People NOT commenting on your progress? :(

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msliu7911
msliu7911 Posts: 639 Member
in Motivation and Support
Sorry in advance if this comes off like I'm whining.

I started my journey at 172lbs, 22lbs away from my "happy" weight and 27lbs away from my ultimate goal. (I'm 5'7" with med/large frame and fairly muscular) So far I've lost 15lbs, as well as almost 10 inches in my waist, thighs, and hips. This has taken me almost 2 years.. and has been a struggle mentally/emotionally and now that I've finally fixed that.. the physical transformation is taking place.

When I was at about 164 I couldn't really see a difference in my face (just started noticing looser pants, etc). Now that I'm at 157, I can see a big difference in my face, as well as all my clothes are much looser.

My problem is - I haven't had anyone (aside from my husband) comment on my progress. Even though my husband has commented, part of me knows he is fully aware of all the hard work I've been doing and I tell him all the time of my progress... and he's of course being sweet.

I have a friend who I consider somewhat close, who hasn't even bothered commenting on my weight loss when she is fully aware of my struggles, efforts, etc. I hadn't really seen her in a while and saw her twice over the past week... to which we talked about working out, exercising, etc., and I even subtly mentioned I only have about 7 lbs to my goal (she knows I started at 22lbs!), but still didn't comment.

If I had a friend who I knew was trying to lose weight, I would make sure I let them know they look great, especially if they told me they've lost "x" lbs (regardless of whether I could see or not). I wonder if I'm just being too sensitive and my expectations are too high. My husband speculates it could be the catty nature of women, and this particular friend has been having a reallly hard time losing weight too, so maybe she just doesn't want to acknowledge my weight loss. Bottom line is at least I know the progress is there, and I see it and will continue to push hard... I just can't wait until coworkers and friends actually start telling me.
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Replies

  • sunglasses_and_ocean_waves
    sunglasses_and_ocean_waves Posts: 2,757 Member
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    I went through that when I lost 50#. Up until I hit goal weight, there was nary a mention other than my husband. Sometimes I would put on an old pair of pants just to feel accomplished again. But when they noticed, they all noticed, and it was like moths to a flame. By that point, I was like, "oh yeah, I'm thin *yawn.*" lol
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    Join the club! I don't worry about it. Technically, my weight is none of anyone else's business anyway.
  • Lune1980
    Lune1980 Posts: 27 Member
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    For me, it took 20 lbs lost for people to start to notice. A friend of mine said the same: she lost 20 lbs before people started to tell her she looks like she lost weight. You are maybe 5 lbs away for people to start noticing.
  • msliu7911
    msliu7911 Posts: 639 Member
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    I went through that when I lost 50#. Up until I hit goal weight, there was nary a mention other than my husband. Sometimes I would put on an old pair of pants just to feel accomplished again. But when they noticed, they all noticed, and it was like moths to a flame. By that point, I was like, "oh yeah, I'm thin *yawn.*" lol


    Haha ya I'm guessing that they probably won't start commenting until I get closer to my actual goal. And by then I'll be over this little conundrum I'm dealing with. :smile:

    I guess the good thing is I don't NEED their comments to know I have made progress... it would just be nice. :)
  • msliu7911
    msliu7911 Posts: 639 Member
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    For me, it took 20 lbs lost for people to start to notice. A friend of mine said the same: she lost 20 lbs before people started to tell her she looks like she lost weight. You are maybe 5 lbs away for people to start noticing.

    Such a great point!
  • lmckillo
    lmckillo Posts: 127 Member
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    Most likely jealous of your progress, don't let it get to you. Keep on keeping on......
  • spoiledpuppies
    spoiledpuppies Posts: 675 Member
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    Hi there -

    If you mention to your friend that your lost some weight or accomplished something, of course they should congratulate and support you. But I wonder if other people actually haven't noticed. While losing 15 pounds is awesome(!), you mentioned that it's been a two-year process. People who see you everyday or often may not notice the subtle changes that have happened along the way. Have you run into people who haven't seen you in a long time? They would probably notice and may or may not say anything. (Sometimes I wouldn't, other than the usual "oh, you look great" just case the person has been sick or they're uncomfortable with people commenting on their weight.)
  • Ajaay
    Ajaay Posts: 70 Member
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    I have a friend that would notice if you lost an ounce and she can tell you where you lost it. (She can also see every bit you gain though she's not the type to say anything.) I'm the opposite. I don't notice people's weight that much. If I see that someone looks different I'm sometimes afraid to say anything because they could have lost weight or got a new haircut or w/e 3 months before and I'm just now noticing. While maybe I should learn to be more observant, I just don't care what other people weigh and I'm not checking them out to see where they are 'lumpy'. It is disheartening that your friend knows about your progress and is not encouraging. Maybe your progress just makes her focus more on her lack of progress. Whatever the reason, whenever you get down about it just take another peek at your before pictures and give yourself a pat on the back. Your friends will catch up with you in time and be able to get past their own issues and be happy for you. Or in my case, you would have to show me the before pictures and I would be like, 'Wow, you've really gotten skinny.'
  • LoseTheWeightForeverMay2018
    LoseTheWeightForeverMay2018 Posts: 8 Member
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    I have lost close to 20 lbs and only people who see me occasionally (like every 6 wks) are noticing it yet, and them just very recently. People who rarely ever see me, and people who see me really frequently, like daily, haven't yet. In my prior experience with weight loss it took a 25-30 lb loss before the moth to flame thing happened, LOL. Don't worry about it .. it will come.
  • TammyS327
    TammyS327 Posts: 134 Member
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    Hi there -

    If you mention to your friend that your lost some weight or accomplished something, of course they should congratulate and support you. But I wonder if other people actually haven't noticed. While losing 15 pounds is awesome(!), you mentioned that it's been a two-year process. People who see you everyday or often may not notice the subtle changes that have happened along the way. Have you run into people who haven't seen you in a long time? They would probably notice and may or may not say anything. (Sometimes I wouldn't, other than the usual "oh, you look great" just case the person has been sick or they're uncomfortable with people commenting on their weight.)

    ↑THIS!
  • My0WNinspiration
    My0WNinspiration Posts: 1,146 Member
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    Trust me they notice. Some people are just socially awkward and don't know how to go about complimenting you for fear you may get offended.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    I've seen the reverse of this be decried in the forums here many times...

    ...so perhaps people are just reluctant to stick their neck out and comment about your weight.



    Probably related to my "if I don't see an actual baby body part, I won't acknowledge that she might be pregnant" rule...

    ...because sometimes the answer is that she isn't.
  • melwharris91
    melwharris91 Posts: 80 Member
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    Let me ask you this. Who are you losing the weight for? If it is for yourself then as long as you are putting in the effort and noticing the results then that is all that matters. If you are doing it to gain others approval you then you are in a world of disappointment. Just saying....
  • TomZot
    TomZot Posts: 165 Member
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    Had the same issue. One or two people (other than my wife) would ask about it.

    After a while a few more mentioned it. Then I heard through the grapevine that some were asking around if I was sick. Once word got back that it was on purpose, the comments and support started pouring in.

    Maybe you have something similar going on.
  • labeachgirl
    labeachgirl Posts: 158 Member
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    I don't know that I'd take it personally. I think sometimes people are so consumed with their own issues, like how to pay an unexpected bill, that they fail to actually be present in the moment and notice things beyond themselves.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    Ok, now seriously. Fifteen pounds over the course of two years is pretty gradual loss. Assuming you're not naked in front of your friends, it's probably not noticeable to them at all. And on the flip side, they probably didn't notice when you gained that weight, either.

    They didn't notice weight loss or gain NOT because they're self-absorbed or catty or any of that... it's because they don't scrutinize your body.

    Before her wedding, my niece went from a size 12 to a size 4 and had to order a new dress. Until I heard about the dress, and saw her in a cute little minidress at her bridal shower, I didn't notice she'd lost weight. Every time I saw her, she was fully dressed, usually in a baggy sweatshirt and jeans. And every time I saw her, I just saw a beautiful young woman, no matter what size she was.
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
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    I recently gained back 20 pounds due to falling off my routine after a death on the family. No one noticed and even when I point it out to other people, they still don't see it. Some people just carry their weight differently so what is obvious to you because you keep such a close eye on it is not going to be as apparent to others.

    Plus people are never going to react to your weight loss the way you think they should. And it's often not any malicious thought either. Just everyone has their own stuff they are dealing with and while you were upset they didn't notice the change in you, they might be upset that you didn't notice that they have been going through some changes of their own like a subtly different haircut or hair color or that they've been sadder or they are having health issues or you didn't even bother to notice their weight loss.
  • Donald_Dozier_50
    Donald_Dozier_50 Posts: 395 Member
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    While here, in my first 80 days I lost 65 lbs. and other than my wife not one single sole made a comment about my weight loss even though I had, in the same period, lot 12 inches in my waist, 11 inches in my chest and 12 inches in my hips. I had gone from a size 4XL shirts to a 2X.

    Finally when people started noticing I asked one of them (a guy I know well from church) how he could not have noticed before. His simple answer was that he had not said anything because when you see someone losing weight fast, you have to wonder I they are sick and losing it unhealthy and you don't want to be congratulating someone in that situation.

    Congratulations on your weight loss.
  • Donald_Dozier_50
    Donald_Dozier_50 Posts: 395 Member
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    Let me ask you this. Who are you losing the weight for? If it is for yourself then as long as you are putting in the effort and noticing the results then that is all that matters. If you are doing it to gain others approval you then you are in a world of disappointment. Just saying....

    You have a very good point !
  • tmm_0127
    tmm_0127 Posts: 545 Member
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    I think some people just don't know how to make comments, whether they're positive or negative. She probably notices, but might not know what to say or how to say it.

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