Afraid To Be Too Attractive

wendle81
wendle81 Posts: 10
in Introduce Yourself
Anyone else feel like they'd be on top of the world if only they were thin? I mean on top of the relationship aspects, career, networks, opportunities, abilities, energy, influence....etc..

I have a feeling that since I have been overweight all my life, that I will not know how to deal with the added attention I'd get.

I'm somewhat between very introverted and a slightly extroverted, so being center of attention already feels uncomfortable. I've been pretty even though I'm bigger, but not FINE...or what someone might call HOT. And I know it'd get like that. My confidence would soar. I'd walk taller and prouder.

This fear is unconscious, of course.

Anyone feeling similarily?

I'm new to this site, wouldn't mind a couple buds on here. Send a pm if you want to talk a little bit.

---wendy
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Replies

  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    really? really? lol
  • Gorgeousaurus
    Gorgeousaurus Posts: 23 Member
    I totally understand this! I know that part of me getting big and staying big was fear of getting hurt again, so my fat has been my shield. I'm fat it's unattractive and it keeps people away from me. I am so scared of people paying attention to me. I am so used to being invisible!

    It is so peculiar, but this is a legitimate fear of mine.

    The flip side of it is I fear that I will never see myself as attractive. I feel like "I'd be pretty if I just lost weight" but I worry that I will never gain the self esteem boost I so desperately need.
  • JenCatwalk
    JenCatwalk Posts: 285 Member
    Well I get to feeling funny when I'm jogging, or just walking around in a store and dressed real nice, and some fat girl looks in my direction. I feel guilty and a pity for them. I used to be a fat girl and I know when I looked at skinner women I got insecure and all sorts of jealous, so I can only imagine what they're thinking. I dont flaunt in front of them. I'd help them if they wanted it. Go jogging, lift weights with them, or just a real good conversation on what it takes to lose, if they were willing to listen.
  • golfergirl92
    golfergirl92 Posts: 79 Member
    I feel the same way....I'm pretty introverted and very slightly extroverted in certain situations. I've been overweight pretty much my entire life with the exception of high school sports. My boyfriend loves everything about me and I can't help but think he'll leave me for someone prettier/thinner. I feel like I've missed out on a lot because I'm not as thin as I want to be! Working on changing that though :)
  • eblakes93
    eblakes93 Posts: 372 Member
    I totally understand this! I know that part of me getting big and staying big was fear of getting hurt again, so my fat has been my shield. I'm fat it's unattractive and it keeps people away from me. I am so scared of people paying attention to me. I am so used to being invisible!

    It is so peculiar, but this is a legitimate fear of mine.

    The flip side of it is I fear that I will never see myself as attractive. I feel like "I'd be pretty if I just lost weight" but I worry that I will never gain the self esteem boost I so desperately need.

    This.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    well I got news for ya, im "skinny" actually im fit w/a lean body mass but still feel invisible, or maybe its that I walk around w/a puss on my face and pretend not to notice anyone else.

    I don't receive any attention that I don't want, and if im approached and not interested I let it be known.
    sounds harsh

    im not like this all the time but a good 85% of the time..its not a self esteem issue either, maybe its arrogance, im naturally arrogant
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
    you wont notice it... if you don't put yourself out to get noticed they wont...
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    I've always been skinny and came here to get healthy and fit. I don't really put myself out there, so I don't get attention I don't want. I could, if that's what I wanted, but its not, so I don't. Do you for you and you will be fine.
  • HeyGoRun
    HeyGoRun Posts: 550 Member
    I get more attention curvy than when i was thin, i dont think just being thin gets you on top of everything!
  • PanaMericann
    PanaMericann Posts: 47 Member
    Since losing weight, people that normally ignored me started talking to me, acquaintances wanted to get to know me and strangers are much more polite to me upon talking to them. I don't consider myself attractive but I feel being thinner/more fit has made people nicer toward me. I guess it sucks that society judges on looks.
  • danholden4006
    danholden4006 Posts: 66 Member
    The flip side of it is I fear that I will never see myself as attractive. I feel like "I'd be pretty if I just lost weight" but I worry that I will never gain the self esteem boost I so desperately need.

    I completely understand this ^^ because it's a fear of mine but my other fear is what happens if it goes to my head? I've always considered myself below average. I'm told a lot that I'm not but try convincing my brain of that. I think the last time I was small was when I was 5. I've gotten accustomed to being larger. I don't like. Not at all but it's become a way of life. I want to change that. I like the way I look 30 pounds lighter in the mirror. I wanna see what I look like when I lose more.

    But what if I don't stay the same mentally? What if I become egotistical and self centered? I don't want that to happen and I hope that my friends will help keep me grounded. I just wonder if that fear is what is slowing me down from hitting my goals faster.
  • SW1388
    SW1388 Posts: 24
    If your body is the only thing keeping you from being a jerk then you're already a jerk. If you're a nice guy you'll be fine. Don't worry yourself over something that hasn't happened yet. That mental space should be reserved for BEAST MODE lol. You'll be fine man ill see you at the finish line
  • wendle81
    wendle81 Posts: 10
    Exactly. Some people seem to not understand and that's ok. When one has been overweight for SOOOOOOOOO long... getting looks, compliments, and way beyond that is like getting a haircut when you've been wearing your hear down to your *kitten* for most of your life. Eventually, sure, one could get used to it. And, OF COURSE, feel better about themselves.

    Anywho... I started the post because I know others feel the same.

    Thanks for your responses. :)
  • rgugs13
    rgugs13 Posts: 197 Member
    I understand how you feel! I work in a very male dominated field in Alaska, and unwanted male attention is pretty constant, even when I'm 40+ pounds overweight and wearing sweatpants and xtra tuffs covered in fish goo! My thinner friends get even more attention, which is kind of terrifying as a relatively introverted person! I've decided I can't let that problem keep me from getting healthy, but can be pretty intimidating.
  • amtru2015
    amtru2015 Posts: 179 Member
    Girl, dont be afraid of it---work it!! I hate being the center of attention too, but the confidence boost inside my own soul is worth it. Embrace what comes!
  • Chadomaniac
    Chadomaniac Posts: 1,785 Member
    LOLLL'D
  • RoninLife
    RoninLife Posts: 64
    I think I understand what you are saying... I have read stories (not on MFP) where women gain weight and unconsciously try to be unattractive so that they don't attract male attention due to some traumatic experience. Okay, that's an extreme example but, there are women who do fear that kind of attention.

    The question is... why are you so afraid of it? What do you think will happen if people start viewing you in a different light?
  • harphy
    harphy Posts: 290 Member
    Your confidence will boost with shrinking of your body. Some people who loose weight go even too far and become incredibly arrogant and mean towards other overweight people. But me as a normal skinny can tell also that "fat" people were incredibly mean to me for no other reason but my figure. We are making Sartre's hell on this Earth for each other,
  • HollieDollieeeex
    HollieDollieeeex Posts: 116 Member
    I can relate.. I would be on top of the world if I was lean. That's all I want and all that matters to me.
    You will get more confidence the further you progress through your journey. :bigsmile:
  • mcibty
    mcibty Posts: 1,252 Member
    really? really? lol
  • GenF32
    GenF32 Posts: 184 Member
    Ok, commenting on this feels a little weird, but I understand you.

    I work in an environment where I want my physical appearance to be irrelevant. That used to be easier when I was fat. Now, I walk differently, I dress differently, and that glow, is apparently getting attention. Nothing overt or inappropriate, but enough to make me self-conscience, when I'm self-conscience enough trying to get used to this new body!!

    Plus I'm devoted to my bf, and who needs the extra temptation?
  • Mother_Superior
    Mother_Superior Posts: 1,624 Member
    I feel ya op! After the first 50 lbs were gone, I could already start seeing the signs, so I had scars surgically placed in various areas of my face to offset the overall glory. Now when I start feeling all uppity, I just go outside. Nothing like people recoiling in horror to take an inflated ego down a peg or two. *nods* true story

    (Nah, I'm just playin with ya. :tongue: I understand what you're saying.)
  • What316
    What316 Posts: 563
    No not me bring it on :)
  • BrotherBill913
    BrotherBill913 Posts: 662 Member
    Yeah since I got my cast the ladies can't keep from checking me out..... lol..... :)
  • lisaabenjamin
    lisaabenjamin Posts: 665 Member
    Huh, weird. A friend of mine has dropped 12 stone (168lbs) over the last two years and she told me recently that she's finding it weird NOT being noticed now that she is 'normal'.
  • egwene1977
    egwene1977 Posts: 69
    I felt this way when I was single (yes, because of a traumatic experience). When I met my husband, he was totally supportive of my weight, no matter WHAT it was. When I started losing weight, at first he said "don't lose TOO much", and I worried that it would drive a wedge between us. Now, with almost 70 pounds gone, my confidence has increased tremendously. So much so, that my husband can't help but be excited for me too...and now he's encouraging me to go as far as I personally want to go.

    As for the attention I'm receiving, I have to admit that I really love it. I don't dress inappropriately, but I do like to show off this little figure that I have now :) It's amazing what stepping out of your comfort zone will do for a person.

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  • missdibs1
    missdibs1 Posts: 1,092 Member
    Anyone else feel like they'd be on top of the world if only they were thin? I mean on top of the relationship aspects, career, networks, opportunities, abilities, energy, influence....etc..

    I have a feeling that since I have been overweight all my life, that I will not know how to deal with the added attention I'd get.

    I'm somewhat between very introverted and a slightly extroverted, so being center of attention already feels uncomfortable. I've been pretty even though I'm bigger, but not FINE...or what someone might call HOT. And I know it'd get like that. My confidence would soar. I'd walk taller and prouder.

    This fear is unconscious, of course.

    Anyone feeling similarily?

    I'm new to this site, wouldn't mind a couple buds on here. Send a pm if you want to talk a little bit.

    ---wendy

    Wendy

    Insecurity is eternal. It is an issue I deal with, every day. Making changes in your lifestyle/body will promote confidence. But believe me, if you let it happen, other reasons for insecurity will creep in.

    Learn to love yourself, as is. Make changes because you love yourself. Recognize these changes as helping you reach your goals.

    And most importantly, do no worry about other people, period.

    Many hugs.

    J
  • FourIsCompany
    FourIsCompany Posts: 269 Member
    I think we attract people because of our attitude more than because of how we look. Even at my highest weight (80 lbs ago) I had people approach me and even flirt with me... I think because of my self-confidence and the way I "carry" myself. I think it matters less how much you weigh than your self-confidence. :smile:

    I do have a certain fear of attracting the wrong type of attention, and I let that guide me for too long! The fat was a protective layer, like a security blanket, covering my body and keeping me safe. But now, I feel more self-confident and I know I can handle any unwanted attention. If beautiful, thin women can do it, so can I. :happy:
  • KombuchaCat
    KombuchaCat Posts: 834 Member
    I can relate, I've been super skinny and pretty darn fat and everything in between. Sometimes when I was pretty fat I noticed that part of me liked that people didn't pay attention to me. I've got a big personality and kind of got comfy as the jovial overweight friend. But another part of me missed the attention and I can say that when I was thin I definately got more. Currently I'm more mentally "fit" than I've ever been so while I notice the attention getting more positive as I drop lbs. it doesn't seem to affect me so much either way.
    Be patient with yourself, you'll get there. And if you need to take some time to get yourself mentally right do it. No matter how you look on the outside if the inside is not on board you will never be happy.
  • luckyyoung
    luckyyoung Posts: 9
    really?...............

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