Losing my feelings for my boyfriend

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  • Dancerten
    Dancerten Posts: 237 Member
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    You're not being selfish. I was in that situation when I was 21, except I was ENGAGED :noway: It started out great and all, just like you described, but then he just got more and more clingy and dependent on me. I had to make ALL the decisions (where to eat, what to do, who to hang out with, etc.) because every time I asked him 'what should we do today?' his reply was always 'whatever makes you happy honey'. And maybe that's a dream situation for some girls, but personally, I like dating a MAN that has balls and can make an f-ing decision on his own. It got to the point where I felt like I was in a relationship with an abandoned puppy or just babysitting this guy instead of being his fiance.

    So when I couldn't take it anymore, I ended it. I probably shouldn't have let it go on for as long as I did, but I was like you and I felt horribly guilty for crushing the heart of someone who loved me so much. But it needed to be done. And trust me, you will feel like the biggest *kitten* ever; but eventually you'll realize you made the right decision :smile:
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
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    Yes. You're selfish. I highly doubt that in the last 3 months you magically realized he wouldn't have half of the top 5-10 qualities you're looking for, so you're a jerk for moving in with him to begin with.
  • jmoney34
    jmoney34 Posts: 61 Member
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    Yes. You're selfish. I highly doubt that in the last 3 months you magically realized he wouldn't have half of the top 5-10 qualities you're looking for, so you're a jerk for moving in with him to begin with.

    Yes, that's when I realized it. The first 6 months I was in the honeymoon stage.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    Yes. You're selfish. I highly doubt that in the last 3 months you magically realized he wouldn't have half of the top 5-10 qualities you're looking for, so you're a jerk for moving in with him to begin with.

    Yes, that's when I realized it. The first 6 months I was in the honeymoon stage.

    I thought the "honeymoon stage" was supposed to last a year. Don't feel bad though, a lot of people settle into bad relationships cause they don't like to be alone. Just walk away now that you realized it.
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Ugh. He threatened suicide if you left? That is not cool. He needs help, professional help. Free him and urge him to seek the help he needs.
  • xtinalovexo
    xtinalovexo Posts: 1,376 Member
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    Ashleymaddison.com
  • FlyByJuly
    FlyByJuly Posts: 564 Member
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    Dude, your BF has issues. Crying and saying he'll blow his brains out after only a year of dating is pretty intense, I think you might be in a bit of trouble. I watch this show "I Survived" and ive seen episodes where the dude acts like that and bad *kitten* ends up happening. You need to end it now, before it gets worse/weirder. For real.

    ^^^^^^Good advice. When I was young, I had a boyfriend like this. I left him, and he slit his wrists (superficial cuts, but enough to send him to a mental ward). I was stupid, young and naive. I went back to him so that he wouldn't hurt himself. But I couldn't stand it. Didn't love him, wanted out of it, just wanted to get the hell away from him. So I told him it was over. For good. He cut his wrists again, this time leaving a trail of blood drops thru his parent's kitchen and leading to his bedroom door (ya know, so somebody would discover it. Duh). His dad found it and told him "Get your *kitten* out here and clean this up before your mother gets home!" I didn't go back to him when I heard what had happened. And that seemed to freak him out. He began following me whenever he saw me (small town). Hang-up phone calls. Air let out of my tires. Showing up at places where I was. Just creepy stuff. One day he even tried to run me off the road, and he almost hit a couple who were pushing their baby in a stroller. I finally joined the military to get me the hell away from him. I hope your guy doesn't get all weird like this. You never know. You want out of the relationship...get out. Do what you have to do, say what you have to say. And then mean it. However he chooses to handle it, well...that's up to him. Good luck.
  • Danielle_2013
    Danielle_2013 Posts: 806 Member
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    You are young and have only been together a short time. Don't become me at 34, having been in the relationship for 6 years..and feeling this way for the past 2.
    I love my boyfriend/fiance.. but I know now something is missing and that this just isn't enough anymore. He treats me wonderfully.. and I love him.. like a best friend or a brother..but if I am totally honest.. that's it.
    I know how the finances (for me -owning property together) and life issues make you scared to make change.. because that is exactly where I am.
    But we both need to ask ourselves if we are truly happy.. and if you can't say yes with 100% confidence.. then like me.. you need to get up the courage to end things.. no matter how much you don't want to hurt him or yourself.

    Good luck!
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    magj0y,

    Thank you, and you are completely correct. I can't just pack up and leave right now. I have to find a place to live first and do a lot of moving around. Not to mention I don't have a truck to move all my stuff and I just spent a lot of money moving all my stuff into this place (thanks uhaul, lol). I'm a broke college student, so funds are a huge issue for me. Him threatenng to kill himself isn't the big reason I'm staying, I told him immediately after that he shouldn't try to guilt someone into loving him and he retracted his statement. I'm staying because I can't ever come up with a good reason I'm leaving when he says to me "don't I treat you well". He's right, he does, but he doesn't understand when I tell him something's missing because I don't even know what's missing. I care for him a lot and he's a bit unstable. His mom died when he was young and then his grandma raised him and she died when he was 20. He throws that in my face a lot and tells me that I'm "going to leave him just like his mom and grandma did". It's just a hard situation. I know I'm "stringing" him along, but it's not with bad intentions. I really was hoping I could work things out but I'm starting to realize that I don't think I can. I just don't have the time/money/house to pack up all my **** and move to this second. I have to develop a plan. This all really sucks. I'm a stressed beyond all belief. I'm inbetween a rock and hard place. :(

    Yes, it is unrealistic to expect yourself to just up an move in some situations. Just put your money aside best you can. It sounds like he has serious abandonment issues, and rightfully so. However, guilting people into staying in a relationship isn't healthy.

    I encourage you to talk to someone in your family, preferably one who will understand and empathize. Not someone who spews the "Oh, you just have to TRY HARDER" Yes, relationships are tough and need to be constantly worked on, but not with someone who has such issues and is manipulative.

    You go to college, in the guidance office, there are typically people there to guide you through a crises. While you may not find your's critical, they can help you with resources on how to cope and get through this thing relatively unscathed. It might help him if you slowly withdraw, but definitely don't make him feel everything is peachy.

    Good luck and if he gets violent, please take care of yourself and get out
  • Meloyelo2010
    Meloyelo2010 Posts: 171 Member
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    I've brought up the idea of us maybe breaking up about 2 times in the last 3 months and each time he completely freaks out. He hyperventilates, cries uncontrollably, begs me not to leave, talks about what a "loser" he is for not being able to keep me, and one time he even told me he'd "blow his brains out" if I ever left him. I really don't want to hurt him. He's a wonderful person and he treats me like gold, I just cannot help how I feel. He's even said this to me when I've brought up breaking up--"Don't I treat you well?"--this is what he always says to me. And he's right. Am I just a selfish *****?

    This concerns me the most it's a form of emotional blackmail. While your situation sucks it sounds like you've already checked out and now it's time to move out.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    Remember that this was your (awful) experience.
    You may also need to seek some counseling for that.
    Not saying that in any kind of mean way.
    **fellow domestic violence abuse-survivor**

    Yes, I know this is my experience. Everyone's experience is different, and this is my point. people like this are disturbed and highly unpredictable at times. And people don't always know what to (properly) do when in this type of relationship that they want out of.

    As for counseling, this was 20 years ago, I'm perfectly fine.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
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    Since the two of you are together for only a year & you recently moved in with him so I think you're still on the adjustment stage. Ask for some space to spend sometime with yourself. Now if it still doesn't work out despite of that then its time to move out. Better tell your SO the truth than him discovering it by himself.
  • RainHoward
    RainHoward Posts: 1,599 Member
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    Run. Walk. Do the hokey pokey. However you go, just go.
  • Will210
    Will210 Posts: 201 Member
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    He's a nice guy and sounds like he treats you like gold which is why you probably fell for him. Unfortunately that is not enough. If you hate the little things about someone then it will never work. The girl I am currently dating definitely hates the little things about me so I don't see it going on much longer. I actually really like the little things about her which kind of sucks but oh well.

    His reaction to you wanting out is a HUGE red flag and that reaction alone is worth leaving. Amazing how much you learn about someone when you decide to break up with that said person.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    Hyperventilating, crying uncontrollably and threatening to blow his brains out?!?! :noway: That is some disturbing stuff. And as someone else mentioned on here, it's emotional blackmail. Tell him it's over as gently as possible (based on his past history he will not take it well, be prepared for the histrionics, steel yourself against it) , have a plan in place already (new residence or a friend to movie in with). It's also a good idea to tell a trustworthy friend of your intentions on the day you plan to tell him. Best wishes:flowerforyou:
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    Didn't read the OP.


    Just break up.
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
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    If you leave don't come back if you find the grass isn't greener.
  • chefstew79
    chefstew79 Posts: 30 Member
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    my advice, don't look for answers here, only you will know the right thing to do for you.
  • links_slayer
    links_slayer Posts: 1,151 Member
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    OP was from August of last year and was only bumped today by the spammer a few posts up.

    Also, just break up.

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