Who doesn't love roller coasters? Recovering from ED

Hello!

I am Sophie! I am 18, almost 19 now and I would like to share my story, even though it is not even close to being done yet. So at the age of 17, I was nearing 200 pounds and I would stand in front of the mirror asking myself why I did this to myself. Were chips, chocolate and pop worth this? Stretch marks started to form on my legs and I was just not happy.

Even before this realization, I went through high school a chubby girl and I was taunted incessantly and cruelly by my peers. It's not the greatest start to life and it did affect me. Big time. Their taunts stayed with me through middle school/ High school and so when I was 17 I wanted out.

I didn't want my life to be an unending story of emotional binging, and stretch marks. I'm a female, all I wanted was to be thin and beautiful. Was that too much to ask? The joys of society weighing down on a girl. I see it so often.

So, I started my change. The rocky road got worse. I cut out relatively all the sugar, most red meat, most food... actually. I literally only ate Special K original cereal, rice cakes, chicken breasts and pretzels. For months I did this, and I lost weight. A lot of weight. Of course that was do to my severe restriction with food, and in that time I let an ED demon come into my mind. So I kept eating less and less and I kept working out more and more.

Soon I was down to 130lbs. But of course I was not happy, I still had a belly. I didn't care that everyone was thinking that I was too skinny, I wanted to be thinner... so I'd have days where all I ate was cucumbers or broccoli. And more weight came off... and with that my periods stopped.

That might be a females dream come true and at first it was because I was like "**** yeah, no more pains... no more tampons... no more cravings!" I was ready to dance naked.

Weight kept dropping, I kept working out. I was white... and sick looking... but at the time I didn't see myself that way, I just was happy the numbers on the scale were dropping. And soon I hit 108lbs. My ribs , my spine and my shoulder bones were showing but I was still obsessed with losing my tummy... I still had an annoying layer of adipose tissue and all I ever wanted was for it to **** off but it wouldn't.

I was sick.

I stood in front of the mirror one day and I was looking at myself and I asked myself, "Do I really want this? to be boney, frail and sick looking...?" and my heart answered no. My head was a different story... but demons thrive there. I struggled to eat, but i tried. I slowly started to add more food back into my diet because eating the low calories I was made me grumpy and tired. I didn't want that. I wanted energy.

It took me awhile but soon I was able to reach 1200 calories and I was so happy with myself that I just stayed at that limit, (at the time I was not the brightest with how the body worked,) and I kept losing. I was like what.....!? So I started eating more...

My mind hated it. But I pushed through that, because I was sure my body couldn't take weight loss anymore. And soon I hit 1680. I gained until I hit 112 and soon I was maintaining. My workouts slowed down to yoga and walks. And it was like this for months. I was happy. My color came back, my hair loss lessened...But my periods still had not come back.

This is a concern because as a lady, you need your period and I realized it was because to my body I was still under weight. So I am at the point in my journey where I am ready... or going to attempt to be ready to gain the healthy 8sish pounds I need to for my body to be healthy again. I am defying a demon that has haunted me long enough.

The reason why I wanted to share this is because I see so many girls going through this and it breaks my heart. The ED demon is a beast in the worst way and no one deserves the hurt and pain that goes with it. Your body is your temple, respect it, work with it, worship it and it will worship you back.

You are all strong.

Much love,

Sophie.