OMG, you wouldn't believe what she has been saying to me!

This is amazing. Thank you for the perspective.

Kindness & Love <3<3

Sandy,

I read your posts last night before bed and when I awoke this was in my head.

REFLECTIONS

Please forgive us for the compliments, the things we say are true
You see yourself through our eyes when you hear what we say about you

It's hard for you to believe it, coming from such a tortured space,
The Ex, your Mother-in-law, even YOU now, trying to keep you "in your place"

The walls they built around you, weren't erected out of love
The chains they used to bind you, didn't come from up above

They say things to control you, get you to "tow the line"
"A good woman doesn't do that! You've REALLY blown it this time!"

"How can anyone love you, with all the mistakes you've made?"
You see the mess you've created and wish for an early grave

Over all the crit-i-cisms, the put-downs and the strife
One voice cries out the loudest and cuts you like a knife

That little voice inside you screams loud above the fray
"Look at the disaster you've made here! Surely you gotta pay!"

Your life it was so perfect when viewed from beyond the wall
We couldn't see THE HELL you kept so hidden from us all

Then one day things exploded. You couldn't take it anymore
You lay there alone and broken, sick of everyone keeping score

Of every thought and action, every word and every deed
You looked for once at your heart. What did it really need?

Was it so wrong to ask yourself to be cherished and shown you care
To live life without condemnation in your icy judgmental stare

"If only" is for losers who live only in the past
Seeing the worst in their reflection, why their relationships don't last

Keeping everyone at a distance is what you tried to do
Because how could anyone love you if they knew the real you?

...

So... Sick of all the bull****, the lies and all the pain
a glimpse you caught through our eyes sparked hope you'd love (yourself) again

This is my reply (with nary a compliment among all those words).

It is my intention that it help and not hurt. Think of it as a poetic hug from the universe, and my subconscious trying to say, "I understand".

>Rob

Wow! I was ready to bash the lady that was talking to you...You are right. We ARE our worst enemy! Thanks for reminding me!
I need to give that woman a different view!

I read the original post and was going to suggest getting an attorney for hostile workplace! Wow. This is me, too.

You are so close to your weight goal, but unless you learn to like yourself you won't be able to keep it. Instead of finding fault with yourself, find one thing each day that you like about yourself.

Awe hug i get like that too but when you feel like this its very important to make sure you corect it right away say bad thought like you dont do anything right follow it up with not true i am great at (insert gift here) this kind of thinking has really really helped me

Love this! So true. x

Totally fell for it...I was like, "Why have you not *****slapped this woman?"

I do the same thing, but I'm working on it!

What I think is the most eye opening part of this thread is that you, Mirey, look absofricknlutely incredible. No one would see your pics and think you feel bad about anything. I think, to some degree, we all have those little demons in our head.

It's like winning the lottery. People think it'll bring great happiness, but that happiness is short lived and they go back to feeling just how the felt before.

And this is a good reminder to anyone who thinks, "It'll all be better once I lose weight." I don't mean to discourage anyone, but it doesn't go away completely. We just have to remind ourselves from time to time to tell those demons to go to hell. :devil:

I will add one more thing, especially since CBT may not be best for you. All of us have an inner critic. All of us. Men, women, no difference. Some of us have really strong ones that hurt us more than help us. These strong, pronounced inner critics usually come from childhood trauma (physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, neglect). Most of us experienced some childhood trauma of varying degrees. Many of us have never dealt with or processed it.

Here is a different way to look at and keep your inner critic in mind. Your inner critic actually is trying to help you and 'thinks' it is. Many of the messages it is telling you relate to some negative messages you heard already (many times in childhood). It is repeating these messages to you so you for varying reasons, but all because it thinks it is a way to keep you safe. One of the easiest ways to help this voice is to stop telling it to shut up, because you really cannot. It is part of us. Rather, 'kill' the thoughts with kindness. Talk back to it like it was a child. Like, 'wow. I'm so sorry you are feeling that way today sweetie. That must be really hard on you. That's a difficult thing to be experiencing'. Literally just respond with pure concern, compassion, and kindness to the thought. Don't judge it or tell it to shut up. Try this for a week and see if the thoughts have softened. :-)

Again, best wishes.

Super post! Getting cross/thinking of what a bully it was that you were working with.

Thankfully, I don't bully myself quite as much

I was getting so horrified reading that.
Thinking what kind of person would talk to someone like that.

Than at the end I was sitting here thinking how I do that to myself every single day.

Thank you for the very well pulled off reminder than I need to be kinder to myself.