Afraid To Be Too Attractive

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Replies

  • NadineSabbagh
    NadineSabbagh Posts: 142 Member
    I know a lot of people will find what you've said strange, but I completely understand what you mean! I'm not a stranger to attention, good and bad, but either way, it's all unwanted attention!

    I keep to myself a lot nowadays. I used to be pretty outgoing, always wanted to be around people, always wanted to be in a relationship etc... But nowadays I prefer my own company, being my own person, and not having to be accountable to anyone. I guess my weight gain had a lot to do with that change in attitude, but as I get smaller, I still have no desire to return to the extroverted person I once was, the one who craved attention.

    So I guess in a way it does worry me that I might get more attention when I'm thin, as it will be uncomfortable for me - I don't take compliments well, I don't like my looks or my figure having attention drawn to them, I'd rather just be a bit of a wallflower haha. But I don't know how I will feel when I'm at my goal weight, my attitude may completely change... these worries that I have at the moment are probably just insecure-overweight-person worries!

    Who knows, I might get no attention whatsoever once I've lost weight and I'll get mad about it :P
  • Deebautista
    Deebautista Posts: 51 Member
    THIS ^^^^^^^^ hah!
  • monjacq1964
    monjacq1964 Posts: 291 Member
    yeah.. its sad.. i deal with this every day. It really isnt fair to the other women who have to hide behind my shadow.. sigh.
  • ukchic25
    ukchic25 Posts: 9 Member
    I totally understand this! I know that part of me getting big and staying big was fear of getting hurt again, so my fat has been my shield. I'm fat it's unattractive and it keeps people away from me. I am so scared of people paying attention to me. I am so used to being invisible!

    It is so peculiar, but this is a legitimate fear of mine.

    The flip side of it is I fear that I will never see myself as attractive. I feel like "I'd be pretty if I just lost weight" but I worry that I will never gain the self esteem boost I so desperately need.

    I completely agree!! I think Wendy is brave for putting what she is feeling out there, because obviously a lot of us feel it, but are too afraid to "say it" outloud.
  • blossomnu
    blossomnu Posts: 65 Member
    you wont notice it... if you don't put yourself out to get noticed they wont...

    ?!

    I want to live in your world!
  • BogQueen1
    BogQueen1 Posts: 320 Member
    Just boggled, slightly. How do you know you will be so attractive men will just fall over themselves when they see you? Put your health concerns first. The rest is just vanity.
  • tmalikia
    tmalikia Posts: 22 Member
    I do understand exactly what you mean, almost as if life won't start until I'm a certain size. Yes, I'm definitely in that mode, it's hard to be confident or less self conscious when one the thicker side. But that is why we are here to get the bodies we want.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
    Fat is a Feminist Issue is all about this. It may be a terrifying title and seem a bit out of date, but a quick read through really kick-started my weight loss.

    It's so cheap it's almost free on Amazon and I highly recommend it :flowerforyou:
  • luckyyoung
    luckyyoung Posts: 9
    being lean can definitely give me confidence. it feels terrible if i can't fit it xs or 00/0.
    but this is a very personal choice.
  • mystiedragonfly
    mystiedragonfly Posts: 189 Member
    I had an light bulb moment last month about my weight-loss journey...

    I went from "wait till every one sees how hot I am going to be" to "only the people that supported me will get to enjoy my success".

    I have already lost a lot of weight. I've had men who mocked me, made fun of me, stood me up for not being attractive enough, and were just plain mean to me crawling out of the wood work to tell me how hot I am looking. For a very long time I couldn't wait till I was hot enough that these men will find me worth their time.

    But wait a minute... these men are not willing to accept me for who I am now. They are waiting for me to look a certain way before they talk to me further. What??

    Why should I allow them a moment of enjoyment of my success when they didn't see ME worth sticking around to know me while I achieved that success??

    Only the people who know me and support me now will get the benefits of the victory.

    You are doing this for you. No one deserves the glory of your victory other than you and those who supported you. Do not stunt your growth (weight loss) because someone may abuse you for it later. They do not matter. Only YOU, your health, and your happiness matter.

    "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?"

    --- Marianne Williamson
  • _noob_
    _noob_ Posts: 3,306 Member
    I regularly feel that women would find me too irresistible if I didn't constantly do and say things that I know others find unattractive. I do this to protect my wife from other's lack of control.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Having been thin for the vast majority of my life, I can tell you that weight will not make all of those things happen. You may get a little more male attention, but that isn't even a guarantee.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    1182110481715.gif \m/
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Worry about it when and if you ever get there.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I regularly feel that women would find me too irresistible if I didn't constantly do and say things that I know others find unattractive. I do this to protect my wife from other's lack of control.

    Thank you. Seriously, I don't know what I'd do if you took off those crocs, but I doubt I could control myself.
  • SirBonerFart
    SirBonerFart Posts: 1,185 Member
    Worry about it when and if you ever get there.

    I've always been there, it's not so bad
  • Factory_Reset
    Factory_Reset Posts: 1,651 Member
    Worry about it when and if you ever get there.

    I've always been there, it's not so bad

    *snort*
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Worry about it when and if you ever get there.

    I've always been there, it's not so bad
    That's because fish.
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
    I lol'ed.


    Wat?
  • GorillaNJ
    GorillaNJ Posts: 4,024 Member
    You can always start wearing an eye patch or doing your makeup in the dark....
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
    I just can't wait...no fear here...I plan to be all

    didnt-read-luls-o.gif
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    I didn't find that I got more attention from men. I was cute when slightly chubby. Now I get more compliments from women at the gym.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    You can always start wearing an eye patch or doing your makeup in the dark....

    I bet I'd get more attention if I wore an eye patch.
  • mgreen10
    mgreen10 Posts: 229 Member
    1. You probably mean subconscious, not unconscious.
    2. This is a real fear, that subconsciously prevents a lot of people from reaching their goal or looking their best.
    3. It's not really like that. Unless you are somehow going to turn into Adriana Lima once you lose all your weight, your fears are greatly exaggerated.
  • silvergurl518
    silvergurl518 Posts: 4,123 Member
    you probably mean that your fear is *subconscious* rather than *unconscious*....but still, i know what you mean.

    hell, i'm ready for a bikini body. i've been waiting my whole damn life for it! ;)
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I've been pretty even though I'm bigger, but not FINE

    Did I just go back to 1991???? lol
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    Not too worry. You might get more attention at first because people notice the "new you". Then they get used to it and everything goes back to normal.
  • Hi_Im_Jess
    Hi_Im_Jess Posts: 347 Member
    I plan on wearing a gold bikini wherever I go. Beach, supermarket, movie theater, church, I dont care! Bring it on! I cant wait to be attractive! :happy:
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    fatmeme.png
  • NadineSabbagh
    NadineSabbagh Posts: 142 Member
    I plan on wearing a gold bikini wherever I go. Beach, supermarket, movie theater, church, I dont care! Bring it on! I cant wait to be attractive! :happy:

    You're stunning already!

    (edit - sorry, I appear to be in creep-mode tonight!)

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