I want to stop feeling embarrassed of my weight
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I think the best piece of advice I can give you is just to understand that this is a slow process.
It didn't take you 2 hamburgers to put on weight, the same way it won't take 2 salads to lose the weight.
90% of how you look will come down to your nutritional intake and calories in vs calories out.
Focus on this. Understand this.
Include light exercise like walking or anything to keep you active... And then as you get more comfortable with your eating habits you can adjust accordingly.
Message me if I can help in any way.0 -
This is true.. I didnt want it bad enough before.. NOW I DO !
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I used to feel the exact same way, and sometimes I still do. I'm in the military and I'm 48 lbs over where the army wants me. I go there and I feel so so fat in my uniform! I feel like everyone is looking at me thinking how fat and stupid I am. But really, they're not. It's all in my head. In my civilian life I've realized that I don't want friends who will talk bad about my weight. I am more than my body and so are you. If people can't see past your size they're probably not worth having as friends.0
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I understand the falling off after 1-2 weeks. I've been there several times.
THIS time, I KNOW is different. I'm in a much better place mentally.
First, I'd look for something (physical) that you like/love to do. I recently found a love for walking. I started walking just to mix up my cardio schedule, but I enjoyed it more and more so I went from doing it once a week to everyday. It REALLY calms me and destresses me. My head feels so much clearer during/after my walk. And Physically, even though it's hard, I feel fantastic after I've finished my 3.5 mile walk (I started out at 2 miles and have since increased it).
Second, look at your calorie intake. Is it at the "typical" 1200 calories MFP likes to recommend? If so, consider increasing it to 1400-1500. You're still at a deficit, and you'll feel so much better.
For me, this time around things have really clicked into place. I'm feeling positive and happy every single day, because I know I'm eating the right amount of food (for me) and I'm physically active in an area that I've found true love for. It becomes SO easy when you have that kind of combination.
Good luck!0 -
I feel/felt the same way that you did. Truth be told, what happened for me was, I lost 10-20 pounds, felt great about it, then stopped and gained it all back (when I really have about 80-90 pounds to lose). What happened for me was this mindset that I didn't think I could do what I needed to do long-term. In my mind, the process would take too long and be too hard. It's true - I didn't put the weight on overnight and I'm not going to take it off overnight.
I just recently started counting calories again. I've made it a point to work in increments. Lose ten pounds with calorie counting. Then reward myself somehow - obviously not with food - but maybe something like a new outfit or a date with my husband. Then, I plan on changing up my routine for a bit - not just counting calories but exercising with a certain dvd a certain amount of times per week. Then the next 10 pounds, change it up again. When I look at it like that, and not this huge number, I stay motivated.
I know this sounds cheesy - but I've also found motivation in watching shows that are about dancing. I have always loved to dance (haven't been able to for about 6-7 years), but the show really keeps me motivated - because I think how awesome it will be to be able to do something I used to do all the time and loved!
Just don't stop! The worst thing you can do is think that you can't lose the weight. The truth and FACT is that you CAN lose the weight. The hardest part will be to create a plan and stick with it. Don't think that it's gonna be too hard. Making little changes here and there are going to be doable. You CAN do it - just one step, one day at a time. People say that all the time, but you really have to understand what exactly that means to you and how to many that "mantra" your own. Don't worry about the scale. Don't worry about the measurements. You ARE going to fluctuate. Be ok with that. But keep "working the plan" and it's gonna work. Trust me!0 -
I understand the falling off after 1-2 weeks. I've been there several times.
THIS time, I KNOW is different. I'm in a much better place mentally.
First, I'd look for something (physical) that you like/love to do. I recently found a love for walking. I started walking just to mix up my cardio schedule, but I enjoyed it more and more so I went from doing it once a week to everyday. It REALLY calms me and destresses me. My head feels so much clearer during/after my walk. And Physically, even though it's hard, I feel fantastic after I've finished my 3.5 mile walk (I started out at 2 miles and have since increased it).
Second, look at your calorie intake. Is it at the "typical" 1200 calories MFP likes to recommend? If so, consider increasing it to 1400-1500. You're still at a deficit, and you'll feel so much better.
For me, this time around things have really clicked into place. I'm feeling positive and happy every single day, because I know I'm eating the right amount of food (for me) and I'm physically active in an area that I've found true love for. It becomes SO easy when you have that kind of combination.
Good luck!
I agree - make sure your deficit is not unrealistic. I think before, I tried to stick to 1200 calories, but this time around, I'm at 1500. Losing weight the slow way, though it takes longer, will be easier to maintain because your body is used to the small changes and getting to the weight will take longer, making the changes more realistic to stick with. They say it takes 21 days to create a habit. So losing all of the weight in one week is not going to be good. (Of course, if you need to lose a larger amount of weight, it's going to take a lot longer than that!)0 -
i'm a little more bothered by the fact that you would cancel a trip for the whole family just because you don't like your aesthetic...
so...your whole family gets to suffer for your situation?
that's not right...
suck it up and change it or LIVE with it...
but whatever you do stop hiding and START LIVING LIFE....
just please.
I agree with this. All of it. Even the please.0 -
Don't think of it as challenges, think of it as choices. Each choice you make will add up over time (that's how the weight got there in the first place, right?) So take each choice as an opportunity for change. Each time you choose grilled over fried, berries over chips, a walk instead of a movie, know that you are making choices that will change your life! That good feeling of making good choices is addictive and gets easier over time.0
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I don't agree with all of the people that are just telling you to suck it up. That defeats the purpose. Your weight IS affecting people around you - but pointing that out and just telling you to fix it and suck it up is not going to help you, mentally. People like that just need to stop giving their opinion. Losing weight is more than just a formula. It's a mindset and a will to change your lifestyle.
People, seriously, stop making her feel guilty. I'm sure she's aware of what's going on. You don't need to pour salt on the wound. Come on!0 -
I don't agree with all of the people that are just telling you to suck it up. That defeats the purpose. Your weight IS affecting people around you - but pointing that out and just telling you to fix it and suck it up is not going to help you, mentally. People like that just need to stop giving their opinion. Losing weight is more than just a formula. It's a mindset and a will to change your lifestyle.
People, seriously, stop making her feel guilty. I'm sure she's aware of what's going on. You don't need to pour salt on the wound. Come on!
Nope. When you've allowed your body and your mental state to deteriorate to the point that it's negatively impacting your family, it's time for tough love. No one is being mean here or trying to make her feel guilty - they're trying to open her eyes and help her to see that it's unhealthy for her and her family.0 -
I try to start these challenges, challenges to help get myself motivated to lose the weight & I will go strong for a week or two then fall off. I get these comments in regards to how much weight I've gained the past couples years & some of the comments are pretty hurtful and that still doesn't push me to lose the weight. I'm so unhappy with myself right now and more & more I'm finding myself withdrawing from everyone & party events that I'm invited to I always make excuses that I can't go. I know why it's because I don't like how I look, I already know people are talking about the weight I've put on & I just don't want to see or hear their reactions. Every week I say to myself that I'm go to check into my fitness pal & log into my diary, watch what I eat, & go to the gym but by time I get off work, pick up my son, & go home to cook dinner, all I want to do is sit down & relax. I can tell you sometimes I cry because I want this so bad, I want to love myself again, feel good & stop being embarrassed how I look. I just need to find a way to get me to stay committed. I've pretty much wasted my whole summer away, I have a weekend camp trip next week for my daughter's birthday and the only thing that crosses my mind is getting into a swim suit. I have a family trip in November to see family & friends that I haven't seen in a while and if I continue to look this way, I know that I will cancel that trip and that's not fair to my family. Why can't I just get to that motivation point. I'm just tired of feeling this way.
Strange... I felt like that for a long time. I knew I was horribly overweight. I hated ding things where my weight was obvious eg. I would avoid going to things like go-karting because you had to wear a karting suit and I didnt think theirs would fit me. I didnt want the embarrassment.
Nothing and no one can motivate you to lose weight. It's something that has to come from within. I've been obese my entire life and now at age 45 I'm not. I'm still overweight and I still have a way to go but I'm getting there. One day, when the time is right for you, you will do it.0 -
I don't agree with all of the people that are just telling you to suck it up. That defeats the purpose. Your weight IS affecting people around you - but pointing that out and just telling you to fix it and suck it up is not going to help you, mentally. People like that just need to stop giving their opinion. Losing weight is more than just a formula. It's a mindset and a will to change your lifestyle.
People, seriously, stop making her feel guilty. I'm sure she's aware of what's going on. You don't need to pour salt on the wound. Come on!
Really. I am 100 pounds overweight. I have been 100 pounds over weight for at least 3 years. I wear a swim suit. I take my niece swimming once a week. I get in to my tankini, I go to the pool and we play and have a great time. I even waterslide. Do I like how I look? NOPE. Not at all why do you think I am here? because its fun? no. Because i want to like what I look like. But would I ever cancel a trip to the pool or to see my family because I don't like my body? NEVER why would I punish them because of my issues? It is not fair.
I will NOT stop stating my opinion. Is weightloss hard? Yes - been here 3 years and am still struggling because I am lazy. Does it get boring? Of course it is. I hate exercising. I hate eating only a small portion of the foods i love. I hate it all. But for myself I am sucking it up.
It is a mental game, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it, or let it consume you and you inevitably ruin things for the people you love - because eventually cancelling family trips, or making excuses to not go somewhere WILL make your family and friends resent and even withdraw from you.
So Suck it up princess.. get moving, you may have peed this summer away but you always have next summer and by November if you get your ducks in a row you could surprise your family with a decent loss. Find something that motivates you and work toward that goal. Don't make it a weight, make it something like - run around the block or walks 3 miles in a certain amount of time, or jump over a building or swim 100 laps, or w/e just do it.0 -
I can relate to so much of what you said in your post! I don't want to repeat much of what has already been said in response. I do think some people were unnecessarily harsh, and I agree with the people who said that was not beneficial. The big reason I wanted to post on your thread was because you said you get home from work and are exhausted and just want to relax. That's exactly how I am. Some people on here seem to LIKE to exercise in the evenings. NOT ME! I have found that if I exercise first thing in the morning, I get it out of the way before I'm exhausted and don't feel like I can anymore. I can't think about it too much. I have to just do it, no matter how much I don't feel like it. I briefly looked at your profile, and saw that you have 4 children. I don't have children and I do realize they complicate things like finding time for exercise. I'm assuming you have to help them get motivated and off to school in the morning. If this is the case, I strongly suggest getting up before they do and fitting in exercise then. Once the chaos of a regular day begins, it's hard to take time out to exercise.
As previous posters have said in this thread, start small! I started walking like 10 minutes, and now I can walk for hours. I don't run AT ALL. I barely go to the gym. I walk and swim as my main forms of exercise. I've lost 13 pounds since late May. That's not a huge loss, but it is STEADY loss. Once you start logging - consistently and meticulously - everything you eat, even the milk in your coffee or a bite of this or that, you will start to see the direct correlation between calories consumed and calories burned. One thing I love about MFP is that as you add exercise, your calorie allotment goes up. I LOVE to eat, so in order to be able to eat enough to not feel deprived, I exercise and the more the better. I find the extra calorie allowance IS my motivator to get up and MOVE!
I hope any or all of what I've said can help you in some way!
If you want support and motivation, feel free to add me. I log in every day barring major life complications. Also, if you want to reply to anything I've said, please do it by messaging me or writing on my wall. I don't always read what has been posted after I post on a thread.
Best wishes to you! You CAN do this!0 -
The point I was trying to make was this. If you read her first post closely - she acknowledges that she doesn't want to put her family through her cancelling it just because she feels bad about her weight. She's already aware of it. You all seem to be harping on that fact when the real issue at hand was how does she mentally get to a point where she's ready to change?
Sometimes, "Just do it" just doesn't cut it.
Read her last statement "Why can't I just get to that motivation point. I'm just tired of feeling this way."
It's a mental thing and I'm sure she's heard people tell her "if you want to change, just change!" before. Give her some advice - obviously, the type of advice she actually benefited from were suggestions of habit changes for her lifestyle - not "just please".... really?0 -
I hate working out. I despise it, it's the worst thing ever. It hurts, and from the minute I start, I can't wait to stop. But I hate feeling bad about myself even more than I hate exercising.
^This.
Until the moment came that I hated hating myself more than I hated doing something about it, nothing got done.0 -
I dont know if this has already been said, but the hatred for exercize might be a good thing. Use it to help you eat better. For example, I love ice cream, i mean, I LOVE ice cream. But when i figure out that its going to take me two hours of exercize to burn that off, suddenly the ic ecream can wait. I wish i was a great writer and had the patience to tell you how many times this has worked for me. I hope that helps!0
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The point I was trying to make was this. If you read her first post closely - she acknowledges that she doesn't want to put her family through her cancelling it just because she feels bad about her weight. She's already aware of it. You all seem to be harping on that fact when the real issue at hand was how does she mentally get to a point where she's ready to change?
Sometimes, "Just do it" just doesn't cut it.
Read her last statement "Why can't I just get to that motivation point. I'm just tired of feeling this way."
It's a mental thing and I'm sure she's heard people tell her "if you want to change, just change!" before. Give her some advice - obviously, the type of advice she actually benefited from were suggestions of habit changes for her lifestyle - not "just please".... really?
Pretty sure you're the only one harping on anything here. You know what's really cool about public forums? Everyone gets to post their own opinions and perspectives. The advice wasn't directed at you and it doesn't really matter if you think it's helpful. None of it was mean, and the OP can choose to ignore it if it doesn't help her. Personally, I think the advice hits a little too close to home and that's why you're getting bent out of shape about it.0 -
It sounds cliche but it is so true - you have to love yourself to want more for yourself and to make sure you matter to you. No one can do this for you. What I have learned is when I love myself and I do not worry about my weight but instead, I focus on making sure I carry myself with gratitude and appreciation that I am alive, in good health, can walk, talk, am able to sleep peacefully at night, have my provisions met, etc, my confidence and contentment shows through and guess what? I hear tons of compliments about my smile, my beauty and my confidence - that I am super fun and pleasant to be around. Alot of times folks aren't even looking at the weight when they are drawn to your personality and inward beauty - especially your family.
Start living and appreciating who you are and that GOD made you a beautiful human being who is here to serve her purpose. Embrace who you are - love who you are and be grateful for an opportunity to enhance who you are. Weight is a stronghold, just as other issues like drug addiction, sex addiction, anger, alcoholism, depression. If you think about it, weight is the result of something much deeper that we are all dealing with. Its unfortunate that our society judges us on our looks but seem tolerant of folks with addictions because they are thin and in shape? How backward our society's thinking is. All I know is that I am happy to be alive and I thank GOD for the opportunity yet again to enhance my life, through improved health. I need to lose 50+ pounds but I would put my cute, fun, sports loving personality up against to any size 2 chick any day You are awesome... believe that you are and you deserve to be treated like you are.....:) 0 -
I'm a BIG (pun intended) fan of de-cosmeticizing obesity and putting it where it belongs, as a strictly health based issue.
There is not a single person here who has not been criticized for being too heavy, but would anyone make jokes about a friend with a seizure disorder? Or someone who had lost a limb? Or someone with disfiguring skin lesions?
I hope NOT. But, the criticizer responds, "The fat person need only exercise and stop eating junk, and they will be thin and gorgeous." Yeah, right, all the people who come hear and work hard to shed weight just do it because they're having so much fun. I've been looking for a solution to my weight problems for 50 year because I had to think of some other way to amuse myself until the internet came along.
So if you feel embarrassed by your size or weight or shape, do the mental work and decide whether you're feeling better and stronger and more empowered by what your doing. If you're focused on being a better you, not a fancier one, you're on the way to kicking your useless, non-productive embarrassment to the curb!0 -
What sticks out to me in your post is you stating "I try to start these *challenges*". It makes me wonder if you are trying to take on too much, too fast, and you burn out. Start small. Maybe make your first goal logging onto MFP and tracking your food for 7 days straight. Then up it to 14 days. Etc, etc. That way you are reaching milestones more frequently, without stressing yourself out. You can apply this to dietary changes, exercise routines, etc as well.
To start small with exercise, I'd recommend going to 30dayfitnesschallenges.com and picking out one 30-day challenge that looks doable to you, and stick with it. The challenges are basically fitness baby steps and they are great for people (like me) who have trouble staying on track.
The bottom line is start small, and slowly increase your goals. I used to burn out all the time because I'd set this HUGE goals for myself and get upset when I messed up.
Also, try not to let your weight/body size define your self worth. Easier said than done... I know. But tell yourself every day that your body doesn't define you- who you ARE defines you. Good luck, and feel free to add me if you need support.
^^^^^^^ this ^^^^^^^^0
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