"You weight what? Girl, I'd kill to be that weight!"

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  • ken_hogan
    ken_hogan Posts: 854 Member
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    People people... The girl did NOT post it on FB. She posted it HERE hoping to have some support and probably some ways to help her lose those 10 lbs... She did not ask to have rude responses. She thought she was among friends with the same issues.

    No. This is exactly what she wrote in her first post.
    I gained 10lbs and it REALLY upset me. I posted on my facebook "I'm up to 157. I don't know what happened." and here are some of the responses:


    Thanks...you beat me to quoting the facebook comment!
  • cupcakes_and_cardio
    cupcakes_and_cardio Posts: 369 Member
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    Everyone is their own worst critic, therefore we'll always have something that we don't like about ourselves. While I would love to be at 157, it doesn't mean that it's not a struggle for you. I'm 195 and I hate it, but I'm sure there are people who are heavier than me that wish they were at my weight. "You're your own worst critic."
  • SmilinSue12
    SmilinSue12 Posts: 71 Member
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    People people... The girl did NOT post it on FB. She posted it HERE hoping to have some support and probably some ways to help her lose those 10 lbs... She did not ask to have rude responses. She thought she was among friends with the same issues.

    No. This is exactly what she wrote in her first post.
    I gained 10lbs and it REALLY upset me. I posted on my facebook "I'm up to 157. I don't know what happened." and here are some of the responses:


    oops.gif

    I still think she should post it on her MFP wall rather than out in public....
  • Rockmyskinnyjeans
    Rockmyskinnyjeans Posts: 431 Member
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    I have friends of all sizes and I get responses across the board whenever I post something regarding my weight. The friends that are most similar to my own size are usually the most supportive and most understanding, I've noticed from my experience. My closest friend, who is considerably heavier than myself, often seems negative toward anything I say about weight and quickly changes the subject.

    It pretty much boils down to the fact that I just have to pick and choose how I word things, who I talk to, and realize that, in the end, I am my own worst critic.
  • runzalot81
    runzalot81 Posts: 782 Member
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    Is it really better just to shut up about weight issues?
    Yes. It's your own business and posting it on FB won't make it better for you.

    I gained three pounds this summer and that puts me at 135 lbs. NO ONE cares and I would never put it on FB. I'm dealing with it here.
  • Cinflo58
    Cinflo58 Posts: 326 Member
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    do not post your weight on facebook
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    This is why you ONLY friend real friends on Facebook. Ones you would talk about your weight, love life, friendships, work, etc.

    I'm friends with my real friends on fb, but I would have boring friends if I talked about my weight with all my friends. We talk about different things with different people, in the context of different friendships.

    Also, I like facebook. I have moved a lot and have a lot of friends that I would have lost touch with otherwise. I don't play games or do mindless stuff on fb or post excessive baby pics. I talk about important issues. I share funny anecdotes about my kids or other experiences. I see what my friends post (and enjoy seeing their kids). I share about my dance performances and find out about other dance projects and opportunities within the dance community. I just don't post on fb everyday, more like once a week or so (at most).

    What I meant was it is better to only friend REAL friends on facebook. The type of friends you would talk about those things with. Not the neighbor of your best friend whom you only waved to once, or a parent of another kid that goes to your childs school with whom you have never had a conversation with. That type of thing. I have no idea why people friend people on Facebook when they are not friends (people they would hang out with, converse with) in real life. Talk about posting weight issues on FB being a ploy for attention? Well, that is EVERYTHING people put on FB- status updates, photos, videos, everything

    I just think it's odd how everyone judges other strangers use of facebook based on their own experiences with it. I don't mean just you, I mean I see this a lot on here.

    I'm only saying that in real life, I have real, close, important friends that weigh more than twice my weight. I would not talk about my weight with them (I might talk about strength training if they asked). Just because I don't talk about my weight with them, does not mean it is not a real and important friendship. I don't really tell anyone my weight. I am petite and my weight is low and people don't understand that.

    Also, just want to clarify that I am not personally upset with you (I know tone can get lost on the internet).
  • VioletNightshade
    VioletNightshade Posts: 197
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    I've said something similar to one of my close friends.

    I doubt it was meant to be dismissive of your disappointment in your weight gain. It was probably disbelief that someone, after losing a bunch of weight, would be disappointed to around 90lb lighter than you mixed with a wish to be where you are. The 250lb girl probably WAS a little bit jealous that you are that (in her opinion) thin. She may have been trying to share her weight issues with you to make a connection. Conversely, it is possible she could've been telling you to stfu. We don't know her, so it's difficult to say.

    It's usually best to laugh along and use her comments to put into perspective that while you're up 10lb and that sucks, it could be much, much more.
  • astartig
    astartig Posts: 549 Member
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    then you are putting the thin girlfriend in an awkward position as well. oops forgot to quote, this was in the response of the person who said find a thin gf to complain to.
  • PRprincess
    PRprincess Posts: 200 Member
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    I never tell anyone my weight, because I'm vain like that, but I get you.

    My problem was the women I worked with (thank goodness, no longer!!!!!....though I'm sure I'll meet some doozies at the new job) who were in better shape than me and thinner than me who would go on these strange diets every week and then gorge and then tell me I didn't need to eat so healthy (after seeing my lunch).

    It made me feel weird, because if these thin, fit women were doing these drastic measures to lose weight (raspberry ketones, the military diet??), then damn, I must be doing something wrong!! Also, it made me feel like they were trying to sabotage me and my desire to be healthy, possibly in order to feel better about themselves (since I am heavier than they are).

    I just think that EVERYONE is insecure, and we all just need to keep our eyes on our own lane.


    I agree, we are all different. We have different metabolisms and we have different will power. :)
  • sweetpea129
    sweetpea129 Posts: 755 Member
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    Simple. Don't post your weight on facebook. But if you MUST, make separate groups as to be sensitive to your audience. I have a customized list and one of my lists is for MFP friends and a few other friends who are also working out/eating healthy/trying to lose weight or tone up. If i must post something weight related then I limit it to those people only.
  • sunglasses_and_ocean_waves
    sunglasses_and_ocean_waves Posts: 2,757 Member
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    I'm answering as someone that used to naively respond exactly the same way as your friends. As someone that weighed over 300 pounds for years, I used to roll my eyes when someone would complain about needing to lose five pounds like it was the end of the world.

    Then I had this friend, 5'6", 135 pounds, thin, GORGEOUS girl. I would have killed to look like her, she remains one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. We were drinking at a party one night when she pulled me aside and asked me why I was so shy, so I told her it was because I was fat. She looked around, pulled me to the side of the house where we were alone, and then told me that she understood how I felt because she had a little pooch of fat over her stomach thanks to her pregnancy. She lifted up her shirt and showed me her little pad of fat and at first I was incredulous... here I am, a size 26, she's like a size 6 and she's worried about this little pooch that no one even knows about? But then I saw that she was on the verge of tears. This was really bothering her, probably just as much as my own weight bothered me.

    It showed me that weight and appearance is all relative and that we shouldn't dismiss other people's perceptions of their own body. Just because we can see somebody is thin, gorgeous and healthy doesn't mean that they feel the exact opposite and they deserve support and understanding every bit as much as someone with obvious issues.

    That girl was a dink. Seriously. I'm her size with a little pooch, and I would NEVER compare my pain/frustration/whatever to a woman 10 sizes larger. Nor would I ever expect a woman 10 sizes larger to feel empathetic for my little issue. That's so freaking selfish, I can't even imagine.
  • julianpoutram
    julianpoutram Posts: 331 Member
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    I would not complain about weight in a public way like that for that very reason. Find a thin girlfriend to ***** to, they'll be less likely to be upset by it

    Amen, I'm afraid OP brought this upon herself...
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I'm answering as someone that used to naively respond exactly the same way as your friends. As someone that weighed over 300 pounds for years, I used to roll my eyes when someone would complain about needing to lose five pounds like it was the end of the world.

    Then I had this friend, 5'6", 135 pounds, thin, GORGEOUS girl. I would have killed to look like her, she remains one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. We were drinking at a party one night when she pulled me aside and asked me why I was so shy, so I told her it was because I was fat. She looked around, pulled me to the side of the house where we were alone, and then told me that she understood how I felt because she had a little pooch of fat over her stomach thanks to her pregnancy. She lifted up her shirt and showed me her little pad of fat and at first I was incredulous... here I am, a size 26, she's like a size 6 and she's worried about this little pooch that no one even knows about? But then I saw that she was on the verge of tears. This was really bothering her, probably just as much as my own weight bothered me.

    It showed me that weight and appearance is all relative and that we shouldn't dismiss other people's perceptions of their own body. Just because we can see somebody is thin, gorgeous and healthy doesn't mean that they feel the exact opposite and they deserve support and understanding every bit as much as someone with obvious issues.

    That girl was a dink. Seriously. I'm her size with a little pooch, and I would NEVER compare my pain/frustration/whatever to a woman 10 sizes larger. Nor would I ever expect a woman 10 sizes larger to feel empathetic for my little issue. That's so freaking selfish, I can't even imagine.

    She said they were drinking at a party. People tend to have lowered inhibitions in many many ways, significantly reduced logic, and reduced understanding/processing information, stronger/overwhelming emotional issues come out in a more exaggerated way. Plus we don't know how old she was. Or what her issues were. This is a sweet moment of a friendship. I would never do that also. But, if I was really young, and drinking I might have at one point when I had a distorted sense of my own body.

    I've been in this situation. I'd never had any stretch marks, but got a couple small ones that are thin, surface, white on my legs from pregnancy. I felt really bad about it. I showed a friend. She said that those aren't really considered stretch marks. She said many people get those during puberty. She showed me her own, so I could see the difference.

    When I was a teen a friend of mine tried to illustrate to me that I was not "fat". I was not at all. I had body image issues from severe child abuse.

    I'm thankful my friends helped me that way. Sometimes people need help learning things when they learned the opposite growing up.
  • NeverGivesUp
    NeverGivesUp Posts: 960 Member
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    You will NEVER hear me complaining about my weight anywhere. No one cares and I don't want my kids to grow up thinking a number on the scale is actually important. Health is important, exercise and eating right is important!! What you weigh is not important. That number is so negative for too many people, especially women, since we tend to define ourselves by it. Work hard and talk about that, no one wants to hear exactly what you weigh.
  • mspoopoo
    mspoopoo Posts: 500 Member
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    If someone who was pretty thin like you are posted on fb they gained 10 pounds, I would think they were seeking attention.

    I think the people were trying to comfort you which is what you were looking for.

    and no, I wouldn't mention weight on fb.
  • CooperSprings
    CooperSprings Posts: 754 Member
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    They think you're more beautiful and healthy compared to them.
    And they are right.
    Nothing to be upset about.
  • Dimpleschick2
    Dimpleschick2 Posts: 4
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    I just don't say anything. I too want to lose 10 pounds for health reasons and to look and feel better. Few people notice a small weight gain.
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
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    As an obese person, who HAS said things like that, it IS an attempt to comfort you, to tell you that to me and to many others, you do not look bad, that we don't see you as fat. It is, also, true!!!! As an obese person, I would kill to weight your 157 pounds. It is not a put down. It is not a criticism. It is true. It is sad, but true. However, how YOU feel and see yourself is what is important and NOT what I think/fee/see, soI am trying to learn to be more sympathetic to people, no matter their size, and am learning that they/you have the right to feel dissatisfied with your weight and health, too. I never meant any comments like that to be rude or offensive, and most of the people saying it to you probably never meant it that way either. Sometimes humans just feel like they have to say something when silence would have been better........

    Also remember that a lot of your larger friends may be thinking that if you consider your weight to be horrible, then you must think really badly of them for how big they are. Size is relative to each person, but someone struggling with a larger weight gain than you could also just as easily take as much offense as you do to their answer.

    You will NEVER hear me complaining about my weight anywhere. No one cares and I don't want my kids to grow up thinking a number on the scale is actually important. Health is important, exercise and eating right is important!! What you weigh is not important. That number is so negative for too many people, especially women, since we tend to define ourselves by it. Work hard and talk about that, no one wants to hear exactly what you weigh.

    :flowerforyou:
  • sunglasses_and_ocean_waves
    sunglasses_and_ocean_waves Posts: 2,757 Member
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    I'm answering as someone that used to naively respond exactly the same way as your friends. As someone that weighed over 300 pounds for years, I used to roll my eyes when someone would complain about needing to lose five pounds like it was the end of the world.

    Then I had this friend, 5'6", 135 pounds, thin, GORGEOUS girl. I would have killed to look like her, she remains one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. We were drinking at a party one night when she pulled me aside and asked me why I was so shy, so I told her it was because I was fat. She looked around, pulled me to the side of the house where we were alone, and then told me that she understood how I felt because she had a little pooch of fat over her stomach thanks to her pregnancy. She lifted up her shirt and showed me her little pad of fat and at first I was incredulous... here I am, a size 26, she's like a size 6 and she's worried about this little pooch that no one even knows about? But then I saw that she was on the verge of tears. This was really bothering her, probably just as much as my own weight bothered me.

    It showed me that weight and appearance is all relative and that we shouldn't dismiss other people's perceptions of their own body. Just because we can see somebody is thin, gorgeous and healthy doesn't mean that they feel the exact opposite and they deserve support and understanding every bit as much as someone with obvious issues.

    That girl was a dink. Seriously. I'm her size with a little pooch, and I would NEVER compare my pain/frustration/whatever to a woman 10 sizes larger. Nor would I ever expect a woman 10 sizes larger to feel empathetic for my little issue. That's so freaking selfish, I can't even imagine.

    She said they were drinking at a party. People tend to have lowered inhibitions in many many ways, significantly reduced logic, and reduced understanding/processing information, stronger/overwhelming emotional issues come out in a more exaggerated way. Plus we don't know how old she was. Or what her issues were. This is a sweet moment of a friendship. I would never do that also. But, if I was really young, and drinking I might have at one point when I had a distorted sense of my own body.

    I've been in this situation. I'd never had any stretch marks, but got a couple small ones that are thin, surface, white on my legs from pregnancy. I felt really bad about it. I showed a friend. She said that those aren't really considered stretch marks. She said many people get those during puberty. She showed me her own, so I could see the difference.

    When I was a teen a friend of mine tried to illustrate to me that I was not "fat". I was not at all. I had body image issues from severe child abuse.

    I'm thankful my friends helped me that way. Sometimes people need help learning things when they learned the opposite growing up.

    Then if it was just some drunken thing, why post this big epiphany? Seriously, you folks make way too much of things sometimes. I would never in a million years, no matter how drunk, compare my little post pregnancy pooch to a woman size 26 and think she should empathize. If I woke up the next day realizing I did do such a thing, I would feel like a total ahole.

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