Being the "fat one"

I used to feel exactly this way. I would compare myself to all other women in the room and find myself lacking. I think through the process of trying to take care of my body, I began to learn to love my whole self as well. And though I still have a good bit to lose, I no longer feel the need to compare my body to others. Just work on yourself and you can't go wrong!

You must hang around some uncommonly gorgeous women if you're the ugly one.

You must hang around some uncommonly gorgeous women if you're the ugly one.

QFT

I spent most of my life being the "fat one". Now, amongst most of the people I spend time with, I'm the "slim one". Here are my observations.

-you're being way to hard on yourself. Your weight/size is a fact, but calling yourself the "least unattractive woman you're around" - that's just opinion, and quite a skewed one. I'm jumping to the conclusion that you don't exclusively hand out with models, but from your profile picture, you are an attractive woman. You might be overweight, but you can change that, and you are doing. You're not a hideous monster, or whatever else you might call yourself. Working on changing how you see yourself. You feel like the least attractive woman. That doesn't make it scientific fact. That's your opinion, and one you can change.

-unless you're one of the lucky ones, self-confidence and self-esteem don't magically arrive when you lose the weight. You don't hit goal and suddenly feel gorgeous. For me, feeling better about myself has been a gradual process that still continues now. That's why it's even more important to start working on this stuff now.

-even thin women are insecure. Even women who look gorgeous to the outside world are insecure. It's such a cliché to say that self-esteem comes from within, but it really, really does. You have the power to change how you see yourself. Some "good looking" women are not that attractive when you actually spend time with them. Some bigger women are absolutely gorgeous, and a lot of that has to do with the energy they give out, and the fact that they love themselves.

-you say men and women are making it clear to you that you're not attractive. Are they actually saying that to your face, unambiguously? Or are you trying to read their minds? If they are saying these things to you, then you need to find different people to spend time with.

-I have lost more than you are aiming to lose. I have loose skin. It was still worth it. I am far happier with my body now than before. I feel much more comfortable in my own (loose) skin. It's not hideous. There's some on my arms, abdomen and boobs. It's a bit annoying, along with stretch marks, but it's really not that bad. I'm proud of how my arms look, and don't feel self conscious about showing them with a little wobble. The fact is, you're not going to get to goal, wake up and look like a (photoshopped) covergirl. Most people, thin or fat, do not look like supermodels. They are unusual. I have come to terms with the fact that my skin is never going to be perfectly smooth, but you know what? It doesn't matter. I'm slim, I've got some nice muscle definition, and I look 100% better than I did before I lost the weight. And... you have less to lose than I did, and you are younger. You might not get any loose skin, and you might not lose much from your boobs. Not everyone does.

-you have a wonderful boyfriend who thinks you're gorgeous. Believe him. I'm not saying you are, but don't let your low self esteem and insecurities drive him away. That can happen.


Maybe I'm making this all seem easy. It's not, but it's something you can work on. You can change the way you think about yourself. Perhaps look into cognitive behavioural therapy as a way of thinking about things differently.

Stop thinking about all the beautiful girls you're not going to grow into, and think about the beautiful you you're growing into.

I appreciate all of your supportive words, however, the idea that when I project confidence things will be different just hasn't worked for me. The last few years, I felt far better about my body image and much more confident, I didn't compare myself to anyone else. Then, I moved to a new place in the middle of a busy city and now people actively make comments about how disgusting my body is or how unappealing I am. Loving my body didn't make a damn bit of difference, and now I feel like I don't anymore.

Who are all these people actively commenting on how disgusting you are?

You must hang around some uncommonly gorgeous women if you're the ugly one.

QFT

Yea, really. You're freaking gorgeous!

Are these people who are "actively making comments about how disgusting your body is" people you know or just strangers on the street?

If they are people you know, they need to stop that *kitten* like yesterday or get out of your life. You need to talk to them.

If they are strangers, deal with it how you like. I'd suggest calling them out right there. LOUDLY. As in, "I'M SORRY SIR. I'M NOT SURE I HEARD YOU RIGHT. DID YOU JUST CALL ME A FAT *kitten*? WELL THAT SEEMS KIND OF RUDE AND LIKE IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL ANYONE ELSE HERE ON THE STREET WHAT YOU THINK OF THEIR *kitten*?"

Oh my your not ugly, if you feel your gonna have saggy skin then start using firming beauty products, if your breast are a concern maybe your prize for your end goal weight could be a boob job? Dont assume the future. There are pretty woman everywhere maybe someone thinks your prettier than them!

Thank you guys, I guess I didn't want this to be a pity party for me, I had just been feeling upset the past few days about these things. I think hanging out with the somewhat shallow early-20s crowd has a lot to do with why I'm feeling more insecure and upset than I did a year ago. You've all really helped me calm down a bit.

I'm generally not one to shout "Jealousy!" but if these nasty comments are coming from women, that would be my guess.

You have one of those cute, sweet, innocent faces that men seem to like a lot and some women (NOT ALL!!!) can be catty and competitive. They may perceive you as a threat.

I think you need to try to make different friends who don't have their own self-confidence issues. Honestly, the only reason to say negative things about someone else's appearance is to make yourself feel better.

You must hang around some uncommonly gorgeous women if you're the ugly one.

you've had some great replies so i wont add anything other than to agree with this

your a very pretty girl and should not feel how you do, because it clearly is'nt true

Ugly men don't seem to be constantly reminded that they're ugly.

No?

I would contend two things 1) that there are men out there who are and whether there actually are is pretty much irrelevant

and 2) you are probably taking some comments and over-blowing them or reading too much into them. For example you say "I am tired of (particularly straight) women going out of their way to make sure that I know that I have a pretty face. " But you seem to use them making sure you know you are pretty as being a way to remind you that you are fat and ugly somehow.

Honestly, I think you may have heard disparaging comments over the years - but I also think you are creating and spinning things that have zero intent to make you feel bad.

You must hang around some uncommonly gorgeous women if you're the ugly one.

No kidding. Your adorable.

Have you ever gone to http://www.mybodygallery.com/ ? It really helped me. I started to think, "They all can't be slimmer then me at the same weight. If they look like this, then I must look like this, too." True everyone carries their weight differently, but it was really eye opening for me and helped a lot with my self-perception.

As a woman in her early 20's, you may be surprised at how well your skin will tighten up as you lose weight, especially if you lose it slow and steady. Wish that was true once you're in your 60's!! The people making those comments are appalling - they are the truly ugly people.

Keep on losing weight and exercising! Listen to those who love you - they are RIGHT!!

You know, I looked at your profile pic - and you ARE beautiful, so take that as gospel.
You are young FGS - any weight loss if you do it slowly and properly will NOT result in saggy skin and empty boobs! I'm 65 going on 66 and I have both saggy skin and droopy boobies, but I still think I'm beautiful - see my pic - and so does my toy-boy husband (12 years younger).
Just take your weight loss slowly and seriously, exercise and do some lifting to define your muscles, which are young, strong and flexible.
As far as the comments - excuse me, but I say F**K them. I cant abide down-putters - they obviously envy your looks.
Start looking in the mirror each day and loving what you see - your boyfriend is obviously a lucky man and he loves you. Why would you even care if anyone else doesn't - apart from your family and CLOSE, REAL friends?
If they start again, smile sweetly and tell them, you are pretty because you're young. That should shut em up.
good luck on your journey baby - you'll get there AND be fabulous.