Dealing with "Helpful" Family/Friends

KarensCanDoIt
KarensCanDoIt Posts: 190 Member
in Motivation and Support
Now that I've lost 50 pounds, I have family members telling me to stop losing weight. They tell me I look fine now. "Don't lose anymore, you're too thin." "Don't lose anymore, your wrinkles make you look old." Don't lose anymore, you'll look like you're sick." These types of comments have really zapped my motivation. I know they mean well, but I'm far from being skinny. I'm 5'8" and currently 174 lbs. I'm aiming for between 150 and 160, which I think is a reasonable for my height and age (49). What do you think?
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Replies

  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
    I think you should make the decision that makes you happy and tell the people who are trying to discourage you to stick it.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    They are just jealous... rock on with your weight loss!!
    tumblr_m1gw1wj0fH1qii6tmo1_400.gif
  • pbrahan
    pbrahan Posts: 107 Member
    I think you should make the decision that makes you happy and tell the people who are trying to discourage you to stick it.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^this^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
  • ren_ascent
    ren_ascent Posts: 432 Member
    I think it's amazing that people don't know how to mind their manners. Your goal is perfectly reasonable. Nothing feels better than getting healthy so keep at it and take their good intentions with a grain of salt. I am personally amazed at your progress, 50 pounds is a huge accomplishment. If it isn't too much I'll go as far as to say I'll take up the torch and be proud of you! :happy:
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
    Personally, I think that might be too thin for your height and age, however, that's just my personal view. I don't think your goal is by any stretch of the imagination unreasonable.

    Be confident that you know your own body and you're doing what is best for you, what other people think and feel, given a perfectly reasonable goal, is unimportant. In the end, your body is going to tell you what weight is where it's comfortable, by how hard it will be for you to maintain.
  • tigerblue
    tigerblue Posts: 1,526 Member
    You need to be at the weight which makes you comfortable (as long as it is reasonable, and your goal sounds reasonable). I think that a lot of people are so used to seeing everyone too heavy that they dont know what a slim healthy person looks like!

    Also, as you lose, you may get some baggy skin, wrinkles, etc. temporarily. In my experience with losing over 40 lbs, the skin tightens back up after a while, so that part changes for the better. Even if it didn't I`d still rather be skinny with a few wrinkles!

    Hang in there. sounds like you are doing the right thing.
  • tabik30
    tabik30 Posts: 443
    I wonder if sometimes they get use to seeing us heavier so when we lose they aren't use to seeing us like that so they think that we are smaller than we are?? No one knows your body better than you so go for it!
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
    I'm getting some of the same comments from my family. I think it's because I'm smaller than I ever have been, including high school, but I still feel like I have 15-20 pounds to lose. My response is, "I'm eating healthy and plentifully and exercising moderately and I believe my body will stop where it's supposed to." So far no one has had a comeback for that so it seems to be working.
  • TwelveSticks
    TwelveSticks Posts: 288 Member
    I've heard "you look older", but my answer is "I'm going to live longer now, and I'd rather look older and get to be old than look young and die young"...
  • judgestacy
    judgestacy Posts: 32
    They might be trying to be encouraging and helpful, but obviously, trying to tell YOU what to do isn't either one. You have to set the goals that "fit" you. And your goal weight seems about right for your height....there is a reason there is a suggested healthy RANGE and not just one number. :) I"m 5'10 and my healthy range is supposed to be like 135-175ish.....I was about 155 many many years ago and felt great!

    As far as responding to "helpful" family/friends, I tend to use joking and sarcasm a lot to deal. It's my style....when I would get comments like that, maybe say "Well, my true goal is get on the cover of the tabloids so I have to look a whole lot sicker than I do now!" Or "Oh, I"m not dieting, I just started snorting a lot of cocaine...weight just drops off!" Etc. Or, "well, I've become suspicious that I wasn't born with the right number of ribs so I need to get totally emaciated so I can properly count them."

    Or you could just apply the smile and nod method. :)
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
    Personally, I think that might be too thin for your height and age

    What does age have to do with anything??? I'm 40. Am I supposed to add 10 pounds over the next 10 years just to be "age-appropriate" for a 50 year old? Then, how much do I have to gain when I turn 60???

    A healthy weight has nothing to do with age.
  • krystle_swope
    krystle_swope Posts: 47
    I've learned that most of the time the people who make these comments are either insecure with themselves and don't want you to succeed anymore or they are just older, from the generation where 'women don't exercise.' I think that is a great goal for your height and you should keep going until you are comfortable with your body! You are the only one who has to look at yourself in the mirror every day, so don't let anyone else tell you what you should be doing!
  • frood
    frood Posts: 295 Member
    Start lifting. Then when they say "you will get too bulky!" you can say "but you said I was too skinny!" :laugh: :wink:

    (PS: the joke is on people's reactions to women lifting, not on lifting. Feel like I have to clarify that here, heh.)
  • sarmcco
    sarmcco Posts: 1 Member
    It is most important to do what makes you happy but weight should just be a number compared with how you feel about yourself. 155 pounds should put you into the healthy BMI range for your age and height according to a quick BMI calculation.
    It might be worth going to your GP to get their opinion. This also means that you have the ability to say that you have the consent and blessing of your doctor which should prevent the 'too thin' and 'look sick' comments.
    Well done on the 50 pounds!
  • CharliLarlie
    CharliLarlie Posts: 10 Member
    I think you should do what you feel is right for you. One important thing here, is that you not let the comments get to you. You might say to them that you appreciate their concern, but you are about healthy eating and if that means losing more weight, that is what you will do. You may need a thick skin to ignore their comments completely, but do it. The only person who will know when you have reached your limit is you. Just eat healthy foods and smaller portions. Good luck on your journey and congratulations on your weight loss up to now.
  • kkveggie
    kkveggie Posts: 56 Member
    Those people don't have to live in your shoes every day, do whatever is going to make you feel good. As long as you are losing weight healthily then it shouldn't matter what you set your goals at. I don't think they're trying to discourage you or make you feel bad, sometimes it's just shocking to see someone you know very well looking different than what you are used to (whether they look better or worse). You know what is right for your body and they'll get used to it in time. Congrats on all the hard work you've done so far!
  • ezziepug
    ezziepug Posts: 57
    This reminds me of my grandmother. She's the first in line to point out how fat I've gotten, and then when I get my weight down I'm too skinny and should stop trying to lose. I've decided it's all about control. People who rudely comment on your body -- larger or smaller as may be -- have their own issues a lot of the time. If they can control your perceptions of your own size, they feel better somehow. Never you mind them. You keep on rocking.
  • _Johanna_
    _Johanna_ Posts: 125 Member
    I am 5'8" as well and when I lost weight before the baby, I got the same responses from my family and friends. I also had a goal of 150 pounds (I got pregnant at 160).

    You are doing fine and just keep at it! You will NOT look sick or too skinny. You will look amazing. Your friends and family do not see you naked so they would not know what the clothes are hiding.

    I am positive that you are looking good now, and as long as you can recognize that, you are in a good spot. Enjoy your new body now and look forward to what shedding those last pounds will do to how you look.

    Congrats on 50 pounds gone!
  • KarensCanDoIt
    KarensCanDoIt Posts: 190 Member
    Start lifting. Then when they say "you will get too bulky!" you can say "but you said I was too skinny!" :laugh: :wink:

    (PS: the joke is on people's reactions to women lifting, not on lifting. Feel like I have to clarify that here, heh.)

    lol! I know what you mean. My daughter does weight training. She looks great. I know she's not going to turn into the incredible hulk. It's amazing how many people think that way. :laugh:
  • vikidenn
    vikidenn Posts: 20
    That is a perfect replly. I am going to remember it when I lose my weight. I have only lost 10 pounds so far this month, but I plan to lose 50 total. That will put me well below what people know me as. I predict some negative comments since I am older and will probably get some baggy skin or wrinkles. But who knows - maybe I won't! Either way, I am going to remember your reply.:smile:

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