Unsupportive partners?

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  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
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    Any ideas on how to cope with partners who do not care/do not want to do anything about a lifestyle change? (Leaving him is not an option:)) as he is an absolutely wonderful person in all other aspects of life).

    If you don't want to leave him over this, don't let people pressure you into it. Definitely talk about it straight up. Being together doesn't mean doing the same things all the time. I know one couple who's been married for a very long time who actually have specific things they don't do together. He loves golf. She doesn't. He can go play golf, but he knows not to try to push her to participte. And I know she did something he didn't participate in (although I can't remember off-hand what it was).

    Your situation is more challengeing because you're talking about lifestyle issues, which are much more significant issues than hobbies. From what you describe, I get a feeling he may be more "non-participatory" than unsupportive in that he doesn't exercise and he hasn't changed his food habits, but, while he's not helping you, but at least he doesn't sound like he's trying to stop you.

    When it comes to food and what you cook versus what he cooks, at least he's not spurning your healthier dishes. Perhaps you could try exploring recipes or classes that can make his "unhealthy" favorites better? I've got a number of cookbooks that focus on the idea of taking classic foods or comfort foods and improving their health factor. It might not turn them into spa-grade health food, but they're not as bad.

    Out of curiosity (this may have been addressed and I missed it), when you decided to make this change in your lifestyle, did you talk about it with him much? I can't tell if there was something of a mutual agreement to follow this path or if you decided to make the chnge and hoped / assumed he'd follow suit. (In the military, one of our big lifestyle changes is being reassigned, and we find couples that talk about where the servicemember wants to go next tend to have less stress over it than ones where the servicemember makes the request alone without consulting his or her spouse.)
  • LoreleiEvil
    LoreleiEvil Posts: 65 Member
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    My mom had this modification of the serenity prayer posted on her fridge.

    God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.

    You're in a relationship, not a new being that's half you and half him.

    I like that modification! It's much more poetic than "you can't change anyone else unless thay are in diapers."
  • shimmygirl411
    shimmygirl411 Posts: 100 Member
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    God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.


    Love this!
  • dellaquilaa
    dellaquilaa Posts: 230 Member
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    So...I understand being frustrated by the lack of support to an extent.

    However, I'm really sick of people whining about this kind of crap. I mean, really - you'll buy 2 bananas? You can't grab a protein bar at the same place you're going to buy those bananas at? Or one of those pre-made sadwiches at a convenience store?

    It sounds like you're using your boyfriend as an excuse to let yourself fall off the wagon. And it's whiny and annoying. Man up and get creative, motivate yourself and stop blaming others for your crappy choices.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Any ideas on how to cope with partners who do not care/do not want to do anything about a lifestyle change? (Leaving him is not an option:)) as he is an absolutely wonderful person in all other aspects of life).



    If you don't want to leave him over this, don't let people pressure you into it.
    No sane person would pressure anyone to leave a partner over something this dumb. She needs to just leave him alone. Clearly, he isn't interested in changing his life and habits and he's entitled to that.
  • Kita328
    Kita328 Posts: 370 Member
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    I would say to help cope you could find a friend who will hang out and go to the gym with you and eat healthy dinners maybe once or twice a week with you. It would not be the same as having him support you but it would be nice to have some support from somewhere. MFP is nice but its diffrent having a live person telling you you are doing great! BECAUSE YOU ARE! Any weight loss is hard and doing it alone is even more difficult.
  • SteviMcEwan
    SteviMcEwan Posts: 79
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    OK. After having read what everybody has written I felt that I should maybe change what I said earlier.

    Nobody should have to change themselves for someone else. For example, you wouldn't STOP trying to lose weight because he wanted you too would you?
    That being said, a partner who truly loves you will SUPPORT you. They need to change their attitude towards what food they are cooking for you if it's their turn to cook. They need to realise that it's difficult to try to lose weight on your own with no support. I am lucky in that my best friend is very supportive. She's big on tough love and sometimes I wanna slap her but I know she's right so I don't lol. But after writing what I wrote earlier I sat down with my husband and explained to him how hard I was finding things and that we needed to find a middle ground. I didn't want him bringing sweets and crisps into the house - but then it's his house too so why shouldn't he? So the compromise is, he can bring them into the house, but he needs to keep them locked away. Cause I really have no willpower - if the temptation is there 9 times out of 10 I break. It's not an excuse I'm genuinely just that weak and that is not my husbands fault. But it's a good idea to sit down and talk to your partner and tell them that you don't feel that you are being supported. Even if you have to do it a few times. They may surprise you.

    Edited for Spelling

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