The not-so-secret secret to a happy marriage

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  • jhmomofmany
    jhmomofmany Posts: 571 Member
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    toughing out the bad times will make the good times that much better.

    (happily married 18 years despite many hardships!)
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
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    I give my husband chocolate. Chocolate = happy.
  • melindasuefritz
    melindasuefritz Posts: 3,509 Member
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    Gee. I thought communication and understanding were key. Silly me.
  • melindasuefritz
    melindasuefritz Posts: 3,509 Member
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    What works for one couple may not work for the other. Patience, understanding, and cutting the other person some slack is a good place to start. No one is perfect, but if we both make an effort to treat each other the way we want to be treated then that helps some. Also don't compare your marriage to anyone else's.
  • melindasuefritz
    melindasuefritz Posts: 3,509 Member
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    If you feel like something is wrong or are unhappy talk first to your spouse! It is up to the two of you to work things out. If you can't openly talk about what is wrong you are at the mercy of chance to fix your problems. No topic should be off limits between the two of you.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
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    Ladies, if you want to improve your marriage, take care of your spouses so they will not go elsewhere. Regular sex will get you just about anything your heart desires :heart:

    Men (especially those with small kids) HANG IN THERE... It will get better!! :drinker: Believe it or not, most women with small children honestly do not think about sex all the time. Do not allow your wife to beg for sex...in addition to losing you're man card, she'll go elsewhere for it.

    Communicate with one another, speak up about your likes/dislikes and it will be all good. :wink:

    Anything else you care to add?



    I have to wonder why you needed to point this out. Having some problems yourself?
    Sex is one important part of marriage, but for long lasting marriages you will also need to be able to communicate, have the same goals and dreams. Very important also is how you manage money as a couple. Do you agree on child rearing? Are you still friends and enjoy doing things together? Long lasting marriages take so many equally important components, just ask a few couples that are still happily married after 20/30/40/50 plus years.
  • ltowns11
    ltowns11 Posts: 134 Member
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    Definitely not a one-size-fits-all type of situation. Obviously being physical is natural in a relationship. I just let my wife know that I'm in the mood and whether she wants to or not doesn't bother me. Having a three year-old, I understand when my wife is tired, worn from a whole day of keeping a kiddo entertained while I'm at work, or just simply not in the mood. We communicate these things and if we're not engaging a lot during spurts, I don't let it bother me. I said, "I do", and meant it. I love her and love triumphs urges I can suppress or take care of on my own if needed. I'd never stray even if it were that bad. When it reaches unbarable levels, I'll let her know. Same goes on the flip side. I'm happy overall just trying to make her happy in every capacity.

    What a good guy!!!!
  • rosemaryhon
    rosemaryhon Posts: 507 Member
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    Definitely not a one-size-fits-all type of situation. Obviously being physical is natural in a relationship. I just let my wife know that I'm in the mood and whether she wants to or not doesn't bother me. Having a three year-old, I understand when my wife is tired, worn from a whole day of keeping a kiddo entertained while I'm at work, or just simply not in the mood. We communicate these things and if we're not engaging a lot during spurts, I don't let it bother me. I said, "I do", and meant it. I love her and love triumphs urges I can suppress or take care of on my own if needed. I'd never stray even if it were that bad. When it reaches unbarable levels, I'll let her know. Same goes on the flip side. I'm happy overall just trying to make her happy in every capacity.


    So nicely well said ~ and more rings true in my experience as a long-time happily married woman than the OP's suggestion which seemed so focused on sex to keep the other from straying SMH. You obviously have a key to a strong, good marriage IMO :).
  • chell53
    chell53 Posts: 356 Member
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    The key thing is to work at it.....marriage is a job and I don't mean that in a bad way, you meet someone fall in love and then married living under the same roof and really how much do you know about the person.....not much.....so it is a learning experience you need to get to know one another, (a job). It is not just sex, it is the whole package.....talking, trusting, laughing, and yes crying as a team.

    Oh! and I can say this cause Happily Married for 39 years, (40 in March)
  • rosemaryhon
    rosemaryhon Posts: 507 Member
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    Ladies, if you want to improve your marriage, take care of your spouses so they will not go elsewhere. Regular sex will get you just about anything your heart desires :heart:

    Men (especially those with small kids) HANG IN THERE... It will get better!! :drinker: Believe it or not, most women with small children honestly do not think about sex all the time. Do not allow your wife to beg for sex...in addition to losing you're man card, she'll go elsewhere for it.

    Communicate with one another, speak up about your likes/dislikes and it will be all good. :wink:

    Anything else you care to add?



    I have to wonder why you needed to point this out. Having some problems yourself?
    Sex is one important part of marriage, but for long lasting marriages you will also need to be able to communicate, have the same goals and dreams. Very important also is how you manage money as a couple. Do you agree on child rearing? Are you still friends and enjoy doing things together? Long lasting marriages take so many equally important components, just ask a few couples that are still happily married after 20/30/40/50 plus years.

    Another well said point IMO.
  • wiffe
    wiffe Posts: 224 Member
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    OP that is not necessarily true. I've never ever turned my H down and always willing yet he still chose to go else where.
  • bbbgamer
    bbbgamer Posts: 582 Member
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    so... if I have small kids, do I wait or not then??
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
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    (I'd advise never put relationship issues on the internet and overall, don't get other people "involved" in your relationship unless it is a marriage counselor. The only exceptions would be circumstances like abuse, of course.)

    I agree with the poster who posted the above. After 45 years of happy marriage I have to wonder about anyone in a relationship giving marriage advice to others. I certainly do not feel qualified.

    To blame a woman for her husband seeking sex outside the marriage is insane in my opinion. Like giving him sex will stop that....NOT.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
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    To blame a woman for her husband seeking sex outside the marriage is insane in my opinion. Like giving him sex will stop that....NOT.


    This is so true, some people just stray and don't take their vows seriously, or just like to live dangerously... or whatever the many reasons may be. To blame that on the spouse sounds like an article from a 1950s Playboy magazine. Just justification for their own bad behaviors, and just what a straying spouse wants to hear "it's not my fault".
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
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    I got nothing..ha! happily divorced for 8 years...true story.
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
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    I think that it is important to fight fair.....no name calling or things you cannot take back....

    Dont sweat the small stuff that causes fights....most of it wont even matter a year from now or less....

    And just because you do have a fight...DO NOT with hold sex. Why punish yourself .....sometimes that makes for the best sex.

    I am going to second the above tips and also say that the OP sounds like just a bit of a know it all. What an odd string of assumptions and generalizations.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    there are some really good posts in this thread. some true words of wisdom.

    ...but the OP's post? my eyes nearly rolled right out of my head. what a load of twaddle!
  • jamielynas
    jamielynas Posts: 366 Member
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    food, food is the secret to a happy anything
  • Joehenny
    Joehenny Posts: 1,222 Member
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    Don't get married if you don't want to, and don't marry someone you can't see yourself with forever. Mystery solved. 5 bucks plz

    inb4 flagged for advertising again
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
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    food, food is the secret to a happy anything

    Sorry but my huband will be having to deal with sex too.. and tons of food then more sex. After 31 years I have it all under control most of the time and when I don't I complain or tie him up.

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