until I began to understand what it really is. Perception. Nothing more. Once I got to this point, I no longer feel depressed. I don't always feel happy, but there is a difference. My only advice is to do it for you. To avoid processed foods, particularly wheat, HFCS, and Aspartame.
The turning point for me was when I discovered, from a fellow student, the art of mindfulness and meditation. It has become a ritual, one that allows me to sleep at night without the constant worry, to enjoy life without feeling bad about what happened in the past, and look forward to every new day.
Good luck on this journey.
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Hi,
You are in luck, you've found a great website that really can help you get where you want to be. That's the first step.
I've been in your shoes feeling like I am not motivated to change anything, too depressed to get up and do the simplest of things with no productivity at all.
Here's how I started. I started logging everything I ate, just to see how many calories I'm actually eating every day. I didnt change anything - I ate what I wanted and didnt worry about exercising. Just logged my food. Then I saw how many calories I was supposed to be eating everyday and something just clicked. I finally understood why I kept gaining weight. I started to be aware of the calories that were going in, and it made me want to try and reach the recommended goal. Since then I've been just reading every post on the forums trying to get ideas and inspiration. And it really does motivate me to keep going.
Just start small and you'll eventually see a difference and you'll want to do more and more as you keep seeing progress.
Best of luck, add me as a friend if you want! (any of you)0 -
Hey there!
A lot of what you described are common symptoms of depression. Does it run in the family?
You may want to consider natural choices like st. johns wart, vitamin d if this is the case. Please do some research though on this vitamins as I am not a doctor, but it could be an alternative to mood medications.
In terms of exercising, maybe you can try low-impact like Leslie Sansone. Her walking dvds are very easy to follow and they are not hard on the body for beginners. I started with her dvds and lost 30lbs. You can youtube some of the videos, and they are often in Walmarts for really cheap. It may be useful to also pick up some resistance bands - also an easy/low impact method to train without spending a lot and getting good results.
In terms of diet - make slow changes. Start with just focusing on staying at your calorie goal...then switch pop for diet/water...then take a carb/starch out of supper and replace with a veggie.
Though, in my opinion, it takes mental health in order to achieve physical health.
Good luck! 0 -
I'd like to chime in with all of these lovely people who are encouraging you to say that you can do this! Even if you have to take the tiniest baby steps EVER, you can change your life. We're a little similar in build right now (I stand at around 5'6" and I weigh roughly 284 lbs), so if you want to buddy up with me then we can totally encourage and support each other through our respective goals. YOU ARE NOT DISGUSTING! You're just a person who is hurting inside and who doesn't know what to do. That's okay. We all get lost sometimes. ♥ One of the best things I've learned about health and weight loss is that there are a TON of ways you can achieve both! You don't have to force yourself to eat things you don't like and you don't have to limit yourself as much as you may be thinking that you do. Something you'll quickly discover as you experiment with your food and your calorie goals is that you can fit a huge variety of things into your daily budget. Once you really get started, you can find out what works for you, and what works for you is going to be something that you're comfortable with and that you can do everyday. You're stronger than you think you are and I know that you can get to where you want to be and do it in style.0
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Cindi, don't give up. Everyone has given you great encouragement, and please don't think that eating healthy is bland... Actually it's delicious - for instance tonight I had spicy lemon baked chicken, boiled potato and grilled veggies, it was delish...it's the time that you have to invest to prepare your meals but its worth it. I see this as an investment on my health, it's a lifestyle, it's not a diet.
Start with small goals, then increase that as your motivation increases. You are not alone, I'm glad you posted, that says you are doing the effort to start working on this. Good luck!0 -
Everyone else is giving really good suggestions. Making small changes is the way to go. Even if you have to keep starting over because it's hard to stick to it, don't beat yourself up! We all do it. I am at weight I was about 10 years ago. And now I'm struggling again because of life changes like stress and other things. If you can find a buddy in your area to work out with that will help tremendously. I've learned, I'm more motivated when I have someone to share my journey with but you still have to remember that at times, you are on this journey alone because your experiences will be like no other.
I say this to encourage you to not to give up. Posting on here, making friends, sharing how you feel is ok. We are all here for the very same reason to be a healthier person! Start by setting small goals that will amount to larger goals. Like others said before, try cutting back/ eliminating pop, chips, candy or substituting something for a week and see how you feel. If you make it a week! Mark it as a success and add another small change like parking your car farther from the door where you work, walking to the furthest bathroom from your desk, on your lunch break walk 5 minutes before eating or sub one of your candy items for fruit. Like apples and peanut butter.
I hope all this helps you start somewhere. Add me as a friend if you like!0 -
Just hang in there. The advice to start with small positive steps is excellent. If you possibly can, try exercising in water. Just get into a swimming pool if one is available in your area, and try walking in waist deep water, maybe only 5 or 10 minutes at first, and at a slow pace. Then gradually increase your time and speed. Try to do this at least three days a week. Exercising in water will ease some of the pain you experience now when you try to exercise-- it is much easier than walking on dry land, but the resistance of the water helps burn calories. 20 minutes of movement in the water is considered equivalent to walking one land mile. Also, try to find a weight loss support group -- I belong to an International Group known as TOPS. The dues are very inexpensive ($28.00 per year to join) and they do not sell expensive food or diet supplements. Check them out at WWW.Tops.Org. They will direct you to a group near your home. They meet weekly, weigh-in, and have programs on weight loss. Their purpose is to provide support and encouragement as you struggle with your weight loss problems. The group is always friendly and understanding because each of them are on a weight loss journey, too.0
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I have made a new year's resolution every year for the past eight years to "lose weight". No plan, no goal, no anything. This year, I saw a friend on New Year's Day who had lost 45 pounds through MFP and LIFESTYLE changes. Not a diet. She looked amazing. I had 8 months and 19 days from that day before I turned 40. I was 45 pounds overweight. There were approximately 40 weeks before my birthday and about 40 pounds to lose. I figured I would look pretty darn good for my birthday if I could lose a pound a week. And I did lose a pound a week .....for the first month. And then I stalled for two months. But that didn't change my determination. I still had 6 months until the big 4-0. So I redoubled my efforts and lost two pounds a week for a while. And then I went back to my pound a week. I am now down 23 pounds, with two months to go. I am not at my goal and I don't believe I'm going to make my goal, but you know what???? I feel better, and I look better and I know that I can do this now. I won't give up. My birthday will come and go and I'll still be losing weight, and that's OK, because I've changed my lifestyle. I haven't gone on a diet.
I do believe that your aches and pains will get better as you lose weight. Mine did. I also know that having a specific goal has made all the difference in the world. I haven't given up. You said you're in your 20s. Maybe your goal is to lose xxx number of pounds before you turn 25, or before you hit 30. The more time you give yourself and the more realistic the goal, the easier it is to accomplish.
As for exercise, have you tried swimming? I know we have a pool here that offers $1 swims between 5-7 every weekday. Even on a budget, that's affordable exercise.
I'm rooting for you!!0 -
I have not lost a lot of weight yet. However, staying on this program hAS ENCOURAGED ME TO KEEP GOING. GREEN TEA IS RELAXING AND ALSO HELPS WITH DIETING. . . SNAP PEAS ARE A GOOD SNACK AND IS FILLING WHEN YOU ARE OVER COME BY THE MUNCHIIES AND AVOIDING JUNK FOOD..
TAKE BABY STEPS TOWARD YOUR GOAL EACH DAY.
MOST OF ALL LOVE YOURSELF AND BE ENCOURAGED WITH THE LITTLE CHANGES YOU MAKE TOWARD YOUR GOAL .
IF YOUR MOOD DOES NOT IMPROVE TALK WITH YOUR FAMILY PHYSICAN ABOUT OPTIONS THAT CAN HELP IMPROVE MOOD
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So sorry about the back -- that is too bad, but maybe a good time to start making small changes in your diet as suggested by some of the people here, keeping your food diary on MFP and making your plans for when you can be active again. Don't give up -- one of the guys in our TOPS group has lost over 60 lbs in just a few months. Like you, he has quite a bit of weight to lose, but he just keeps working on it, a few lbs each week.0
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Baby steps! Take baby steps. If you try to tackle everything at once it just becomes too much and you end up short circuiting.
Have one goal a week, something simple, like others have posted on here...cut out chocolate for a week or something like that.
Aim a little lower to begin with hunny...Weightloss can be a tricky journey and you shouldn't expect to hit the ground running otherwise you're bound to hurt yourself either physically or mentally. Build yourself up first and you'll get there! xxxxxxx 0 -
OP ... IIFYM
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You have said that you have started to go several days without showering and have stopped cleaning. What flags this for me is that those are common symptoms of depression.
I understand your concerns about the costs involved with seeing a doctor or therapist, but what you describe could be the start of something much more difficult, and more expensive, to deal with.
Your profile doesn't say where you are from, but a lot of charities offer free helpline counselling which could be a good interim step for you just to talk to someone about how you feel without incurring huge costs. Some charities also offer face to face counselling in exchange for a small donation which is agreed upon after assessment and is based on what you can afford.
Although it might seem frightening to Google something like "mental health charities", they do not exist purely for "crazy" people. They care about well being and being able to face the day.0 -
Try swimming!! It's low impact and you'll feel like your weightless..there are lots of people who use this as exercise...try eating smaller portions of the things you already eat,count your calories, drink more water, limit junk foods to a small portion, walk 10 minutes at a time until you get stronger, get some weights and workout your arms...don't give up!! You're not worthless!! We are all in this together! Add me as a friend if you like :flowerforyou: and we will support each other!0
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Honey, when I started I weighed 320 lbs. I'm 40 years old and have all sorts of ailments and chronic pain. Start slow. At 300 lbs, you would be surprised at how easy it is to burn calories. I started with 10 minutes yoga stretches and short walks. hasfit.com has very simple, easy to follow, low impact exercise video plan. Starting with 5 minutes. I did that next. The first video is 5 minutes. You don't have to do it all at once. do 2 minutes, 1 minute, whatever you can and do more later. keep track of EVERYTHING you put in your mouth. Be honest about it. You don't have to go bland, just eat smaller portions. Try making things from scratch, rather than buying the boxes. I'm down 30 lbs in just under 3 months. Baby steps. Do what you can. But force yourself to get up and move, even if it's only for a few minutes at a time. Go outside and get some sunshine. It will do wonders for your mood. So will just getting up and moving. Really, you don't have to push yourself too hard. I don't and I'm steadily losing. Feel free to add me as a friend if you like. And remember BABY STEPS! They're better than no steps at all!0
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I appreciate everyone's support in this. I am pleasantly overwhelmed with the response I got from my post. Update on my back: last night I got up to use the restroom around 2:30 and I couldn't even get myself back in bed. I took 4 advil and placed a heating pad down and maneuvered my way back into bed somehow, through the pain.
I almost had to lay on the floor when I was getting the advil because it was so excrutiating. I've never been in this much pain and I have a high tolerance. But I almost woke my husband to take me to the hospital. I know my pain is a consequence of my weight gain. I plan to go to the walk in clinic today since I don't have a doctor.
I'm hoping I'm ok and will be better soon. I still plan to watch what I eat more now and exercise later. I already eat pretty healthy "regular" food like eggs, yogurt with fruit, whole wheat if I eat grains, lots of veggies, and lean meats. The problem comes when I don't feel like cooking or I get a craving for bad foods. I always give in and grab something on the way home and binge eat. It's not a "treat." I just never have learned to control it or portion it. It's always a binge.
That's the main thing I'm working on and hoping my back is ok and will heal soon. I normally don't take any kind of medication or pain reliever, so to need it really upsets me. I prefer organic foods but I cave when I get a craving.
I don't drink soda or have artificial sweeteners. My main binge foods are ice cream, oreos, cookies, and any kind of eating out. I love Chinese food too much and there's a buffet on every corner just about!
EDITED to say: *When I'm hungry, I get heartburn frequently and get nauseous constantly. That's one of the reasons I don't follow portion control. I'm still hungry 30 min after I eat. I hardly ever feel full unless I stuff my face at a buffet.*
I do appreciate all the support you guys have given me. Your words have really encouraged me to keep going, push through the pain, and start a better life. Thank you.0 -
Hi Cindi - just read your latest update!!! Girl - you rock!!!! :-)
After reading your original post and your other update (the one about you hurting your back), I could see someone who is determined through the pain. A woman who is determined through being upset about where she is at now. For what it's worth, I think you can do this. You already have a good understanding of what's "healthy" food versus "unhealthy".
In your most current update, you mentioned that you do like healthy "regular" food. There's you a fantastic starting point, especially while your back is healing up. Have you ever done menu planning? If you have time (10-15 min max), why don't you and your husband sit down and plan out the meals/snacks you are going to have for the next day or two. That way for the next couple of days you know you will be eating healthy. If you aren't sure about planning menus reply back on this thread, and I'll give you a break down of how I got started or ask around MFP...it's an easy habit to start and one you can build on.
As far as eating out goes, I'm with you on big time food splurges...we don't eat out as often as we used too - so now when we go, I want to order one of everything on the menu. One book that helped me make better choices when eating out is EAT THIS AND NOT THAT. I bought that book years ago and kept it in the car. When we were going out to eat and there were tons of restaurants to choose from, I would try to find one in the book and either eat what they suggested or only eat half of the food they tell you to stay away from (that was my compromise). You may be able to find this book at your library, or they may even have a website out now.
When I eat certain foods (like Chinese food or Japanese food or Mexican)...I would have the same reaction as you. I used to eat them until I was stuffed at the restaurant, and then I would be hungry 30 min to an hour later...now, my "fix" for that is to only eat half of my meal there and bring the other half home to eat later (when I know I'm going to be hungry again). I don't think this will help with the buffet, but maybe other restaurants.0 -
Those are great suggestions! I am definitely more motivated after everyone on here has been so supportive. I've done meal planning a couple times, but did it before shopping, only to find out how expensive making certain recipes was. I'll have to start with the grocery store ad and then make my meals plan. I can't wait. This week should be okay and I'll be going shopping again first of the week.0
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HI Cindibutler80 - thank you for your honesty - you've expressed exactly how I feel much of the time - great job for leading the way - sometimes Hi5 is not enough. So sorry you hurt your back. One of my favourite inspirations was Miggy from Biggest Loser - she wasn't terribly popular - anyways....she got appendicitis and had to have surgery. There was an unspoken sense of writing her off - or maybe it was my own doubt. The BL doctors said she could only walk until she healed up.....She walked very slowly around the grounds of the BL camp and not much attention was paid to her that week as others went up for their big challenges ... well blow me down ...When she got on the scales she lost an amazing 5-6 lb that week i think - everyone was so shocked...including me......I love her spirit...she said "as the Drs said I could only walk ,then I said to myself I shall walk to Peurto Rico - I always think of that". It gets me to try going around the carpark at the supermarket becuase no-one would notive really .... I wish I had big numbers to show as I have been lingering on a 4 lb loss for 3 weeks.......I just saw a post on counting every single mouthful....this has been my downfall........Will check in to see how you are doing soon Janetsgirlx0
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Hi @cindibutler80 - just stopping by to say thank you for being a brave voice for many - including me - I am encouraged by the replies your post has generated - happy to walk and talk whenever you need a friend 0
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I was going into a deep depression and my friend bought me b12, folic acid and d3. Honestly I thought "Oh yea, right" and rolled my eyes :laugh:
Then I went to my dr and asked if it was ok to take these and he agreed. He also drew blood and told me my D was very low. Go figure!
It has been 2 weeks on the supps, walking 1/4 mile 3 times a day and I am starting to see the light of day. My mood is so much better I had company over this weekend! :flowerforyou:
Also, when I plan my meals I try to do it as simple as possible in the beginning. Chicken breasts grilled on my George Forman grill I bought for 20 bux. I can bulk buy the chicken, grill it up, and bag it. Freeze some and leave some in the fridge.
I cut some up for salad, chunks for chicken salad with celery/onion/light mayo and you can add some apples or nuts for something different.
BBQ sauce, lite cheddar, crumbled bacon and you have a nice smokey chic dinner
There are lot of things you can do.
Here's hoping you are doing better :drinker:0
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